Sunday brrrr!

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

It's 54 degrees outside and windy & chilly for August. Around here the real cold doesn't set in until October. I would say this is kind of unusual.

Dh went to iftar tonight at the Islamic Center. One of my Mom's co-worker's husband is from Senegal. He offered to pick my husband up on the way since he was going with his four kids. Hubby didn't get home until after midnight. He said they prayed for an hour and then they had social time and there was a buffet style set up for food. Some of it homemade and some of it store bought. He said the woman stayed inside while the men went outside and sometimes they would mix but it was mostly separated. He wished I would have come because I would have enjoyed it so much. I guess that means he had a really great time and I'm glad. I enjoyed my me time. I asked how many people were there and he said over 200 plus their kids but that the man from Senegal said that this wasn't everyone that comes usually. Even though he hadn't met the man from Senegal before I encouraged him to go and socialize and get out of the house since he hadn't done anything in awhile but study.

He said he met an American Muslim man who just converted 11 months ago and this was his first Ramadan. The man said he was sent over to Afghanistan for the war and came back a Muslim. Then he met a guy from Bangladesh who wanted to go to medical school but said some man failed the USMLE 7 times and so if my husband didn't have success then to contact him for alternatives. This is when dh told me he wouldn't accept anything but to be a doctor and if he couldn't achieve that here like his Sister and Brother-in-law then we were going back to Egypt. I didn't get into a big discussion about that with him. He also told me he met an Egyptian man who has lived in Boise for 30 years and is in his late 50's and has been back to Egypt only 4 times. Dh said he felt sad because of this. I told him believe it or not but some Egyptians like it here better. He couldn't believe me and asked me to tell him who so then I had to start giving him examples. What's that saying? "You can take the man out of Egypt but you can't take Egypt out of the man."

Have a Happy Sunday Everyone & stay warm!

[nab 74]

It's 54 degrees outside and windy & chilly for August. Around here the real cold doesn't set in until October. I would say this is kind of unusual.

Dh went to iftar tonight at the Islamic Center. One of my Mom's co-worker's husband is from Senegal. He offered to pick my husband up on the way since he was going with his four kids. Hubby didn't get home until after midnight. He said they prayed for an hour and then they had social time and there was a buffet style set up for food. Some of it homemade and some of it store bought. He said the woman stayed inside while the men went outside and sometimes they would mix but it was mostly separated. He wished I would have come because I would have enjoyed it so much. I guess that means he had a really great time and I'm glad. I enjoyed my me time. I asked how many people were there and he said over 200 plus their kids but that the man from Senegal said that this wasn't everyone that comes usually. Even though he hadn't met the man from Senegal before I encouraged him to go and socialize and get out of the house since he hadn't done anything in awhile but study.

He said he met an American Muslim man who just converted 11 months ago and this was his first Ramadan. The man said he was sent over to Afghanistan for the war and came back a Muslim. Then he met a guy from Bangladesh who wanted to go to medical school but said some man failed the USMLE 7 times and so if my husband didn't have success then to contact him for alternatives. This is when dh told me he wouldn't accept anything but to be a doctor and if he couldn't achieve that here like his Sister and Brother-in-law then we were going back to Egypt. I didn't get into a big discussion about that with him. He also told me he met an Egyptian man who has lived in Boise for 30 years and is in his late 50's and has been back to Egypt only 4 times. Dh said he felt sad because of this. I told him believe it or not but some Egyptians like it here better. He couldn't believe me and asked me to tell him who so then I had to start giving him examples. What's that saying? "You can take the man out of Egypt but you can't take Egypt out of the man."

Have a Happy Sunday Everyone & stay warm!

i have some questions and statements, but please dont take this confrontational! Seems the mood on VJ to the point it's scary to ask people questions but i am an infomation hound, i love to learn so always questioning!

You say "islamic center"... is it a mosque, or is it soemthing different? not sure if people are using this term now because so many are anti-muslim and tense up at the word mosque.

