Religion and Culture

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I'm just curious and I don't want to start a flame war, but a question to both Filipinas (Filipinos) and their American spouses, how much of an influence do you think religion and culture have on promiscuity among Filipinos? For example, the fact that you cannot get a legal divorce as well as the difficulty of getting an annulment, might contribute to high infidelity rates?

Edited October 26, 2010 by El Buscador

[TravellingNomad 12]

the fact that you cannot get a legal divorce as well as the difficulty of getting an annulment, might contribute to high infidelity rates?

IMHO...this is what's happening back home in the Philippines. Since 80% of the population are within the scope of poverty, they don't have any money to pay for an annulment. and even if they did manage to scrape the amount needed to file for it, it's still not a sure thing the court will grant the annulment. so some of our kababayans just say the hell with it. they go their separate ways and go on living their lives with another partner.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

I'm just curious and I don't want to start a flame war, but a question to both Filipinas (Filipinos) and their American spouses, how much of an influence do you think religion and culture have on promiscuity among Filipinos? For example, the fact that you cannot get a legal divorce as well as the difficulty of getting an annulment, might contribute to high infidelity rates?

On what study are you basing your statement that the Philippines is plagued with "high infidelity" rates? (and) What comparisons to other cultures/ countries are presented for quantification?

[marklovetina 52]

IMHO...this is what's happening back home in the Philippines. Since 80% of the population are within the scope of poverty, they don't have any money to pay for an annulment. and even if they did manage to scrape the amount needed to file for it, it's still not a sure thing the court will grant the annulment. so some of our kababayans just say the hell with it. they go their separate ways and go on living their lives with another partner.

true... for some, yes they do the annulment... but for most.. no...

[Atencio 43]

Is there a correlation?

Divorce is legal and easy in the US yet infidelity is also high. Could there be other variables?

[Pinay Wife 47]

While Filipinos are outwardly religious, survey shows that 50% of male spouses admit to having had extramarital affairs. In other words, Filipinos believe in God only in thought and in words, but not in deed.

The link below is an interesting read on the topic.

http://eapi.admu.edu...03/gonzales.htm

x x x

The McCann Erickson study (1995) reports that 89 percent of the male respondents (N: 485 in Metro Manila) believe in God; 86 percent of the respondents (N:1200; nationwide survey) have no doubts at all about the existence of God; 94 percent of the respondents have always believed in God and 64 percent feel extremely close to God. Mangahas and Guerrero (1992) report that roughly eight to nine Filipinos out of ten agree that there is a God who personally cares for every human being (89%) and that life is meaningful (79%). The data shows a fertile ground for faith or spirituality as a coping resource for life's adverse events. The Filipinos are also outwardly religious.

x x x

The husband's infidelity is a major concern in Filipino marriages (PCP II, 1992). Carandang (1987) notes that wives rank infidelity as the number one family stressor. Lacar (1993) reports that male infidelity is the most frequent reason for marital separation. Vancio (1980, 1977) cites male infidelity as a major issue for marital break-ups in Metro Manila. In the McCann Metro Manila Male Study (1995), half of the 485 male respondents reported having had extramarital affairs. Relucio (1995) in her in-depth interview with seven separated women, notes that "infidelity was found to be a common problem." Dayan, et. al. (1995) in their study of 60 petitioners for nullity of marriage, report that adultery was one of the major reasons cited. In spite of the above figures, there are no clear records on figures about marital break-ups with finality because of the absence of divorce in the Philippines (Lapuz 1977). Lapuz devotes a whole section to her clinical observations on marital infidelity in the Philippine setting.

Edited October 27, 2010 by Pinay Wife

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Thanks, PW, for those statistics.

So, given that it isn't just a perception with regard to high infidelity rates, I wonder what has the most influence on such behavior? For example, (anecdotal here) there seem to be certain personality types among men (regardless of cultural background) that act and behave like playboys. They don't care if a woman is in a relationship with another man, it seems like for them it is a conquest, an ego trip. However, here in the states, I've been around some of these personality-types that probably won't ever follow through on their sexual impulses because the consequences (divorce, alimony, child support, public shame, etc.) are not worth it. Of course, there are examples of men who follow through on those impulses here in America, but for the most part, they tend to be reckless with their life in all areas, not just relationships.

Infidelity destroys trust, destroys relationships and destroys families. Although some may be able to pick up the pieces and rebuild, most of the time, the damage seems irreparable. So why do so many Filipinos engage in infidelity when there is so much at stake?

[marklovetina 52]

When world-renowned Filipino boxer, Manny “The Pacman” Pacquiao was rumored to have been committing infidelity against his wife, the Filipino people were overwhelmed with mixed feelings. Of course, it led to questions regarding his morality, as well as his stature as a role model. The news was everywhere, and everyone in and around the country had his or her own opinion regarding the matter. But perhaps the most common opinion was that Manny was not as much in the wrong as his supposed lover. Why was this? Simply put, it was because Manny is a man, and his lover is a woman. In other words, there exists a double standard in the eyes of the Filipino people. Because of this double standard, it seemed more wrong for the woman to have engaged in the relationship, than for the man, even if, in reality, everyone knows that it always takes two to tango.

