The Vent - Part Trois

[Ban Hammer 13,283]

poprocks - sounds like a cat that is bored. 1 - put the toilet paper on flap under instead of flap under. 2 - get another cat to keep the first one occupied.

[lgg 2]

Ha! Poprocks, this story KILLED me. As someone who has a cat that I love, I can honestly say,I would not tolerate about 80% of that cat's behavior. Seriously. I'm a person who while loving a cat, has always taught my cats that they are NOT allowed on certain areas, kitchen is verboten and that they never get human food as I don't like an animal that begs at the table.

I think cats are trainable, it's about letting them know who's boss. Maybe I'm lucky, I've had the same cat for about 16 years now and she rocks because she's the kind of cat that if I come home and she's sleeping on my spot on the couch, she'll get up when she knows I'm home and go to sleep on her chair or somewhere as she knows that's my spot -- she's very polite, actually. When I say no, she stops doing something. i also teach my cats the 'finger snap' when she does something I don't want her to, I snap my fingers and say no, she stops. She's a great cat but maybe I'm lucky as she was always sweet and mellow and very easy to train. probably one of the reasons I love her. Dunno. I am strict with my animals though, there are rules in place for them, IMHO...

I don't think i'm a cat person per se, as like people, some you like and some you don't and I happen to like my cat a lot ...

anyway, sorry to hear that PR... tell your husband he needs to start getting a little firmer with the cat as it seems that the cat'll probably only listen to him. They are trainable though, this I believe as every cat I've ever owned has followed the finger snap rule.

But maybe I'm just super bossy!

;D

ok, seriously...tell me if i'm crazy.... there is a third party in our relationship...and some days it drives me bonkers! lol... it's my husbands cat!

Seriously, i'll start by saying that we think this cat is bipolar lol...my husband agrees...when I first met my husband...we started calling the cat his gay lover lol...and now I seriously feel as though I am in competition with this cat, over my husband lol. He is extremely needy and attention starved. The second my husband gets home...the cat is all over him. I understand he needs his time too, so I usually give him an hour or so to get his fill...but I swear this thing does not give us any time to ourselves!...as soon as my husband sits or lies on the couch, he gets up on him and all up on his face, almost trying to make out with him...ahaha...no really. My husband laughs and says, just move him....and my husband is really good about it...but some days i'm like 'enough already'. Am I crazy?

I'll be sitting on the couch with my husband, all cuddled up, and if we are affectionate...the cat tries to jump up in between us, and tries to squish himself in between us, pushes at me with his feet...tries to get in his face...nuzzles, and then looks back at me with his snobby face...we laugh cause it's hilarious....if my husband shoo's him away too many times...he looses it and starts acting out by furiously running around and getting into stuff to cause s***.

He follows my husband all over the house, and the second he sits down...if I get up for one second to use the bathroom, I come back and he is already nuzzled in my seat up against him... when we used to date, in his smaller condo, we used to have to lock him out of the room just to get privacy. He is so obsessed with him, at night, we have to put him in the in law suite and close the door, or else the entire night, we'd be dealing with him trying to jump up into the bed and get in between us...

There is a ton more, and my husband thinks it's funny...he obviously puts me first, but sometimes I feel like i'm competing with the cat! lol...

And I now come to learn, that cats are nothing like dogs...this thing never listens and is not trainable...my husband says to give up...I am an extremely neurotically clean person. And my rules are simple...I give him free roam of the house...but the rules are, no beds and no furniture (couches are ok) but not tables and the one I hate the most is the kitchen counter! I have caught him on the counter a couple of times and neurotically started disinfecting the whole kitchen. seriously feel at times he does it on purpose cause he knows it gets to me! lol...like when he gets caught, before I can even say or do a thing...he bows his head and bolts...so obviosuly he knows it's wrong...

Oh, another example...which my husband thinks is funny and I think is weird lol....when he follows my husband all over, he will follow him in the bathroom...as soon as my husband makes the motion to take off his shirt...the cat immediately jumps into the shower....hello?!

What ever happened to a normal cat...I hear of people saying that cats do their own thing etc... our cat is glued to my husband the second he gets home...we have to put him away if we want peace and quite...during dinner, we have to put him away, because the whole time he tries to get up on my husbands lap when we eat...and I hate having animals in the kitchen when we are eating...thats just me.

