devistated...now what?

[gaeliza 0]

Like most of you we have been through this visa journey, all the ups and downs and all the waiting. I myself made 4 trips to kuwait. We worked hard to stay together. Alas we got our visa, it was delivered and we were so happy. Every time we were together or talking on the phone and when we lived together we were happy and I felt loved and happy and content. Then it started. I NEVER saw it coming. Now I am not a stupid person..I am highly educated and I met my husband before agreeing to marry. We talked on the net 2 years before I finally agreed to meet him...(he pressured me this entire time) When I did meet him we felt it was right and we proceeded with the very difficult process of getting married, having our marriage authenticated in the usa and then beginning the visa process 19 months ago.The visa was issued early nov...my husband said I need to give notice,,,,well of course I was fine with that...so he did..30 days. Then he had to wait to get his "rights"...ok Its not that much money but I am sure it meant alot to him. Then he had to go to Jordan to visit his family. He spent 4 months of the summer there and 2 weeks at EID..well I am not going to stand between him and his family...ok. So last wed..was the last day I really spoke to him...thursday I heard nothing, the phone was turned off. I thought ok well Ill try the jordanian phone ..sure enough.I could only talk 5 min because I was at work and had 10 people talking to me..I said Ill call you back in 5 min. I call back in 5 min, the phone is turned off. I could not reach him and still havent talked to him. I thought he was dead...I searched newspapers anything that would give me any hospital notes or obituaries. Finally at 4 am on Monday I receive an email...basically stating his parents were devistated that he had married me. I had not met them because we were never in the same country at the same time. But he had told me he told them, they werent happy but had accepted. (they wanted him to marry his cousin originally) Now this is not a child, this a grown man. The email was so bizzarre I have never seen anything like it. Basically it siad there was a huge drama and his passport and visa were destroyed and that I should leave him alone and go away forever. Of course I dont believe any of that #######. Naturally I shot some nasty emails back regarding him and his family out of anger. So the next day I got an email stating that we are divorced. In Islam you can divorce by saying it to your partner..but it was never "said" to me...it was emailed to me...so I do not believe that even in Islam we are divorced. However in any case we are married legally here in the United States. Now I have been speculating all this time between tears about what really happened and I guess it really doesnt matter, except that I would like some closure and i want to hurt him.

I suspect of course that he is in the states and that is why he isnt calling me because I can track him easier. The next scenerio is that he is at home with another wife or just a very upset family. Who knows.

I called ICE and I called USCIS. They told me I am finacially responsible for him if he is here, No matter what. ICE will investigate. I also emailed the US embassies in Kuwait and Jordan and also the Jordanian embassy here. I have contacted an attorney and I have had the police run all his passport info....as of 2 days ago he had not entered the usa

I just want closure. And repayment of all the money I spent on trips , apartments, visa expenses and maybe an "im sorry" which never happened.

You know we griped and complained about the process taking so long but it still didnt protect me...and maybe because I didnt take the steps to protect myself. He was to be here this week I have some of his clothes here, all his records and all our possessions we purchased while I was there for our home. I dont want to believe it was fraud and I dont want to believe he just stopped loving me...I am just so confused and so upset..I cant eat or sleep....All i do is cry. Can anyone tell me if there is more to do or any advice on how to handle this better?

[DARUMA07 25]

I'm really sorry! Speechless here. Hope the best for you! Hang in there...

[marklovetina 52]

I'm really sorry! Speechless here. Hope the best for you! Hang in there...

me tooo.... sorry to hear this....

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

Very sorry to hear all this! WOW!

[NancylovesAhmad 1]

Like most of you we have been through this visa journey, all the ups and downs and all the waiting. I myself made 4 trips to kuwait. We worked hard to stay together. Alas we got our visa, it was delivered and we were so happy. Every time we were together or talking on the phone and when we lived together we were happy and I felt loved and happy and content. Then it started. I NEVER saw it coming. Now I am not a stupid person..I am highly educated and I met my husband before agreeing to marry. We talked on the net 2 years before I finally agreed to meet him...(he pressured me this entire time) When I did meet him we felt it was right and we proceeded with the very difficult process of getting married, having our marriage authenticated in the usa and then beginning the visa process 19 months ago.The visa was issued early nov...my husband said I need to give notice,,,,well of course I was fine with that...so he did..30 days. Then he had to wait to get his "rights"...ok Its not that much money but I am sure it meant alot to him. Then he had to go to Jordan to visit his family. He spent 4 months of the summer there and 2 weeks at EID..well I am not going to stand between him and his family...ok. So last wed..was the last day I really spoke to him...thursday I heard nothing, the phone was turned off. I thought ok well Ill try the jordanian phone ..sure enough.I could only talk 5 min because I was at work and had 10 people talking to me..I said Ill call you back in 5 min. I call back in 5 min, the phone is turned off. I could not reach him and still havent talked to him. I thought he was dead...I searched newspapers anything that would give me any hospital notes or obituaries. Finally at 4 am on Monday I receive an email...basically stating his parents were devistated that he had married me. I had not met them because we were never in the same country at the same time. But he had told me he told them, they werent happy but had accepted. (they wanted him to marry his cousin originally) Now this is not a child, this a grown man. The email was so bizzarre I have never seen anything like it. Basically it siad there was a huge drama and his passport and visa were destroyed and that I should leave him alone and go away forever. Of course I dont believe any of that #######. Naturally I shot some nasty emails back regarding him and his family out of anger. So the next day I got an email stating that we are divorced. In Islam you can divorce by saying it to your partner..but it was never "said" to me...it was emailed to me...so I do not believe that even in Islam we are divorced. However in any case we are married legally here in the United States. Now I have been speculating all this time between tears about what really happened and I guess it really doesnt matter, except that I would like some closure and i want to hurt him.

