25 year age difference....Older women marrying younger men

[yacineAlgeria 0]

Hello fellow 'older women' -

I am still in the 'online romance' stage with a man from Algeria, although I plan to fly to Constantine at the end of this year. Even though we haven't met, yet, I'm the type of person who likes to think ahead...especially because I already feel like I'm falling for this one, big time. Ok, so here's the deal; I'm 44, and he's 27.

A little more background:

I am an American atheist. He is, of course, a Muslim. We've talked at great length about religion, and even had a lot of good debates about it, but in the end, we both respect each other's individual choices, and agree to disagree.

He once had a long-term (secret) sexual affair with a woman 16 years older than him, which lasted for 3 years. (This makes me think he's more Western-minded)

I once had a long-term relationship with a man 10 years younger than me.

I am divorced (for over five years, and the marriage itself lasted less than one year) with no children.

He has never been married and of course has no children.

He loses a great deal of sleep to stay online and talk with me - faithfully, every night, from 2 to 6 hours each time, nearly from the start.

He works at a court house, and has a degree in Criminal Law, as well as one in Banking (all together 5.5 years of university)...although he told me he is not able to get the position he wants because of 'nepotism' (his English vocabulary is quite advanced - I had to look this word up in the dictionary, hahaha! He is also fluent in French, as well as his native language of Arabic) So, let me ask this to all of you: Even though a significant age difference may appear suspicious and raise a red-flag....wouldn't the fact that he spent 5.5 years working hard to earn degrees in Algerian law and Banking cancel out any suspicion, since that field of study was a choice that could never be used outside of Algeria. So if leaving the country were some big plan he's fostered all along, wouldn't he have chosen something that would be useful in another country, like the medical field?)

He's tried very hard to convince me that if things continue to develop between us, it would be better for me to move to Constantine, and also describes with great emotion how close he is to his family and friends. He also worries that if he came here, he would face bigotry against Muslims, and would not know how to interact with Americans. He shows no hatred toward Americans, but feels distraught that he will not fit in, and will have difficulty 'taking care of me' in a country he knows nothing about. I am the first American he's spoken to on a personal level.

He told me that he's already mentioned me to his family, and he wants me to meet them right away when I come. He told me that his mother and brother told him that he's 'lost his mind' - and said, "Why would an American woman be interested in YOU?" - and the brother telling him, "Don't trust everything on the stupid internet. It's not real."

On MY end, almost all of my family has died. I remain only in contact with a few cousins, and they have no concern over how I live my life. So no problems or interference here whatsoever. Although my best friend told me the same thing as the Algerian's brother: "Don't trust the internet!" But also tells me that because of the age difference, it is a disaster waiting to happen.

All in all, I am painfully aware of the many obstacles and difficulties that lie ahead...for a plethora of reasons. However, despite it all, I feel we share the same 'spirit.' Our conversations have been broad, deep, serious, playful, and in a very short time, I feel like I've known him for years! And when we spoke on the phone, he sounded closer to my age than myself!

We have both suffered a lot of personal tragedy in our lives; me with all the people who have raised me dead from cancer (and having to take care of them as they slowly died, one by one over the years) and him with watching his brother (only one year older than him) die before his eyes in a major earthquake that collapsed the family home on all of them, and left them with nothing. And also, six months before that time, he and the brother who died had to take care of their grandmother while she was dying. We talk about these things, these experiences, and feel an understanding about it that we can't get from others who haven't lived through this type of sorrow.

Ok, so here's what I want to know from you guys:

1) I want to be prepared ahead of time, in case this really does turn into marriage. So, with this in mind at this early stage, what should I be doing to prepare? I'm already saving all of our Yahoo chats and emails and call logs. Is there anything more I should do?

2) If I married him in Algeria, would this marriage be valid in the US? Or would we have to also get married here?

3) What kind of interview questions would he face...and especially with this big age difference between us?

3) Since he works at one of their court houses, and he's on friendly terms with all the judges there, would they be able to do anything to help the situation? Letters of recommendation, perhaps?

4) Who are these people who decide our fate? Are they Americans, are they local Algerians? Who does the interview?

5) If I wanted to spend six months to a year living in Constantine to get to know him, am I allowed to do this? Does it have to be approved by someone?

6) How would I access my American Bank Account from Algeria? And if they don't use credit cards over there the way that we do over here...what am I supposed to do, walk around with a year's worth of cash in my pocket? How is this done?

7) What can I expect as far as food and personal products over there? If I stay for an extended period of time, I'd like to bring all of my American products with me. Would this be allowed? How is the quality of their food? (Here I buy my meat from Whole Foods - organic)

8) Would I be able to earn money there by helping people to practice their English?

9) How strange would it be for an American woman to live in an apartment alone? And how safe??

10) Please lay it on me, all your advice, the good, bad and ugly. I can take it. But..of course....I prefer to hear the most positive stories!!

Thanks...and That's All, Folks!

Zoletta

Hiii i hope that you are well, about what i read from you i think that your man is not correct,sorry' im an algerian man so i can tell you what i know, in our religion one must not do sex outside marriage,and if someone did as mistake for example, he must not tell anyone, just he asks the god to forgive him. i think he only told you that just because he wanted you comfortable with the diffrence in age. honsetly in algeria men don't marry women that much older. usually for money or business.

A Muslim and an atheist will never marry in algeria it is not allowed. i wish that your man tries to teach you about his religion because it's important for making correct marriage life, and if not or he told you "an atheist" it's no problem then he is lying to you, convergence in religious beliefs is very necessary in our culture. there is wisdom here said : you have to fear from the person who is not afraid of God, and not afraid of the person who fears of God.

Seriously the university in algeria is blah blah blah, because when you finish the study it's hard to find good work for that reason people prefer to go to the army (not service military) because it pays well. i know many of the people had good jobs here and in the end they leave to canada or to france or to gulf countries, there's some people prefer to stay in university only to skip from military service.

Before papers and immigration processing, try to talk to his family first in yahoo or skype even for days. from now try to make a place in his family just for you to know what is waiting for you when you'll be there, if he gives you excuse for you can't talk to his family, so like his brother said "don't trust in the internet"

I wish you well and if you have any question about algeria just ask i hope that i have the answers.

[Qasim&Shannon 0]

Hello,

Most of the 'older women' that have posted here are >10 years older than their significant others. I am curious to know how big a red flag is an 8-year age difference? My fiance is a 21 year old Muslim Indian, I am 29. We'll be going through the New Delhi consulate. I know that these things are determined on a case-by-case basis-- I'm just looking to gauge the risk of denial at the interview stage.

Other factors that might be of interest: I am Christian; his parents have officially accepted me (my parents have not yet); I am a PhD student whereas he has no higher education; I have been told we "look like a handsome couple"; we will have spent >4 months together over the course of three visits by the interview date; I plan to attend the interview.

Any thoughts/bits of advice would be appreciated.

[lala64 93]

There is nothing wrong with an older woman and younger man. .I am 20 years older than my fiance. .we are in love

[Ryan H 3,810]

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