Guilt

[hollyw 0]

to me it just sounds like the beginning of a very scary process. i remember in the beginning when i wanted to give up everything i had in the united states just to be in Paris with my husband. but once you start thinking logically, things fall into place. you realize what is best for you and husband and youre future together.

[Donna A 4]

us girls seam to think with out hearts and not our brains. first of all...does love pay the bills? no. will it put a roof over our heads?..no will it put food in our stomachs...no. dont think with ur heart.

ask urself...does this guy have anything to offer me? u have alot to offer him...one thing being a green card. he does not work...what does he really have to offer?

go for the education and just wait out the k-1. time will fly so fast since u will be studying. of course u will miss him but its better then ending up with nothing at all. u will be the looser because u gave up medical school...moved away from ur family. what do u have to gain by going to spain to be with him?

correct me if i am wrong but he is probably muslim. it is HIS responsibilty to take care of the wife financially. he doesnt even have a job...how will he provide for u? if he were to ask a man over there for marriege with his daughter do u think that father would say yes? of course he wouldnt let his daughter marry someone who cant support her. most men there would not even dream of taking a wife if he cant support her. that is their tradition and religion.

why would ur fiance even think of getting married without an income.

im sorry but thats why ur story doesnt seam logical to me and fishy.

my husband is a doctor. people ask me why i even work. he is only a resident and not making a huge amount of money for one and secondly i need to keep my job so incase we divorse...he dies...etc.. my ### is not going to be in a bind.

make sure u take care of urself...cuz no one else will.

[Together4ever 1]

why would ur fiance even think of getting married without an income.

im sorry but thats why ur story doesnt seam logical to me and fishy.

So you think jobs in the ME/NA are just hanging off the trees like ripe fruit waiting for anyone to walk along and pick them?

Blah... nevermind. Like I said, I'm irritable today.

[Jenn! 918]

People in glass houses should not throw stones. It seems awfully hypocritical for you all to be questioning the OP's relationship when there are tons of people who would do the same to you simply for having a SO from the MENA. These relationships are always put into question.

[Donna A 4]

he is not living in the middle east...he is living in spain. last i knew there are jobs there!!!

my husband is middle eastern so i know about it. he will be the first one to say watch out for middle eastern men.

[ya falaha! 0]

LOL!!!! My husband too...he'll be the first to cry foul whenever I tell him a story I read on VJ or any other stories I may tell him involving a ME man and an American woman.

[Together4ever 1]

People in glass houses should not throw stones. It seems awfully hypocritical for you all to be questioning the OP's relationship when there are tons of people who would do the same to you simply for having a SO from the MENA. These relationships are always put into question.

I was not and am not questioning her relationship. I just think it's really stepping out of bounds to sit here and begin judging her SO and their life and choices so negatively. In my opinion, it's no one's business. She's obviously under alot of duress which is highly understandable. It would be nice to continue offering positive yet objective support and not resort to this type of thing. There is no ideal world.

I'm also way too dreadfully full opinions these days and wish I would just shut the h*ll up already... just ignore the woman foaming at the mouth.

Edited August 29, 2006 by just_waiting

[iceyspots 0]

he is not living in the middle east...he is living in spain. last i knew there are jobs there!!!

my husband is middle eastern so i know about it. he will be the first one to say watch out for middle eastern men.

Umm.. actually spain is hugely cracking down on illegals because of the lack of jobs Left.

[Jenn! 918]

People in glass houses should not throw stones. It seems awfully hypocritical for you all to be questioning the OP's relationship when there are tons of people who would do the same to you simply for having a SO from the MENA. These relationships are always put into question.

I was not and am not questioning her relationship. I just think it's really stepping out of bounds to sit here and begin judging her SO and their life and choices so negatively. In my opinion, it's no one's business. She's obviously under alot of duress which is highly understandable. It would be nice to continue offering positive yet objective support and not resort to this type of thing. There is no ideal world.

I'm also way too dreadfully full opinions these days and wish I would just shut the h*ll up already... just ignore the woman foaming at the mouth.

Sorry, Jean, I should have quoted. I wasn't referring to your post in mine.