What is a double standard?

Double standard refers to any set of standards containing different provisions for one group of people than for another. In the US, feminists have worked long and hard for the complete level of equality between men and women, as well as for the complete eradication of the double standards that exist between them. A good example of a common double standard is, found in the case of infidelity (as mentioned earlier). Why is it that in many cases, the man is seen to have less fault in the matter than the woman?

Examples of double standards between Filipino men and women

In Filipino culture, there exists an undeniable sense of machismo and macho-ness when it comes to owning up as a real man. For instance, the rate of infidelity continues to increase as years go by. Unfortunately, it is always viewed as a greater evil when it is the woman who commits infidelity, as compared to when it is the man. This is a very common double standard. Another double standard that you may often find between Filipino men and women is found in the corporate realm. When a man does poorly in his daily job, it seems easier for the company to ask him to leave than for them to ask a woman to leave. This is because the double standard dictates that women, being more sensitive and vulnerable, deserve more of a second chance, lest they have an emotional breakdown of sorts.

Although it may seem impossible to eradicate the double standards that exist between Filipino men and women, one must not give up trying. No matter how small the situation is, each and every Filipino must own up to his or her identity (regardless of gender), and speak his or her mind for the sake of equality and fairness.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

When world-renowned Filipino boxer, Manny "The Pacman" Pacquiao was rumored to have been committing infidelity against his wife, the Filipino people were overwhelmed with mixed feelings. Of course, it led to questions regarding his morality, as well as his stature as a role model. The news was everywhere, and everyone in and around the country had his or her own opinion regarding the matter. But perhaps the most common opinion was that Manny was not as much in the wrong as his supposed lover. Why was this? Simply put, it was because Manny is a man, and his lover is a woman. In other words, there exists a double standard in the eyes of the Filipino people. Because of this double standard, it seemed more wrong for the woman to have engaged in the relationship, than for the man, even if, in reality, everyone knows that it always takes two to tango.

Very interesting. Thanks for the post. I see a similar double standard in Latin countries as well, although I believe the attitude is changing.

I'm willing to bet that if Manny's fans strongly disapproved of his infidelity to the point that he lost his popularity and perhaps destroy his career, the next famous Filipino would think twice....or at least would try to hide it.

That's what I've seen in this country. For awhile, cases of high profile infidelity were common, but as of late, we've seen a lot of famous people's lives flush down the toilet because they couldn't keep their pants on. There seems to be a lot less tolerance for it among spouses and a lot more public scrutiny to where it isn't worth the shame or embarrassment, let alone the destruction of relationships and family.

Edited October 27, 2010 by El Buscador

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Thanks PW and Godsgift for the posts!

This helps base the discussion on statistical merit rather than (stated) subjective perceptions that could be interpreted (by some) as a slur and opportunity to "look down on" the Filipino community .

I, for 1, feel slightly defensive/ offended by non Fil-Am couples (on VJ) chiming in on Fil-Am specific discussions. There seems to be a repeatedly displayed attitude (by the non Fil-Am's) of contempt, arrogance and suspicion regarding the nature, quality and dynamics of our relationships. I think this is a result of ignorance and pretentiousness mixed with the human condition of hypocrisy and judgemental tendency.

I do not think (subjective of course) that religion plays much of a part in Filipino/Filipina infidelity other than to dissuade some from following through on promiscuous impulses. (the whole "thou shalt not..." theme)

I (again..subjective) think that the inability to divorce and the difficulty to annul would skew the results and produce an unfair representation of statistical survey.

I offer (likewise with Godsgift) that focus should be on the inluence of Machismo (rather than religion or family law) as a dominant contributing factor.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Machismo

[Filipinawife0210 15]

Thanks PW and Godsgift for the posts!

I, for 1, feel slightly defensive/ offended by non Fil-Am couples (on VJ) chiming in on Fil-Am specific discussions. There seems to be a repeatedly displayed attitude (by the non Fil-Am's) of contempt, arrogance and suspicion regarding the nature, quality and dynamics of our relationships. I think this is a result of ignorance and pretentiousness mixed with the human condition of hypocrisy and judgemental tendency.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Machismo

I agree with this to an extent. Not to highjack the topic...I feel that alot of the suspicion comes from many timelines in the Fil-Am couples profiles. Someone who openly admits to meeting online, and getting engaged on the first trip 3 weeks after meeting, would tend to draw suspicion from anyone...of any nationality. My family questioned my relationship to my wife repeatedly because she was a bar girl in her former life. I told them it was none of their concern, and we have been happily married for nearly 10 months now.

