Sad question we hate to ask

[DaRoq 36]

Absolutely, they're right. But more importantly there is something you have to change about yourself. You have to admit that you have a personality that is too easily manipulated. You have to commit yourself to fixing that personal defect. Even if you manage to extricate yourself from this tar pit, you'll be right back in another one, especially if you do the foreign bride thing. There's just too many out there trolling for a green card that will make mincemeat out of you.

This is especially true if you go there and start "feeling guwapo". Be forewarned (and forearmed) that the "American Pogi" is a fallacy perpetrated by would-be manipulators on those who might enjoy the new-found attention. If you find that women are falling head-over-heels to flirt with you, be very careful. Even if you do find a nice one through family or friends, the "lambing" you receive is in a way manipulative because they know you're not used to it. If they realize it's not gong to work, notice how quickly things change.

Good Luck

[jrmejia 31]

This is especially true if you go there and start "feeling guwapo". Be forewarned (and forearmed) that the "American Pogi" is a fallacy perpetrated by would-be manipulators on those who might enjoy the new-found attention. If you find that women are falling head-over-heels to flirt with you, be very careful. Even if you do find a nice one through family or friends, the "lambing" you receive is in a way manipulative because they know you're not used to it. If they realize it's not gong to work, notice how quickly things change.

Good Luck

You guys are good. I do not have much real experience with filipinas except my "so call" fiancee.

[tallcoolone 102]

You guys are good. I do not have much real experience with filipinas except my "so call" fiancee.

You didn't just meet her online, and then go over there and propose?

Did You?

There are so many woman in PI that you can have. You are like a "Kid In A Candy Store" over there.

Edited September 15, 2010 by tallcoolone

[jrmejia 31]

You didn't just meet her online, and then go over there and propose?

Did You?

There are so many woman in PI that you can have. You are like a "Kid In A Candy Store" over there.

Well it was more like this. A friend met her online. He is already married and unloaded her to me. We talked and talked and I got interested in meeting her. She works in Dubai so when she took vacation to the Phil, I followed her. The trick was that I went there with no major plan. But when I got there it was like a paradise. I am not kidding guy! I ended up buying her "the diamond".

After I came back, I ended up here in VJ doing you know what

[tallcoolone 102]

Well it was more like this. A friend met her online. He is already married and unloaded her to me. We talked and talked and I got interested in meeting her. She works in Dubai so when she took vacation to the Phil, I followed her. The trick was that I went there with no major plan. But when I got there it was like a paradise. I am not kidding guy! I ended up buying her "the diamond".

After I came back, I ended up here in VJ doing you know what

Interesting story.

I don't know your age, but have you ever thought about just uprooting and going to Philippines and spending a few years there living. Do you have a house you can rent out, or some 401K you can live off for a while, or some cash rat holed away.

[jrmejia 31]

Interesting story.

I don't know your age, but have you ever thought about just uprooting and going to Philippines and spending a few years there living. Do you have a house you can rent out, or some 401K you can live off for a while, or some cash rat holed away.

Right now I really don't want to leave the country for a long time. My parents are not in such a good health. You now age things. But I did tell her that after 5yrs of our marriage, we can start building a house there. And for your questions: I am 46yrs old, I do have a house but it is not paid in full yet. Still financing.

Yes to 401k, company pension, some company stocks, and some company stock options. Nothing major but something.

[tallcoolone 102]

Sounds like living PI might me the deal for you in a few years

[Joan >3 Bob 20]

Speechless....some one actually hits the nail on the head. Some thought I was drunk other suggested me to spank the monkey (actually it was funny thanks for the laugh . )

If have to write my story all I need to do is cut and paste what you said no more no less.

Back to her, always the same thing. Some times she leaves me in the dark, gives me the 1 hr mute treatment, then comes back to me. What do I do? I tell her it was my fault. I blame myself for things I know it is not my fault. I don't know how she does it? Then she says that I am not sweet and I don't know how to love her. What do I do? I do my best to make her happy again. But Deep inside I know I done nothing wrong...

As others have suggested here, there are too many RED Flags with this girl and there are many goow women in the Phils to be had. Just take your time and go back there and meet some and do not move too fast otherwise you are just cutting your own throat. Did you ever hear of someone being a Glutton For Punishment? Be a man and tel her IT is Over and never to contact you again. Learn from this experience and use it to your advantage. Good luck...it is all your choice.

[jrmejia 31]

As others have suggested here, there are too many RED Flags with this girl and there are many goow women in the Phils to be had. Just take your time and go back there and meet some and do not move too fast otherwise you are just cutting your own throat. Did you ever hear of someone being a Glutton For Punishment? Be a man and tel her IT is Over and never to contact you again. Learn from this experience and use it to your advantage. Good luck...it is all your choice.

Tnx.

[DaRoq 36]

You didn't just meet her online, and then go over there and propose?

Did You?

There are so many woman in PI that you can have. You are like a "Kid In A Candy Store" over there.

