Ukrainian Couples... What did you bring?

[Brad and Vika 129]

good advice guys but very hard to do when things are cussed and discussed over and over agin ad nauseum! I am a kind, understanding and patient man but only to a point. Ive had to tell her on numerous occasions that all is well and there is absolutely no reason to worry about things so much. She has a lot of "baggage" to sort through, feelings of guilt (we have all this nice stuff and my family has nothing), insecurities about money, insane jealousy (she loves my daughter but hates the fact that I have a child with another woman) etc.....

I dont mean to sound so negative because I love her and am very committed to her but its good to bounce things off of guys whove gone through some of the same stuff.

I should point out here that your reaction to her issues are pretty normal stuff. Like I posted earlier, we have all been there. The jealousy is I think a sign of newlywed insecurity, and if you just keep on telling her that everything is OK it should eventually die down some. The guilt about having nice stuff should too - and hopefully the medicine for it (sending LOTS of money back to mom/son/unidentified poor relation) won't cost too much.

About money. When I visited Belarus the first couple of times, the Belarussian ruble seemed like monopoly money to me. The exchange rate showed me so many zeroes I just lost all concept of reasonable prices - to the joy of several shop owners in Minsk. When Vika started paying attention to our finances (after we married), I was surprised to see that she was having the same funny-money issues with USD. Prices are so radically different here, and we pay bills so differently, use credit all the time, etc. It took her about a year to stop gyrating between "we are rich" and "we are going quickly bankrupt". Neither is true. Gary has lots of similar stories as you see here in RUB, as do others. Vika and I still disagree about leaving a full 15% tip in a restaurant. Time and patience.

Edited August 22, 2010 by Brad and Vika

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

good advice guys but very hard to do when things are cussed and discussed over and over agin ad nauseum! I am a kind, understanding and patient man but only to a point. Ive had to tell her on numerous occasions that all is well and there is absolutely no reason to worry about things so much. She has a lot of "baggage" to sort through, feelings of guilt (we have all this nice stuff and my family has nothing), insecurities about money, insane jealousy (she loves my daughter but hates the fact that I have a child with another woman) etc.....

I dont mean to sound so negative because I love her and am very committed to her but its good to bounce things off of guys whove gone through some of the same stuff.

I have to say, that even to this point, Alla complains about the same thing over and over. I let it go at that. If she hasn't found anything new to complain about, all is right with the world and I will just accept the things she does not like. Oh well. Insecurity about money is one of them. Less than before, but still there. She got all panicked because I put $700 in Sergey's account to pay his room & board at school, which is what it was last year ($700 for a full year room and board!) He called and said it was $850 this year but because he is in year 4, he gets to go to the "nice dormitory". Alla flips out..."What now?, What will we do?" Um...transfer $150 to Sergeys account right here on the computer...there...done. "But what about next year??????????!!!!!!!!!! OMG the sky is falling!" Next year is next year...worry about it next year. This makes the 4th year I have paid for his education, in cash, in advance, in full every year. Yet she still panicks at the thought and thinks he will not get his education. Same old, same old. Obviously it is something she will do until both the boys graduate college. I could get indignant and say "What is wrong with you? I have paid for the education for four years, why are you still worried? You insult me!!" But to what point? What would be gained? I am her hero. She flipped out over $150 and I just pushed a few keyboard keys and fixed the problem. Thanks for opportunity, really. The only thing you can do...is DO. Fix it. Be cool. Don't let things bother you. Just figure it out and do it. Grab the knobs and turn. You will be the hero. You will be the guy that solves her problems. Know what bothers her and fix it ahead of time. For example, I open all the jars off things when we get them from the grocery. Alla simply cannot. So I just do it. She will unpack the bags and I will be standing there opening jars and putting them in the refrigerator (putting things in the refrigerator is another of my jobs since it is something she DOES'NT worry about) They LOVE their heros! Makes 'em HOT!

