Raising bi-cultural kids

[Mandi+Ryan 0]

I want mine and Ryan's kids to have a little bit of both cultures in them, but Ryan doesn't seem too interested in his country, though he can't deny himself of being Indian. Hopefully, when we DO have kids, he will change his mind.

[Michaela_Hassan 1]

Me and Yacine plan on teaching our children English first of all, of course..

then we also want them to speak French and Kaybile... Arabic doesn't have much of an importance because it is not in their bloodline...

When they get old enough, we plan on sending them to GRANDMA'S house in Algeria so we can get some much needed alone time.. or we will go with them.. lol

It's much easier if they learn French and Kaybile before English. I spoke nothing but Arabic until I was 5 years old. I learned English in school but I still speak Arabic fluently. What I have noticed is that the parents that I know that speak nothing but their language in their home attain alot more sucess with their kids being fluent in that lauguange. Alot of times kids become ashamed to speak another language once they get older.

I have to agree with JordanianPrincess I'm a native German but when I had my daughter from a previous marriage I thought, English first and then we'll see about the German, now I pretty much missed the boat and my daughter knows a few phrases and words but can't communicate with her grandparents. The only success I've heard of with bilingual couples is to speak your language to them from birth, they won't be confused or be worse at english than the other language, they will simply associate each parent with the language they speak.

[I'm Gone 60]

I don't want my daughter to be bi-anything. LOL

[hollyw 0]

Samir is very religious but, he aslo respects my religion. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY RELIGION. Samir isnt any less religious becuase he would allow our children to be raised christian. He has never said he would allow it but i am saying i want it. Samir and I wont hve a problem cos of respect. I want my children to know Jesus. If Islam says thats wrong then there is something wrong with that. I can raise my children with good morals and values in christianity. I wont let it become a war between us. Thats why the world is the way it is. People get cuaght up in the RELIGION thing. Samir loves God I love God and my kids love God. That is what matters. Also we have talked about this many times. He wants his kids to be muslim but he said we will talk about it when the time comes. We have a very loving relationship. As far as i am concerned, I dont owe Islam or christianity anything. I answer to GOD not religion.

I have to say that I am not a very religious person. The more I learn about Islam, the more intrigued I am by it and the more I think that someday I will be ready to convert. For the moment, I do not feel that I would be able to fully commit to Islam because I would first like to truly understand the religion instead of say "hey that's sounds good, let's try it." What is important to me (since I am not religious.. my family is christian) is the traditions. And I don't mean Christmas because everyone gets presents and Easter because everyone gets candy... I mean the hanging of ornaments because each one has a memory or dying Easter eggs because it is something that I did with my mom or baking Christmas cookies because I remember learning to do it. These are things I will not be able to let go of and things I can't wait to pass on to my children. Incorporating traditions from both of our cultures is very important to me. Raising my children muslim is something that I have no problem with because I can see the beauty in Islam, but I won't be able to cut out the traditions from my life with my husband and children.

My husband and I have had many conversations regarding how we will raise our children. It is important to both of us that they be raised with an openmind and a willingness to explore different religions and cultures (american, algerian, etc etc). I think it is such a great thing that my husband and I found each other, despite religious and cultural barriers, that I would never be able to say to my children "you're muslim, that's your religion" or "you're christian, whether you like it or not." It's important to discuss what you want for your children. People from the same religious or cultural backrounds may differ on how they want their children raised. I know many christians that would prefer not to have their children baptized, but might marry other christians whose religious beliefs and practices are very important. Coming from two different backrounds, it's especially important to discuss these kinds of issues BEFORE you're confronted with them head on.

My husband was raised in a muslim home (in Algeria). I don't like to say he is "not very religious" because I know that his faith runs very deep and close to his heart. But what I mean by this is that he does not pray five times a day (or even once a day), occaisionally he drinks alcohol (he used to more than he does now), he eats meat that is not halal (although he prefers to eat halal, but sometimes youre at the grocery store and you get what you can get), etc etc. And even though we agree on many things and most of the time I know where he is coming from, sometimes I have moments of "wow... I didn't know you believed that" and it's a total shock... and those are only the small things!! One issue that comes to mind is homosexuality... we had a biiiiiiiiiig fight over the phone one day about how we would feel if our children turned about to be homosexual. Let's just say we feel very differently ... It's just always important to cover all your bases, especially with something as important as your children. You don't want to find out one day that you both aren't on the same track.

(i'm sorry if i rambled on and on and made no sense, it's late and i'm so tired, but i can't sleep!)

[Donna A 4]

as far as our kids religion...any is fine with me just as long as they believe in God. they can learn of both of our religions and in the end the choice is theirs to make. God gave us a free will so my children will have the same. that is if we have them together. im 40 so chances are getting smaller every day.

My mother has already warned hassan that he better teach our children arabic or else!!! she regrets not learning her mothers language (yugaslavia) so she is going to make my husband teach ours his language or he will have to suffer the wrath of mommy!!!!

donna

[Together4ever 1]

I think raising a child in diversity is a gift to the future. The world is truly becoming more and more a global village then ever before. I think if a family can show a child that difference in religion and difference in culture adds a lovely spice to life if embraced with respect and can enrich and enlighten in a way that will go far towards that child's future place in this world.