[samir_shannon 0]

Hey everyone, I'm the woman with the Algerian fiancee living in Spain. We are facing a long road ahead of us for a K1 visa, and just getting started with the process. This week has been a rough one for the both of us.

He has been saying to me repetedly "Please drop/delay medical school and come here, live with me till I get the papers." Besides the fact that I do not want to give up my dream of being a doctor, there are so many practical issues this. He is not working over there, has no papers, and lives with his sister. I would be able to go to Spain on a tourist visa, and at best get a job under the table as a waitress. With no income I would need a co-sponsor for any kind of visa to the US and my parents certainly will not help me out if I drop out of medical school. I have a lease, student loans and insurance payments and very little money in my bank account.

I have no doubt that if all our other options fail I will figure out a way to move to Spain or Algeria. However, I want to leave this as the last option, not the first.

I feel so horribly guilty for not being there for him. Honestly I feel bad enough without him telling me about it. If things continue this way I will not even be able to study.

Just looking for some support.

Thanks,

Christina

Hi Christina. congrats first of all on all of your success with your education. This will work itself out. This process isnt too bad. It shouldnt take too long. There isnt anything i can tell you because you have to work this out yourself but, you would be giving up alot to move there when you really dont have to. You can have him come here and go through the process. Good luck and we will be here for you!!!

Edited August 30, 2006 by samir_shannon

[Together4ever 1]

People in glass houses should not throw stones. It seems awfully hypocritical for you all to be questioning the OP's relationship when there are tons of people who would do the same to you simply for having a SO from the MENA. These relationships are always put into question.

I was not and am not questioning her relationship. I just think it's really stepping out of bounds to sit here and begin judging her SO and their life and choices so negatively. In my opinion, it's no one's business. She's obviously under alot of duress which is highly understandable. It would be nice to continue offering positive yet objective support and not resort to this type of thing. There is no ideal world.

I'm also way too dreadfully full opinions these days and wish I would just shut the h*ll up already... just ignore the woman foaming at the mouth.

Sorry, Jean, I should have quoted. I wasn't referring to your post in mine.

Thanks. I just didn't want to be misunderstood. I'm in kind of a fog.

[chris4336 3]

Thank you all for the support and encouragement. The Algerian ecomony is not doing too well, and it is extremely difficult for an illegal immigrant in Spain to get any kind of (steady) work. My fiancee's decision to leave Algeria was personal, and he still feels that in time it will be the right one.

One of the many things my fiancee has taught me is that we should all be extremely thankful for the many opportunities we have in this county. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to live in a country where you are unable to find work and unable to travel, to look for better opportunities. We are in love, and both know in our hearts that its best for me here to study. But like I said, there are some nights when you just feel really down, and need support, and that is what I was looking for on these boards. I don't really get this support from friends or family, who really cannot understand my situation at all.

Thanks again, and I'll start filling in my timeline when we apply within the next few weeks.

Edited August 30, 2006 by chris4336

[elizabeth&hisham 0]

Hi Christina,

First, Hisham and I send congratulations on your relationship and your decision to file. Things may seem to take forever, but time always passes like molasses when you're separated from someone you love.

Let me also say, from experience, that waiting -- while horrible -- does work out in the end. Hisham and I are living proof of that. Sometimes, we were both terribly lonely. I agree, that part does suck. But putting up with the wait and doing things rationally (especially when your education is at stake) is worth it, because finishing your degree is an investment not only in your own future but also in your future as a couple.

I too am working on an advanced degree, which is why H and I had to file the K-1 and have him move here instead of me just running off to Morocco. Since H never made it to college himself (yet), my being able to get a really good job anywhere in the world, if need be, is really important. H used to have this attitude (maybe your sweetie does too...?) that wherever we were, and whatever happened, he'd just go out and get two jobs (or three, or four if need be) and somehow everything would be fine. Well, spending a year and a half in New York, paying NY bills with a wife in grad school, sure did cure him of that delusion! He understands now that being financially/educationally conservative and taking our time was for the best... We've even decided, mutually, to put off starting a family until I've finished all coursework, wow.