There are so many single women here in the U.S., too. If what you really want is a Filipina because you find them attractive and like their general attitude, then there are plenty to meet here; no need to waste the time and expense of "importing" one. But if for some reason you think that they will make better wives because they are in need, then you're already going down the wrong path. The ones who will make you feel like a "Kid In A Candy Store" are what I would call "low-hanging fruit". Easy to reach, but nobody really wants to pick them unless they're starving.

[jrmejia 31]

There are so many single women here in the U.S., too. If what you really want is a Filipina because you find them attractive and like their general attitude, then there are plenty to meet here; no need to waste the time and expense of "importing" one. But if for some reason you think that they will make better wives because they are in need, then you're already going down the wrong path. The ones who will make you feel like a "Kid In A Candy Store" are what I would call "low-hanging fruit". Easy to reach, but nobody really wants to pick them unless they're starving.

I never see Phil. here in my town. I wish I could find some here

[rlogan 2,036]

I read and understood very well. I thank you for taking your time and writing on this subject. I think many of us can learn from your post. Specially those related to relationship problems. I am going to try one tactic today to see how she reacts. Actually, I have three in minds.

A good day for you and the rest of the team.

Sadly, I suspect otherwise - because the decision to stay with her is the one that counts.

You mentioned you had some tactics you were going to try.

The books say to forget about trying to counter-manipulate a manipulator. They have far too much experience.

Secondly, it is the acknowledgement you are in a war and this is an enemy you need to defeat instead of a loving life partner.

Manipulators do understand black-and-white choices with enforceable consequences.

The problem is they have no "off button". It is exhausting dealing with relentless, incessant psychological warfare. Why choose this?

When people break free of their manipulator, it is enormously liberating for them. A huge weight is lifted off their shoulders. But as with alcoholism, until you have that "moment of clarity" you will keep stepping in front of the bus and getting flattened, irrationally expecting a different result each time.

I've been there. It isn't a surprise to me that you keep making the wrong decision to stay with her.

[David & Kezia 25]

wow...just read this, along with a few of your other posts............

so many red flags....eject, eject, eject

I spent about a year chatting with girls online before meeting my fiancee'.....

My three rules -

Get their facebook link and see what kind of person they are, who they're friends are, etc.

Never send money

Seek educated while avoiding "party" girls

I think I dun good, but time will tell I guess.

good luck

Rich

I agree with this.

I couldn't help but notice your posts all over the boards.

I'm sorry with what's been happening to you, but I still believe that you are better off with that girl. There are already too many red flags all over the place, and she doesn't seem to care for you at all. If you keep on sending her money or if she keeps on asking you for one, that's the biggest red flag ever.

Also, if she's already got a son, that's another cause for concern for you. It might be getting common for girls here to get pregnant at a young age, but that's still a big thing here, and another of those red flags.

Get rid of the girl. She's not worth it, and there are other girls out there who will treat you better and may even really love you for real. This girl looks like someone who chats to a lot of guys, gets their sympathies and makes them support her and her partying. It could be worse, and she's really visa hunting, and will only use you to get to the US, and will make your life even more miserable. Even the "free sex" that you think that you'll get with marriage wouldn't be worth it, and you'd be better off just finding a prostitute wherever you are, as they'd end up being cheaper and less stressful on you emotionally. Some girls do marry foreigners just to get their visa and greencard, and then divorce them later on and it's better if they get children too, because they not only get alimony but also child support. If they go home to the Philippines with both, that money will go a long way here with the lower standards of living, and they can live very comfortable lives.

If you really want to find someone real, don't waste your time on websites either. Around here, dating sites are not used by good girls, and they actually have a bad reputation, although generally dating sites is the "in" thing all over the world. Facebook and Friendster is another issue altogether, and so are other forums, but Tagged and other similar sites are not so good. You may try FB, FS and other forums, as they are better places to find better people. Try the regional forums if you can find one that is active and good, or one for hobbyists or people sharing the same interests. School forums are also a good place to find people, if you hang out there long enough to be helpful and familiar to the regulars.

jrmejia, I'm a psychologist myself, and aside from knowing my culture and the subcultures (including gays, etc.), I know the styles of these girls. I've seen them over and over again, and I even know some of them personally, and darn it, this girl of yours is a master manipulator. You can't counter-manipulate her, so don't even try, as you are very much out of her league. Just get rid of her, and find someone else. I've read some more of your posts while writing this, and just the fact that another friend has "unloaded" her to you is another red flag. You should talk to my fiance, as he's already known someone like this girl (and I also know one and have been duped one myself, and is now having a major problem with my brother because of a "leech"). Get rid of her, before your self-esteem has gone too low and you're unredeemable. Things could still go worse.

I am proud to be a Filipino, but this girl and others like her makes me feel so ashamed of them. They give us a bad name.

You've already been posting too many messages, and people have been giving you lots of good advice. It's time to listen/read, and absorb them... and act on them. Don't get fooled by the tears, by the double-sided sword of bad/hurting words and flattery that she uses with you. Just act on it and get rid of her. Don't think about bringer her kids to the states. Enough of those posts about her. Respect yourself first, love yourself first, and until you can do that, you will likely not find anyone who will be able to respect/love you. Take the first step, or find a therapist.

