Anyone feel like they've made a huge mistake?

[Krikit 1,163]

I don't think it's fair to downgrade anyone's struggle. We don't know their lives. But I do appreciate the sharing of the stories and can empathize. It's good to share. It eases the pain for those who are seeking to lighten their burden and - in a strange way - it helps the rest of us who are also feeling that sadness and frustration just by knowing that someone else understands.

[Sprailenes 47]

It's funny, the first time I visited the states was when I came across with my husband for a 3 week visit. Prior to that I never came here. All of my friends and peers had come for visits, vacations and everything. I was always the odd one out who had never been here. Funny that I live here now.

[FireKari 4]

In many ways it is precisely because the US and Canada are so similar that it is somewhat problematic to 'adjust'. The differences are often subtle so when you expect something to be the same or similar as it was back home, suddenly you find out it isn't. The differences are enough to unsettle your sense of equilibrium, your sense of self. You are off balance - and it is hard for others who are not in your circumstances to appreciate exactly what you are experiencing.

Don't get me wrong:

I do not feel that I've made a mistake in moving.

And I am not unhappy to be here.

I love my husband and overall I am happy to be here and for this process to be over... buuuuuuuuuuut:

This explains exactly what I am feeling, the feeling of things just being "off".

I have OCD, which means that I like things a certain perticular way, I like certain products, I have a routine, and I like it to stay the same.

But it seems that EVERYTHING is just somehow different in small ways, but enough to annoy the piss out of me on a daily basis.

The only way I can explain it is rice, one grain and it's nothing, but you add small piece after small piece and suddenly you are drowning in rice, tiny annoying pieces of nothing.

They don't have any of the products here that I am used to, and I'm really sick of hearing "well just find something new".

And did anyone else feel like they were 14 and 'dependant' again when they first moved?

/end rant

[Danu 19]

And did anyone else feel like they were 14 and 'dependant' again when they first moved?

/end rant

Yes. I've actually told my husband that a few times. Without knowing all the stuff down here, without having a job, without knowing anyone..I feel like I'm a big pain in the butt. I feel like I talk too much but thats because hes the only one I have to talk to. I don't know where things are, whats fun to do, etc..and while I'm getting better at it still feels like im a teenager begging someone to take me out cuz I can't drive on my own (though I can actually, and I have a car, but I don't want to be lost down here). I've noticed things taste different. Ketchup I don't have an issue with as much but Mayo...My mom made stuff that calls specifically for miracle whip, and the stuff here isnt the same. Everything tastes wierd to me when I make it cuz of that. Theres a few things like that, that just happened to be the one that popped into my head. I don't know, most days I'm fine. I love it down here, I love my husband, I love the adventure. The move didn't bother me, I'm a military brat so I'm use to it. But sometimes I just REALLY want a Harvey's burger or those little creature comforts that aren't here, and it makes me all weepy. I wouldn't say I'm so much homesick as stuffsick. This is my home, I never feel like its not, but sometimes I just really miss the stuff.

[sleepy in Seattle 3]

First of all I commend you on your courage to express your feelings the way you have. Your not the first or only woman, or person, who is going through or has gone through what you are feeling. Relationships are all about compromise...when we are single it's only about one person and it's easy to be all about you. But relationships are hard because you are now one of two...and we cannot control the others feelings or actions, all we can do is pray the other person puts us first and we in turn should put them first and things should flow because you make each other happy.

It sounds as though your in a process of building for each other, he's studying now and you sacrafice. You have to look at the big picture not just what your feeling on your end. I'm not saying that your wrong to look at things the way you are but everything is life is a matter of perception, glass half full - glass half empty so to speak. So with that said, you can look at all your giving up, at how you feel now in this moment or you can hold tight to the promise of what is to come, when its your turn to live the dream you wanted for you, with the man you love at your side. You definately have the ability to communicate your feelings which in itself is half the battle. If he loves you the way you love him that in itself should make holding on worth it. Don't stay in the moment of hard times now, snap out of it and invision the future you are building together. Don't give up...true love is so hard to come by and your journey is far from over...

A wise man once said "If your going through hell, KEEP GOING"! Be strong see the potential of what is to come and keep it going. God bless you and give you both the strength, patience and love to hold on.

I agree with you 100%!

In Canada this could have happened to, so remember that your in it for the long run and eventually it'll be your turn to return back to your dreams etc... Be strong remember that your life is about two and not just one. Cheer up finding someone special is more important than the other stuff, you don't know how many people that I meet that have everything but lack the most important thing, LOVE, Love to share with another and the rest of their lives.