Don't play around with finishing your education, Christina. Let him know that it's important to you. As long as you guys have plans in motion and a timeline in mind, the happy reunion will keep getting closer. Figure out, with him, what you two need to do to make the waiting work. Then work hard, be strong, and start crossing off the days...

Good luck, love, and best wishes!

Elizabeth (and Hisham)

Thank you all for the support and encouragement. The Algerian ecomony is not doing too well, and it is extremely difficult for an illegal immigrant in Spain to get any kind of (steady) work. My fiancee's decision to leave Algeria was personal, and he still feels that in time it will be the right one.

One of the many things my fiancee has taught me is that we should all be extremely thankful for the many opportunities we have in this county. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to live in a country where you are unable to find work and unable to travel, to look for better opportunities. We are in love, and both know in our hearts that its best for me here to study. But like I said, there are some nights when you just feel really down, and need support, and that is what I was looking for on these boards. I don't really get this support from friends or family, who really cannot understand my situation at all.

Thanks again, and I'll start filling in my timeline when we apply within the next few weeks.

[goldenheart 0]

Thank you all for the support and encouragement. The Algerian ecomony is not doing too well, and it is extremely difficult for an illegal immigrant in Spain to get any kind of (steady) work. My fiancee's decision to leave Algeria was personal, and he still feels that in time it will be the right one.

One of the many things my fiancee has taught me is that we should all be extremely thankful for the many opportunities we have in this county. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to live in a country where you are unable to find work and unable to travel, to look for better opportunities. We are in love, and both know in our hearts that its best for me here to study. But like I said, there are some nights when you just feel really down, and need support, and that is what I was looking for on these boards. I don't really get this support from friends or family, who really cannot understand my situation at all.

Thanks again, and I'll start filling in my timeline when we apply within the next few weeks.

I truly wish you the best in any decision you make.

I find it amazing how quickly people can scream foul play, as if their situation or husband came to or coming to the USA on good intentions. God only know the secret of the man's heart. Everyone thinks their relationship is legit until they wake up and the man is gone. ( I may get flamed for saying this....and again this is a fact)

I had a friend to ask me why did I choose a ME man, because he will only use me for a green card. My reply was...I was married to an American man for 4 years and he used me so what's the difference?

I think every woman on this site did not go out to intentionally fall in love with a ME, most of us cross the path of the ME and happened to fall in this cave of love. It sucks and if our SO is not being honest with us, as women, we should be sympathic vs critical. No woman on this site wishes to be betrayed or lied to.

That same friend also told me that ME men, especially the ones from Syria and Egypt, are notorious for cunning white american women into marriage for green cards. I asked him, why white women? He said because white women have a very low self-esteem.

My point is...if you believe everything you hear, you will never get ahead in life.

You have to step outside of the box and think for yourself, think rationally and logically about your future. And if your fiance is not being honest with you, as some VJ'rs believe, if you pray hard enough it will all come to light.

Because those God lead no one can mislead them and those he mislead no one can guide.

I apologize if I offended anyone, but I felt this must be stated.

[jpaula 20]

Thank you all for the support and encouragement. The Algerian ecomony is not doing too well, and it is extremely difficult for an illegal immigrant in Spain to get any kind of (steady) work. My fiancee's decision to leave Algeria was personal, and he still feels that in time it will be the right one.

One of the many things my fiancee has taught me is that we should all be extremely thankful for the many opportunities we have in this county. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to live in a country where you are unable to find work and unable to travel, to look for better opportunities. We are in love, and both know in our hearts that its best for me here to study. But like I said, there are some nights when you just feel really down, and need support, and that is what I was looking for on these boards. I don't really get this support from friends or family, who really cannot understand my situation at all.

Thanks again, and I'll start filling in my timeline when we apply within the next few weeks.

Christina,

I understand him not wanting to be in Algeria, but if he has no status in Spain how will you be filing while he is still there? I know these decisions are hard and so long as you have your eyes wide open and know yourself well, are brutally honest with yourself, you will be fine. None of this is easy and no decision obvious. But, from a purely practical perspective, you do have to know if he is required to file through Algeria and if he is if he will be willing to go back to do so.

I wish you much luck