Sincerely,

Kezia

[jrmejia 31]

I agree with this.

I couldn't help but notice your posts all over the boards.

I'm sorry with what's been happening to you, but I still believe that you are better off with that girl. There are already too many red flags all over the place, and she doesn't seem to care for you at all. If you keep on sending her money or if she keeps on asking you for one, that's the biggest red flag ever.

Also, if she's already got a son, that's another cause for concern for you. It might be getting common for girls here to get pregnant at a young age, but that's still a big thing here, and another of those red flags.

Get rid of the girl. She's not worth it, and there are other girls out there who will treat you better and may even really love you for real. This girl looks like someone who chats to a lot of guys, gets their sympathies and makes them support her and her partying. It could be worse, and she's really visa hunting, and will only use you to get to the US, and will make your life even more miserable. Even the "free sex" that you think that you'll get with marriage wouldn't be worth it, and you'd be better off just finding a prostitute wherever you are, as they'd end up being cheaper and less stressful on you emotionally. Some girls do marry foreigners just to get their visa and greencard, and then divorce them later on and it's better if they get children too, because they not only get alimony but also child support. If they go home to the Philippines with both, that money will go a long way here with the lower standards of living, and they can live very comfortable lives.

If you really want to find someone real, don't waste your time on websites either. Around here, dating sites are not used by good girls, and they actually have a bad reputation, although generally dating sites is the "in" thing all over the world. Facebook and Friendster is another issue altogether, and so are other forums, but Tagged and other similar sites are not so good. You may try FB, FS and other forums, as they are better places to find better people. Try the regional forums if you can find one that is active and good, or one for hobbyists or people sharing the same interests. School forums are also a good place to find people, if you hang out there long enough to be helpful and familiar to the regulars.

jrmejia, I'm a psychologist myself, and aside from knowing my culture and the subcultures (including gays, etc.), I know the styles of these girls. I've seen them over and over again, and I even know some of them personally, and darn it, this girl of yours is a master manipulator. You can't counter-manipulate her, so don't even try, as you are very much out of her league. Just get rid of her, and find someone else. I've read some more of your posts while writing this, and just the fact that another friend has "unloaded" her to you is another red flag. You should talk to my fiance, as he's already known someone like this girl (and I also know one and have been duped one myself, and is now having a major problem with my brother because of a "leech"). Get rid of her, before your self-esteem has gone too low and you're unredeemable. Things could still go worse.

I am proud to be a Filipino, but this girl and others like her makes me feel so ashamed of them. They give us a bad name.

You've already been posting too many messages, and people have been giving you lots of good advice. It's time to listen/read, and absorb them... and act on them. Don't get fooled by the tears, by the double-sided sword of bad/hurting words and flattery that she uses with you. Just act on it and get rid of her. Don't think about bringer her kids to the states. Enough of those posts about her. Respect yourself first, love yourself first, and until you can do that, you will likely not find anyone who will be able to respect/love you. Take the first step, or find a therapist.

Sincerely,

Kezia

Thanks Kerzia. Now I am a bit worried because lately she is so sweet with me.

[David & Kezia 25]

Thanks Kerzia. Now I am a bit worried because lately she is so sweet with me.

It's Kezia, without the R.

Yeah, you should be worried. About the child, you asked about on the other thread, 95% probability that it goes to the mother, especially if the kid is younger than 5 years old. Also, as far as I know, child support knows no boundaries, and she can collect on it (and make it go a long way) if she comes home to the Philippines. However, with the way things are going, you are not just going to support her child and your girlfriend, but the whole family, and your previous messages tells me that that is exactly what you are already doing.

BTW, when she asks you for money and when you send her some, do you know the value of that money here in the Philippines? What may seem small to you might already be big to us here, in terms of purchasing power. Don't trust the online stores to check for the value of things, because they are way overpriced, around 2x the real prices here, as they are meant for people like you from abroad who doesn't know any better and will already think that those prices are cheap.

Back to having a child, if that's the only thing you want, it's easier to just find a surrogate mother, and could be cheaper too.

Don't lose hope though, because if you're the sweet and good guy you seem to be, if you will just get rid of her, start over again and focus more on getting your self-esteem back to make you more attractive to girls (and to yourself too... nothing like self-love to make you feel better and more attractive), you still have a lot of chances to find someone who will like you (and even love you) for just being you. Even if you are fat and old (although I don't think you are), there are girls like there who just want someone to appreciate them and take care of them, and they will fall in love with you and take really good care of you. (Guys, especially the not-typically-attractive ones out there, this is your cue to share your stories). The first step however, is loving yourself, and getting rid of the leeches who suck life out of you. If you let those type of people do it to you, they will suck you dry, not just emotionally, but financially, and you might just end up killing yourself (literally this time)... although I hope that this will not happen.

Guys out there, a little help here please, especially from the happily married ones (and preferably from those who doesn't fit the young, handsome & rich profiles that girls usually look out for, but found someone to love them anyway)... in other words, we need some words of encouragement from the lucky ones.