Another End of the Road

[stevea 0]

I am not an advice expert. Heck, I don't even play one on TV, but here goes. It is probably worth what you paid for it....

Everything in life is a gamble as we do not have any crystal balls with which to foretell the future. Whether it is a long distance relationship, a "short distance" relationship, or a marriage we just do not know. Therefore, we "take chances" on things in life after evaluating them with the best information we have available at the time.

Who knew that after 30 years of marriage that I would have asked my then wife for a divorce? When we were dating and first married the thought of a divorce never entered into my mind. Stuff happens!

Be happy in the fact that you took that chance, for it could have been the best move of your life! Without taking chances we cannot grow in life, in love, in our careers. It hurts now and I know that these words sound hollow, but they are true from a man who has experienced a divorce; time will heal your wounds. It hurts now and will for some time, but each day you will feel just a little bit better and one day you will be ready to "take another chance at love".

God bless you both. Rong and I are so sad to hear this news, but things happen for a reason. Many times we are not clear as to what the reason is until much later. Keep the faith, baby!

[Fandango 1,439]

Have you tried counseling???? You have your NOA2...would that not allieviate some stress on the situation? A couselor might be able to help you two cut thru the fighting bs to let you both see how much you love one another.

Coming on a 90 day and having no 'roots' is pretty hard. It does get easier! Is it a case of this visit just clouding everything? Because when he'd be here the next time, he'd be here for good...and being able to fly on his own, like having a job, making friends of his own, etc. When I lived in the UK, the adjustment was soooo hard in the beginning because I was so dependant on D that it had us at each other more than we ever would have been. But that was really mostly me lashing out, because I felt like such a fish out of water there. As I settled in and got my bearings and made a life of my own....girlfriends, knowing the public transport & doing things on my own, my own gym membership, etc....things calmed down and it was all quite lovely.

I'm really sorry to hear this and hope that you two find the path that best works for you. Temporary stress does play a big factor in things, and this uncertainty of this whole process can be so awful.

I hope you don't think I'm too presumptuous here, just wanting to share my experience. But I wish you luck no matter what path you choose.

[CarolineM 0]

So sorry to hear this news. I hope that you can recover from this desicion...my thoughts are with you.

[rebeccajo 14]

digbeezgrl, I think you are spot on about visiting for long time frames. It's not feasible for some couples due to visa restrictions, and others because of finances. But if it's at all possible to spend some extended time together, I agree that it can be revealing.

I hope you feel better soon. And it takes guts to come here and post your story. Big hugs for that.

Just saw LisaD's post. Some good insight there too.

Edited August 23, 2006 by rebeccajo

[Ladylethal 12]

Sorry to hear about that.

[Joey559 1]

No advice or 'learn something', pearls of wisdom and all that- you have time for reflection later.

Just cry it out - as often as you need to, eat chocolate, sit through some smultzy movies in your comfiest pajamas, take some time off work and feel better when you're ready. Take care of yourself.

HUG HUG HUG

[Keith & Xiang 0]

I'm so sorry to hear about the breakup. You're right, the K1 Fiancee Visa process is an emotional rollercoaster. My beautiful angel Xiang realizes that I'm doing my very best to get her and our daughter here so that our family can be complete. She realizes the time and effort involved and praises me for all of the forms that I have filled out, the phone records, printouts of the emails to and from each other, the extremely long list of emails that I have sent the U.S. Consulate. I praise her as well for her patience, her understanding of the process, the many forms that she too had to complete, the 3 times that she submitted the forms to the U.S. Consulate, having to fax a form to them, we both have gone through a lot.

I have known my soulmate since July 20, 2005, I could never imagine living my life without her. To get back to the point of my reply, yes, this is an emotional rollercoaster, one that will test your patience again and again. Xiang has always been my crying shoulder, the only one that could ever understand me, she has been there through thick and thin, I owe her so much, pardon the cliche but she completes me and makes me whole, in fact since knowing her, since having her love I have become a better man than I could of ever imagined!!! To you Xiang I give my undying love!!!!!

Thanks,

Keith & Xiang

[Together4ever 1]

There is no doubt this process is brutal, both personally and as a couple. Next month will make one year since I filed the I-129F. I have not seen Mohammed for 16 months. Finances have made it impossible for me to travel to him again and its not possible for him to obtain a tourist visa to come here. Its not easy.

I think the fighting is common, especially for those who have been in this void for a long time. There is such a deep sense of frustration and fear of the unknown. The stress is incredible to try to maintain a long distance relationship, especially if you are having to rely on shoddy phone lines or unreliable internet connections. Couple that with all the time you spend dreaming of "what will be" the closer it comes and the reality sinks in, it can cause anyone to freak out a bit.

This is hard. It can leave scars. I think the best advice is to continue to embrace your life in a forgiving way.

[m_olask 0]

hey, im sorry to hear that, i hope you start to feel better soon

[lvasquez 0]

That really sucks!!! but again, I think it was good that it ended they way it did and you guys did not get married, had children, etc...I am sure you'll find someone...

[silverbutterfly228 0]

I just came back on this site to delete all my info and pics and the first thing i see is your post. Like you My journey ended the same way. Not the end of the road u were hoping for. It's tough. this process is freakin brutal to a relationship. Mine couldn't last. But I couldn't be happier now! My life is finaly going the way *I* want it to. not giving up my life and everything for a guy who wasnt worth it in the first place. Everything happens for a reason and if it is MEANT to be it will happen. Maybe its not meant to be! maybe in a few months u will look back on this and will be glad it happened. i was in TEARS constantly when mine ended. but now i see sooo much how this was the BEST thing that could happen in my life. just takes time. you will get through this!!! and come out stronger. Best of luck to you!

[Kirsten L 0]

Well folks, it must be break-up time. After 160 days of waiting, I received my NOA2 via email.

Unfortunately, last night we decided to end the relationship. We just can't get along for more than 10 minute intervals, and the stress of not knowing how this would turn out was just too much for both of us.

I thought I'd be celebrating today as one of the happiest days of my life. Now, I cannot stop crying.

drlewis - I know how you feel - BELIEVE me.

To all the rest of you, I pray that you do not meet the same fate as me. This has been one hell of a ride, and not one that I will ever make an effort to do again.

Thanks to all of you for answering dumb questions, listening to me ###### and moan, and just generally offering a friendly ear when needed. You guys rock.

I'm really sorry to hear your news...This must be incredibly distressing for you. If there's anything we can do, please let us know...We're here for you.

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

I think Lisa and Rebecca have responded well. I to believe if it is possible everyone going through this should try spending an extended visit with one another before doing anything legally binding. LDR's are very different from being able to pop over to one anothers house, and learning about the person in a traditional way. We can only learn from being together and a week here or two weeks there, just hardly seem enough to claim you can live together for an eternity.

Digbeez, I wish you both well. It sounds as if it was a very mutual decision and that you are both accepting it for what it is. Pick up the pieces and move on the best you can. Hugs to you both.