I cannot say I have had the jealousy issue even though I have two sons "with another woman". My sons were grown when Alla came along and I have -0- contact with my ex-wife (no need to, the children are adults) so what is to be jealous of? And make no mistake, Alla is a jealous woman! Even the mention, a joke, of building a "man cave" in our new house with photos of the "Swedish Bikini Team" had her PO'd for many days! But she seems to be able to draw a line between "before and after" meeting each other. Also we have her two sons with us and I treat them as my own in every way. There is nothing I would not do for them, or have done for them and she knows this. In your case, I think she wants her son here and can't have him, but you have your child. I am not sure how to tell you to deal with this.

Alla has no issue with having stuff and her family doesn't. We send a little money to her mom, not much at all really. Her mom has what she wants, Alla has what she wants. Her mom is her only "family" not here with us. Alla always worked hard for her things and always had more "things" than her friends in Ukraine, because she worked for it. Capitalism is alive and well in her heart! While she will occasionally say "It was better in the Soviet Union" she never says that about the shoes or clothes...or food.

Last night we had dinner with a couple that is Belarussian (both) and a couple that is Russo/American. Alla made her usual "I had more freedom of speech in the Soviet Union" remark. She just gets real upset at "political correctness". But it was quickly pointed out by the Belarussian guy, that YES you could say more to your friends in the USSR about your feelings, but it was ILLEGAL and you could go to prison! Here, while they may frown or say you are rude for some comment, no one will put you in jail! Alla is just very direct and has been accused by some of her teachers as being "rude" for pressing them on questions, when they really don't answer. She will say "I paid $2000 for this course and I will stay here until you answer the question!" They ought to just answer, believe me!

[slim 1,523]

and hopefully the medicine for it (sending LOTS of money back to mom/son/unidentified poor relation) won't cost too much.

I refuse to send money over there.

They were fine before they met me, they should be fine now. I make it clear that my wife is free to send whatever she wants back there... after she pays her bills here, of course. Needless to say she doesn't really feel the need to do so either.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I refuse to send money over there.

They were fine before they met me, they should be fine now. I make it clear that my wife is free to send whatever she wants back there... after she pays her bills here, of course. Needless to say she doesn't really feel the need to do so either.

You are correct in many ways. I have three brothers that are physicians and none of them send me a check! One did let Alla fly his plane.

In our case Alla was providing part of the support for her mother from her job. We still send her mom what Alla had provided for her. There is no reason her mother should suffer either, but it is a very reasonable amount, even small, amount. I have no problem with helping family, per se, but I agree, just because daughter scores a rich American doesn't mean the whole family does!

[belarus1 0]

before we got engaged Sveta was reluctant to tell me that she had a bank loan for an apartment because she was afraid I wouldnt want her;)It was only about $120/month so I said no big deal. She told me "once I get a job I will pay for it" so I said cool, no problem.

Well, once she got here I started paying for it (her son lives in it now) and somehow the payment went from $120 to $180 per month because her son couldnt afford the utilites etc.. Again, no big deal. After Sveta got a job here I kindly reminded her that now she can start paying for it like we discussed and I still remember the first few times we trugged to the MoneyGram place. She didnt talk to me for two days I dont know if she thought Id keep paying or what but a deal is a deal. I pay for everything here so the least she could do was pay for something she already agreed to. I kept telling her to save her $ here and she could have the aparment payed off in about 10 months. She says people never pay off their loans early becuase the govt sometimes forgives loans and you dont have to pay. I said bullsh## on that one but it seems to be a common myth over there. No one seems to know anyone who this has actually happened to by the way

[1HappyGuy 45]

I think the common thread here is that all of our wives have complaints. If we just hang in there they will, over time diminish but never really go away. It is probably part of the character of the people from FSU to complain about something. For our part, we just have to deal with the extra items that have come to us with our new spouses.

When I brought Lena here, there was no discussion of her son coming since he was attending the university and had his plans set. But after graduating we found out his education was virtually worthless. We managed to get him here because he was still under 21 and within a year of her arrival. But, my plans got changed.

Now, I'm assisting my mother in law who lives in my wife's apartment. Without help she would probably be living in some run down government center and basically waiting to die. We send about $200 a month which makes her life much better and quite livable.

