LDR's or Long-Distance Relationships

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

My wife & I spent the time trying to learn how to communicate. Spoken & unspoken communication between couples is so different here & there. During the 9 months we were apart it was difficult and some days one {or both} of us thought it would be our last.

Build the trust & communications skills, you will need it in the years to come.

[F & J 21]

Gosh I'd super relate to that as well! There was one time he didn't call for almost a day and I'd panic! It turned out to be something I shouldn't be worried about.

*sighs* Talk about me being paranoid.

You weren't alone, for sure! I remember him telling me basically that "no news is good news" - he kept reminding me that just because he hadn't emailed or called didn't mean that the worst possible thing had happened. It really didn't help! It was only when he came and visited me again in the Philippines and held me in his arms that I could breathe easy. No matter what, you have to be strong. At one point my husband (then fiance) said, "If we can make it apart, we can definitely make it together." - This time and distance apart will be a great learning experience for both of you. Believe me, there will be times when you get annoyed each other once you're married - it's a normal part of living together - but it's easy for us to get over it because we've been through so much. Memories of our time apart reminds us how lucky and blessed we are to finally be together =') Here we are, *happily married* =')

Edited January 21, 2010 by Fatima and Jim

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

I forgot to say that once she landed in Chicago the 9 months we were apart just evaporated.

The joy of being to gether was so overwhelming that I have difficulty even remembering how difficult it really was until I review some of our e-mails & YM! Transcripts.

[Calypso 464]

My husband sent this quote to me from Amma on June 19, 2009:

"Distance means nothing for love. Even the sun is so far away; yet, its energy blossoms the flowers on earth."

I had to scan my phone's inbox today to find that message then I told my husband, "Listen to what you have sent me last year when I was still in Cebu."

After I read the quote, my husband replied, "I can't believe I was so cheesy last year."

I shook my head and said, "That's not cheesy! That's romantic."

To the OP: Think about what you have and enjoy it.

Hakuna matata.

God bless us constantly.

FAE

[Zen Den 18]

Hello to my VJ family:)

This topic is for you guys and gals who are currently with their partners in the US. But all other thoughts are welcome as well:)

I am currently on my fourth month of being in a LDR with my husband in CA He came in the Philippines to see me last Christmas and stayed 'til the New Year... and once again *sighs* left for the United States

Our visa application is still being processed and I know it will be 7-9 more months ( or less God willing) before I will be with him...

I know I'm getting really sentimental right now. I really miss my hubby...

Our communication is by constant phone, email and chat. We also send each other photos. I guess what I miss most from everything is his physical presence and the (we're all mature individuals here) the intimacy

I just wanted to know how did you guys have kept the love alive within the months you've not been together. How did you survive the long-distance relationship before being finally with your husband/wife/fiancee/fiance/boyfriend/girlfriend?

I hope you can share your stories. Thanks so much.

Cheers.

if you truly love a person, no time nor distance matters. it will always feel as if he's near though his far and with you all the time though he's really not

[DainandVicky 4]

It's hard. There's mistrust, there's feelings of loneliness and missing intimacy, there's possibly many other issues that make it hard and sometimes feels even harder depending on each couple's past and present situations.

We spend time in my morning, at my lunch, and in my evening together in yahoo messenger. Even just a few minutes to see each other in webcam and say hello and blow a couple kisses at each other during the morning and at lunch makes a big difference, even though we don't have much time to talk at those times. Occasionally a phone call, ocassionally a text message. My fiancee will text my phone sometimes during her daytime from her yahoo mail, and I'll leave her emails or offline messages when she's asleep. I'm absolutely positive we communicate a lot more now than we ever will when we're together, and I try to value that.

The physical intimicy thing is hard, but do you both have a webcam? Sometimes you just have to "take things in your own hands" and if you do it together it can feel pretty intimate. (disclaimer, this is for serious relationships only!) Don't be afraid to describe sometimes exactly what you will do with them when they get there, I love it when she does that. Doesn't help when you miss the cuddling much, but even that you can watch each other sleep or nap, you'll be surprised how intimate that feels too. Obviously things you can't do from a netshop.

Honesty, honesty, honesty. Try to always give an idea as long as possible beforehand on the days you won't be available (tuesday I have that dentist appointment I won't be online my normal time, don't forget). Makes trust a lot easier. Making and keeping friends with the friends of both of you in both countries helps with trust issues and feeling closer too.

[Calypso 464]

"The physical intimicy thing is hard, but do you both have a webcam? Sometimes you just have to "take things in your own hands" and if you do it together it can feel pretty intimate. (disclaimer, this is for serious relationships only!) Don't be afraid to describe sometimes exactly what you will do with them when they get there, I love it when she does that. Doesn't help when you miss the cuddling much, but even that you can watch each other sleep or nap, you'll be surprised how intimate that feels too. Obviously things you can't do from a netshop."

You have posted this?

