The Vent - Part Trois

[DeadPoolX 9]

So... I was talking with a friend from the U.S. and she's having some bullying problems with her kid (he's being bullied, not doing the bullying). I assumed she was asking me what to do since I was bullied -- both psychologically and physically -- for years. It seemed in the end she didn't want my advice after hearing it.

What did I tell her? I said her kid needs to break the bully's nose.

It's true, too. Bullies don't listen to reason and they certainly don't care about whose feelings they hurt. Bullies DO understand violence and that works. I know it did for me.

Unfortunately, a lot of very misguided people have tons of bad advice, such as...

Ignore the bully

You know when this works? Never. I've never once seen a bully leave someone alone because they're being ignored. If nothing else, this only encourages the bully.

Try being nice to him and that'll throw him off guard

Nice idea, but it doesn't work. Sure, you can be nice to him and he'll throw a very friendly punch at your head.

Talk to him and let him know how he's making you feel

I'm sorry if this insults anyone here, but that has to be the single dumbest thing anyone could do. The entire reason the bully is picking on you is that he hopes he can hurt you. That's his goal! Letting him know he's doing an excellent job of it certainly won't deter him.

Ask a teacher for help

Good luck with that. Most teachers won't do anything unless they see the act as it takes place and bullies aren't stupid. They know enough to avoid being seen by school staff while tormenting others. In addition, teachers don't want to become involved since that means potentially risking their neck if anything goes wrong.

Get a parent involved

You could do that, but only if you want your kid to get $hit on even worse in school. Trust me, this never works and it only makes things much worse for the bullied kid.

[Rhiannercakes 14]

That reminds me of the time I was getting bullied pretty bad, I didn't want to go to school.

My dad told me to break her nose

She deserved it too, she spit in my face a few times.

Never got to do it though, wish I could have, hehe.

[Malrothien 6]

My husband was bullied twice - he ended both by beating the ####### outta the kid. It's the only language bullies understand, unfortunately.

[Varba 0]

Definately looks like a good luck wave to me!

I miss having photoshop, I think that is what I would like for Christmas.

Photoshop is quite pricey, if you are looking for something similar and having 85-90% of the features, I recomend Gimp strongly.

It does everything I need from an image editor for sure.

Peachey even used it to do our save the date cards!

http://www.gimp.org/windows/

So... I was talking with a friend from the U.S. and she's having some bullying problems with her kid (he's being bullied, not doing the bullying). I assumed she was asking me what to do since I was bullied -- both psychologically and physically -- for years. It seemed in the end she didn't want my advice after hearing it.

What did I tell her? I said her kid needs to break the bully's nose.

It's true, too. Bullies don't listen to reason and they certainly don't care about whose feelings they hurt. Bullies DO understand violence and that works. I know it did for me.

Unfortunately, a lot of very misguided people have tons of bad advice, such as...

Ignore the bully

You know when this works? Never. I've never once seen a bully leave someone alone because they're being ignored. If nothing else, this only encourages the bully.

Try being nice to him and that'll throw him off guard

Nice idea, but it doesn't work. Sure, you can be nice to him and he'll throw a very friendly punch at your head.

Talk to him and let him know how he's making you feel

I'm sorry if this insults anyone here, but that has to be the single dumbest thing anyone could do. The entire reason the bully is picking on you is that he hopes he can hurt you. That's his goal! Letting him know he's doing an excellent job of it certainly won't deter him.

Ask a teacher for help

Good luck with that. Most teachers won't do anything unless they see the act as it takes place and bullies aren't stupid. They know enough to avoid being seen by school staff while tormenting others. In addition, teachers don't want to become involved since that means potentially risking their neck if anything goes wrong.

Get a parent involved

You could do that, but only if you want your kid to get $hit on even worse in school. Trust me, this never works and it only makes things much worse for the bullied kid.

I can personally vouch for all those methods failing, in spite of whatever experts seem to feel.

Edited December 16, 2009 by Varba

[Wyatt's Torch 45]

My husband was bullied twice - he ended both by beating the ####### outta the kid. It's the only language bullies understand, unfortunately.

Meh. In theory I agree, but I had two different occasions with different experiences.

The first one was in Grade 7 -- I beat up a jerk who had been bullying me for awhile. It started in the hallway, then we moved into the classroom. I got his shirt over his head hockey-style and started pummeling him, then realized that there wasn't much more one could do short of serious violence, so I stopped. This all happened before the teacher came into the class... The next year, in junior high school, he and a friend started bullying me on my long walk home from school. At that point I DID talk to my father about it, and explained how I'd resolved it with fisticuffs, but it didn't stop it from happening. So my father, the school principal, the bully and I had an amicable meeting, and surprisingly enough, it stopped. As a grown man now, and one who has no particular fear of anything...violence or bullies included, I feel a bit ashamed that I felt the need to get adult intervention, but so it goes.

Three years later, at a different school, the one bully in the school was named Quentin (gee, no wonder!), and he was always mouthing off to everyone. One day during gym class, we were doing ball hockey drills in various groups throughout the gym (the teacher was at the other end) and I wasn't having a good day getting the damn ball through the pylons (I was a defenseman, dammit...stick handling wasn't my forte!). The whole time, Quentin was sitting on the bleachers heckling me loudly, "Oh, nice job there Wyatt (using my real name, of course)! Yeah, you're supposed to get them THROUGH the pylons, you moron! Oh yeah, let the ball roll away, you idiot!" Well I snapped. I threw down my stick, lunged over to the bleachers and literally picked him up off of them and threw him down on his #######. I remember that the force made him bounce! A few seconds later, before we could REALLY get into it, we were broken up. For the rest of that day and the next he was telling me I was going to regret it etc., and sure enough, after school the next day, he brought a friend along who was about twenty years old, in perfect shape, and really mean looking... That was quite cowardly of him, actually...getting someone to fight his own battles for him... Ultimately I talked it out with this new bully and came to an agreement (something to do with waiving some money Quentin owed me for something completely unrelated).