Edited September 23, 2010 by sleepy in Seattle

[sleepy in Seattle 3]

Yes. I've actually told my husband that a few times. Without knowing all the stuff down here, without having a job, without knowing anyone..I feel like I'm a big pain in the butt. I feel like I talk too much but thats because hes the only one I have to talk to. I don't know where things are, whats fun to do, etc..and while I'm getting better at it still feels like im a teenager begging someone to take me out cuz I can't drive on my own (though I can actually, and I have a car, but I don't want to be lost down here). I've noticed things taste different. Ketchup I don't have an issue with as much but Mayo...My mom made stuff that calls specifically for miracle whip, and the stuff here isnt the same. Everything tastes wierd to me when I make it cuz of that. Theres a few things like that, that just happened to be the one that popped into my head. I don't know, most days I'm fine. I love it down here, I love my husband, I love the adventure. The move didn't bother me, I'm a military brat so I'm use to it. But sometimes I just REALLY want a Harvey's burger or those little creature comforts that aren't here, and it makes me all weepy. I wouldn't say I'm so much homesick as stuffsick. This is my home, I never feel like its not, but sometimes I just really miss the stuff.

That was funny how you had mentioned the stuff part, while visiting Greg in Tacoma,WA I found that I had to start all over again in locating products that would work for me, cooking was like a science experiment,lol!hehehe Lets not forget trying to find the hair colour that I needed to colour my hair with, after 5 stores and still no luck I messed up my hair colour,lol! Life is a highway and I want drive it all night long, ehehhe! hugs and good luck good point!

[sleepy in Seattle 3]

It's funny, the first time I visited the states was when I came across with my husband for a 3 week visit. Prior to that I never came here. All of my friends and peers had come for visits, vacations and everything. I was always the odd one out who had never been here. Funny that I live here now.

The last time I had visited the states prior to Greg and our relationship was back when I was 18 years old, now look at me trying to get through this process to marry an American,lOL! just crazy how life works out in the end,

[Danu 19]

That was funny how you had mentioned the stuff part, while visiting Greg in Tacoma,WA I found that I had to start all over again in locating products that would work for me, cooking was like a science experiment,lol!hehehe Lets not forget trying to find the hair colour that I needed to colour my hair with, after 5 stores and still no luck I messed up my hair colour,lol! Life is a highway and I want drive it all night long, ehehhe! hugs and good luck good point!

Hehe yeah exactly! And when I make something and the flavor is just a touch off I'm like "I wish I could get X down here, it would taste the same" (the mayo thing was cuz I tried to make my mom's tatar sauce and her egg salad, and neither of them taste right. Its just a wierd feeling lol.

[FireKari 4]

I know what you mean, I have a list going:

V8-Vgo

Alberto hair prodcuts [specifically the curl mousse, which took me 4 years to find the right hair product]

Alphaghetti -- well anything Heinz really

Mozzarella cheese [i swear you can only get it in these ittybitty bars, and everything down here is cheddar, I'm SICK of cheddar]

MILK IN BAGS!!! haha

Summer sausage lunch meat

Mac and cheese tastes different to me even

Chapstick [i like the mint kind, can't find it]

Rimmel lycra mascara

Ketchup chips

Havent tried the miracle whip yet -- thats going to be another bad day if thats the situation here

Stuff here is more expensive too for some things, like cheese is uber expensive compared to where I used to be.

[Inky 1,110]

If your having problems finding stuff for curly hair go with Aquage. the curl stuff does WONDERS on my hair in this heat where we live. nothing else works not even the good stuff I found in canada worked here. When I went to the hair dresser she used Aquage on it and my hair stayed in nice loose frizz free curls and didnt look like a rat made a bed on my head by the night time. stuff is a godsend for me here! Can only get it at certain hairdressers tho.

[FireKari 4]

I will have to look for it.

I loved the "alberto curl enhancing mousse", it make my hair very silky, perfect texture, absolutely no frizz, held up well in humidity, and could sleep with it with it looking crappy in the morning, and it smelled great! I literally used to buy it by the case [6cans] when it would go on sale.

I have natural ringlets, fine hair, but a lot of it. So it's very picky and tangles so easily.

[Jadenjewel 9]

In many ways it is precisely because the US and Canada are so similar that it is somewhat problematic to 'adjust'. The differences are often subtle so when you expect something to be the same or similar as it was back home, suddenly you find out it isn't. The differences are enough to unsettle your sense of equilibrium, your sense of self. You are off balance - and it is hard for others who are not in your circumstances to appreciate exactly what you are experiencing. I am very adaptable. I have moved and lived a number of places in my life. I fully anticipated no differences moving to the US and that is also why I am finding myself 'unsettled'. There are differences and they are not all minor. It is a mind-set - an actual approach to life - that is different in the US. I grew up with a Canadian mindset, a Canadian 'identity' and find that I prefer it to the American 'identity'. Part of that is the sense of familiarity with what you know, but part of it is also because the Canadian culture is different than the American culture. We look the same on the surface. We share a border. We share some history. We are major trading partners. No matter how many similarities there are though, Americans do not think like Canadians and Canadians do not think like Americans - and that is what is mainly unbalancing when you try to establish a new life here in the US. We may look like we are the same - but we definitely are not.