I think that the Manny Pacquiao analogy is a good one. But, the culture does pay a huge part. I have relatives on my wife's side that have stuck it out through infidelity based on the family unit. Most of the women took it upon themselves to absorb the blame. "It must have been something they did wrong" Again, highlighting the double-standard.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Not to highjack the topic...I feel that alot of the suspicion comes from many timelines in the Fil-Am couples profiles. Someone who openly admits to meeting online, and getting engaged on the first trip 3 weeks after meeting, would tend to draw suspicion from anyone...of any nationality. My family questioned my relationship to my wife repeatedly because she was a bar girl in her former life. I told them it was none of their concern, and we have been happily married for nearly 10 months now.

Hey...we know a fellow VJ that fits your description. (if it was deliberate then) That's a pretty tacky and underhanded way to insult somebody! This fellow VJer has faced many obstacles, trials and turmoil for almost 2 years and yet their relationship endures. It's hammer, anvil, fire, water and effort to forge steel. 10 months of happy does not make a marriage counselor.

I disagree...online dating is the current rage...many believe in "love at first sight" and being suspicious in thought does not automatically lead to expression.

I seek my wife's approval before I up any post on VJ...it's bcoz I suffer from "foot in mouth" syndrome..sometimes. LOL

None of my business but I'm just too curious....does your wife know what you posted?

[Filipinawife0210 15]

Hey...we know a fellow VJ that fits your description. (if it was deliberate then) That's a pretty tacky and underhanded way to insult somebody! This fellow VJer has faced many obstacles, trials and turmoil for almost 2 years and yet their relationship endures. It's hammer, anvil, fire, water and effort to forge steel. 10 months of happy does not make a marriage counselor.

I disagree...online dating is the current rage...many believe in "love at first sight" and being suspicious in thought does not automatically lead to expression.

I seek my wife's approval before I up any post on VJ...it's bcoz I suffer from "foot in mouth" syndrome..sometimes. LOL

None of my business but I'm just too curious....does your wife know what you posted?

Was not intentional at all. Just stating my opinion. I am in no way trying to be a marriage counselor either. I know that my wife and I will endure trials, and tribulations like any married couple does. We already have in the past 6 years we have been together as a couple. Yes that's right 6 years. We've been through as much in those 6 years as most couples endure in a lifetime. Does that qualify me to give advice, I think it does, as I was married previously for almost 13 years. I have a ton of experience, both good and bad, and am willing to share with anyone who asks. Does my profile say anything about how/when we met? NO, as that is of noone's concern when it comes to a VJ timeline.

As for my wife knowing what I posted...Did I say anything that would offned her? I think not. She knows what she did in her past life, and carries no regrets. I'm not whipped to the point that I need to check with her first before opening my mouth. Yes, I insert my foot in there frequently, but to err is human, right?

I was just trying to share my view as to why many non Fil-Am couple types show skepticism when it comes to some relationships, and if yours is one of those, I am sorry, but as I said my own family shared the same type of negativism when I shared the news of my relationship with my now wife.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Was not intentional at all. Just stating my opinion. I am in no way trying to be a marriage counselor either. I know that my wife and I will endure trials, and tribulations like any married couple does. We already have in the past 6 years we have been together as a couple. Yes that's right 6 years. We've been through as much in those 6 years as most couples endure in a lifetime. Does that qualify me to give advice, I think it does, as I was married previously for almost 13 years. I have a ton of experience, both good and bad, and am willing to share with anyone who asks. Does my profile say anything about how/when we met? NO, as that is of noone's concern when it comes to a VJ timeline.

As for my wife knowing what I posted...Did I say anything that would offned her? I think not. She knows what she did in her past life, and carries no regrets. I'm not whipped to the point that I need to check with her first before opening my mouth. Yes, I insert my foot in there frequently, but to err is human, right?

I was just trying to share my view as to why many non Fil-Am couple types show skepticism when it comes to some relationships, and if yours is one of those, I am sorry, but as I said my own family shared the same type of negativism when I shared the news of my relationship with my now wife.

OK...got it...thanks for clarifying...

(btw)...I wasn't specifically referencing your comment about your wife..it was your entire post that seemed to (possibly) lack the "asawa test".

I don't think of it as being whipped...I view it as preventive maintenance. or strategic planning. I'm plenty secure in my manhood and smart enough to avoid putting myself in the wrong spot...most of the time..lol. I think a better way to say it is...to err is man...

Nope...neither of us have ever felt or thought our marriage was held suspect by anybody. (but) I appreciate your expressed empathy.

[adiiann 163]

IMHO...this is what's happening back home in the Philippines. Since 80% of the population are within the scope of poverty, they don't have any money to pay for an annulment. and even if they did manage to scrape the amount needed to file for it, it's still not a sure thing the court will grant the annulment. so some of our kababayans just say the hell with it. they go their separate ways and go on living their lives with another partner.

I agree. LoL. Though, lot of kids were born out of wedlock because of this.