A great man once said, "You cannot change the world. You can only be the change you wish to see in others." (or something along those lines)

My parents were both born in a very small rural farming community where they lived into their adult years. After marrying, the moved to the "city" where I was born and raised. The city obviously is a culturally-diverse place but they weren't welcoming to such things. My childhood was somewhat conflicted. I would hear messages of "peace, love and understanding" from all of the various medias and in conversations around me, but I was told "never seek a playmate or future mate who is not your own". Well, "my own" is humankind, not white, rural, christian, middle class america. It's never been in my mind to be anything different. I remember my father telling me VERY sternly when I started high school "you come home with a black boy, don't come home." I was mortified. Yet he was my father and I loved and respected him deeply. Well, a dark skinned boy did express interest in me... and I literally RAN. I avoided crossing paths with him at all cost. I was afraid. It caused me a lot of anxiety (even now as I remember I can feel my chest tighten). I felt guilty for being so rude to this boy who did nothing wrong to me and afraid of upsetting my family if they got wind that he had interest in me.

Remembering this, I have guided my own children to not see color but to see individuality and embrace all the nuances that enfolds. It doesn't mean they have to like everyone they meet, but I like to know they are not relying on color, religion, or culture as the basis for their judgements.

Edited July 22, 2006 by just_waiting

[Henia 11]

Esalaam, Salut and a Hello to everyone here...

My added reply to the post would be...as my fiancee and I are both Muslim, Arabic would the most important language to teach our children...

In my household we don't speak English much, I figure my daughter learns that from school, her peers and the cartoons she watches anyway...so we speak magyar my native language.

Also, I speak and her get used to (Egyptian) Arabic and German...I feel these are the important ones out of all the the other languages I speak... this system seems to be working with my 7 yr old daughter. She isn't confused ...and is very fluently in English (of course) as well as Magyar and Bosnian. She can understand alot of German and Arabic.

My fiancee of course being from Algeria speaks the Algerian dialect of Arabic and French. He is actually taking some lessons from me on my native language...he is so sweet to do that, as its not even nessasary (May Allah bless him for his efforts amin)...and as he knows French he is processing very nicely.

We plan when he is here living in the US, to teach my daughter and inchallah any other children we have first off the Arabic of the Quran...then I will continue to speak to my children, inchallah my native language and my fiancee his native dialect. As secondary we will introduce French and German for educational purposes.

This all may seem like way too many languages, but I grew up in a household that several languages were spoken...and learning several languages was stressed as important and normal...and it didn't hinder my thinking or learning ...it only made it easier to adjust to more diverse cultures and thinking.

Everything nowadays is globalized and people are transplanted to various parts of World...

And as many languages you know that is how many people you are...

[vartan 0]

I would love to add to this.. First off I am from a bi-cultural family.. mother is Armenian and Father is Scottish .. I was raised knowing both my backgrounds.. (although I wasn't taught Arabic or Armenian) But anyways I learned about both sides of my family and know my history, heritage and all. Religion.. well I won't touch too deep but mom was Christian and dad was Protestant.. Anyways my Fiance is Taiwanese so wow this just adds more to it.. I am learning CHinese/Taiwanese at the moment and we will teach our kids those languages too.. Also planning to have our kids go and spend some parts of summers with her family in taiwan so they learn more about where they come from.

[kittykatwoman 0]

My only regret for not having kids is not having a buddy to speak French with, i shall find some frenchies in Seattle tho.

[lostinlove228 0]

I wanted to add something. In Islam we do love Jesus, we repect Jesus as prophet and we are also awaiting on his return in the end of times. You can teach you children to love Jesus through Islam. In Fact it is a Sin to say anything negative about Jesus considering that he is one of God great Prophets.

A man who is Muslim and Believes and Follows Islam is NOT going to have his Children raised anything but Muslim. Talking about this later is when. When you have child, Is this when you are going to discuss it. You seem very adimant that you will raise your children as Christians. What if he refuses, how will it end. Will you divorce? Who will give in. There is not such thing as half Christian half Muslim. I have seen marriages break up over this and have many problems along the way because of this. I don't think any parents have the right to bring a child into these problems. That is a life you are responsible for. But in the end it is your life.

[Karen_L 1]

I wanted to add something. In Islam we do love Jesus, we repect Jesus as prophet and we are also awaiting on his return in the end of times. You can teach you children to love Jesus through Islam. In Fact it is a Sin to say anything negative about Jesus considering that he is one of God great Prophets.

A man who is Muslim and Believes and Follows Islam is NOT going to have his Children raised anything but Muslim. Talking about this later is when. When you have child, Is this when you are going to discuss it. You seem very adimant that you will raise your children as Christians. What if he refuses, how will it end. Will you divorce? Who will give in. There is not such thing as half Christian half Muslim. I have seen marriages break up over this and have many problems along the way because of this. I don't think any parents have the right to bring a child into these problems. That is a life you are responsible for. But in the end it is your life.