The point being, just be consistent as a stone. Let the waves of complaint wash over you and over time the problems will no longer seem significant.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

before we got engaged Sveta was reluctant to tell me that she had a bank loan for an apartment because she was afraid I wouldnt want her;)It was only about $120/month so I said no big deal. She told me "once I get a job I will pay for it" so I said cool, no problem.

Well, once she got here I started paying for it (her son lives in it now) and somehow the payment went from $120 to $180 per month because her son couldnt afford the utilites etc.. Again, no big deal. After Sveta got a job here I kindly reminded her that now she can start paying for it like we discussed and I still remember the first few times we trugged to the MoneyGram place. She didnt talk to me for two days I dont know if she thought Id keep paying or what but a deal is a deal. I pay for everything here so the least she could do was pay for something she already agreed to. I kept telling her to save her $ here and she could have the aparment payed off in about 10 months. She says people never pay off their loans early becuase the govt sometimes forgives loans and you dont have to pay. I said bullsh## on that one but it seems to be a common myth over there. No one seems to know anyone who this has actually happened to by the way

We own our flat in Donetsk outright, so we pay only utilities and taxes, both of which are low and really couldn't stay in a place for a week for the price we pay per year. We stay there, Sergey stays there during school breaks, so it gets used maybe 60 days per year, 90 days if Alla gets her way. So it is worth it.

That said, we work it differently but it is a personal choice. I pay for everything, never even mention it to Alla. I send money to her mom, to Sergey (now he has a bank account so I just transfer it...no more Moneygram for him) and never mention it to her. Just everything gets paid and it is never discussed. Ever. She never asks "did you send money to my mom?" She never asks "Did you send money to Sergey" She never asks "Did you pay for the house?"

Alla puts away the money she earns, usually in her desk drawer, but she does have a bank account which she seems to be using more. (we also have two joint accounts). She uses this money for vacations, day trips, fun stuff, movies, buying clothes and shoes, etc. Last Friday she bought a new love seat for the living room. She called me and told me it needed to be picked up on my way home (she doesn't move furniture). I don't ask questions, I know it was from her stash. Certainly she contributes to our family, just in different ways. Ways that do not require a lot of discussion of money. She doesn't care about any of that if she has some green in her desk drawer and everything is paid for...no worries.

I think money can definitely be a problem and it sounds like your wife resents that she is being made to care about something the man should care about. In my case, I would pay the $180 and tell her "Sweetheart, why don't you just use your money to buy your clothes and shoes and pay for manicures and stuff" I mean it is all money you are going to spend, let her spend the money she likes to spend.

Then she is free to do women things...cook tasty food, clean and wash my clothes and make love to me 6 ways from Sunday. Really, when she is not worried about this stuff, and can be "quiet" then she really is just a whole lot better to be around.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

FWIW I have NEVER heard of the government giving forgiveness on loans in Ukraine. Was Obama their President? If you can...pay it off! Actually, my experience is completely reverse. Most Ukrainians do not like having a loan for anything. Alla grudgingly accepts we have a house payment, but says it is "not our house...really". She absolutely will not accept loans for cars, student loans, etc. Pay cash or don't have it. She does have a small credit card, she pays for things with this and then immediately sends a payment of the same amount to the credit card. She does this to "improve her credit score" OK, whatever. She doesn't even like how we pay for utilites and cell phones. In Ukraine, we pay cash in advance.

[slim 1,523]

In our case Alla was providing part of the support for her mother from her job. We still send her mom what Alla had provided for her.

.... just because daughter scores a rich American doesn't mean the whole family does!

Any prior obligations should still be paid. But, what I see a lot of is "you must pay for this because you brought me here." I know you guys have it worked out, but it seems like the OP's situation is a little different. Seems like most women who come here expect "a little help" to go back there since, apparently, they've won something. Well, my wife didn't win the lottery, she didn't get a scholarship, and she certainly didn't win a "jackpot" or anything like that. She moved away and got married. Period.

If she still sees the need to support family back home, that's her business. I'm more than willing to help out, but I'm not going to be doing all the helping while she's out getting coffee with her friends. The one thing she did win here in America was the opportunity to work her @$$ off and send as much money as she wants back to her family.

