Don't think I have the stregth for this

[closed-20101014 3]

Got married in USA last week and all along I've known' I'd break down on coming home. I have spent the last 2 days in bed. I have plenty of problems and it's all too much. Thinking of calling in and quitting my job, the one I worked so hard to keep so that we'd do the UK spousal visa. We changed our minds and decided to do the US visa, beczause the UK makes me so despersately unhappy.

Problem 1: I have a severe phobia of bureaucracy, filling in forms gives me panic attacks. Interviews are hard to pass and if I don['t pass this one I KNOW I#'ll go hysterical. I can't help but go hysterical. When I was out of work last year, the job centre had to give me a private room each time. I just sat there sobbing. I can't waqit up to a year of being apart from my husband for the process to go through. HOW does anyone wait without lyoing in bed crying every day? I can't do the UK visa because it would involve more bureacracy proving my income as I'm self employed. I'm living a big, fake lifestyle. I was diagnosed autistic in childhood and I pretend to be normal through daily life and it causes me to crack. I'm not normal and I can't hold it together. HOW will I pass the medical, and what if they find out about my diagnosis? Wha\t if they find out I'm eligible for disability which I don't claim but is "on hold" - has been for years.

Problem 2: I hate my homre country. It's probably pathological, but I hate it here. It gets worse and worse every year, and you can't get anyone to sympathise because of how staunchly patriotic they are. I go out, see the papers and they are inciting hatred towards inmmigrants every time. Headlines like "KEEP OUT. THIS COUNRTY IS FULL" - this is a reall one (Daily Express.) I burst into tears in the co-op today because of yet more garbage on front of the Express and a man who KNOWS I have a US husband told me to "**** off over there if you hate it here so much, I paty my taxes and nobody wants immigrants here." This is just a sample and it gets worse. I probably bring it on myself to an extent, but the fact is in the north of england most people are very anti-immigration.

I syuffer from severe cold intolerance, spend 8 months of the year cooped up. I have no social life. The social life I do have is not what I want, I can't get the wealth of foreign food I love here and it's expensive to eat out period. People ask why I don't go out clubbing. I don't like that atmosphere.

I spent 4 years in Japan (I LOVED it there) married to another man and I left of my own volition with 3 years left on the visa because the marriage had broken down, I had a US boyfriend and i thought I could stick it out for as long at it took to bring him here. It's been a year already, I'm in a dead end job that pays very little, I work overtime and I supplement with self employment. Both jobs are 25 hours a week+. I'm miserable and everyone hates immigrants, I hear bad stuff about immigrants from my coworkers and they think I'll sympasthise even though they KNOW about my husband. Maybe they think I dislike eastern european immigrants too and the US "doesn't count." I took my husband's name, which is Polish, so maybe they'll "get it."

I KNOW Japan is just as racist but the fact of the matter is, I can;t forgive my own country. And I knew my friends in Japan weren't racist. In the UK, they think it's OK to blast it to anyone with a white face. They think you'll sympathise. You can;t tell who'll be racist. I had a good friend at my last job. Then I found out he voted BNP. The sickness is unescapable.

I know other countries are worse and people will say be grateful for what you have but the fasct is once you've reached the limit of endurance and are plunged into depression, imagining something worse doesn't help because frankly you wouldn't care either way. I've even considered moving to a "worse off" country because I could forgive bad attitudes there. I can't forgive Britain. Just can't. I can;t forgive the faqct that we have TWO national newspapers with a wide distribution that blast racial hatred every other day. I can't forgive the benefits culture, that peopler stay on for years and many are proud of having no education. I've seen it first hand. I've lived among it. I hate how it makes attitudes to immigration worse, how people begrudge others the handouts that they happily receive.

I paid taxes for my husband (before we were married) to stay here on his tourist visa for 6 months. I paid extra council tax, even though he COULD NOT WORK a\nd COULD NOT claim benefits. Don't these BIGOTS get it?

I seriously don't knowq how I'll get through the year's wait without cracking up. I already lost it today. It seems like a prison sentence. My husband just spent 6 months in the UK with me and that made it seem OK, but I can't face it alone. I'm desperately horribly alone, and it seems like getting married just wrecked more chances of us even being able to visit each other.

