The hoping not to be denied at Casablanca thread

[Staashi 371]

I think I had too much coffee or the fact that its Friday and I can leave this hell hole for a couple of days!

Ooooooooh, coffee. I'm actually on my way to Starbucks in about 10 mins. I'll get you an iced raspberry mocha.

[Crossed_fingers 128]

In all seriousness though, even though I wasn't thru the CASA embassy we went the Cairo which has been known for high fraud/denials, etc.

I believe part of the reason we were approved so quickly was because we had known each other a while, I was not an overnight revert "lucky strike to lucky hijab", my husbands is fluent in English and we didn't over do the proof just enough to provide our daily communication and life. I do feel that at times people can go overboard and these types of knee jerk reactions (converting or moving overseas right after meeting someone) can cause doubt in a CO's mind.

Then again, as someone pointed out...how many Americans do you know that have met a bf or gf and moved in with them quickly or changed their lifestyle for a new beau? It happens. Hmmm...now I've confused myself more!

I hear ya on this. My conversion was around 6 weeks after I "met" my fiance online. It had nothing to do with him. We weren't even an "online couple" yet. From my perspective, my choice of religion from Christian to Muslim changed gradually over years and years, and the decision was based solely on study and prayer. I wouldn't think any sane person would change something so personal and integral to their very being to impress an internet acquaintance. Unfortunately, I've seen so many bat#$*% crazy stories on the internet of what some women have done to snare themselves MENA men (when really, all they had to do was show up, passport waving) that I suspect if we go into too much detail on religion the consulate will assume that I'm "one of those."

And to Sachinky's point, I'm withholding judgment. A BIG part of me wants to say, "I totally agree! Those women are crazy! They're losing their entire identities to impress a man! They're totally vulnerable to being scammed!" I mean, as a less than 1 year convert myself, *my* personal experience is that I'm moving slowly in fully infusing Islam into my life. I've said the Shahada, I undoubtedly consider myself Muslim, etc., but I recognize that I'm a friggin' baby compared to most Muslims. My Arabic sucks. I've always said things in English like, "Thank God," but I can't see myself EVER incorporating Arabic phrases into my English speech. That's not "me" at all. I consider myself "culturally American" through-and-through and I'm proud of that. I'm not saying this to get into any kind of religious can of worms at all....I'm just saying that as a fairly recent convert myself, in *MY* experience it has been challenging to adopt "Muslim habits" if that makes sense. So the idea of abandoning my entire personality and culture to become Super Muslim/Arab Girl seems totally suspicious to me. HOWEVER, in my religious journey I've met TONS AND TONS AND TONS of other converts who are single who became super pious/traditional/conservative overnight, and that change had nothing to do with impressing a man.

Sorry, I'm not being very articulate on this point. I really don't mean to bring up the substance of religion/converting. I just mean that as much as a gigantic part of me wants to agree with you that it's weird and suspect, a part of me thinks it MIGHT be a "new convert thing" and not a "new wife/fiance to a foreign guy" thing. Maybe.

[msheesha 548]

Your difficulty and your daughter's difficulty staying in Morocco has no bearing on whether or not your fiance is or is not committing fraud (in the eyes of the CO). Sure it's hard on you, that's not your home. As far as dealing with a child, let's look at it this way, how much would you put up with to ultimately make your whole life and future better? Personally, I'd put up with a kid or two or three for a few months in order to have a better life and better opportunities. This could very well be what the CO is thinking. If I were you, I'd stop analyzing this to death and do what the CO suggested, get married and file a CR-1.

Exactly what the point of my post was. Thank you for probably saying it much more efficiently and clearly than I did!

[Nothing1234 2]

Ooooooooh, coffee. I'm actually on my way to Starbucks in about 10 mins. I'll get you an iced raspberry mocha.

Awww Staashi! You remembered!

[sandinista! 1,816]

Awww Staashi! You remembered!

i ordered one a little while back, because chocolate and raspberry along with coffee is the ultimate yum in my book, but the barista must have been the suck, because the coffee part was bad, bad, bad. sooo...i tried another place, where they made me a chocolate raspberry milkshake, and it was the.most.amazing.thing.on.this.planet.

just sayin.

[KittyPollitt 284]

This is a thought I've not fleshed out too much but I wanted to throw it out there. What I've noticed is the Consulate doesn't like it when the Westerner is 'trying too hard.' For example, say you're a regular American/Western woman, who likes to drink and smoke. Wears skirts and loves her Big Mac. Now, after your three-month long relationship, suddenly you're fasting for Ramadan, wearing the hijab, saying 'Alhamudilah' after every sentence. Swearing off pork and alcohol. (Yes, I'm using extreme, exaggerated examples but hopefully, you get what I mean).

Of course, showing some interest is normal and you do want to be familiar with certain aspects of your spouse's culture (my husband will watch a Bollywood movie with me now and then and shows some interest in cricket news) but even I would think it was weird if he was suddenly a fast-believer in Astrology, got an 'om' tattooed on his arm or wore Fab India kurtas all the time.

Where do you draw the line between 'mere curiousity/I want to more know about where he/she comes from' and 'going overboard?'

I probably am not explaining this well but would like to hear about your thoughts.

[KittyPollitt 284]

Are you Buddist?

I am.. and incidentally, I have an OM tattooed on my arm..

[msheesha 548]

Agreed.

You've explained yourself very well.

I think it could show the CO that someone is potentially easily influenced. But, does that = a reason for the CO to deny?

[Staashi 371]

I think it could show the CO that someone is potentially easily influenced. But, does that = a reason for the CO to deny?

I think it makes a woman look desperate - and that is how it appears to a CO. Just sayin'.

[sachinky 464]

I agree, someone who is 'easily influenced' can come across as looking 'desperate' or 'vulnerable' or easily 'exploitable.'

[Staashi 371]

OMG!!!! That is so f'ing funny and that is exactly what I was talking about.

You know, when I went to Argentina I found myself enjoying dulce de leche and that was pretty much the only thing of the culture that I brought home with me - I began to put it on toast instead of jam. Now that we've been married going on 6 years and having lived in Argentina for awhile a few years back, I now say "Che" as a common part of my Spanish vocabulary, we have tea time in the afternoons (when possible), I enjoy Soda Stereo and I love futbol (soccer) even though hubby hates it. I love Argentina and I would feel comfortable living there, but in no way will I ever consider myself Argentine. So it kills me when I see American or western women who marry or become engaged to a MENA man and all of a sudden begin to speak with an Arabic accent, say Inshallah after every sentence, listen to Arabic music (which is awesome, don't get me wrong) and begin to act as if they were born in MENA. I look at them like "you're from Boise" what the hell happened to you??? Changes will occur gradually - it happens when living with someone, but anyone who goes drastic within a few months has something seriously wrong with them. Just sayin'.

[msheesha 548]

What is with the just sayin after every sentence? It reminds me of that crazy loon, Danielle from RHWNJ! It's really annoying. Just sayin'.

[Always+Forever 7]

lol...i love how this thread is all over the place....never know what ure gonna get

[Staashi 371]

What is with the just sayin after every sentence? It reminds me of that crazy loon, Danielle from RHWNJ! It's really annoying. Just sayin'.

It's an Off Topic thing and also a radio show I listen to says it as well. It reminds me of that phrase - "with all due respect" - kinda like: "With all due respect, your mother's a #######." Now, we've taken out the respect part and point out the obvious - "Your mother's a #######. Just sayin'."

[Mithra 1,185]

ZOMG! I've seen a few of those types pass through this forum.