At his old place, when we used to lock the cat out of the bedroom, whether we were sleeping or trying to be intimate...this thing would claw at the door the whole time making these horendous crying sounds! He wouldn't let us sleep...he would run and bang at the door with his head...trying to get in and at my husband....haha...I know this sounds nuts...but he also gets into stuff that he shouldn't...he goes into all the bathrooms and claws and unravels all the toilet paper...if we lock him out or in the in law suite...give him an hour and the place looks like a bomb hit it! Plants turned over, paper all over, all the drawers opened etc....

I understand that it was just them two for 8 years...but I refuse to let a cat rule my house. I accepted him because my husband loves him, and I would never make him choose...so even though I was never a cat person, I really have tried to give it a fair try and do have love for him...but man is he making this hard or what?

Is he normal, cause he sounds a bit much to me? I literally can get no alone time with my husband...

ok, i'm done

I think it has bothered me more these past couple of days cause my husband has been sick and at home lying on the couch...I can't even sit with my husband on the couch to take care of him, cause this thing is attached to his armpit! My husband laughs and says 'just move him'... my husband has honoured all my requests...but I don't want him to think it's me...I mean, am I being unreasonable? I know there are cat lovers that have a different tolerance than I do...I just don't think this cat is normal. We call the cat my husbands gay lover lol

[MrsCat 6]

poprocks, for every time you wrote cat, substitute the word dog and that's my life too. Dale is our third wheel. Actually sometimes, I think I'm the third wheel.

ps: I can send over my bruiser from the picture, he'll straighten him out.

Edited November 28, 2009 by MrsCat

[lgg 2]

Is that really your cat in the picture???

LOLZ!

That picture has always cracked me up!

poprocks, for every time you wrote cat, substitute the word dog and that's my life too. Dale is our third wheel. Actually sometimes, I think I'm the third wheel.

ps: I can send over my bruiser from the picture, he'll straighten him out.

[MrsCat 6]

That's Oscar!

[lgg 2]

Oh man, what a hilarious cat! Those floppy cat ears are killing me!

That's Oscar!

[Ban Hammer 13,283]

That's Oscar!

i think that cat's found the maui wowie.

[ashenflowers 5]

hahaha... those are awesome cat pics!

[Malrothien 6]

Oscar is a handsome guy.

One of our cats is kind of like yours, Poprocks. Whenever I'm sitting down on the couch, she HAS to be on me - no ifs, ands, or buts about it. If hubby and I are cuddling on the couch, she has to find a place to lay, either on top of us or between us. When we're sleeping - she's either on my head or fights to get underneath our blankets. She's a pill, but I love her.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Hi Poprocks,

I think my husband can relate and in fact had serious issues with one of my cats when we first arrived. It seemed like the two of them were in competition for my attention and Joe took anything the cat did personally.

One of the things Joe had to learn how to do was to relate to the cats. They had been my constant companions all of their lives and at the time I arrived my eldest was 15. The youngest two I had bottle raised as they were orphaned at 10 days old. It is hard to get a 'leg in' when you are dealing with a ready made family - you have to consider your husband's cat as part of his family, not just his cat. They have been together 8 years.

You are going to have to do some re-training with the cat - and yes, they can be trained but it takes work and technique. For 8 years the cat has been allowed to go on the tables and the counters. All of a sudden something that was perfectly fine is causing a problem and the cat has no idea what he is doing wrong. In fact, he isn't doing anything wrong. Cats are very much creatures of routine - they dislike change and you are requiring a big change from the cat. You are asking him to forget all 8 years of his conditioning and life up until now. Let me say up front that it isn't going to happen - you are also going to have to make adjustments if you expect the cat to.

There are things you can do about the counters - place sheets of tinfoil over the counters so that they crinkle and make noise when he jumps up - he will soon learn that it isn't really fun to jump up anymore. There is also a training device called SSSCATT (or something like that - it makes a hissing noise when the cat goes where he isn't wanted). You can find it online or in PetSmart.

Now, about the intimacy thing - my husband basically had to learn to consider the cats as part of the family the same way you would accept a child that demands your attention. You need to pay attention to the cat yourself - pet him, play with him, feed him and talk to him. The cat does see you as competition for the attention of his only family member and his only playmate. To him you are trying to take everything he has away from him. You see him as a nuisance that is interfering with your relationship. You need to learn how to include the cat in your relationship so that he will come and cuddle with you as well as with your husband. The cat needs to see you as an additional family member for him as well and not as competition.