[Lona.C. 16]

am sorry about your condition

I lived in 3 countries and seen in all ,

the thing that brings people down they feed into other peoples bull ,

why bother reading or listening to what others do who cares if the world is messed up ,

we have to live life to the fullest no mather what comes down the pipe

I dont meen that in a bad way but if we all just listen to others beach and moan

on how they dont like immigrants to be here

( meanwhile they have no idea on what it takes to become a legal immigrant and as a legal immigrant we have as much right as a USC exept voting and a few federal things but we can even join the army as a LPR yes we are immigrats but we are legal )

it is always up to us how we see the stereo types and to learn to block out ignorant people

who like to hear them selfs talk ,

my advise is dont read stuff how they trash immigrants

this doesnt concern you if you go trough the process with USCIS ,

dont listen to peoples bull when they have no idea what its like to become a legal immigrant

and they see the word immigrant and automaticaly comingle legal and elagel they dont know any better ,

like I said they like to hear theyr own voices when they talk ,

you got to try to take it easy maybe seak help from a psychologist where you can talk openly on how you feel ,

cose if you cant find peace within your self , no one will be able to convice you that life is actualy good if you dont read or listen to gossip ,

[Married2009 32]

I agree with Lona. That is everywhere, you just have try to avoid it. We are all facing the same things, some have it harder than others. There are a lot of good folk here on this site, and there is a of moral support.

I don't think you would have to be alone during the interview, your husband can be in the room with you. Not sure, though, check the UK thread here. Have you started the process yet? I am more organized about filling out paperwork, so I have been filling out the stuff for my husband, scanning and emailing it to him. Is it possible for your husband to fill the paperwork out, then you just have to read it (hubby caught a couple of small errors) and sign it, and send it in.

[closed-20101014 3]

I agree with Lona. That is everywhere, you just have try to avoid it. We are all facing the same things, some have it harder than others. There are a lot of good folk here on this site, and there is a of moral support.

I don't think you would have to be alone during the interview, your husband can be in the room with you. Not sure, though, check the UK thread here. Have you started the process yet? I am more organized about filling out paperwork, so I have been filling out the stuff for my husband, scanning and emailing it to him. Is it possible for your husband to fill the paperwork out, then you just have to read it (hubby caught a couple of small errors) and sign it, and send it in.

hi,

No we haven't started the process. I must say that even though for most people the US visa is harder, for me it is easier because of my hard to prove income which is all what the UK visa is about. I didn'[t want to have to show purchase receipts for my business etc so my accounts can be properly notarised - I dcon;t have the 3 years of tax returns they want either. I've not been in the UK over those years.

It's very hsard not gto look at the Daily Express. I know it sounds stupid, but it hurts that they sell it. I looked at papers in the US and there was nothing like that. Just all benign celebrity junk. There are racists there, sure. But I doubt it's as endemic as in the UK. I've fought with my own father over this issue. He believes the newspaper lie 100% that it is "so easy" to come to the UK. He gets angry with me because I've told him it is hard, h\ard for myself and hard for others. He is impatient that I am stressed out over a process that must be so very easy.

What is stopping us starting the US visa is the marriage certificate is not back yet. Is there anything that can be done to speed it up?

[milimelo 4,413]

hi,

No we haven't started the process. I must say that even though for most people the US visa is harder, for me it is easier because of my hard to prove income which is all what the UK visa is about. I didn'[t want to have to show purchase receipts for my business etc so my accounts can be properly notarised - I dcon;t have the 3 years of tax returns they want either. I've not been in the UK over those years.

It's very hsard not gto look at the Daily Express. I know it sounds stupid, but it hurts that they sell it. I looked at papers in the US and there was nothing like that. Just all benign celebrity junk. There are racists there, sure. But I doubt it's as endemic as in the UK. I've fought with my own father over this issue. He believes the newspaper lie 100% that it is "so easy" to come to the UK. He gets angry with me because I've told him it is hard, h\ard for myself and hard for others. He is impatient that I am stressed out over a process that must be so very easy.

What is stopping us starting the US visa is the marriage certificate is not back yet. Is there anything that can be done to speed it up?

Have your husband go to the court where you married and ask to get the certificate (you may want to get a couple of copies) expedited. I am sure there is a clerk that can direct him on how to request them and get them faster.

[Darnell 8,478]

Problem 1: I have a severe phobia of bureaucracy, filling in forms gives me panic attacks - two parallel solutions:

1. have the usc spouse handle all of the paperwork and

2. use a 'temporary clerk or admin' person to handle anything you need to get done in your country of residence, at the direction of yer usc spouse. I hire temp clerks all the time for 'spot and one-off' projects - you can do the same.

I syuffer from severe cold intolerance,

get a job in Singapore , live/work there whilst the I-130 petition is winding it's way through. I lived there for a year, this century - it's a great place to live and work. Many Multi-National Companies there - send me a PM if you need assistance finding them. PLUS is 4 types of ethnic food, with many 'fusions' between the types - I swear - you'll never get bored with the food.