Anyone feel like they've made a huge mistake?

[Gemmie 142]

Hugs to Kim, Tick Tock and Galateia .

Kim, I'm so envious that you have your own place. But then I'm younger than you, so I guess life is all about give and take. It's the constant lack of privacy, you're right, and also the need to question where we're going, what we're having for dinner, how much things cost, etc. My MIL just burst into the room saying that she got a job (after looking for just 3 weeks) and started looking through our closet and laundry pile to see if we had any polo shirts she could use. This is what I'm talking about. Anyways I'm happy for her, but it makes me feel worse about my own situation because I'm the only one not going anywhere in life.

You're right Tick Tock, if only we could always see time as just ongoing rather than putting pressure on ourselves to 'do it all' within a certain time frame. I have everything crossed for everyone feeling this way.

Edited August 2, 2010 by Gemmie

[Cdnwmn 0]

You are not alone. I'm 2200 miles away and there is no way of flying back on a regular basis. I have an almost three year old granddaughter living in Ontario, along with aging parents and two adult daughters. Not being part of my granddaughters life has been eating away at me since the day she was born. This is what had factored into me returning along with other issues.

[Hugglebuggles 60]

I feel like I'm behind some tinted window that can see everyone else living life, but they can't see me. I feel like I don't exist over here. Having to be alone everyday and browse search engines to send off the same stuff is absolutely draining. I'm just running on auto-pilot. Sometimes I feel like I'll never get a job or move out of his parents, or have that life of our own that we dream of. My husband spent the weekend telling me that we're going to have all of these things, and a little part of me believed it. But today is... one of those days.

Aww Gemmie. This was my life a few short months ago, I know exactly how you're feeling.

It will come to an end, I promise you it will. I was unemployed and living with my inlaws for over 8 months when I first came to the US. It was a hard road at first, but It really seemed like everything came together all at the same time. My husband was offered a big role in a new business venture, which forced us to another city. Well, moving from big town Denver to a smaller city meant we could actually afford to buy our own home, even just on his moderate income. Shortly after we moved in I got a job that I really enjoy. I recently bought my first new car, which I'm rather proud of, it's something I've never had before. In the course of a month I went from living with my in laws, unemployed and bored out of my mind, to a homeowner with a good job and a new car. I still can't believe all that happened in such a short period of time.

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't give up hope. It only takes one little opportunity to completely change your life around, and you never know when or where it's going to happen.

[FireKari 4]

Gemmie, can you put a lock on the door?

[TimandJoyce 1]

Hi everyone.

I just came across this thread today and I just wanted to say that it's nice to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way.

My now husband and I have will have been together 6 years in November and we just got married at the end of May this year. I've moved to Iowa from British Columbia so I'm really having a hard time adjusting too. It's hard not being able to see the mountains everyday, being a half hour drive from the ocean, to moving to a mostly rural area where it takes just a half hour just to drive to the nearest shopping mall.

I've only been here for a few months, but now that I've started looking at my AOS and what it all entails, I'm mostly looking at getting my AP so I can get back to BC to see my family. I've been having a lot of breakdowns lately, and it makes me feel terrible that I'm putting him through all my emotions. He actually asked me, "am I worth all this grief?" I honestly didn't really know what to say. We were engaged for a year and half even before we decided to get married.

I really wonder how long I'll be able to handle it.

Right now it's really difficult as we still live at home with his parents, his father being in a wheelchair and being an only child he stays home to help out. But that might be it. It's not really a place of our own. I don't have a car, don't have a job... I do have some of his family close by that I think I can actually sit and talk to a little more than his parents, but I just don't know some days.

My mom and I Skype pretty much everyday so that helps a little bit, and I love him to pieces, I just really don't know if I'll be able to be happy here, so far from my family.

Did we move to the same town or something???? I'm from BC too! Vancouver Island actually, and I HEAR you about the ocean and mountains! I could walk down the street to see water! And mountains all around....*sigh*....

Now I'm two hours from the coast, and no mountains in sight! Course I knew that, and I knew we'd be living a fair drive to the mall, or any kind of shopping, (where as I used to live *in* town...walking distance to everything) but had no idea it would affect me this much! Slowly getting used to it I suppose.

I'll finally be going back at the end of Sept.!! *cheers* My son is getting married Thanksgiving weekend. I can not wait to touch Canadian soil again! I keep in touch with my sisters and Dad via FB and such, but it sure does sting when I see all the fun their having....without me!!

*Course...they are a little jealous that Tim and I have done so travelling this neck of the woods*

LOVE THE LOGGERS WALTZ!!! My Daddy was a West Coast Logger....

