If I beat my brother in law until he's a decent person, will it effect my application?

[KittyPollitt 284]

Sorry you are going thru that!! The 5 months will fly by I'm sure.

My hubby is the oldest boy and I know he could be controlling at times at the house with his younger brothers and sister. I used to remind him that it was the family home not "his" however, as the eldest it was in law and in culture he is the deciding factor in so many things. It's not easy.

Is his brother younger or the eldest? Babies can be a primo pain in the ####### as well!

I have an idea...how about a funny day by day blog about him. I would enjoy that plus some secret vidoes and snap shots...how fun would that be!!! I will be your biggest fan! LOL

I bet as another poster stated he feels like you are taking his brother away from them. I'm sure its a jealousy thing...

Yeah he is the younger.. and they're spoiled worse than any men I've ever seen, both of them.. Their mom is a ! I was seriously thinking about starting a blog about it..

And you're right, he is jealous.. not because I'm taking his brother, but because he was supposed to become the breadwinner and go to Europe.. A few years ago, his parents put all their eggs in his basket and got him his traveling papers to go to Europe- and the job ended up falling through.. He's been bitter and angry ever since, and then his computer nerd brother meets an American girl and has a baby, is getting the heck out- suddenly HE'S the ne'er do well.. But that's not MY fault..

I think I WILL blog about it! I'll post a link on Facebook whenever something interesting happens

[ErikaAndHamit 73]

I was just gonna say: JEALOUS!! GL!

[treehugger 23]

The guests have the best of everything and are doted on. Anyone treating a guest in this manner would bring shame or haram on the family.

Morocco is not the US (or the UK), they have different cultural norms there...have you considered that he might consider it shame or haram that his brother's girlfriend and their kid are living in his house? Remember, this is a culture that advocates no sex before marriage for girls, and kids that aren't born to married parents are looked down upon. His parents, not wanting to lose either their son or their grandaughter, might not say anything, but your future bil is not the same perhaps. AND he's just plain jealous!

By the way, do have any tips for dealing with American in-laws?

[KittyPollitt 284]

By the way, do have any tips for dealing with American in-laws?

buy them thoughtful gifts...Americans love thoughtful gifts...

[Darnell 8,478]

sqeaky - i dunno - yer in Morocco, and before you start that beat-down -

check with the district laws about 'honor killings' and any repercussions for the person doing the killing.

If you do actually beat him, he may feel that he has just cause to kill you, and the family might just be ok with it.

This practice varies by region - be clear on yer undertanding of YOUR region.

Alternatively, exlax-imbued brownies are wonderful

[~ameriptian~ 54]

How about you, your fiance, and little girl move out and find another place 'even rented' for the 5 coming months?

If that solution is not possible, you have to have a sit-down and discussion with him and try to find the reasons behind his behavior.

I would say he is very jealous! Don't let his jealousy get him arrogant..and don't let him walk over you!

Aya

[KittyPollitt 284]

sqeaky - i dunno - yer in Morocco, and before you start that beat-down -

check with the district laws about 'honor killings' and any repercussions for the person doing the killing.

If you do actually beat him, he may feel that he has just cause to kill you, and the family might just be ok with it.

This practice varies by region - be clear on yer undertanding of YOUR region.

Alternatively, exlax-imbued brownies are wonderful

Hmmm.. I DID bring some Colace with me....

[sandinista! 1,816]

sqeaky - i dunno - yer in Morocco, and before you start that beat-down -

check with the district laws about 'honor killings' and any repercussions for the person doing the killing.

If you do actually beat him, he may feel that he has just cause to kill you, and the family might just be ok with it.

This practice varies by region - be clear on yer undertanding of YOUR region.

Alternatively, exlax-imbued brownies are wonderful

that's some seriously unfunny sh!t.

[treehugger 23]

buy them thoughtful gifts...Americans love thoughtful gifts...

Don't we all? Thanks for the suggestion, I'll keep trying

[belinda63 3,031]

Blanket parties are always good, or maybe the accidental "sorry I slipped and my elbow accidentally hit you in the eye" story.

You only have a few months left, put on a big smile and be the nicest, kindest person you can to him and keep telling yourself it is only for a few months. Kindness kills (and it makes them really paranoid).