It's not necessarily an issue of loving or not loving Jesus; it's an issue of me being our future children's mother. In most families that I have seen, the mother takes on the primary role of raising and instructing the children simply by virtue of the fact that mothers usually spend more time with their children than fathers do. This is a generalization, I know, but it's a pretty darn good generalization and true in most cases. Considering that my fiance' is hardly concerned with his birth religion (few Albanians are, in fact, including his entire family -- they know I'm Catholic and they figure our children will also be), how could I ever instruct them to be Muslims? He would hardly be able to do that himself. Also, I am more spiritual/religious than he is and I KNOW I will be taking the primary role in this respect. Even if we wouldn't officially baptize them Catholic, my influence and ideas will be there probably stronger than his will be in regard to faith and religion.

As to marriages ending over this issue... admittedly they can and do fail, but i know quite a few interfaith couples -- Christian/Jewish, Christian/Hindu, Muslim/Sikh (I know that's not allowed, esp. since the Muslim half is the woman, but nonetheless...), Catholic/Protestant, Catholic/Orthodox AND one Protestant/Muslim marriage and the children have all taken the religion of their mother and all is peaceful. Maybe the happiness of the marriages and the fact that all the children identify with the mother's religion is just a coincidence, but I think there's something to it.

[Angel7422 0]

Hi,

I don't know if this counts as being multi cultured but as for my family we are Geechee Indian and my husband is Egyptian. My husband doesnt want to teach them Arabic except for a few words so they can communicate with our family in Egypt. He wants them to know English, as for religion we are both Orthodox Christian.

[soul_encounter 0]

While kids aren't in our plans for the next few years, I do find myself wondering how I will instill both Egyptian and American pride and culture in my kids, and find a way to balance it, so that they're proud of being both, and don't think of themselves as primarily egyptian or primarily american (ooo, look at that run on sentence).

I know we're going to try to raise them bilingually, inshaAllah. My husband will speak arabic with them and I'll speak english. Eep, better get on that arabic so I'll know what my kids are saying.

I got some cute little baby thobes for my friend's kid when I was in Egypt last time, so I'm hoping to dress my kids biculturally too My husband is actually going through this right now too, with himself. I got him a kufi that he wears when he prays, but he's started to wear it other times too, and may venture outside with it on as a statement of his muslim identity. A lot of people here think he's latino.

I can only hope my kids will be this cute inshaAllah!

Anyone else have thoughts on the issue?

We plan to work on children asap when he arrives. We surely want to teach our children both languages. They need to be able to communicate with the family in Morocco. History and culture of Morocco is a must, I don't know what they ned to specifically be taught of the US as they will see and learn that anyhow. Religion, yes my sweetie is muslim (by birth, not choice) and he feels children should have a choice. He said he does not know that he would have chosen differently, but would like to have had the chance to. I am a UU so we offer courses in all major world religions for children to explore. Not the "do this or it's a sin aspect" but the facts and history of what each religion is.

[kofuku 0]

Interesting topic. As soon as our little girl was born, my husband was ready to send her to Morocco for several years for many reasons I had difficulty with breastfeeding and our daughter could have a wet nurse there; we both want her to speak Arabic and he thinks she can do it best over there; and, we live in a culture of violence here and he's afraid for her life. He has broached the subject of leaving her in Morocco without us half-jokingly, half-serious and it's a topic that comes up quite frequently. We just want our little girl to be happy and what he's seen so far here, he would prefer her to be there. I don't necessarily disagree with him. That's why I'm not against sending her for summer vacations when she get's a little older. But now, no way!!! She's too little. Meanwhile, we will do our best to raise her in this culture, while teaching her about Moroccan and Arab culture.

Christine

[Karen_L 1]

Interesting topic. As soon as our little girl was born, my husband was ready to send her to Morocco for several years for many reasons I had difficulty with breastfeeding and our daughter could have a wet nurse there; we both want her to speak Arabic and he thinks she can do it best over there; and, we live in a culture of violence here and he's afraid for her life. He has broached the subject of leaving her in Morocco without us half-jokingly, half-serious and it's a topic that comes up quite frequently. We just want our little girl to be happy and what he's seen so far here, he would prefer her to be there. I don't necessarily disagree with him. That's why I'm not against sending her for summer vacations when she get's a little older. But now, no way!!! She's too little. Meanwhile, we will do our best to raise her in this culture, while teaching her about Moroccan and Arab culture.

Christine

My fiance' has also mentioned sending our future children to Albania, not to live, but just for the summer once they're old enough. I would never send them to actually live there for the entire year round. He wants them to be able to spend time with their Albanian grandparents, learn to speak Albanian and because he thinks they will get lots more fresh air and exercise there than they would here, which is undoubtably true. We both think kids spend WAY too much time in front of the TV/videogames/computer these days and he goes "we only get like 6 hours of electricity in my city a day -- they CAN'T park in front of the TV! " He also pointed out that while they're away running around annoying their grandparents, WE will be aaaall alone for the whole summer ...