Change the way I dress?

[Anna and Ali 13]

I wasn't necessarily referring only to hijab. I don't think adding hijab to a skimpy outfit makes you any more pious than wearing a tophat makes you Mr. peanut. Again, just admiring the overall fashion sense of many MENA, and western women who choose to be tasteful. I was seriously just asking for a quick opinion on whether or not anyone has encountered severe difficulty in developing a different fashion style post-marriage and/or post conversion. I thought this would gather four posts tops.

Also, to clarify, as I don't want to pose as something I'm not. I have not officially converted. I am still in the deep research phase and think it would be a bit naive of me to jump in head-first, make a commitment to God, and act as a representative in public for the faith without the proper knowledge behind me. I'm still a student of Islam in the very beginnings and even though I know in my heart I will be converting in the near future, I certainly don't want to accept congratulatory statements when I haven't earned them yet. I must put in the hard work first. (however, thank you for that sincerity and I'll let you know when it finally happens!)

As for trying the "harder" aspects of Islam, I don't view my eventual choice concerning hijab to be the be all end all of choices. Once I make a commitment to the religion, it will either happen or it won't.

Sidenote: I would like to note that Queen Rania of Jordan is doing her very best to bring literacy in the Muslim world into the spotlight. Yes, the media often decides to caricaturize and generalize by showing a cycle of footage of hijab, war, camels, and mosques with the Azan always in the distance, but the intelligent people in this country (yes, there are still some ) are able to examine something from all sides. (at least that's how I still have faith in humanity)

I hope I'm not coming across as being obsessed with grabbing attention through wearing something quite distinctive, it's just that I've fallen head over heels with fashions I've found that just happen to not show much skin, if any at all. These fashions often do involve variations on hijab and abayas. It's an honest and uninfluenced attraction that I think I may have come to love regardless of my fiance.

I guess i've answered my own question then. Believe in what I wear, wear it properly, and don't let anyone bully me out of making my own decisions.

[zahrasalem 114]

Sorry.. if you feel so pressured in a Christian town / Country how about then you pack and move to Arab country may be you feel more relaxed there!! No one forced you to live here!

I just cannot understand why so many Muslim people feeling the guilt of so called being abused or targeted by others in a country that accepts all religion practices.

Only people who cannot stand up for themselves find excuses of their surrounding to justify their weakness.

Unless you also wear hijab (I do) and have experienced outright religious discrimination, hostile remarks or direct negative behavior by non-muslims, then of course you would not understand..........and it's by no means a feeling of "GUILT", we've done nothing wrong. And being "abused or targeted" is absolutely not "so called". It is very, very REAL and hurtful.

Example: trying to rent a house in an upscale suburban Californa neighborhood and being told on the phone that it's available, then when you arrive to meet the real estate agent 10 min later wearing your hijab, you are told the property is "suddenly" no longer availabe after she sees you.

That is absolutely not "so called" religious discrimination, it is very REAL religious discrimination, in the very country you say "accepts all religion practices". This happened to me and my husband just 2 weeks ago. And when we called the real estate agent out on it, she immediately offered to refund our so called "non-refundable application fee" that we already paid. She herself was from India and Christian.

I am very proud to wear hijab because it is sunnah, and I will never let anyone or the place I live, intimidate me into not wearing it just to blend in. If someone can't deal with me as a professional in business because of my hijab, then I don't want to deal with them either, and thanks to Allah for saving me from taking further ####### from that person.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

On a side note: but still on hijab... I came across a website from Egypt www.hejabfashion.com I find the styles very beautiful and elegant. Not sure if some of the hijab wearers on here have seen this site or not. The outfits are very well put together in style and color.

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

one post removed for baiting. while some may think their opinion is valid, posting those thoughts can turn this thread into a train wreck.

in short, be considerate of others and think it over before hitting the post button.

[msheesha 548]

At the risk of oversimplifying the whole thing - if you have to ask, you shouldn't do it and/or you're not ready/prepared, etc to make the changes.

Also, the comment about your fiance/husband making the decision about whether or not you wear hijab seems to say a lot, regardless of whether that's what you meant to say or not.

[Ihavequestions 419]

Oh, now I'm thinking about shopping!

PTG, holding that magazine in my hands is a vivid memory, probably because it was always a girlfriend thing to do. Meaning, me and my girlfriends, as soon as one of them go their hands on the latest issue, would set it down flat on a table so everyone could see and squeal about almost every picture. I learned a lot from it, including that I could wear anything I wanted as long as it was appropriate. It was liberating.

Ladies, our grandmothers (and mothers) didn't burn their bras so we would have to find a reason to cover it up and look like ladies at the same time, nor so that we would have to entertain the thought we might have to tell our daughter no because she wants a g-string, at 12 years old. It is a shameful America that disapproves of modesty, particularly modesty in the face of adversity.