Perhaps that's why her family doesn't get much.

I still remember the first few times we trugged to the MoneyGram place. She didnt talk to me for two days I dont know if she thought Id keep paying or what but a deal is a deal.

Funny how it only became a problem when it was her money.

I pay for everything here so the least she could do was pay for something she already agreed to.

You'd think that's the way it would work.... but you'd be wrong!

The fact is you're supposed to pay for everything and she's only supposed to pay for the things she wants that are relatively cheap. Your money is her money and her money is her money. Don't forget it!

For an example of how it's supposed to work, read Gary's posts.

Now, I'm assisting my mother in law who lives in my wife's apartment. Without help she would probably be living in some run down government center and basically waiting to die. We send about $200 a month which makes her life much better and quite livable.

Not really a burden at all... but no reason any woman here couldn't make $200 a month to send home.

I pay for everything,

Alla puts away the money she earns, usually in her desk drawer,

it sounds like your wife resents that she is being made to care about something the man should care about.

I would pay the $180 and tell her "Sweetheart, why don't you just use your money to buy your clothes and shoes and pay for manicures and stuff" I mean it is all money you are going to spend, let her spend the money she likes to spend.

Then she is free to do women things...

See! That's how it's supposed to work!

[Tnic 5]

You're right Slim. That IS how its supposed to work.

I remember one incident with the ex (Irina) right after we got settled in CT. She had just cashed her pay check and was cruising WalMart for clothes and "stuff" and she remarked that when she was with HER ex (in Maine) she never had to use her money. I walked away and spent an hour looking at tires or something. I was paying for everything EXCEPT her stuff already! She never contributed one dime to the house finances and I never asked her to, but SHEESH!

Money was tight then and she damned well knew it. I kept telling her that she needed to save some of her money so she/we CAN go to Russia each year, but she never got it. Last year she borrowed money to go and tried to pressure me into paying the friend back. I ended up putting half of it into an I Pad for the friend's son, but little miss thing is on her own now and its her problem.

I don't how things are going to pan out with Mila, but I know she has a good job and lives comfortably on her own. Since my plan (and dream) is to live there I hope to avoid many of the usual problems associated with bringing her here and setting her up. She agrees completely with me that with our combined incomes we would be very comfortable in a nice apartment, a car and maybe a dacha too. Time will tell.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

You're right Slim. That IS how its supposed to work.

I remember one incident with the ex (Irina) right after we got settled in CT. She had just cashed her pay check and was cruising WalMart for clothes and "stuff" and she remarked that when she was with HER ex (in Maine) she never had to use her money. I walked away and spent an hour looking at tires or something. I was paying for everything EXCEPT her stuff already! She never contributed one dime to the house finances and I never asked her to, but SHEESH!

Money was tight then and she damned well knew it. I kept telling her that she needed to save some of her money so she/we CAN go to Russia each year, but she never got it. Last year she borrowed money to go and tried to pressure me into paying the friend back. I ended up putting half of it into an I Pad for the friend's son, but little miss thing is on her own now and its her problem.

I don't how things are going to pan out with Mila, but I know she has a good job and lives comfortably on her own. Since my plan (and dream) is to live there I hope to avoid many of the usual problems associated with bringing her here and setting her up. She agrees completely with me that with our combined incomes we would be very comfortable in a nice apartment, a car and maybe a dacha too. Time will tell.

Um...well.

Here's to hoping Alla will not be my EX-wife.

At any rate, we had discussed our situation in quite some detail before we were engaged, so to speak. That is before the I-129f was sent. Alla was not going to be dragging her family across the globe without some idea of what she was in for. I don't blame her, would you? She DID have two sons and a mother she was caring for and those people still need to be cared for. I cannot marry a woman and "take her away" as though she is in a vacuum. I think all of that is agreed to under the "prior committment clause". Slim may be in a different situation to be sure.

