I am facing a dilemma, she is back.

[Chris H 0]

Some of you might know my dilemma, but I will post a summary. I was in a relationship with a girl from Xi'an from Sept 2005- March 2007. The relationship was good, and just when I was about to send the docs to USCIS, I forgot I needed pictures of her in passport size. This is when she started having cold feet, and saying she was afraid of America being an unknown land and she wants to bring her mom with her. She and her mom are very close and it seemed nothing could separate them. I still liked her personality, family, and such, and I missed that about her. I moved on, it finally took almost 3 years to not think of her, and I started getting back into dating again, after a hiatus. Then last week I received a phone call from her, I was surprised. She told me how she wanted to start the relationship again, and had regrets not marrying with me.

Note: In 2009 she married this man she met at an internet cafe, but after 2 months they divorced. I am not sure what the real reason was, but I heard from her relatives it was from him abusing her. She even cried, which was a surprise because she never cried. She even cried about me, thinking how she turned me down, when I was a compassionate and understanding person to her.

This whole thing has me thinking of her again, just as I thought I moved on.

Does the USCIS take divorces seriously, and will scrutinize her more if thats on her record?

[^_^ 5,021]

Does the USCIS take divorces seriously, and will scrutinize her more if thats on her record?

Yes and probably. How much more depends on the totality of the circumstances of your case.

Good luck.

[TBoneTX 44,788]

As long as the divorce is final and appropriately documented, USCIS probably won't care. The consulate, however, may be a different story. There are some "fickle" aspects to your ex's behavior that could call into question her judgment, and by extension her level of commitment. You may want to consider thinking twice about reconnecting with her, and also consult some of the wise members in the China regional subforum here.

[^_^ 5,021]

...consult some of the wise members in the China regional subforum here.

Yes, because message boards are great places to get relationship advice. Especially this one.

[Chris H 0]

As long as the divorce is final and appropriately documented, USCIS probably won't care. The consulate, however, may be a different story. There are some "fickle" aspects to your ex's behavior that could call into question her judgment, and by extension her level of commitment. You may want to consider thinking twice about reconnecting with her, and also consult some of the wise members in the China regional subforum here.

Should I post the same topic in the China subforum to get opinions from people who married Chinese with this situation? I would really like to know if the consulate in Guangzhou will scrutinize her about the 2 month marriage and divorce.

[TBoneTX 44,788]

Yes, because message boards are great places to get relationship advice. Especially this one.

Point taken and respected -- respondents have to stay focused on what the OP is asking. Regardless, the China subforum has some very experienced members who may have helpful insights. Also, I believe that this thread might better belong in the "Effects" forum or in the China subforum, si man.

Should I post the same topic in the China subforum

Don't double-post -- "report" your thread and ask that it be moved there.

[Chris H 0]

I thought I finally moved on, but now I am thinking about her again after she called me last week.

Her relatives told me about the short marriage and divorce a while back, since I still keep in touch with them. I am not sure if I should ask her more about it, personally.

Edited October 7, 2010 by Chris H

[^_^ 5,021]

... the China subforum has some very experienced members who may have helpful insights.

I don't doubt that. But no one else dated her. Chris did. There's great danger in relying on the wisdom of 'the wise' when it comes to matters of the heart.

JMHO

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Since it's been more than 2 years since you two were together, at the very least, you will need to go visit her before submitting anything to immigration.

[TBoneTX 44,788]

You'd absolutely need to visit her again, and it would be foolhardy from a long-term personal and objective standpoint to NOT learn every detail of the intervening relationship from her. I recommended consulting the members of the China subforum because they may know of objective details (of scrutiny, interviewing, etc.) that are peculiar to the Guangzhou consulate, and of which the rest of us wouldn't be aware. In the end, only Chris can decide whether to re-pursue the relationship, but he should ideally have facts enough to make an informed decision (with both head and heart), si man.

Edited to add: Steve, since you're an Organizer, how about transferring this thread to the China subforum or to the Effects forum, si man?

Edited October 7, 2010 by TBoneTX

[Darnell 8,478]

*** moving to China forum ***

[TBoneTX 44,788]

Darnell to the rescue yet again, si man!

[Darnell 8,478]

Hey Chris -

after reading yer big post from 2007 -

it seems that she was a spoiled child then, and has gone through some life changing experiences that were detrimental to her

and

now she is full of regret for not choosing you.

IMO - this 'path' that she took -

if

it 'helped her to flush her childishness'

then

SURE ! If you think it's worthwhile to pursue her, then by all means pursue her.

Otherwise,

if she's full of the same cr@p as before -

it'll be 15 times worse once she's in the USA, and cost (you) 10 times as much (in USA, vs in China).

Good Luck, whatever you decide.

Edited October 7, 2010 by Darnell

[Mike and Yan 0]

People who make bad realationship decisions make the job of US visa officers difficult.

But, Visa officers are validated for being hard nosed. This girl is a perfect example.

Keep the Visa officers job simple and bring in a quality relationship.

[Chris H 0]

As long as the divorce is final and appropriately documented, USCIS probably won't care. The consulate, however, may be a different story. There are some "fickle" aspects to your ex's behavior that could call into question her judgment, and by extension her level of commitment. You may want to consider thinking twice about reconnecting with her, and also consult some of the wise members in the China regional subforum here.

That I would need to find out, maybe have her explain more about what happened in that relationship. I am thinking the consulate may question her about her short marriage and resulting divorce. Would the USCIS think her motives are to come to the US and get a green card? She did have coldfeet just as I was about to submit all the forms in, just was missing her passport sized photos.

Edited October 7, 2010 by Chris H