Marriage, love and mercy

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Came across this in my blog ramblings today. It was definately something I needed to read

Marriage, Love and Mercy

Commentary: Truth & Beauty

By Ayesha Malik Nasson

ReligionAndSpirituality.com

SAN FRANCISCO, August 23 (UPI) — This past Saturday my husband Basil and I celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary.

In Islam, marriage is a sacred union - the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings on him, considered one who undertook the rights and responsibilities of marriage to have fulfilled half of their religion.

He also said, "The whole world is sustenance [from God], and the best object of worldly benefit is a good spouse." Thinking about this, I realize that being a spouse is a great responsibility - one that we often undertake lightly.

I was reflecting on the Islamic ideals of marriage when I came across an article by Palestinian poet Tamim al-Barghouti extracted from The Daily Star regarding the complexities of Arabic.

One portion in particular caught my eye:

"Arabic is not a poor language; almost every creature, object or feeling has scores of names...'Love' has 77 names, each of which has a slight but crucial difference from the other...you have ishq, which comes from entanglement, like two pieces of wood and ivory in a work of arabesque, the two lovers are inseparable yet still independent and distinct...

"There is izaz, which is the kind of love that gives both lovers power and dignity, and sakan, which also means home and tranquility. The Qur'an uses this word to describe the relation between married couples."

The kind of love that bestows dignity and tranquility upon both partners or the possibilities inherent within physical, emotional and spiritual union aren't spoken about much these days. And yet it is only when these three aspects merge that we can feel truly nourished.

"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect" (30:21).

A marriage based on mutual compatibility and fulfillment is yet another sign of God being present in our lives, of Him showering us with tangible blessings. Appreciating one's partner then becomes a form of daily gratitude and prayer to Him.

I never really understood the verse's allusion to mercy before I got married. But, over the past few years, I've realized that mercy is as necessary a component as love when living with one's partner. As Imam Mohamed Magid of Washington, D.C., says:

"Consider the phrase 'from among yourselves.' God reminds us to view our mates as extensions of ourselves, and ourselves as extensions of our mates. There is no room for selfishness. We must intentionally walk the path to oneness. Our vocabulary changes from 'I' to 'we' and from 'me' to 'us,' and we make decisions together rather than individually."

Practicing mercy at home everyday makes me more able to be compassionate when I leave home to interact with others - and it makes me more aware of the infinite mercy of God toward me.

In reference to spouses the Qur'an also says, "They are your garments and you are their garments." (2:187). As Imam Magid points out, our clothes rest next to our bodies, and our spouses are to be held similarly - emotionally, physically and spiritually close. Spouses, like garments, can protect our modesty, veil our faults, and enhance our beauty.

A retired couple I know, having experienced difficult but happy lives together, told me that the right partner makes this life on earth a heaven. They are both deaf now but still loudly proclaiming their love for each other.

Another friend told me, "How fortunate you are to have met your soul mate and to have been able to marry with him for all eternity. You are like one who has found a diamond and knows that they have found a diamond."

I only wish that this realization had been with me from the beginning and I can only pray that I never take what we have been given for granted.

Although I thought Basil was a wonderful person when we married, I now see that our partnership reveals him more deeply every day for the diamond God created him to be. It's as if the security and intimacy of marriage provides the setting that allows one's beauty to truly shine and be known to another.

This life often seems too short to delve into all that he is, so the Islamic idea of having one's spouse as an eternal, heavenly companion is a beautiful concept to me. It also makes me realize that if one life is not enough to discover all of my partner's mysteries, then an eternity is necessary to delve into God's.

Isn't it funny how even years of reflection can yield only cursory knowledge of the self? I thought I knew myself so well and had a list of all the values and qualities I wanted in a lifelong partner - many of which Basil embodies of course - but he also has so many others that I never esteemed, thought I needed to learn, or had the words to describe.

So many of his qualities are the fulfillment of needs I didn't even realize I had. This sort of deep, complex, and vast complementarity seems so obviously Divine to me, so beyond my control. Even as I tell myself that I chose him, I know that he was created and chosen for me.

A man once asked the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings upon him, "Why is it that one man loves a specific woman, and that woman loves that specific man, and neither of them - if they are honest - can accept any substitute for the other? Why does this happen?"

The Prophet answered: "There is something in both their souls that is similar. Something within each of their souls is the same."

That ineffable click of souls in a loving marriage is such a mystery - even as God remains a mystery beyond the words we build around Him. Each marriage is Adam and Eve all over again - a wilderness in which one is given a small compass and told to break ground, to build a house from the foundations up with bare hands - using human dignity, mercy, and love to cement it.

Spouses can only find their way if both are facing forward, toward God, hand in hand, committed to a long, half-lit path and open to learning every step of the way.

Basil and I have been tested in many ways over the past four years and yet I couldn't be happier, simply because he is at my side, thank God. He helps make bending a willow's graceful act instead of one that might break me.

In "Western Muslims and the Future of Islam", Tariq Ramadan says: "If God is One, everything in creation is in pairs, double, seeking union. Oneness for the Transcendent is an expression of the essence of being; union, for created beings, is achieved through marriage, fusion, movement."

God works in mysterious and wondrous ways. In creating marriage and one soul for the other, He created a beautiful and, ultimately, mortal union that can provide the sweetness, and stability we need to keep striving on the path toward Him - the eternal Unity.

Happy fourth anniversary, love.

— — -

Ayesha Malik Nasson is an American Muslim of Pakistani heritage based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She is a writer, human rights consultant, and author of the award-winning blog Truth & Beauty. Her work can also be found at Azizah, Hu, and Make Chai, Not War. She can be reached at ayesha.malik.nasson@gmail.com. © copyright 2006 by Ayesha Malik Nasson

[tnh9479 1]

Thanks Rahma for that! I really enjoyed it and it reminded me of how I feel about my husband. I am glad that we both will probably be home from work tomorrow together. (Thanks Ernesto!)

Twila

[Bosco 1]

Thank you so much for sharing, Rahma.

It also resonated with me, especially this "So many of his qualities are the fulfillment of needs I didn't even realize I had."

Rebecca

[Together4ever 1]

I'm just all tears, but that was wonderful. These are things we discuss often.

[Henia 11]

Mashallah I forwarded this to my SO to read...