Now, she arrives here and when a woman is added to a bachelor place on the lake, guess what? Some things and expenses are going to change. My budget for cosmetics and manicures and smell-goodies was -0- before she arrived. She IS going to have that stuff, you know it and I know it. Our plan, and this is where it gets into that personal stuff I cannot comment on for other people, was that she would get a degree in teaching English as a Second Language, she would not "have to" work, and then I would retire and we can live wherever in the world we want so she can teach, and there really are incredible opportunities for this. We both love to travel, so why not? In a couple years she will have her degree and citizenship, the youngest son will be in college, I can retire and she will work. Deal. She always wanted to be a teacher and was trained for this in the USSR but the money was so poor she could not stay at that job when she could make lots more with her language skills. Now she will be able to teach, travel, get good pay and usually a fully furnished apartment, health club memberships, liasons, etc.

So she arrives and having been independent for many years, she wants to make some money. OK, wasn't the plan, but who cares? She IS going to school full time and keeping her part of the plan. So she does some odd jobs, self employed. She models, does translations/interpretations, sells photos she takes of the local "nature" at local gift shops, etc. So she pays for "her" stuff, we never have any argument over it, I do not have to go look at tires and batteries until she checks out and she is happy as a clam to go spend $30 on shoes...and get TWO pair for that at Marshall's. I don't know about your guy's wives, but Alla is just thrilled to be able to stop at Marshall's on the way home, buy a new pair of shoes and then go have a manicure. And when SHE is happy, I am happy. Either way, some money is getting spent on that stuff, we all know it will. She makes enough to pay for all that "stuff" and take two trips to Ukraine every year...for all of us. AND buy an occasional piece of furniture. Our only problem has been finding the time between school for her and the boys to take the trips.

I'm just sayin'...try to arrange the expenses and income in a manner that pleases them. To me, it is all one pot into which one throws all the money and pays everything, but to them it is not...so go with it. I pay the electric bills and all the boring stuff and let her pay for the things which give her pleasure. We never have the "is there enough money for..." conversation. She knows if she has enough money for a manicure, she doesn't need to ask me.

I'm just not going to get in a battle over who goes to the Moneygram counter (which is what it amounts to really) and get the pouty silent treatment over something I know we are going to pay anyway. Makes no sense. Think about it, if she makes money, then you are really arguing over who stands in the line to pay (me, while Alla wanders about the store and meets me at the exit) or who goes to Moneygram. Or who pushes a few keys to transfer money from one account to another. The actual expense is a "done deal", you ARE going to pay for it.

And the return on investment for standing in line to pay for the stuff makes it a "no brainer"

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Not really a burden at all... but no reason any woman here couldn't make $200 a month to send home.

Exactly true. BUT....if you make her send THAT $200 home, she will be PO'd at you, think you are a no-good man who cannot care for his family, and greatly reduce the access to the honey pot.

On the other hand...YOU send $200 to Russia/Ukraine and let her use "her" $200 to buy the stuff you would otherwise pay for and suddenly you are her hero, her rock, her man who she depends on, that cares for everything the way a man should and there is lots of honey! I am not going to give up all my honey for the time it takes to stand in line at Moneygram once a month.

[Tnic 5]

Um...well.

Here's to hoping Alla will not be my EX-wife.

At any rate, we had discussed our situation in quite some detail before we were engaged, so to speak. That is before the I-129f was sent. Alla was not going to be dragging her family across the globe without some idea of what she was in for. I don't blame her, would you? She DID have two sons and a mother she was caring for and those people still need to be cared for. I cannot marry a woman and "take her away" as though she is in a vacuum. I think all of that is agreed to under the "prior committment clause". Slim may be in a different situation to be sure.

Now, she arrives here and when a woman is added to a bachelor place on the lake, guess what? Some things and expenses are going to change. My budget for cosmetics and manicures and smell-goodies was -0- before she arrived. She IS going to have that stuff, you know it and I know it. Our plan, and this is where it gets into that personal stuff I cannot comment on for other people, was that she would get a degree in teaching English as a Second Language, she would not "have to" work, and then I would retire and we can live wherever in the world we want so she can teach, and there really are incredible opportunities for this. We both love to travel, so why not? In a couple years she will have her degree and citizenship, the youngest son will be in college, I can retire and she will work. Deal. She always wanted to be a teacher and was trained for this in the USSR but the money was so poor she could not stay at that job when she could make lots more with her language skills. Now she will be able to teach, travel, get good pay and usually a fully furnished apartment, health club memberships, liasons, etc.

