Update

[CasandraYounes 0]

Hello Everyone,

Okay so it will be 7 months that my habibi has been here in the states already and it seems like FOREVER. I probably should have waited for a one year update, but wth I just felt like posting. When Aziz first arrived, all I kept getting was the I need to work and pouting for about a month. It took a lot for me to be patient with all of this, but we have been great. I can definitely say that like everyone who has posted before, you do have your moments of "what are we doing," to "sometimes I love to hate you," but through it all, we love each other and know why we have sacrificed so much. In the beginning, I felt like I was putting too much on him and expecting too much. For example, going shopping and asking him what he wants and what he thinks we need. Duh me, didn't occur to me that he is shocked by an overload of things so what could normally be a 30 minute trip takes 3 hours. So for those of you whose spouses aren't here yet, I would recommend that you get savy with that patience and be ready to educate and explain. They are coming to a whole new world that is just as shocking to them as we were when we went to thier countries.

After visiting my folks for Christmas for about a month, he quickly found a job in January and has been working in the airport since. He loves his job, but would like another. Mind you, I just keep telling him to be patient because many people are without a job. He quickly realized that when he met sommeone from Iraq who had been without a job for a year. I think the expectations have somewhat overcome him, but he is trying to deal with it. Today was his first day of class at a local college and I have got to say, I am so proud of him. Almost felt like I was dropping of my baby on his first day of class, but I know thats different. He really has become very independent. Joined a soccer team, bought a bike, and meets with friends outside of work. Another suggestion, it put a toll on us in the beginning my husband hating to feel dependent on me. Thus, I would recommend finding outlets that they enjoy doing if they aren't able to find a job quickly and afterwards. Networking really helps, as it helped him to get a job.

Right now, we are at a really happy place and couldn't ask for more. As I look back on everything, we have come a long way and I just hope that we can continue to be as happy and succesfull for the rest of our lives together. I really appreciate all the help that my VJ family has given us and I look forward to hearing everyone's experience or continued advice.

Cassie

[zaytoona 8]

Hello Cassie,

Thank you for posting your story! My sweetheart will arrive tomorrow, ISA and I am worried about all these things. He has already expressed to me that he will hate having to depend on me. I know it will be tough until he is able to work but we will hang in there. At least there is a lot to do here in Los Angeles. Ah yes, patience! It is my time to learn this trade...should be interesting!

Well, I am happy you two are doing well!

Edited May 5, 2010 by zaytoona

[Berber Mama 5]

I'm happy that things are going well for you both.

That first year is hard. You talk about him hating to be dependent on you but it was me who hated him being so dependent on me! Everytime he wanted to go somewhere, I had to go with him. He was afraid that someone would engage him in conversation and he wanted me to be there in case he didn't understand. When he wanted to make a phone call, I had to do it for him. He was too scared to take the driving license exam for the first year. He was afraid of failing. I had to chauffer him around everywhere. I even had to drive myself home from the hospital after the birth of our first son. It definitely caused some strain in our marriage.

Thankfully he gained the confidence to start taking risks and he is very independent now. My advice to anyone is don't coddle them too much when they get here!

[Kenza 1]

Wow, Mashallah, sounds like my life! It has been 7-8 months since Brahim arrived and the first 4 months before he found a job was tough. Where I live there isn't much to do and the Muslim community is somewhat far, so being home all day sending endless job applications without any calls back was frustrating for him. He is playing soccer twice a week on a team, so he has found something he likes to do. Alhamdoliallah he found a great job in January (despite the long hours) that is close to our house and that he can bike to. He is starting to get the hang of things here and I should have had more patience in the beginning with explaining everything. Inshallah once we move out of my parents house in December we can start to live like an actual couple and a visit from his parents will ease his depression here in the states. Brahim only came to the states to be with me, which is very clear as he hates it here. Inshallah I will finish school soon and we can move to Morocco.

[CasandraYounes 0]

Hello Cassie,

Thank you for posting your story! My sweetheart will arrive tomorrow, ISA and I am worried about all these things. He has already expressed to me that he will hate having to depend on me. I know it will be tough until he is able to work but we will hang in there. At least there is a lot to do here in Los Angeles. Ah yes, patience! It is my time to learn this trade...should be interesting!

