Abuse of power in the American Consulate

[Mithra 1,185]

Exactly!

In small doses my husband is awesome, wonderful, amazing. But living with him 24/7 makes me nuts sometimes. Sometimes I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to cook or pick up after him or deal with his b@llshit. But then, like you said, I'd feel that way about any guy I'd be married to not just my husband personally. Some women on this forum forget that real life happens once the husbands get here. I do think that that attitude has lead to the demise of many a relationship.

Marriage is WORK!!!

Sometimes it's great; sometimes it's not great.

I think some people think that the time spent on vacation in their spouses' country prepares them for marriage, and that's just delusional! It's like equating two weeks vacation with two weeks of full time work. It just doesn't equate, and sometimes I think these marriages hit really tough spots because they weren't expecting any discomfort, any work along the way, because "oh my gosh, my husband is soooo great & soooo loving & the week and a half we spent on vacation together was perfect!" And, they don't know what to do in the rough spots that any normal marriage absolutely has.

Those are my two cents, and I agree whole heartedly with Mithra; don't be too cocky; don't be too insecure/paranoid. Balance is everything in life, imho!

[Meriem_DZ 37]

I really hate this thread. I know-- the truth hurts-- but it's starting to make me question my fiance, and when I listen to that deep, still voice from within, I trust him completely. JEEZ. And it's not like we have a lot of red flags, just two: I'm a bit overweight, and he is still a student = no job. We're the same age, I've lived in Morocco for 4+ years and refused to date anyone for 3 of them... he's amazing. I love him. ARGH. I really hate reading this because I do not like it when external things place even a seed of doubt.

You know, I have been here a long time. This is not the first thread like this and it wont be the last. My husband and I have friends all over this country. Ohio, Colorado, South Florida, Alabama, Michigan, and even in the UK. The husbands are Algerian with American and UK wives. We have visited some of these friends in their homes. Most have wives that are older, anywhere from a few years older to a 20 yr difference. There marriages has lasted and seem very happy. Only two that did not work out that I know of is "Hanging in there" and if you remember "Iceyspots" from VJ several years ago. Icey's Algerian husband worked while she went to nursing school. After she graduated she left her Mena husband for one of her patients. He was devastated but now has remarried and is very happy. We have good friends that live here in our town. I have know them for years. He is Algerian and she is American. They met in the early 90's while he was here for pilot training at the air force base near here. He met his wife and married her before going back to Algeria after training. The Algerian gov't found out that he married an American and he was thrown in prison. He was made to finish his military tour as a pilot and after 3 yrs was released from duty and he came back to the USA. They are still married and have a 17 yr old son and a 10 month old baby girl.

You know if you say that all or most of your Mena male friends you know either used or abused American women, it goes to show the type of people you are hanging with. What goes on in your circle of friends, HIT, does not necessarily mean it goes on in the rest of the country.

Meriem

[Mithra 1,185]

It still hasn't fully taken hold, lol. There are still some things such as renewal of driver license that he turns into a clueless child that needs his mommy to hold his hand. It's annoying but then I have to remind myself - you signed up for this. It's not his country and he's still unsure of himself and I'd be the same way if roles were reversed.

I wasn't prepared for what a b$tchy, impatient teacher/guide I can be sometimes. Then I think about what it would be like for me if I was living in Morocco and he was as impatient with me as I've been to him at times, and I feel like a horrible human being. So, there's that also.

Mithra - how long did it take for the independence to really take hold for your husband?

[Mithra 1,185]

Did "iceyspots" give you permission to tell her story and name names on here? If not - totally uncool. That is not your story to tell. If you were going to tell it you should've done it anonymously. That's not right.

You know, I have been here a long time. This is not the first thread like this and it wont be the last. My husband and I have friends all over this country. Ohio, Colorado, South Florida, Alabama, Michigan, and even in the UK. The husbands are Algerian with American and UK wives. We have visited some of these friends in their homes. Most have wives that are older, anywhere from a few years older to a 20 yr difference. There marriages has lasted and seem very happy. Only two that did not work out that I know of is "Hanging in there" and if you remember "Iceyspots" from VJ several years ago. Icey's Algerian husband worked while she went to nursing school. After she graduated she left her Mena husband for one of her patients. He was devastated but now has remarried and is very happy. We have good friends that live here in our town. I have know them for years. He is Algerian and she is American. They met in the early 90's while he was here for pilot training at the air force base near here. He met his wife and married her before going back to Algeria after training. The Algerian gov't found out that he married an American and he was thrown in prison. He was made to finish his military tour as a pilot and after 3 yrs was released from duty and he came back to the USA. They are still married and have a 17 yr old son and a 10 month old baby girl.