So she arrives and having been independent for many years, she wants to make some money. OK, wasn't the plan, but who cares? She IS going to school full time and keeping her part of the plan. So she does some odd jobs, self employed. She models, does translations/interpretations, sells photos she takes of the local "nature" at local gift shops, etc. So she pays for "her" stuff, we never have any argument over it, I do not have to go look at tires and batteries until she checks out and she is happy as a clam to go spend $30 on shoes...and get TWO pair for that at Marshall's. I don't know about your guy's wives, but Alla is just thrilled to be able to stop at Marshall's on the way home, buy a new pair of shoes and then go have a manicure. And when SHE is happy, I am happy. Either way, some money is getting spent on that stuff, we all know it will. She makes enough to pay for all that "stuff" and take two trips to Ukraine every year...for all of us. AND buy an occasional piece of furniture. Our only problem has been finding the time between school for her and the boys to take the trips.

I'm just sayin'...try to arrange the expenses and income in a manner that pleases them. To me, it is all one pot into which one throws all the money and pays everything, but to them it is not...so go with it. I pay the electric bills and all the boring stuff and let her pay for the things which give her pleasure. We never have the "is there enough money for..." conversation. She knows if she has enough money for a manicure, she doesn't need to ask me.

I'm just not going to get in a battle over who goes to the Moneygram counter (which is what it amounts to really) and get the pouty silent treatment over something I know we are going to pay anyway. Makes no sense. Think about it, if she makes money, then you are really arguing over who stands in the line to pay (me, while Alla wanders about the store and meets me at the exit) or who goes to Moneygram. Or who pushes a few keys to transfer money from one account to another. The actual expense is a "done deal", you ARE going to pay for it.

And the return on investment for standing in line to pay for the stuff makes it a "no brainer"

I get what you're saying Gary.

I was perfectly fine with supporting the house (AND sending money to Mama every month without fail) What had me so POed was she didn't want to spend any of her own money on anything and when she did spend it all in less than a week she was after me for more. What I haven't mentioned yet is she's a true shopaholic. Not the kind we joke about, She's a REAL addict to shopping for that temporary fix. You would be shocked to see the piles of bags full of stuff she's bought. When we were sleeping together the spare room was so full you couldn't see the floor.

When she married her first AM and came here she did it with the intention of supporting her family, not so much for love and she made him responsible for supporting her Mom and daughter. I was with her when she told her therapist this. When it was my turn it didn't take long to start feeling like I was really not much more than a wallet with a ####### attached. She didn't want to be independent, she wanted to be kept and still does.

If she had capitalized on her natural beauty and done some modeling, she could have made a ton with the jeans companies. In fact she'd been offered a shot not too long ago. Or if she had kept painting she could have sold some art along the way, she's quite talented, but won't pick up a brush. She never bothered to learn English for the first 3 years she was here. It wasn't til hubby wanted to divorce her that she got a job at Walmart and picked up some English as she went along.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I get what you're saying Gary.

I was perfectly fine with supporting the house (AND sending money to Mama every month without fail) What had me so POed was she didn't want to spend any of her own money on anything and when she did spend it all in less than a week she was after me for more. What I haven't mentioned yet is she's a true shopaholic. Not the kind we joke about, She's a REAL addict to shopping for that temporary fix. You would be shocked to see the piles of bags full of stuff she's bought. When we were sleeping together the spare room was so full you couldn't see the floor.

When she married her first AM and came here she did it with the intention of supporting her family, not so much for love and she made him responsible for supporting her Mom and daughter. I was with her when she told her therapist this. When it was my turn it didn't take long to start feeling like I was really not much more than a wallet with a ####### attached. She didn't want to be independent, she wanted to be kept and still does.