Absolutely shameful.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

He's right on about that

Really! Who would have guessed she has been out of high school for THREE YEARS! Wow! Where DOES the time go?

as for me, I will never try to change the way my wife dresses, because she dresses like a Ukrainian.

[Anna and Ali 13]

I was surprised at first at the way the post can take such a sudden turn into personal attacks or just waste-of-time remarks.

Until I went back to read the beginning posts of VJ's MENA section while at work. And the tone was absurd.

Apparently this site attracts not only people who honestly wish to help, but also those who get a rise out of commenting on things just for the sake of knowing that maybe someone read something they had to say.

It's just unfortunate that those who want help one day can't offer advice to someone else the next. This holier than thou complex really degrades this entire site. There have been many mentions of ageism on the site and I'm sure I'm not the only one who will think twice about things they post from now on. Better to do your own research than to ask unqualified and rude people.

[sara535 15]

I was surprised at first at the way the post can take such a sudden turn into personal attacks or just waste-of-time remarks.

Until I went back to read the beginning posts of VJ's MENA section while at work. And the tone was absurd.

Apparently this site attracts not only people who honestly wish to help, but also those who get a rise out of commenting on things just for the sake of knowing that maybe someone read something they had to say.

It's just unfortunate that those who want help one day can't offer advice to someone else the next. This holier than thou complex really degrades this entire site. There have been many mentions of ageism on the site and I'm sure I'm not the only one who will think twice about things they post from now on. Better to do your own research than to ask unqualified and rude people.

or you just need to toughen up a little bit. this site is just a slice of life and frankly repressents the 'real world' pretty well. some people are azzholes and some people are truly as sweet as pie. Learn how to let the stupid stuff roll off and I think you will find some genuinely nice and helpful people around here Also bear in mind, as I am sure you know, that communication on a message board always leaves something to be desired, sometimes I think posts come across much more harsh than intended because we cant see tone or facial expression or any of that.....

having said that, there's really no substitute for doing your own research on any subject, as I think you already know

[Meriem_DZ 37]

or you just need to toughen up a little bit. this site is just a slice of life and frankly repressents the 'real world' pretty well. some people are azzholes and some people are truly as sweet as pie. Learn how to let the stupid stuff roll off and I think you will find some genuinely nice and helpful people around here Also bear in mind, as I am sure you know, that communication on a message board always leaves something to be desired, sometimes I think posts come across much more harsh than intended because we cant see tone or facial expression or any of that.....

having said that, there's really no substitute for doing your own research on any subject, as I think you already know

Sara, you are so right. You have so many types of personalities here on VJ. You have the "crazies" and then there are the ones that incite and instigate, and then there is the truly sweet and helpful. I am the type person that if I have nothing helpful to say, I will not reply to the thread. I am very empathetic and I dont like to hurt peoples feelings, so I try not to get involved with the drama and think before I type. I think if you have nothing helpful or good to say just dont reply. Not everyone is going to see eye to eye. A light hearted and sincere thread can go south in a heartbeat. It shouldnt be that way, but some people just get off on it and dont give a second thought to hurting peoples feelings. Just take the good advice and ignore the not so helpful people. The way I think about it is, that the non helpfull, hateful people are not going to ruin my happiness. I just feel sorry that they are so unhappy with theirselves that they have to make other people unhappy too.

Meriem

[Sofiyya 1,687]

This is a public board. Asking for input here is like standing on a random street corner shouting your question out loud; you get what you get when you go public. Expecting anything other than that is silly and naive. People need to get over the idea that they should only get responses that are sweet or helpful. If you want that, only ask your friends and people you trust for advice.

Frankly, on a scale of 1 - 10 on a common hijab thread, from the hundreds I've read on the Internet, I'd give this one a 1 for rancor. There hasn't really isn't much to complain about.

[amal 4]

LOL sooo true! You should see the beating I got a year or so ago in my muslim/hijab thread! I got a new one ripped real quick!

I've always been the kind of person to try to keep things somewhat calm and somewhat peaceful if at all possible. I always try to see both sides of the fence...and it has definitely come back to bite me in the azzz a few times! I think I tend to lean this way because I have always had an UBER guilty conscience and feel if something bad is said, it's coz of something I did (most of the time I've done nothing wrong, but still feel guilty...yeah, I'm a dork).

I love finding a topic I know something about because I love love love to help people. I usually don't know a dang thing about a dang thing...so I just hang out lol!

Who was it that said posting stuff on here is like standing on a street corner and yelling ur question for the world to hear ...? Well, they were close...but not quite. Posting stuff on here is like standing on a street corner and yelling ur question for the world to hear is gonna get a SIMILAR reaction....BUT.... online, people don't have faces so they tend to be a little bit more abrupt than they normally would. Ok, not a little bit...but a whole lot more abrupt.

Tough skin is a definite "must" in any online forum. Some of us have been here since VJ was just 1 page....we've seen where things can go. Heck, I've been here since 2004! It can definitely get crazy. I always like to suggest strapping your seatbelt good and tight before clicking on anything here lol!