[magentahaze 34]

Did we move to the same town or something???? I'm from BC too! Vancouver Island actually, and I HEAR you about the ocean and mountains! I could walk down the street to see water! And mountains all around....*sigh*....

Now I'm two hours from the coast, and no mountains in sight! Course I knew that, and I knew we'd be living a fair drive to the mall, or any kind of shopping, (where as I used to live *in* town...walking distance to everything) but had no idea it would affect me this much! Slowly getting used to it I suppose.

I'll finally be going back at the end of Sept.!! *cheers* My son is getting married Thanksgiving weekend. I can not wait to touch Canadian soil again! I keep in touch with my sisters and Dad via FB and such, but it sure does sting when I see all the fun their having....without me!!

*Course...they are a little jealous that Tim and I have done so travelling this neck of the woods*

Maybe we did move to the same town. I know, those things are things I miss the most I think, the scenery. Good thing I took lots of pictures on our drive from BC to IA when I moved. I plan to get some of the good ones blown up and framed to remind me of home.

I'm getting started on my AOS and hope to be able to go back to BC in the new year. My mom's planning to come down for Thanksgiving in November, so that'll help a bit.

[Tick Tock 3]

Hugs to Kim, Tick Tock and Galateia .

Kim, I'm so envious that you have your own place. But then I'm younger than you, so I guess life is all about give and take. It's the constant lack of privacy, you're right, and also the need to question where we're going, what we're having for dinner, how much things cost, etc. My MIL just burst into the room saying that she got a job (after looking for just 3 weeks) and started looking through our closet and laundry pile to see if we had any polo shirts she could use. This is what I'm talking about. Anyways I'm happy for her, but it makes me feel worse about my own situation because I'm the only one not going anywhere in life.

You're right Tick Tock, if only we could always see time as just ongoing rather than putting pressure on ourselves to 'do it all' within a certain time frame. I have everything crossed for everyone feeling this way.

The time thing is what I have to keep reminding myself about. In time, things will pass. I have a lot of trouble dealing with little things right now because I feel like I have no control over them - but now I'm just trying to focus on the things I do have control over, because in accomplishing those things, my grasp of control will broaden. It certainly is easier to write about it than live through, of course, but I am hoping that in the end, my husband and I will be in a better place/situation.

[Kimbear 53]

Gemmie, can you put a lock on the door?

that was one of my issues as well..we got the " its our house" thing a few times /sigh. we wanted our own phone line, for internet, or to add a cable connection, we were going to pay for it, a proper install and everytying, and all we got told was "its out house we dont want holes etc"....like wth..and we wanted the lock for privacy too, but alas...like they said..it was their house...

[Tick Tock 3]

In that case, they ought to at least knock.

[Peachey 10]

If it's so difficult for US/Canadian couples, imagine how much harder it is/would be for couples with SOs from other countries. Flying to and fro is not an option open to many couples, and it saddens my heart to know that it is more difficult for them than for US/Canadian couples. Of course, this is not to say that it is easy for US/Canadian couples - I'm just saying it's more difficult for others.

To end my post, I just want to say that I feel a lot of your pain/frustration although I'm not living in the US (yet). My best wishes to everyone!

I can't imagine how hard it would be for people from other countries to come over here, with the different culture and language barrier and all that.

That being said, I think there's are unrealistic expectations for Canadian immigrants. The general consensus I get here is "Canada's not different than America, what are you complaining about??". I find people expected me to conform and adjust right away without any issues. I also beleive that there is a certain language barrier. Yes we speak "English", however each little nook of the country has it's own "accent" I'll say. Like here I've had to learn what many things mean, like "rutching" and when somethings "all". Although, Varba's uncle who's worked with immigrants, tells me I speak American really well now.

I also think that there's a feeling with Canadian Immigrants about "being close, but being so far away". Especially for those who are going through AOS, or who live in the southern US, or plainly just can't afford to fly home.

[decocker 7,198]

"Like here I've had to learn what many things mean, like "rutching" and when somethings "all"."

i'm in virginia, but i've never heard either of these terms

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Thanks to this thread - I'm thinking I don't have it so bad anymore...but comparing my misery to someone else's is hardly a win win situation

I have to say - I am thankful my husband and I are established in our careers already, we're past the baby stage, we're past the 'living with the outlaws' stage (oops...did I say that?) and long pastlack of $$$$. We've had our own house since I moved and all I had to do was wait until I had my EAD because my line of IT work is very employable in Northern VA. Hubster works in IT so we weren';t hit that hard - On the material side of the move,a few months which were a little leaner certyainly didn't kill us (got EI anyway).

I certainly appreciate what some of you are going through though.... both finishing school, thinking of kids (or not) and living with in laws would be murder. And then feeling the way we have all felt after leaving our home country.

30's and 40's go way better - there's hope!