[thongd4me 69]

I'm trying so hard to be nice to him, he's made it impossible and now has declared a cold war on me. So since my fiance pays for the internet, we took the internet into our room, so he can't use it to fish for European girls anymore.. That really got his panties in a bunch, and now things are ugly.. I'm just curious if anyone else has had to deal with something like this and how they dealt with it.. Don't need to hear gory details about the problems, just solutions, or compromises.. It's really bad, we have to hide our stuff from him for fear he will take it or destroy it.. I really wanna kick is @ss, but I have to live here for 5 more months..

Have you completed the K-1 and AOS?

Your timeline looks confusing.

I'm not sure if you are in the US or Morocco.

All I can offer is sympathy with such sketchy info.

What your options are may have more to do with relationships and available funds.

The reason for having to put up with this for 5 more months is also unclear.

The baby may not be able to understand words yet but it is NOT a safe environment

by any stretch of the imagination. Babies absorb emotional input and you are allowing

him to be hurt by these events by being passive. I hope you can either agree to disagree

politely or get out of there as quickly as possible.

[treehugger 23]

You only have a few months left, put on a big smile and be the nicest, kindest person you can to him and keep telling yourself it is only for a few months. Kindness kills (and it makes them really paranoid).

I agree, but sometimes kindness can be interpreted as a sign of weakness...why do people have to make life so difficult for others? Are things any better squeaky?

[KittyPollitt 284]

Have you completed the K-1 and AOS?

Your timeline looks confusing.

I'm not sure if you are in the US or Morocco.

All I can offer is sympathy with such sketchy info.

What your options are may have more to do with relationships and available funds.

The reason for having to put up with this for 5 more months is also unclear.

The baby may not be able to understand words yet but it is NOT a safe environment

by any stretch of the imagination. Babies absorb emotional input and you are allowing

him to be hurt by these events by being passive. I hope you can either agree to disagree

politely or get out of there as quickly as possible.

I don't know what would be confusing about my timeline.. unless someone has been messing with it in my absence, it should specify that I have applied for K1 and am awaiting NOA2.. I'll have to take a look at it.

I appreciate your sympathy.. I wasn't more specific with my post because I posted it in MENA, where most regular members are aware of my situation..

Thanks for your advice

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I had this feeling not too long ago re my MIL... :S

Unlike other posters, I don't believe in rewarding people for bad behaviour (i.e. returning the internet because he's being a pain about it).

It's going to sound nasty but sometimes you have to pretend people are like dogs, dogs respect the pack leader. They respond well to commands (instruction), and if you start rewarding bad or undesirable behaviour they start to think it's okay and continue to do it.

Now I'm not saying BIL is a dog, but he certainly needs to be reminded that he is NOT the boss and he has no right to act this way... are you paying rent? Do you pay your share of the bills? Has your fiance confronted BIL about his behaviour? Has your fiance confronted his family about BIL's behaviour? What exactly has his panties in a twist? Are you guys acting unthankful or is there anything that might make him think that way?

I personally would have your fiance confront him and tell him he needs to chill out because there's a child in the house, who has the right to be raised in a non-hostile environment. Tell him you will return the internet if he starts acting better. If he agrees (most likely will) but later reverts, take it right back. Don't start using this as a spite reaction first. You should always try and use words first (instruction/commands to stick with my previous analogy) but if that doesn't work, like the petulant child he is, take away his "favourite thing" until he learns how he's supposed to behave.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. It will get better I promise. I suspect BIL is too nervous to be the one to "fix" things first and is waiting for someone (fiance) to talk to him and "sort things out". (for me, this was my husband speaking to his mother and sister about how they were treating me, his little sister was put into line by the parents. His father wasn't treating me bad but had heard stories from his wife which were false and husband had to correct him.)

Best of luck!

[True Love at Last 15]

I wish posters would actually read the original post before they give advice.....Some dont even know where you are...others think your not the USC...I thought your post was quite clear...You are currently in Morrocco, staying with your Fiance for 5 more months, who stays with his bro who is a huge A** ! Your Fiance should be the one standing up to his brother, especially as you have a young child together. Good Luck.