If she had capitalized on her natural beauty and done some modeling, she could have made a ton with the jeans companies. In fact she'd been offered a shot not too long ago. Or if she had kept painting she could have sold some art along the way, she's quite talented, but won't pick up a brush. She never bothered to learn English for the first 3 years she was here. It wasn't til hubby wanted to divorce her that she got a job at Walmart and picked up some English as she went along.

I can't comment on individual women, and there seem to be a few defective ones in RUB. They need to be sent back to Dr. Finetush's laboratory for adjustment IMHO.

But just as a general rule of things...I let her have "her way" whenever I can. Most of this stuff is SO not worth even discussing, let alone fighting over. I just can't. While I can't recommend it as a normal practice, I can tell you that having a heart attack and by-pass surgery took a lot of the edge off. I really just can't get too excited over a few dollars here or there, that stuff just doesn't matter anymore. Not that it ever did to me much anyway.

Alla is not a hoarder of money. She spends what she makes on things we would spend money for. I mean, really, I do not have to worry about buying four round trip plane tickets to Ukraine and/or Russia every year. That's pretty big. And the new loveseat looks great. I would not call her a "shopaholic" at least in terms of spending. Maybe in terms of "time spent" but in "money spent", no. I admit I got a bit panicked the first couple of times I went with her. She will FILL a shopping cart with clothes, but then goes to the dressing room and weeds out all but one of the outfits and ends up spending $30-50 and that is about it. It was scarey when she was puttiing all those clothes in the cart the first couple of times and saying things like "OMG these clothes are almost FREE!" She really is a bargain hunter also and I think she more thrills in scoring a big discount than the "kill" of a new pair of shoes. For her it is in the "hunt", not the "kill"

To each their own, to be sure. I just am not going fight battles, and waste honey over money. That rhymes. I am a poet and didn't know it. Besides, I get the satisfaction of "outsmarting" my woman. Really, Alla says that a man should never get angry or raise his voice at his wife because they are "only women" and they "should not be able to" do anything to upset a big, strong man. To be angered by a woman is to show weakness. Maybe SHE is outsmarting ME, eh?

Edited August 24, 2010 by Gary and Alla

[1HappyGuy 45]

Alla is not a hoarder of money. She spends what she makes on things we would spend money for. I mean, really, I do not have to worry about buying four round trip plane tickets to Ukraine and/or Russia every year. That's pretty big. And the new loveseat looks great. I would not call her a "shopaholic" at least in terms of spending. Maybe in terms of "time spent" but in "money spent", no. I admit I got a bit panicked the first couple of times I went with her. She will FILL a shopping cart with clothes, but then goes to the dressing room and weeds out all but one of the outfits and ends up spending $30-50 and that is about it. It was scarey when she was puttiing all those clothes in the cart the first couple of times and saying things like "OMG these clothes are almost FREE!" She really is a bargain hunter also and I think she more thrills in scoring a big discount than the "kill" of a new pair of shoes. For her it is in the "hunt", not the "kill"

Alla sounds a lot like Lena. She loves to show me the clothes she bought and ask, "How much do you think I spent?" I am never right and she is so proud of how much she saved. Lena worked at a woman's clothing store for about a year and was spending her paycheck there. However, she always bought what was on sale and with the employee discount. She would say, "I bought this entire outfit for $8 with off season discount and employee discount."

It's not so much the having to pay for things that I think bothers the guys. I think its the attitude that we must pay for this because (fill in your reason). I do get tired of feeling like a wallet too, but at least my ####### gets happy. When Lena came, I knew that I was removing the breadwinner from that household. I agreed to pay to help support the family in Ukraine, which was her son and mother. Now it is only her mother, but her son lives with us now and my wife is much happier for that.

I think anyone that brings someone in from another country needs to consider what they are removing from that family and act accordingly. That being said, that does not mean we have an unlimited amount of funds and that we are happily going to fork dollars over to support or pay for whatever comes along. The perception that we are rich Americans in just that, a perception. If we lived in Ukraine, I know that we could live pretty comfortably for under $10,000 a year, but that would be on Ukrainian standards. We would not have a car (not really necessary) and the creature comforts would be different including the amount of space in the home. Basically, it is all relative to where you are, if you are well off or poor.