verbal threats

[horseloverinfl 1]

I think when you are trying to explain away someones behavior, it doesnt make you a bad person. It makes you retarded..not evil....I am very glad the poster has opened up because alot of people dont....nor are they truthful when things go south, therfore giving off the impression that whats happened to horse in fl is a rare occurance..its not....Its not my fault that I was loving, trusting and patient. And when other people from mena saw me bloodied and with welts they should have admonished him. They didnt, one in fact , a woman told me this was very common and that her husband from the magreb batters her and that her french born sister is battered by her brother and that this is very normal. She even threatened me if I told anyone. She followed me after a battering into a place of business to make sure I didnt tell. I finally told my family as well as a religious friend of all of theres and it wasnt until then that I got relief....Someone from the same country, a very religious mena person is the one that finally put a stop to it and admonished both him and his friends. Its not the fault of the person battered. A person may be stupid, they may be naive enough to believe they can change someone or blame circumstances...but its a dangerous message je veux to blame someone who has been victimised. All of us have chances every day to hurt people and we make a conscious choice not to.

I think that if you are close to removing conditions and you are with someone dangerous like this and you dont have support, give them what they want and protect yourself.. Blackmailing with vawa is very common. There was a woman on here about 4 weeks ago that was arrested by her turkish husband who recorded her, battered her and threw her out of her house. I was lucky enough to have family support as well as a mom and an aunt who is a lawyer who in no uncertain terms told him if he threatend me again that they would call ICE themselves. For those of you naive enough to not believe this is going on, it is and American women are now being threatend and manipulated with VAWA rules. I got through this situation relatively safely towards the end but not without absolutely horrible effects on my family. It absolutely is very possible to bring fake vawa charges against an american spouse and stage things and pretend that they were battered...This has become a new trick and not very uncommon...

Horse in florida...this happens alot more than people would like to admit and you first have to make an absolute choice of what you want to do....Its not going to get better. You are very far off removing conditions so that cannot be a carrot that you can hang out there to get the hell out of this..I am so sorry for you... I lived it and dont blame yourself...dont do it.. you can move on past this and things will be alright once hes out of your life

Proud of you to being so open, helpful and moving on. We all make mistakes and think that people have hope to change for the better. Glad you are out of this and I pray that you are not letting it affect your daily living. Stay strong and positive. Blame doesn't help, but I sure hope it helps other women and men out there think twice before they marry someone who just wants to come to America, which is happening a lot.

[prince+angel 3]

Do not subject yourself to this, if your questioning - you know you gotta get out ...

1st - Make up your mind that you wanna live

2nd - Forget about whats right & wrong, take whatever steps necessary to sever the relationship

Sorry to be blunt but it comes down to just that sometimes.

[Bibi and Beebti 4]

I'm sure this is not the relationship you dreamed of ! Get out of it FAST... You're wasting your life with someone who clearly does not appreciate what you or your family are doing for him.

There are good people out there, this is not some 'Middle Eastern' trait, plenty of VJ's here married to lovely people from the MENA region and all over the world...this is just plain abusive behaviour, from a man that clearly has personal issues.

Don't give him the chance to ruin yours or anyone else's life here. Send him back, get him deported. Seriously, and you can do this safely, just have those that love you support you through it and end this mess!

All the best...let us know if you need anything

[horseloverinfl 1]

I'm sure this is not the relationship you dreamed of ! Get out of it FAST... You're wasting your life with someone who clearly does not appreciate what you or your family are doing for him.

There are good people out there, this is not some 'Middle Eastern' trait, plenty of VJ's here married to lovely people from the MENA region and all over the world...this is just plain abusive behaviour, from a man that clearly has personal issues.

Don't give him the chance to ruin yours or anyone else's life here. Send him back, get him deported. Seriously, and you can do this safely, just have those that love you support you through it and end this mess!

Thank you for everyone's support. I contacted a divorce attorney, now I am waiting to hear back from two immigration attorneys regarding my husband's status with the fact that he just got his conditional GC less than two months ago. I will keep posted. Thank you, I am Blessed to have so much support. I am here also for anyone who needs me.

All the best...let us know if you need anything

[doodlebugg 10]

If memory serves, you knew he was an abusive POS before you brought him to the US. In that way, you are partly responsible for putting yourself in danger.

Wow what a brutally insensitive remark.