FAE

[ellmvl 1]

Just like everyone says COMMUNICATION helps a lot. My husband and I used to have msn running since we get home from work until we leave for work the following day. I know it's crazy but I mostly eat my meal inside my room because I want to eat with my hubby...my parents is used to it already lol. We used to sleep together with cam and call running so I can still hear him snore lol. When I got here, he told me he miss the sounds of the rooster, dogs, tricycles and lizard from my room lol (i miss it too). We even talked about it the other day how we miss those times we were on cam. I told him to get me a laptop so I can sit on the bed and chat with him while he's sitting here infront of the desktop lol.

Ok another thing is TRUST. My husband and I was really struggling on that part when I was still in PI. I have to admit, being jealous is really one of my weaknesses...especially when you have gone through a difficult past that made you a bit careful when trusting someone. My husband too was kinda like me so it was really a struggle for both of us back then. Just like you, I was being paranoid too. When I dont see him online on the time I expect him to be, all the creepy things consume my mind already...what if he got into an accident...what if...what if...so as soon as he get online...dang, he gets in trouble! LOL

Another thing, try to keep yourself BUSY but always make time for him. Spending too much time idle is just making the time moves slower for you. So try to continue your life there, go out with friends, spend time with your family because once you'll be here you will gonna miss them. If you have a job there it would be a good way to keep your mind busy too.

And of course, PRAY to God

[edp333 9]

Yahoo Messenger, Webcam, and mic normally twice a day. Phone calls and snail mail when appropriate. We were apart 13 months after our marriage and then another 4 months last year.

[DainandVicky 4]

"The physical intimicy thing is hard, but do you both have a webcam? Sometimes you just have to "take things in your own hands" and if you do it together it can feel pretty intimate. (disclaimer, this is for serious relationships only!) Don't be afraid to describe sometimes exactly what you will do with them when they get there, I love it when she does that. Doesn't help when you miss the cuddling much, but even that you can watch each other sleep or nap, you'll be surprised how intimate that feels too. Obviously things you can't do from a netshop."

You have posted this?

FAE

I put my disclaimer in there...

[marklovetina 52]

"The physical intimicy thing is hard, but do you both have a webcam? Sometimes you just have to "take things in your own hands" and if you do it together it can feel pretty intimate. (disclaimer, this is for serious relationships only!) Don't be afraid to describe sometimes exactly what you will do with them when they get there, I love it when she does that. Doesn't help when you miss the cuddling much, but even that you can watch each other sleep or nap, you'll be surprised how intimate that feels too. Obviously things you can't do from a netshop."


You have posted this? ohmy.gif



FAE luv.gif

I put my disclaimer in there...

:whistle:

u have cam..? u can still bath together... :P

[complicatedmuch 0]

We average 1-2hours on skype everyday, snail mail at least once a month, text numerous times throughout the day, and when internet connection is bad on his part, I'd give him a call (thoughts about the phone bills fly out the window). We were married on September 2006, had a baby the next month and stayed together until I came back stateside May 2009. The first few weeks apart were definitely the hardest. Now, when we're done highlighting the events of our day and what we have planned next, we just sit back and watch each other. I eat dinner while he has lunch via webcam. I watch him fall asleep with our baby; tell him to eat more when I notice a little hollow in his cheeks, and tell him to shave when his beard and moustache reach the point I've always been irritated with. I just started the petition process, and thinking about the next 8-10 months is agonizing.. yet you can't help but look forward to it because our family will be physically complete in the end. God Bless us all!

[rheanick 42]

Hello to my VJ family:)

This topic is for you guys and gals who are currently with their partners in the US. But all other thoughts are welcome as well:)

I am currently on my fourth month of being in a LDR with my husband in CA He came in the Philippines to see me last Christmas and stayed 'til the New Year... and once again *sighs* left for the United States

Our visa application is still being processed and I know it will be 7-9 more months ( or less God willing) before I will be with him...

I know I'm getting really sentimental right now. I really miss my hubby...

Our communication is by constant phone, email and chat. We also send each other photos. I guess what I miss most from everything is his physical presence and the (we're all mature individuals here) the intimacy

I just wanted to know how did you guys have kept the love alive within the months you've not been together. How did you survive the long-distance relationship before being finally with your husband/wife/fiancee/fiance/boyfriend/girlfriend?

I hope you can share your stories. Thanks so much.

Cheers.

simply by being busy... i was doing my masters thesis, reviewing for my professional exam, finishing several projects across the world, spending time with my friends and family... that i dont have time to worry about the distance...

[kev_n_jena 89]

We finally met in person after one year of internet conversation. I asked her to marry me and she accepted. After that, I rented a room for her with WI-FI and we chatted cam to cam twice every day until my 2nd trip to phils for her interview. We flew back together.

I think the fact that she was able to live alone really helped when she came to the US. There was much less shock from leaving her family and it was almost like we were living together.

I think people learn more about each other during LDR's than actually being with each other all the time. We had no choice but to talk and talk about all kinds of subjects. Now, we have a great relationship and I wouldn't change a thing! She's been here 2 1/2 years.

Kevin

[DainandVicky 4]

I think people learn more about each other during LDR's than actually being with each other all the time. We had no choice but to talk and talk about all kinds of subjects.

When people give me that "what, are you crazy?" look, this is what I tell them a lot too. I think I know a lot more about Vicky in 13 months than I ever knew about my ex-wife in 7 years, 5 of which we lived together.