Edited August 3, 2010 by Udella&Wiz

[SupportGeek 21]

Ive been reading this thread a while now, I wanted to say, I have experienced some of the same feelings, but not here in the USA.

Ive only been in the US about a month now, so IF those feelings are to come, it may not be for some time yet. My only frustration here is that I cannot legally work yet, we chose not to actually marry until Aug 28, with no civil ceremony first to kind of "move things along" so almost a month to go before I can file AOE, then a long wait for EAD etc to come, its so annoying to not be able to contribute when I know we could use it.

That said I WAS in a situation I hated.

I was born and raised in B.C. and lived in the lower mainland most of my life until about 11 years ago, I moved to the GTA in Ontario, I had no family, no friends, and I left everything familiar behind.

At first it seemed ok, something new, some things to be unsure of, but it was still Canada right?

Well sure, but Ontario is so different from B.C. its pretty staggering. I wasnt sure about the province, but I thought Id give it a try, but right away I found things that I hated, EVERYTHING was paved over, there was almost NOTHING pretty or scenic about Ontario, I came from a province of thick forests, beaches beautiful lakes and ocean, stunning mountains with snowy caps and I could get to any of that with 30 min drive if I wanted, if not sooner, Ontario had the occasional hill that they claimed was a mountain, and a big dirty lake.

This was just the tip of the iceberg for me, Ontario's highways are clogged with tractor trailers, getting anywhere within a reasonable amount of time was impossible even though the 401 was 6 lanes in each direction at most points in the GTA, even driving across town in Brampton where I lived was around a 40-45 minute trip for 10km. Horrible weather, Winter was so bad they needed the army to dig them out, Summer was hot, but 90% humidity EVERY DAY ruined it. Most everyone I encountered in Ontario were selfish, rude, self absorbed, and unfriendly or a complete whack-job, rampant racism everywhere (against all races), and the stress emanating from everyone was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

I hoped I could accept it and grow to like my new surroundings, I did my best to downplay as much as I could, but when you are reminded by even strangers, almost every day to "be happy I lived in the greatest province in Canada, and the greatest city in the Universe" (Yes they truly believed this)

To me, Ontario was a huge mistake, I was miserable it wasnt home, and never would be, I felt like I would never integrate and at that point, I really felt that doing so would be compromising my principles, and the things that made me....well....me.

Honestly, even though its only been about a month, Central Coast, California just "feels" right, I find I get along with people here better, its far more similar to B.C. in a lot of ways, attitude, traffic, and plenty of beauty. Sure some of my feelings are the shine of newness, but the biggest things that wont change for me are that Im about to marry the woman of my dreams, and I have family here, both hers, and an aunt and uncle in Reno, my family is closer overall since they live so close to the Washington-B.C. border too if need be. Im confident I can settle here, time will tell though.

I sort of suspect that had I moved somewhere east in the US, or far south, I wouldn't be really much happier than I was in Ontario, my own experience is that moving distant, even within the same country is a culture shock, home always looks better. Im sure to many, especially if you grew up there, Ontario isnt bad at all, maybe the GTA was the problem, but for me, Ontario was awful, ive never been so miserable, and depressed as I was living there.

So I understand the feelings of regret, discomfort, and alienation, despite not feeling it now, Ive been through it before, for me, the solution became to leave, had it been an environment where I could make friends, and had some family, there may have been other options I bet.

[ashenflowers 5]

I am sad to hear you had such a bad time in Ontario I don't disagree with everything (and there's only so much I can say about BC because I haven't even been there), but I would have to say the GTA is definitely a different ball of wax than the rest of Ontario. I would hesitate to say it's the best province, but there are some beautiful places if you drive out a bit. lol

It's interesting that Canada and the U.S. are so huge that different areas can have such drastic differences.

Edited August 3, 2010 by ashenflowers

[SupportGeek 21]

I am sad to hear you had such a bad time in Ontario I don't disagree with everything (and there's only so much I can say about BC because I haven't even been there), but I would have to say the GTA is definitely a different ball of wax than the rest of Ontario. I would hesitate to say it's the best province, but there are some beautiful places if you drive out a bit. lol

It's interesting that Canada and the U.S. are so huge that different areas can have such drastic differences.

I should probably caveat that most of my references to "Ontario" really were focussed on the GTA only, although some parts do carry into the rest of the province, like the weather, and traffic hehe.

Im positive that most of the bad stuff was a result of being where I was, at times it seemed to me Toronto and the area were trying to match the stereotypes of the worst things you only hear about US cities.

I will admit, I was completely shocked at how diffrent the 2 provinces were, i was unprepared, and it put me in an awful spot. Never in a million years would I have felt so much like I was alone and unsupported while still in Canada