[amal 4]

From experience, get out while the getting is still good. It's no fun to get in too deep into these relationships. They don't get better (or at least they rarely improve). His actions are unacceptable and are going to end up turning into physical abuse towards you and the ones you love. Please be careful, and although you don't know me very well, If you ever need to talk....I am happy to be there to listen ...and try to help, if you need. I may not be strong enough to help myself out of my situation, but I will do everything I can to help others in need.

amal

[horseloverinfl 1]

I just had a talk with my husband today, Asked him if he thinks our relationship is a normal happy one and his answer was "yes, there is nothing with our relationship, all couples disagree on things and pass under stress, but now I am working and all will be good". I told him I talked to an attorney, he said I misunderstood him when he was talking and yelling, he was just telling me that he could have done all those things to others, but he wouldn't because he is a nice guy" he said he'll never use nor hurt anyone and that I am too Americanized that is why I misunderstood his intentions" and so on. he was very calm with fixed eyes, no emotions in them at all, then he hugged me and kissed me telling me he married me because he loved him. Did that happen to you?

[amal 4]

sent u a message

[New Beginnings 32]

The cycle of abuse is pretty typical and I hate to say that it is probably playing out here. The peaks and valleys are cyclical. He will blow up, say horrible things and at the very least verbally abuse you, when you confront him he will apologize.. say things are changing and basically excuse away his actions. The calm will remain for a few weeks or months and the cycle will start again.

Suggest anger management counseling or even couples counseling and see what he thinks. He needs to learn that his behavior is not ok and there are consequences.

[sandinista! 1,816]

Wow what a brutally insensitive remark.

but not as brutally insensitive as importing someone she knew fully well was an abusive, misogynistic ####### into the same country myself and millions of other women live in, when we already have plenty of those here already thankyouverymuch. God forbid he latch onto some unsuspecting woman here in the us and victimize her as well. her actions potentially put other women at risk-that's not ok.

[sandinista! 1,816]

I agree. It's like saying that a woman who was raped had it coming because she was dressed provocatively.

no, it's not like that at all. this is more like inviting someone you know has raped before into your house, thinking they'll behave differently because they're in yr house now and yr somehow "different" than the others. doesn't remove a bit of the rapist's culpability, but it sure is stupid to invite a known rapist into yr house anyways.

sent u a message

i can only imagine what brilliant advice you have to offer to someone in this situation...

[sandinista! 1,816]

I'm sorry you're going through this but all I can say is leave now before you get even more abused- physically and verbally

brilliant!

[anxious 0]

OP, sorry you are going through this, it does appear like

abusive behavior that will worsen if some kind of intervention does not happen.

To Amal, hanging in there, and doodlebug: Im glad that you didn't feel the

need to acknowledge sardinistas ignorant responses.

I know of many women with low self esteem, or grew up in abusive situations

that failed to see abuse. Whether its mental, physical etc... there are alot

of women who think such behavior is normal on some level, justifying it.

To think there are still people that find a way to pin the abuse on

the victim in any way is sickening. Pointing fingers when all one has to

do is reach out and ask if the person needs help is more productive than

posting trifling "i told you so" toned messages. Ugh!

[Ban Hammer 13,283]

i'd appreciate it if people didn't attack other posters in this thread. thanks.

[amal 4]

I'm not putting certain things out there...although I do post a lot of personal stuff. There are some things that are better said behind the scenes...I hope you understand.

I have helped many MANY women through these kinds of situations actually. I've been doing it for many years. It's always easier to help someone else rather than oneself. You know the phrase "easier said than done"? Yes, that applies here. It's so easy to tell someone to get out when you see all of the red flags. As someone who is currently in a harsh situation, I live the "easier said than done" lifestyle at the moment. I have helped some couples to fix issues on this subject and I have also helped others to get out while they still could. I've done extensive studies on Culture shock, depression, abuse (verbal/physical), etc. I'm no expert (obviously) but I do have years of experience in it on a friend-to-friend basis. I think I do have the ability to help someone in these situations and, quite honestly, I find it better to listen and offer to help rather than to insult the person who is reaching out. Again, I may not be strong enough to help myself out of my situation, but I will do everything I can to help any other woman out of theirs (or help them to fix it) so that they do not have to endure what I've experienced.

Maybe that will help some people to understand where I'm coming from. I'm sure there will be a handful of people to come and slander my every word as soon as they see this. That's alright though. I do what I can for those that I feel I can help...and even some that I know I can't help. That's just a part of who I am and helping others is what makes me the most happy...especially when I see them succeeding later on.