(i've never been to an "islamic center" so am curious over the term)

You dont really want to take Egypt out of the man... you fell in love with him like he is so dont ever try to change your husband. we only have control, and can change, ourselves.

as far as going back to visit, many people go back to visit often even though they love it in the USA. thing is, you have to set priorities... is that money available? is it necessary to go back often, or for longer period of time (i.e. go back every year for a week or every 4yrs for a month); each has it's benefits and can even change depending on family dynamics. some people never go back, not because they dont love their native country but becasue of the circumstances or dangers there.

just curious why you didnt accompany him? are you a muslimah? have you ever been there previously and if so did you like/dislike it? if you just need time alone, let him know, he would respect that. but accompany him on outtings if he wants you there; sounds like he wanted you there and really wished you had been.

lastly, please dont ignore when a man (or woman for that matter) state their wishes. it takes a lot for someone to open their feelings so even one sentence stating something so adamant as we are "going back to Egypt" if this or that doesnt happen needs to be heeded. please dont ignore it. i always tell people that the things their spouse jokes or teases them about need to be heeded because it can be a more simple way of letting anotehr know soemthing is bothering them without addressing the problem directly. but when someone flats out states X,Y, and Z please please please heed that.

all the best!

PS and yes it has been cold at nights and i'm loving it LOL! this has been the most hot summer i can ever remember!

Edited August 29, 2010 by nab

[MrsAmera 41]

I thought I would share a little story that might help especially in the discussion about "going home". My husband has been here for almost 5 years now and has gone home every year for between 3 weeks to 2 months. This year is the longest amount of time he has been back and went with both of our children. My husband has always been very very attached to Morocco and dreamed year upon year about when we would finally move there for good. To me it was never an issue, I don't care where we live - here or there I like them the same. For him America was where we were living but it wasn't home. This year was different. Going home he saw things in a very different light, and told me "there is no justice in Morocco, there is no freedom, you can't count on the police, or the hospitals to take care of you. It's all about money and connections." This was a complete revelation to him and it really blew me out of the water. He told me that America is home and that he doesn't want to move back to Morocco and especially not to bring our kids there long-term. He had a serious family issue with the police and had to go to the state hospital that he described as appaling and sickening to see people being so poorly cared for. He even asked if I could change their plane tickets so that he and the kids could come home earlier. I'll be honest I never in a million years thought this day would come. Never. I love Morocco a lot, but I've seen a lot of injustices and know that it's not the utopia he had in his mind. I'm sure he'll always be proud of being Moroccan but he sees now that there are a lot of injustices in his country.

To make a long story short, your hubby hasn't been here too long and I remember those first few years and the struggles we went through. I think your biggest hurdle will be him achieving his career hopes. I'm sure he can do it, it might just take him a lot longer than he hopes. (and maybe not who knows!). I feel blessed that I didn't have that hurdle to deal with although there were plenty of others! The first 2-3 years are really hard - REALLY hard. But once you get through those the rest sort of fall into place. I remember immigrants telling me years ago that after 5-7 years my husband wouldn't feel so attached to Morocco and he would start to see America in a different light. I never believed them...boy what an awakening this has been!

[nab 74]

i think a lot depends (especially in ME countries) how successful the man has become in USA (i.e. he sees his dreams coming to fruitation even if somewhere in future). also, the older the children get can affect their decisions. the reaction of their family in their native country if the family is especially forceful can be even more of a deciding factor. it can push them to see they and their children are better off in USA or it can push them the other way. for an american woman with a ME husband this can be a losing battle if they take the children there permanently.

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

according to my neighbor, the farmer's almanac says this is supposed to be as bad, or worse, a winter than we had last year.

Edited August 29, 2010 by charles!

[JeanneVictoria 55]

Good morning!

I'd settle for some temps lower than 99! About 3 months and "winter" will be here.

We are having a quiet day. Wael is studying. Dinner will be roast with the trimmings.

Hope everyone is having a great day! Enjoy the rest of the weekend.

Can you tell i'm excited to see green!!