Your cat 'may' benefit from having the companionship of another cat - a younger kitten - but I am not really convinced of that. He has spent so many years with just the two of them together that he may not adapt well. He is obviously having trouble adapting to your relationship.

In our home it has gone from Joe ignoring and complaining about the cats and the cats being stand-offish with him and clinging to me to them now running to meet him coming home from work and wanting to go and sit by him or in his lap. Every morning when he starts the shower they all come jumping up on the bed and lay there in a line so he can pet them all - he spends a few minutes with each one and they love it! They get upset when he misses that routine - and now, he does too. He has learned to include them in his life, not just 'put up' with them. That is what is different. What it took was an attitude change on his part.

Do the cats rule the household and interfere with our relationship? Yes, at times they do. Do we get into arguments and 'discussions' about the cats? Yes, we do. Do I think it would be easier sometimes if the cats weren't yes? Yes, I do. They are here, however, and while Joe really had no idea what he was taking on when he fell in love with me, knowing I had 6 cats (at the time) he realized that I am who I am and if he wanted me in his life, it meant accepting the cats and learning how to accommodate them in his life as well.

The toilet paper roll thing? Yes, that is a bored cat. You need to give the cat something else to do when you don't want him in your face (or your husband's face) all the time. Get him lots of toys - a laser pointer (you need to point it), flingamastring, things like that. You are not going to change 8 years of habits and conditioning overnight. You are going to have to compromise as well - afterall, the cat has had your husband to himself for literally half of his expected life span. He is considered a senior cat now. He is not going to give up his position in the household without a big struggle - but it doesn't have to happen if you are willing to recognize that the cat is a third party in your relationship and learn how to mold the relationship so that all three of you can live with it.

ok, seriously...tell me if i'm crazy.... there is a third party in our relationship...and some days it drives me bonkers! lol... it's my husbands cat!

Seriously, i'll start by saying that we think this cat is bipolar lol...my husband agrees...when I first met my husband...we started calling the cat his gay lover lol...and now I seriously feel as though I am in competition with this cat, over my husband lol. He is extremely needy and attention starved. The second my husband gets home...the cat is all over him. I understand he needs his time too, so I usually give him an hour or so to get his fill...but I swear this thing does not give us any time to ourselves!...as soon as my husband sits or lies on the couch, he gets up on him and all up on his face, almost trying to make out with him...ahaha...no really. My husband laughs and says, just move him....and my husband is really good about it...but some days i'm like 'enough already'. Am I crazy?

I'll be sitting on the couch with my husband, all cuddled up, and if we are affectionate...the cat tries to jump up in between us, and tries to squish himself in between us, pushes at me with his feet...tries to get in his face...nuzzles, and then looks back at me with his snobby face...we laugh cause it's hilarious....if my husband shoo's him away too many times...he looses it and starts acting out by furiously running around and getting into stuff to cause s***.

He follows my husband all over the house, and the second he sits down...if I get up for one second to use the bathroom, I come back and he is already nuzzled in my seat up against him... when we used to date, in his smaller condo, we used to have to lock him out of the room just to get privacy. He is so obsessed with him, at night, we have to put him in the in law suite and close the door, or else the entire night, we'd be dealing with him trying to jump up into the bed and get in between us...

There is a ton more, and my husband thinks it's funny...he obviously puts me first, but sometimes I feel like i'm competing with the cat! lol...

And I now come to learn, that cats are nothing like dogs...this thing never listens and is not trainable...my husband says to give up...I am an extremely neurotically clean person. And my rules are simple...I give him free roam of the house...but the rules are, no beds and no furniture (couches are ok) but not tables and the one I hate the most is the kitchen counter! I have caught him on the counter a couple of times and neurotically started disinfecting the whole kitchen. seriously feel at times he does it on purpose cause he knows it gets to me! lol...like when he gets caught, before I can even say or do a thing...he bows his head and bolts...so obviosuly he knows it's wrong...

Oh, another example...which my husband thinks is funny and I think is weird lol....when he follows my husband all over, he will follow him in the bathroom...as soon as my husband makes the motion to take off his shirt...the cat immediately jumps into the shower....hello?!

What ever happened to a normal cat...I hear of people saying that cats do their own thing etc... our cat is glued to my husband the second he gets home...we have to put him away if we want peace and quite...during dinner, we have to put him away, because the whole time he tries to get up on my husbands lap when we eat...and I hate having animals in the kitchen when we are eating...thats just me.