I suspect of course that he is in the states and that is why he isnt calling me because I can track him easier. The next scenerio is that he is at home with another wife or just a very upset family. Who knows.

I called ICE and I called USCIS. They told me I am finacially responsible for him if he is here, No matter what. ICE will investigate. I also emailed the US embassies in Kuwait and Jordan and also the Jordanian embassy here. I have contacted an attorney and I have had the police run all his passport info....as of 2 days ago he had not entered the usa

I just want closure. And repayment of all the money I spent on trips , apartments, visa expenses and maybe an "im sorry" which never happened.

You know we griped and complained about the process taking so long but it still didnt protect me...and maybe because I didnt take the steps to protect myself. He was to be here this week I have some of his clothes here, all his records and all our possessions we purchased while I was there for our home. I dont want to believe it was fraud and I dont want to believe he just stopped loving me...I am just so confused and so upset..I cant eat or sleep....All i do is cry. Can anyone tell me if there is more to do or any advice on how to handle this better?

This is a very difficult situation and no matter what anyone says they cannot truly understand unless they have gone through this themselves. Right now all you need to do is to ensure that the visa gets cancelled and that he isnt able to enter the US. I know that you are hurt right now but this is a blessing in disguise. Imagine if he had come over here and you had gotten pregnant and then he left. I know its hard to believe it right now but better now than later. If you ever want to talk just send me a PM anytime. You are in my prayers and thoughts!!

[Lia792 5]

I actually wouldn't be surprised if what he told you was true. Families in the Middle East operate on different values than in the West. From a psychological perspective, we come from an individualistic society whereas they are from a society-centered society. I think it is a HUGE deal that you never met his parents. He probably never told them he was married, in my opinion. They probably had no idea he was planning on switching continents. Also, he only has less than a month to enter the US so I doubt he will.

I hope you get some peace and truth soon.

Edited January 28, 2010 by Lia792

[Kenza 1]

I second what Nancy and Lia said

[Darnell 8,478]

If you need a divorce document, suggest to your husband he go to the mosque, and get it started. He then will take the document from the mosque to some gov office, for official registration.

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

[gaeliza 0]

I cant suggest anything to him...he cut off all communications cold...there is no way to get a hold of him. All the phone numbers have been changed. I dont need a document from him...the issues are here..a possible american divorce and financial liability.I dont know what to do. It is very possible some of it is true...but then why did he cut off all communications. Calling me and telling me instead of letting me think he was dead for 5 days. So that scenerio does not make sense. Doing this by email is the cowards way out. So is it fraud or is it family? I just want to know...if it was family then he was playing a game with me...knowing his family would object, if it was fraud then it was a more serious game...either way he did something very wrong and I have to pay the price

If you need a divorce document, suggest to your husband he go to the mosque, and get it started. He then will take the document from the mosque to some gov office, for official registration.

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

[gaeliza 0]

I actually was pregnant last year and miscarried.... yes I know that Allah has in his wisdom protected me.

This is a very difficult situation and no matter what anyone says they cannot truly understand unless they have gone through this themselves. Right now all you need to do is to ensure that the visa gets cancelled and that he isnt able to enter the US. I know that you are hurt right now but this is a blessing in disguise. Imagine if he had come over here and you had gotten pregnant and then he left. I know its hard to believe it right now but better now than later. If you ever want to talk just send me a PM anytime. You are in my prayers and thoughts!!

[Darnell 8,478]

I suggest it's his family, combined with a bit of him being 'chicken sh|t' also.

Family is everything. He could have stood up to his family, though (hence the bit of chicken sh|t ).

[gaeliza 0]

[He is an adult not a child..and not that young either.... truth is what I want and at the very least an apology I just need closure

quote name=Darnell' date='Jan 27 2010, 11:29 PM' post='3666558]

I suggest it's his family, combined with a bit of him being 'chicken sh|t' also.

Family is everything. He could have stood up to his family, though (hence the bit of chicken sh|t ).

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

It is terrible when this happens. It is hard to know if he just wasn't strong enough in his love for you to stand up to his parents or if there is something more sinister behind this. If you still have his recent email it is possible to track where it was sent from usually. The process is slightly different depending on your email.

[gaeliza 0]

+its yahoo.....how do I do that? You know through all of this pain...I miss him so much I can hardly get thru my daily prayers I cant eat and I cant sleep Is there any other thing that I can do that I am not doing? I bpounce back and forth from being so shocked to being mad as hell to just so sad I want to die...

It is terrible when this happens. It is hard to know if he just wasn't strong enough in his love for you to stand up to his parents or if there is something more sinister behind this. If you still have his recent email it is possible to track where it was sent from usually. The process is slightly different depending on your email.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Go into yahoo in a web browser and open the email . I find it easier if I have 2 windows/tabs open. At the top of the email there is an ACTIONS menu. Open this and select FULL HEADER. A box should pop up with your message and a lot of strange looking stuff at the top. I just right click in the box then select SELECT ALL then scond right click and COPY . In my second window/tab I got the to site headertool.apelord.com. There is a box there you point into and right click again. If you did everything right in yahoo PASTE should be an option. once you get the whole mess in the box click CHECK HEADERS and the next page shows the emails path to you . The last location is usually where the email is from. Hope it helps

Edited January 28, 2010 by NigeriaorBust