[Mithra 1,185]

Mrs. Amera, my husband had a similar experience with Egypt. He's been here for about 3.5 years but has only been back to Egypt once, so far. He said that Egypt has changed so much and not for the better. He says he misses his family but does not miss Egypt. He still would, ideally, want to buy a flat there one day as a vacation home but does not want to live in Egypt full time again. This is a big change from when he first came to the US and planned on us moving there full time in the future. Same reasons for the change of attitude - corruption, poor living conditions, etc.

[MrsAmera 41]

i think a lot depends (especially in ME countries) how successful the man has become in USA (i.e. he sees his dreams coming to fruitation even if somewhere in future). also, the older the children get can affect their decisions. the reaction of their family in their native country if the family is especially forceful can be even more of a deciding factor. it can push them to see they and their children are better off in USA or it can push them the other way. for an american woman with a ME husband this can be a losing battle if they take the children there permanently.

Well in our situation if we decided to live there permanently it would make no difference I am happy living here or living there. I was mostly just trying to point out that the longer the immigrant lives in the US the more likely his attitude is to change regarding feelings of living in their home country permanently.

[Lizz&Mohamed 2]

Well in our situation if we decided to live there permanently it would make no difference I am happy living here or living there. I was mostly just trying to point out that the longer the immigrant lives in the US the more likely his attitude is to change regarding feelings of living in their home country permanently.

Hello everyone,

Though my husband has not made to to the US yet, from when we first started talking to one another...living in Egypt has always been an option. Of course, after the kids are grown. My opinion of this, I love Egypt and can see myself making Misr my home. Perhaps, a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am Mexican-American & having lived in Mexico until the age of 10, I am reminded of Mexico any time I am in Egypt. The fresh juice stands at the corners, the outside markets, the people/families going out in the evenings for a walk, the traffic, how open and friendly the people are to one another....etc. I am one that appreciates the beauty of such a simple life...My husband also talks about owning a flat in Egypt & we discuss going back to Egypt on a yearly basis & while it is a nice idea, is it realistic? It is rather expensive...but none the less, I indulge my husband's ideas because they happen to be my own. I love my husband for who he is and for his love for his country. As my own family has stated themselves, if it was not for the U.S. having better opportunities for a decent life, they too would of never left their country-Mexico. So, you can never take someone's Mother Country out of their heart. They will always miss it and yearn for it...

Insha Allah, we can have both - living in Egypt & US...

Lizz&Mohamed

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

i have some questions and statements, but please dont take this confrontational! Seems the mood on VJ to the point it's scary to ask people questions but i am an infomation hound, i love to learn so always questioning!

You say "islamic center"... is it a mosque, or is it soemthing different? not sure if people are using this term now because so many are anti-muslim and tense up at the word mosque.

(i've never been to an "islamic center" so am curious over the term)

You dont really want to take Egypt out of the man... you fell in love with him like he is so dont ever try to change your husband. we only have control, and can change, ourselves.

as far as going back to visit, many people go back to visit often even though they love it in the USA. thing is, you have to set priorities... is that money available? is it necessary to go back often, or for longer period of time (i.e. go back every year for a week or every 4yrs for a month); each has it's benefits and can even change depending on family dynamics. some people never go back, not because they dont love their native country but becasue of the circumstances or dangers there.

just curious why you didnt accompany him? are you a muslimah? have you ever been there previously and if so did you like/dislike it? if you just need time alone, let him know, he would respect that. but accompany him on outtings if he wants you there; sounds like he wanted you there and really wished you had been.

lastly, please dont ignore when a man (or woman for that matter) state their wishes. it takes a lot for someone to open their feelings so even one sentence stating something so adamant as we are "going back to Egypt" if this or that doesnt happen needs to be heeded. please dont ignore it. i always tell people that the things their spouse jokes or teases them about need to be heeded because it can be a more simple way of letting anotehr know soemthing is bothering them without addressing the problem directly. but when someone flats out states X,Y, and Z please please please heed that.

all the best!

PS and yes it has been cold at nights and i'm loving it LOL! this has been the most hot summer i can ever remember!

Don't worry about asking questions. Now to answer your questions.