You know if you say that all or most of your Mena male friends you know either used or abused American women, it goes to show the type of people you are hanging with. What goes on in your circle of friends, HIT, does not necessarily mean it goes on in the rest of the country.

Meriem

[kristen_maroc 126]

Yeah, I worry too. Part of me thinks that I should quit my job in Morocco now, go to the States, find a job, get an apartment, car, etc. so that when he comes (inchallah), everything will be more stable for him.

But-- if the visa doesn't go through, you better believe I want to stay here in Morocco, working, saving money, and getting married to him so we can try for round two. I'd hate to go and work to get established in the US, just to pick up, leave that, and come back to get married. I'm down for either-- whatever fate holds for us-- but I don't want to move and start a life to have to pick up and start over in Morocco again.

Sorry. I'm having a bad day and I think it's manifesting itself through negativity here.

[kristen_maroc 126]

You know if you say that all or most of your Mena male friends you know either used or abused American women, it goes to show the type of people you are hanging with. What goes on in your circle of friends, HIT, does not necessarily mean it goes on in the rest of the country.

Meriem

Were you talking to someone specific here when you say "you," or speaking in generalities?

[Mithra 1,185]

Sounds like she was referring to Hanging in There.

Were you talking to someone specific here when you say "you," or speaking in generalities?

[Meriem_DZ 37]

Did "iceyspots" give you permission to tell her story and name names on here? If not - totally uncool. That is not your story to tell. If you were going to tell it you should've done it anonymously. That's not right.

She is not a member anymore. And their names are not mentioned. So what's the problem?

Meriem

Edited March 1, 2011 by Meriem_DZ

[Mithra 1,185]

Doesn't matter. There are members here that still remember her. And even if there aren't it's NOT YOUR STORY TO TELL. It's not cool to name names like that. There are more diplomatic, delicate ways to get your point across without naming names and telling detailed, specific stories.

She is not a member anymore.

Meriem

[Meriem_DZ 37]

Were you talking to someone specific here when you say "you," or speaking in generalities?

I tried to edit and it wouldnt let me. I was referring to Hanging in there.

[Meriem_DZ 37]

Doesn't matter. There are members here that still remember her. And even if there aren't it's NOT YOUR STORY TO TELL. It's not cool to name names like that. There are more diplomatic, delicate ways to get your point across without naming names and telling detailed, specific stories.

I really dont care what you think. We are friends with the Algerian husband and she devastated him. There is a lot more to the story and what I told just skimmed the surface. Just basic details. The moral of the story, which is more important than what you think, is that it is not always the Mena spouse that causes the problems.

Meriem.

[Mithra 1,185]

I am aware that sometimes it's the American that causes the break up. I'm sure others are aware of this as well. I have issue with telling someone's specific story with names. Just because you have had issues with her and you are friends with her ex doesn't give you the right to tell their story in public like that. Regardless if you care about what I think or not. It's not right. It paints you as a nasty snitch and gossip.

Edited March 1, 2011 by Mithra

[Lisamarie 79]

But it's cool for everyone to talk about Malika "by name" on the first page, and she's still a member. Just because you don't agree with someone doesn't mean its OK to talk about them.............Just saying..........

I am aware that sometimes it's the American that causes the break up. I'm sure others are aware of this as well. I have issue with telling someone's specific story with names. Just because you have had issues with her and you are friends with her ex doesn't give you the right to tell their story in public like that. Regardless if you care about what I think or not. It's not right. It paints you as a nasty snitch and gossip.

Edited March 1, 2011 by Lisamarie

[Mithra 1,185]

Malika posted stuff about herself and her life on the forum herself. No one came on here talking about Malika's personal life that they heard from another source or whatever. If you post the stuff yourself it's fair game to get brought up again. If you don't want it brought up again don't post it in the first place. The former member that was brought up hasn't been on the forum for years. No one except people who still keep in contact with her know her story. She didn't come on here herself to tell it.

But it's cool for everyone to talk about Malika "by name" on the first page, and she's still a member. Just because you don't agree with someone doesn't mean its OK to list them by name.............Just saying..........

[Gugusitolindo 32]

Malika posted stuff about herself and her life on the forum herself. No one came on here talking about Malika's personal life that they heard from another source or whatever. If you post the stuff yourself it's fair game to get brought up again. If you don't want it brought up again don't post it in the first place. The former member that was brought up hasn't been on the forum for years. No one except people who still keep in contact with her know her story. She didn't come on here herself to tell it.

Mithra, are you the police of the forums?? Everywhere you write, you seem to always tell ppl how to do things so correctly,

and express anger in every forum you post. Are things Ok with you my dear? Leave ppl do what they want to do....live free!