The cat rant and rave

[visaveteran 1]

Just to play amateur marriage counselor here: I hope for both of your sakes that you figure out pretty quickly that it's not about gaining or losing ground. You are not "the boss" (even if she says it--listen carefully to what she's saying, it's not what you think it is) and if you think most any woman (FSU or otherwise) is going to put up with that kind of thing, you'll be watching the back of an airport-bound taxi pretty quickly. A few of the guys here have either a) managed to wind up with some real door mats who do put up with this kind of #######, or B) are living out their fantasies vicariously through VJ of how they wish their marriage really was. I've known a lot of FSU/American couples, and this is not how it usually goes. Not for the successful ones anyway. She's giving up *everything* to be with you, but that doesn't translate to being a second-class citizen in your household. Yes she will look to you for leadership in certain areas, and she will probably take on some of the more traditional household roles, but you're going to need to learn that your word is not law and if it does come down to your way or the high way, she might just choose the latter.

Everything I'm hearing is you trying to get inside this woman's head and working out how you're going to control her. I could be wrong--I only have what you're writing to go on--but this whole notion of controlling her and asserting your authority as "the boss" or whatever is pretty much doomed to failure. It's true that marriage isn't really about being equal in the sense of 50/50, but it is about equality in respect. Manipulation and trying to gain the high ground is a recipe for disaster--not just for you, but both of you. I really hope for both of your sakes that you figure this out early on.

And if I've misunderstood your posts, my apologies.

Some details please. How long how YOU been married Mox? Might comfort some of us to know you're more than a green horn, rookie at this Russian marriage gig yourself.. BTW, I've been married for two and a half years and known my wife for over three and a half years.

Define "doormat" and "putting up with that sh!t."

What gives you the idea anyone is living vicariously.? Does it take one to know one? Or do you just have the "vision." My, that must be quite a burden on you...seeing all those pathetic men through this special gift of yours.

Just where did you meet "a lot of Russian?American couples" and how did you determine their success and failures? By what basis? If you state it...prove it.

One last request...how about owning what are your judgments and what are real facts? You know...like saying things like "In my judgment" of "As I see it." Or else show us the sociological data that you refer to regarding Russian women's norms, mores, a value system.

Please...no Wikipedia this time.

[HannahP 119]

Some details please. How long how YOU been married Mox? Might comfort some of us to know you're more than a green horn, rookie at this Russian marriage gig yourself.. BTW, I've been married for two and a half years and known my wife for over three and a half years.

I'm sorry, but you never answered MY question about how many times you've been married.

[mox 298]

As I've said directly to you before VV: everything said by me in this thread is my freely offered opinion. You are free to take or leave my advice as you see fit.

[HannahP 119]

I met my wife on myspace in 2006, was engaged in 2007, and we married last year. I find your post malicious and short sited at best. You must be one of those over weight women that has a hard on against men marrying women from another country....especially if that man is older than his wife. Every couple has it's problems...I just choose to air mine out on here.

I'm an anorexic. So, no, I'm probably skinnier than your 125 lb wife.

I think there are some VJ rules about personal attacks. Insults. "Stereotyping." Where are the moderators when you need them?

You STILL haven't said how many times you've been married. Why get on mox about it if you can't own up? Not much of a man, are you?

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

I think there are some VJ rules about personal attacks. Insults. "Stereotyping." Where are the moderators when you need them?

Isn't there a "Canadian Forum" on here that she should be trolling ? Last time I checked Canadian lifestyle and customs were nothing like the three country's of the Kyivan Rus.

[HannahP 119]

Isn't there a "Canadian Forum" on here that she should be trolling ? Last time I checked Canadian lifestyle and customs were nothing like the three country's of the Kyivan Rus.

I know! You wouldn't be able to get a hot, younger wife from Canada. Weird how that works, yes?

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

I know! You wouldn't be able to get a hot, younger wife from Canada. Weird how that works, yes?

Are you implying that Canada only has old over weight women ?

[HannahP 119]

Are you implying that Canada only has old over weight women ?

Wouldn't be able to tell ya. I married a man.

[HannahP 119]

visaveteran is right...this is a personal attack. It's not germaine at all to the argument how old somebody is or what their age difference is, or how many countries they've had relationships in. I don't agree with some of the things that are being said and advocated in this thread, but I think it's their right to say it in an atmosphere free of personal attacks.

Well, damn you for taking the high road.

Don't you get angry 'tho that people are attacking your personal status when certain people refuse to reveal their personal status?

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Alright, enough is enough. This topic has gone seriously off topic - it started about bringing a cat over from Russia. It has degenerated into an exchange of insults and bickering. The tone of the discussion here is definitely inappropriate for VJ, so please return to the topic and stop the personal attacks, insults and bickering.

Edited January 4, 2010 by Kathryn41

[Ban Hammer 13,283]

personal attack and 3 posts quoting it removed. you know who you are so behave.

[mox 298]

Well, damn you for taking the high road.

Don't you get angry 'tho that people are attacking your personal status when certain people refuse to reveal their personal status?

It's a pretty rare thing for me to get angry here, because it's just not worth it. And actually the OP hasn't attacked me at all, he's been pretty civil about the whole thing, even when I shared my fairly blunt observations and opinions with him.

If you mean visaveteran's attacks...eh, this is go-round number 382 or something with him. I've told him why I don't share a lot of my personal details here, but he makes these demands every couple months or so. Life goes on.

Anyway OP...get the cat over here no matter the cost. It'll wind up costing you a lot more if you don't.

[HannahP 119]

It's a pretty rare thing for me to get angry here, because it's just not worth it. And actually the OP hasn't attacked me at all, he's been pretty civil about the whole thing, even when I shared my fairly blunt observations and opinions with him.

If you mean visaveteran's attacks...eh, this is go-round number 382 or something with him. I've told him why I don't share a lot of my personal details here, but he makes these demands every couple months or so. Life goes on.

Anyway OP...get the cat over here no matter the cost. It'll wind up costing you a lot more if you don't.

I admire your relaxed attitude. Also, your bp must be so low!

[mox 298]

I admire your relaxed attitude. Also, your bp must be so low!

Glacial.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

It's a pretty rare thing for me to get angry here, because it's just not worth it. And actually the OP hasn't attacked me at all, he's been pretty civil about the whole thing, even when I shared my fairly blunt observations and opinions with him.

If you mean visaveteran's attacks...eh, this is go-round number 382 or something with him. I've told him why I don't share a lot of my personal details here, but he makes these demands every couple months or so. Life goes on.

Anyway OP...get the cat over here no matter the cost. It'll wind up costing you a lot more if you don't.

I already changed the ticket so that it's got a Ukrainian International Airlines flight number. I could have got off a bit cheaper flying it solo via Lufthansa...but I'm thinking better to pay a few extra dollars then end up having WWIII when she arrives.