Well, I am happy you two are doing well!

Hey Zaytoona,

LOL aww well congrats on his arrival. If you were like I was I was jittery until he finally walked through those doors and felt like I was in a scene of some love story. I think many people go through that experience, but thats great that he would have more opportunities in LA. My hubby keeps telling me that we should move there. Yup patience is that virtue and I sure do wish you guys the best of luck. Look forward to your update.

Cassie

[CasandraYounes 0]

I'm happy that things are going well for you both.

That first year is hard. You talk about him hating to be dependent on you but it was me who hated him being so dependent on me! Everytime he wanted to go somewhere, I had to go with him. He was afraid that someone would engage him in conversation and he wanted me to be there in case he didn't understand. When he wanted to make a phone call, I had to do it for him. He was too scared to take the driving license exam for the first year. He was afraid of failing. I had to chauffer him around everywhere. I even had to drive myself home from the hospital after the birth of our first son. It definitely caused some strain in our marriage.

Thankfully he gained the confidence to start taking risks and he is very independent now. My advice to anyone is don't coddle them too much when they get here!

Thank you. Yup a lot of my friends always said the first year is hard and I am finally realizing it, but glad we are making. Some people are not so fortunate so I am just trying to be greatful. Wow, your experience is a little different then I have heard but understandable. Aziz didn't want to socialize with anyone and if he didn't understand, he just laughed along and nodded. I had to literally pull him and nag him to call someone I had met that was Moroccan that wanted to have lunch with him or just any friend. Sometimes I feel that he just wants to dive into too much things without thinking or taking the time. He thinks he can magically take the drivers license exam without practicing (thinking he could practice after he gets it , but finally listening when I took him out driving and showed him he needed to practice. I'm glad that your husband gained the confidence that he needed. You guys definitely have a beautiful family together and I wish you continued happiness.

Cassie

[CasandraYounes 0]

Wow, Mashallah, sounds like my life! It has been 7-8 months since Brahim arrived and the first 4 months before he found a job was tough. Where I live there isn't much to do and the Muslim community is somewhat far, so being home all day sending endless job applications without any calls back was frustrating for him. He is playing soccer twice a week on a team, so he has found something he likes to do. Alhamdoliallah he found a great job in January (despite the long hours) that is close to our house and that he can bike to. He is starting to get the hang of things here and I should have had more patience in the beginning with explaining everything. Inshallah once we move out of my parents house in December we can start to live like an actual couple and a visit from his parents will ease his depression here in the states. Brahim only came to the states to be with me, which is very clear as he hates it here. Inshallah I will finish school soon and we can move to Morocco.

Aww Kenza, as I read your reply I felt like we were living in the exact same boat. Our Muslim community is very far where we live, so much so, that we got lost and Aziz gave up on looking. Its a hidden treasure somewhere. In the beginning Aziz sent tons of applications, online profiles are not very helpful if they require a lot of US based information and references. So, of course he never got any call backs. I even helped him with a great resume that looked Americanzied that someone had suggested on VJ, but even that didn't help. What did help is Aziz actually going to places and talking with the manager and saying hey, I don't speak great English, but I am a hard worker. Now, his job requires him to talk all day. I am so happy that your husband found a job so quickly and so close to your house too. Yes, once you move out, I'm sure things will be different for you, but it will be a great experience where you will trully learn a lot about each other. Aziz feels the same way sometimes, but says that there are a lot of things he loves about being here. Inshallah things will get better for Brahim, especially wiht his parents visiting. I'm sure Aziz feels like he misses home when he sees his nieces getting bigger, people getting married, and things just happening with his family that he cannot be a part of. So we are planning to visit sometime next year to surprise his mother. I would love to raise my kids in Morocco, but worry about not finding the kind of job that I want. Good luck with school, and I wish you guys the best.

Cassie

[prince+angel 3]

Cass!

It was so good to see you here in MENA, its been awhile since we had a chance to connect and I'm so glad all is well with you & Aziz. Hassen & I often wonder how folks are doing but don't always find the time to get online to check in with everyone.