It's called the Islamic Center of Boise. It's not built like a Mosque. It's a standard house they bought which I think used to be a church. They're trying to raise money to build a mosque on some land they'd like to purchase. There isn't a picture of the building at their website but you can at least see pictures of what it looks like inside and check out some details if you like. Maybe Google map street view can give you some idea what the outside looks like if you're willing to take the time to research it. It's nothing fancy.

I'm not a Muslim and I didn't go with him because I wasn't invited. The man from Senegal called my husband on his cell phone to invite him. I didn't know he'd be taking his kids with him and also it was my husband's first time to iftar. I thought it would be like a guy thing where fellow Muslim brothers are making friends and he is showing him around doing introductions. It wasn't until afterwards when my husband got home that he expressed his wishes that we go together next time and that he had a great time. I've been a couple times on Friday's with him and sat in the women's room with a scarf on my head and just observed and met a few muslimah's.

My husband explained to me that the Egyptian man that has lived here for 30 years gave him the impression that he got lost from his home country. I think this is because my husband is so fresh from his own trip here and the idea of not wanting to go back and visit more often all the people that he loves and have known his whole 30 years of life is unreal to him.

I have to agree with Amera's POV on the immigrants living here thing. I don't make an issue of him saying we'd be going back there to live because I know that he's barely been here and time and location will change people. When I moved from Texas to Idaho I had a lot of Texas pride and thought Texas was the best ever. I would tell people I was a true blue Texan born and raised and was really proud of that. It's not much different then my husband acts now about being Egyptian. It took me about 3 years living in Idaho before I stopped with the Texas pride. When I went back to live in Texas about 4-5 after I had left I stayed there for 6 months and during that time I visited all my family and friends and realized that everyone had stayed the same while I had changed. I felt it wasn't my home anymore and these weren't my people anymore. Even though I was born in Texas and raised between Texas and Idaho about equal time I really don't consider either one a home state. I identify with both equally but I have very few select people that I consider my familiars and they come from all over. I've traveled some and have gotten out of the United States a handful of times but I haven't seen everything I'd like to see or found a place that feels like me. I guess you could say that for now I'm a world citizen. Eventually I know my husband and I will move on from Idaho as well and I'm so ready for that but we're not quite there yet.

In the past we've discussed having a home here and having a home there and going back and forth but this is only if we have kids. Right now we're undecided on children because of the religion thing. We both want them but he wants them raised a certain way and is strict about this but doesn't think it's going to be a good example if I'm not practicing and the kids question that. We get a lot of pressure from the family on having kids now too. I'm a spiritual person. I've meditated since I was 6 years old. I've been a tourist of numerous spiritual workshops and various religions but I've never been that interested in any one religion to call it my own. I'm not ready to be responsible for a child for the rest of my life either. Part of it is because of my upbringing but also part of it for him is we need to get on our feet financially and bringing a kid into the equation would be challenging right now. He wants to have the chance to provide for a wife and child with ease and if a child happened now then he feels he'd have to be responsible and get work now and give up the dream for practicing medicine here and giving us a comfortable life. We talked about having pets but nixed that too. For now we've settled for having plants & traveling. It was sweet and funny really because I mentioned we could take care of plants and he started talking about all the good points about having plants and I had to smile because he was serious about it. It was one of those nice pillow talks couples have.