Hi,

I have not moved yet but already feel the differences. Even in our expressions, they don't mean the same thing. Its raining here tonight and I realize I will miss that too. Fortunately we have an agreement I can visit family and friends anytime I want.

Even the taxes and income tax process is different and yet like Katherine said sometimes these things go un-noticed. Not to mention the political attitude there and I don't have a political bone in my body. I like the ease of the Canadians, laid back or whatever you want to call it. I prefer it to being suspicious of everyone.

I'm reading labels of all foods there as they add high fructose corn syrup to almost everything.

Its not easy doing the back and forth visiting during this visa process as you seem to get on the same wavelength only to leave and then have to start all over again when your back together. Hopefully ths doen't sound like whining its just the truth. You love someone and you make adjustments.

So glad to have a place to express these things.

[Marilyn. 340]

I like the Best Foods/Hellmans mayo down here..

I have gotten used to the food differences down here.. yes, there is still a few things I miss from Canada that I can't get here but the list is getting smaller, right now it is all dressed chips, Mr Big bars and coffee crisps... I have found a lot of stuff that I like down here too, like Helado's Ice cream and fruit bars ... yum! Oh and of course the yummy Mexican food!

but the big thing that I miss is my family.. this has really been bothering me this last year... I feel like my family and I our strangers..

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I find it very shocking that so many people from Canada would find it "hard" to adapt a new life in the USA. Afterall the two country are very similar in culture.

I mean, think about it, there are millions of new immigrants arriving North america every day, from all over the world, most of them don't even speak English, think about what those people have to go through, and compair it to your's.

I have lived and worked all over the world, I find US is the least "hard" place to immigrant to, we shall see. I guess "hard" is very subjective.

Moving to an english speaking country from another english-speaking country is, in my opinion, harder. I think someone already spoke of it but in case they didn't here (and it's another thread and/or you missed it) I'll explain why I think that.

Everything is the same, yet different. If you're in a country where the entire language is different you just need to learn a new language, you don't need to change everything about your language to assimilate. It gets incredibly old when people laugh when I say something "weird" (esp when it's a serious conversation) or when they correct me. So many things are similar but different... road rules, traffic lights, food flavours. You'll often think "this is cheaper here or there", or "why can't you get this here?". You'll find yourself comparing your home where everything was familiar and "easy" and why if everything is so much the same, is it so different, and stressful..

Add to all that, moving away from your support structure, from where you know everything, are able to get a job, drive etc.. where you're settled. I too believe if I was able to be a "normal person" right from day dot it would have been easier. It's those months of sitting around that help you realise what you miss about home, how much is different, and how much you kinda resent that you have to wait so long just for the freedoms of a normal person. Sure you understand why the rules and regulations are there, but it doesn't mean it makes it easier.

I think if I moved to France tomorrow while it would be hard at first, learning their language would be fine, it's their country and that's what i try and tell myself everytime i hear an American pronounce something wrong (not different, wrong, like Audi, mazda etc.. stuff where the company tells you how it's pronounced but they've buggered it up). I try and tell myself the American language is a language of it's own... accept the differences... and normally I do fine, until someone laughs when I say "saw" and "corrects" me.

Edited September 24, 2010 by Vanessa&Tony

[Sprailenes 47]

I find it very shocking that so many people from Canada would find it "hard" to adapt a new life in the USA. Afterall the two country are very similar in culture.

I mean, think about it, there are millions of new immigrants arriving North america every day, from all over the world, most of them don't even speak English, think about what those people have to go through, and compair it to your's.

I have lived and worked all over the world, I find US is the least "hard" place to immigrant to, we shall see. I guess "hard" is very subjective.

I have been here for 3 years and I still don't have friends who live close by, someone to go and talk to when I feel like, someone to hang out with on a Friday once in a while. I have found it very hard to adjust and meet people. It doesn't matter if we speak English or not, there are major differences between the two countries. Mostly it's leaving behind what I've known my entire life and going somewhere for one person and having to completely depend on that person until I could stand on my own, and even then I never truly feel like I did in Canada.

Believe me when I moved here, I had NO idea I would feel this way, I figured I would miss home but not to this extent. And yes even I thought about how similar the two countries were but when you really look at it, it's not at all. It's pretty overwhelming.

But everyone is different, we have some Canadians who don't miss their homes as much as others. Everyone is different.

Edited September 24, 2010 by Sprailenes