So glad you posted the ins/outs & ups/downs as every marriage experiences these, I'm sure we all can relate!

Anywho - again, glad to your both happy! TTYL ...Stacy

[CasandraYounes 0]

Cass!

It was so good to see you here in MENA, its been awhile since we had a chance to connect and I'm so glad all is well with you & Aziz. Hassen & I often wonder how folks are doing but don't always find the time to get online to check in with everyone.

So glad you posted the ins/outs & ups/downs as every marriage experiences these, I'm sure we all can relate!

Anywho - again, glad to your both happy! TTYL ...Stacy

Hey Stacy,

Yes gurl, it has definitely been a while since we last spoke. We do need to catch up. I remember speaking to you about all of these things that you had experienced before Aziz had come and was glad that you provided great advice. I'm sure that we can all relate. I see that you guys filed the AOS. That is great news and I wish you guys and approval w/o an interview.

TTYS....Cassie

[~ameriptian~ 54]

Cassie,

I just want to say I had a smile on my face reading your 7-month Update since your hubby's arrival. Seems he is adjusting very well. I think it depends most on the person's attitude towards the whole experience. Living in a foreign country and being married to a woman/man from a whole different culture can be very overwhelming if the person lets himself/herself to homesickness and dwelling on the memories instead of getting up and working for their future.

I am no expert in this, I've been here for only 2 months but I think that...Keeping a constant communication with the family is very important, going out and making friends is important as well (I haven't done that yet and I miss having lots of friends!), being optimistic and looking at the bright side of the experience should help a lot, and of course receiving emotional support from the USC spouse.

Thank you for sharing your experience, Cassie. I wish you a very happy long life with your husband.

Aya

[CasandraYounes 0]

Cassie,

I just want to say I had a smile on my face reading your 7-month Update since your hubby's arrival. Seems he is adjusting very well. I think it depends most on the person's attitude towards the whole experience. Living in a foreign country and being married to a woman/man from a whole different culture can be very overwhelming if the person lets himself/herself to homesickness and dwelling on the memories instead of getting up and working for their future.

I am no expert in this, I've been here for only 2 months but I think that...Keeping a constant communication with the family is very important, going out and making friends is important as well (I haven't done that yet and I miss having lots of friends!), being optimistic and looking at the bright side of the experience should help a lot, and of course receiving emotional support from the USC spouse.

Thank you for sharing your experience, Cassie. I wish you a very happy long life with your husband.

Aya

Aya,

I really enjoyed reading your response because it is great to hear it from another perspective. Especially since you are going through it. Yes, I can proudly say that my husband is adjusting pretty well and your are so right about the homesickness. Aziz felt a little like this in the beginning and I encouraged him to find a way to keep constant contact with his family, even if it is with at least memeber. You are right about the process being overwhelming and I know that sometimes we don't always take this into account. Well, I do speak for myself, but I am working at that. Its not easy for everyone. I can imagine not having a social network must be hard, but being the person you are, I am sure that you will make friends soon.

Thank you for your kind words and I wish you both a happy and long life together.

Cassie

[msheesha 548]

Cassie,

I just want to say I had a smile on my face reading your 7-month Update since your hubby's arrival. Seems he is adjusting very well. I think it depends most on the person's attitude towards the whole experience. Living in a foreign country and being married to a woman/man from a whole different culture can be very overwhelming if the person lets himself/herself to homesickness and dwelling on the memories instead of getting up and working for their future.

I am no expert in this, I've been here for only 2 months but I think that...Keeping a constant communication with the family is very important, going out and making friends is important as well (I haven't done that yet and I miss having lots of friends!), being optimistic and looking at the bright side of the experience should help a lot, and of course receiving emotional support from the USC spouse.

Thank you for sharing your experience, Cassie. I wish you a very happy long life with your husband.

Aya

Salaam Aya -

It is nice to hear from the other side of the perspective. I think it reminds us all how difficult it can be for our spouses to uproot themselves from their lives and families, etc. You really do seem to have a lovely personality, based on what is seen on VJ! I'm sure you will make many friends in no time at all! Good Luck and Many Blessings! Peace.

[~ameriptian~ 54]

Thank you Cassie and Msheesha!

Aya