I also agree with Amera that our biggest challenge right now is dh's career path here. I am really happy to see he is not floundering with his studying and is pursuing the medical path. He's gone from saying it will take him 20 months to complete all three USMLE steps to being willing to accelerate it to 13 months because of the encouragement of his sister in Baltimore whose finished step 3 and is applying for matching and placing for the following year. Now he's back to the 20 month plan because he wants to make sure he gets a 95% or better. His sister got a 98% for step 1, then a 96% for step 2, and now she's done step 3 and waiting on results. The applications for matching and placing are once a year in Sept for a period of 2 months and that's the window she's making to be able to get a residency or fellowship starting in March 2011. I guess she is going for a fellowship because they will recognize all her work from Egypt as a doctor and lecturer right away and she can work as a consultant. She is really the inspiration and bridge for my husband here. I think the guy from Bangladesh dh met at the Mosque told my husband discouraging stories about failing the exam 7 times and having to settle for alternatives and the guy wasn't even a practicing doctor before. My husband just had to tell him please don't tell me these stories, instead just give me some blossoming stories of success. I had to tell dh just look to your sister and her husband as your mentors. They're from the same country so they know the steps and the paperworks to make it here. They've both worked on PhD's at Johns Hopkins, they have medical connections all over the east coast, they both have/had successful practices back in Egypt and are college lecturers for years at the University back home. They will give you all the support and guidance you need. I do believe though that to have better success for his path we're going to have to move so that he can get into a medical rotation even if it's voluntary while he is taking his steps. Idaho has no medical schools and when he goes for matching in placing in 2012 or 2013 they're going to ask him what has he been doing between the time he last practiced medicine in 2010.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

according to my neighbor, the farmer's almanac says this is supposed to be as bad, or worse, a winter than we had last year.

Thanks for that. My late grandpa always referenced the farmer's almanac. Now we know. My Uncle and I were laughing today because it was chilly outside when we went to curb cup which is this street performers festival/competition downtown. We were laughing because it's chilly but dh hasn't experienced winter here yet. My Uncle said just wait until it starts snowing. Poor Egyptian man is going to have to acclimate.

Good morning!

I'd settle for some temps lower than 99! About 3 months and "winter" will be here.

We are having a quiet day. Wael is studying. Dinner will be roast with the trimmings.

Hope everyone is having a great day! Enjoy the rest of the weekend.

Can you tell i'm excited to see green!!

Dang it's still a hot summer there!

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Hello everyone,

Though my husband has not made to to the US yet, from when we first started talking to one another...living in Egypt has always been an option. Of course, after the kids are grown. My opinion of this, I love Egypt and can see myself making Misr my home. Perhaps, a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am Mexican-American & having lived in Mexico until the age of 10, I am reminded of Mexico any time I am in Egypt. The fresh juice stands at the corners, the outside markets, the people/families going out in the evenings for a walk, the traffic, how open and friendly the people are to one another....etc. I am one that appreciates the beauty of such a simple life...My husband also talks about owning a flat in Egypt & we discuss going back to Egypt on a yearly basis & while it is a nice idea, is it realistic? It is rather expensive...but none the less, I indulge my husband's ideas because they happen to be my own. I love my husband for who he is and for his love for his country. As my own family has stated themselves, if it was not for the U.S. having better opportunities for a decent life, they too would of never left their country-Mexico. So, you can never take someone's Mother Country out of their heart. They will always miss it and yearn for it...

Insha Allah, we can have both - living in Egypt & US...

Lizz&Mohamed

That's funny because I was just telling dh that Egypt reminds me somewhat of Mexico and I think he would really like it. I want to take him to Puerto Vallarta. It is so beautiful there. I love it there and it's one of the first places I want to take him on a trip.

[Liz Rodriguez 1]

I know it is late almost monday but I just wanted to put in my two cents here. Taha can not wait to come here because things are so bad there so he says. I know the money and job factor is a lot of his issues with Egypt. But we have talked about after a few years of being here of moving there and I would love to. But of course it would be after the kids are old enough to decide on either being here with their father or moving with us. I think it would be a wonderful experience for them but I dont want to do anything get in the way of their schooling. anyway, happy sunday everyone.

[FaithfulandTrue 6]

Good evening MENA!! Hello everyone!!! Hope everyone had a great weekend... getting ready to look at Seeds of Love.. my daughter wants to see the video.. she likes the sun.. have a great night everyone

[Lizz&Mohamed 2]

I agree Cleocatra! Take him there when you are able too. I am so sure he would love it and think of Misr/Egypt.

Babyblueangel - I am in the same boat with you. I too have to wait for my children to wait a little older for them to decide if they would like to make Egypt their home or want to stay close to their father. Though two of my 3kids are already loving the idea. =) But I can really see myself in Egypt in the future....

Lizz&Mohamed