Ultimately though, in neither instance did "physically defeating the bully" pay off for me. Maybe I just got the wrong bullies? Who knows.

Edited December 16, 2009 by Wyatt's Torch

[ScooterMac 2]

So... I was talking with a friend from the U.S. and she's having some bullying problems with her kid (he's being bullied, not doing the bullying). I assumed she was asking me what to do since I was bullied -- both psychologically and physically -- for years. It seemed in the end she didn't want my advice after hearing it.

What did I tell her? I said her kid needs to break the bully's nose.

It's true, too. Bullies don't listen to reason and they certainly don't care about whose feelings they hurt. Bullies DO understand violence and that works. I know it did for me.

The problem with teaching the bullied student to retaliate is that it often winds up with both students in detention, off school for suspension, or serving community service for fighting. The kid who was the victim to begin with is now just as guilty as the other party, even though he was provoked. That's how schools and our local PD handle it, anyway. We've had a lot of problems with kids in fights lately - including one where a 13 year old girl took a rock to the head of a 14 year old girl, resulting in 6 stitches (for the girl who was hit with the rock) and a couple days in the hospital (for the one that hit her), and they're both serving community service and both looking at the possiblity of spending several months in juvie lockup.

At our youth center, we're very aware of which kids are bullies and which kids are bullied. Our high school mentors and our adult volunteers have been through "bully awareness" training, and intervene when the adults are out of eyesight. The students also have mini-lectures throughout the year on various topics, including bullying. We've had a few parents come in to express concerns about their students being around so-and-so, because he's a bully, and we've handled those situations. Whenever a parent or student comes to our staff to report bullying, we sit down with the alleged bully and make sure he understands that 1) s/he IS being a bully or exhibiting bullying behaviors (you'd be amazed how many of these kids are raised thinking their behavior is acceptable and okay, because their parents as bullies as well), 2) that these behaviors are unacceptable, 3) hands/feet and insults need to be kept to yourself, and 4) that they will be out of the program for a week (to a 12 year old, a week is forever) if they continue their behavior. After that, most of them come around. The ones that don't get kicked out. Any of my staff/volunteers/mentors can report incidents of bullying to me, and I handle it as the situation calls for. We are in close communication with the school, and we have a two-way flow of information as it regards to bullies. We don't catch everyone, but we do the best we can. The last thing I want is for kids to stop coming to the youth center because the other kids made it hell for them.

[ScooterMac 2]

And speaking of bullies.....[aka vent of the day]

We caught the kid who engraved out desk, and he's out for a week and serving community service when he's allowed back in to work off the damage he did.

Alas, some other student decided to be a jerk and write "F(#& YOU" and "B17(#" all over our bathroom walls in crayon. The finishing touch though is that the kiddo dumped hand soap (clear, of course) all over the bathroom floor. So, when someone (you know, like me) walks into the bathroom, they fall and smash their head on the doorframe. This is the second time someone coated our bathroom floor in a slippery substance with the direct intent of causing personal harm, and both time it's been me that's fallen. I've about had it with this job! (and DANG does my back/shoulder/ankle (twisted it when I slipped) and head hurt!)

[Varba 0]

Fighting back was my main source of detentions and suspensions in high school.

Sorry bout your lil vandals there Scooter.

Edited December 16, 2009 by Varba

[Sprailenes 47]

I got bullied once in grade 10 by this girl who had just moved to North Bay from Guelph and she thought she was the #######. I fought back and got suspended for a week.

I fought back dirty though. I grabbed her by the hair and cut it off with a pair of scissors while she was sitting down at the bus stop having a cigarette after school.

They were more concerned with the fact that I could have cut her, and I probably could have, but I got a good grip on her hair and I wrapped it around my hand and then cut it. I don't regret it. She's on my fb now.

Hai remember the time you picked on me and then I cut off all your hair? Good times.

[Malrothien 6]

Random vent:

There are about 15 men in BC who have gone missing without a single trace - mostly keyed in by not coming home and finding an abandoned car. No signs of them whatsoever. The latest? I man from Kelowna who is a father of four girls.

Just tears me up that these men disappear. What the hell has happened to them?

[Sprailenes 47]

Random vent:

There are about 15 men in BC who have gone missing without a single trace - mostly keyed in by not coming home and finding an abandoned car. No signs of them whatsoever. The latest? I man from Kelowna who is a father of four girls.

Just tears me up that these men disappear. What the hell has happened to them?

That's scary.

[Malrothien 6]

It is. A friend of a coworker was one of them. Went off on a bike ride - never came home. They found his bike off the trail on the North Shore but no other sign of him. They had just gotten married, too.

[Sprailenes 47]

Yea... and my husband wonders why I insist on picking him up when he works late.

My son wonders why he can only play in front of our apartment, and why he can't leave with friends... this is why.

People are nuts.

[Revenesque 2]

Baby stick this morning shows positive again. Went to the doctor again--POSITIVE! Whoohoo! I won the baby lotto jackpot!

Going to get my H1N1 & reg flu shot now. CIAO!

[Malrothien 6]

Exactly. They just talked about a little kid who decided it was a good idea to walk him (20km) instead of taking the bus. He was picked up by a guy and taken home, but while that is all good and wonderful - who knows who this guy could have been!