At his old place, when we used to lock the cat out of the bedroom, whether we were sleeping or trying to be intimate...this thing would claw at the door the whole time making these horendous crying sounds! He wouldn't let us sleep...he would run and bang at the door with his head...trying to get in and at my husband....haha...I know this sounds nuts...but he also gets into stuff that he shouldn't...he goes into all the bathrooms and claws and unravels all the toilet paper...if we lock him out or in the in law suite...give him an hour and the place looks like a bomb hit it! Plants turned over, paper all over, all the drawers opened etc....

I understand that it was just them two for 8 years...but I refuse to let a cat rule my house. I accepted him because my husband loves him, and I would never make him choose...so even though I was never a cat person, I really have tried to give it a fair try and do have love for him...but man is he making this hard or what?

Is he normal, cause he sounds a bit much to me? I literally can get no alone time with my husband...

ok, i'm done

I think it has bothered me more these past couple of days cause my husband has been sick and at home lying on the couch...I can't even sit with my husband on the couch to take care of him, cause this thing is attached to his armpit! My husband laughs and says 'just move him'... my husband has honoured all my requests...but I don't want him to think it's me...I mean, am I being unreasonable? I know there are cat lovers that have a different tolerance than I do...I just don't think this cat is normal. We call the cat my husbands gay lover lol

Edited November 28, 2009 by Kathryn41

[MapleLeafBaby 1]

Thanks for all the feedback guys Katheryn...that's good advice.

I really am trying, even though i'm not a pet person...at all! I really try to look at him as part of the family..really, I consider our kids my son and the cat...but somedays he really tries my patience...like today, we had a contractor in and out of our bedroom, so we couldn't close the door to the room..well I know something is up when the cat is no where to be found...and sure enough, he was under the blankets, nuzzled under my husbands pillow.

For me it has more to do with my OCD and cleanliness...mentally, I just can never get over the cat being where we sleep. I don't think it's a bad thing for people who choose to do so, it's just not ok in my world. Thankfully my husband is very supportive and never puts the cat first...this is why I give him 'their time'...it's just that the cat never gives us 'our time'...lol...

I'm gonna try the foil....he eats anything green, and then gets sick...and i'm always cleaning up his mess all over the house...you'd think he'd learn? lol

I will be patient, cause I know what it means to my husband...I agree that a second cat is not the solution...my husband tried that years ago with a stray from the shelter...it went so bad that he had to take it back. He's also 100% indoor cat and declawed...so I can see how he may get bored....problem is that his hours are all messed up...he literally sleeps all day and is up all night...our cat is a partier lol

[Malrothien 6]

Cats are nocturnal. It's hours are normal for him.

[ashenflowers 5]

aww... I love my cat snuggling into bed with me. But yeah, when I first got her I was leery about the cat on the bed thing. My cat was my first major indoor pet (aside from like, fish and hamsters/gerbils/etc), so I was a little grossed out. But she's so cute I couldn't resist. I'm lucky though, she behaves relatively well and knows the 'tone' of Kittyyyyyyy.... when she does something wrong. haha

I agree with the people who said cats can be trained. Not to the extent of dogs of course, but I do seriously believe they can. Do you have a pic of the little trouble maker pop?

[Kathryn41 3,205]

About eating anything green - yeah, that is a normal cat thing too. That is why you actually have to be careful and make sure you don't have any poisonous plants around. In the wild, cats will eat grass to stimulate their digestive systems to regurgitate all of the feathers, bones, skin, etc. that they would have consumed with their prey (birds, mice, etc.) and that can't be properly digested. Since cats also groom themselves they end up swallowing the hair and it forms lumps and balls in their stomach. These also need to be regurgitated as if they continue through the digestive system can actually block the intestines and you end up with serious problems (surgery required, etc.). So, the cat is doing normal cat things even though it is pretty gross for people. You can get a malt based paste at most pet stores that is used to help the cat process hair through their system so that it doesn't 'ball' up and form hairballs. Even if the cat isn't throwing up a hairball but throwing up the green stuff they have eaten it could mean that there is a hair ball in their system that they are trying to get rid of through eating the plants. Giving them some of the hairball gel (various names like Tonic Lax, Laxatone, etc.) every day will help settle down those bouts of regurgitation.

Re hiding under the covers, it sounds like your cat was actually somewhat frightened by the contractor activity and went hiding. They hide where they feel comforted and safe - in this case under the covers next to your husband's pillow where he is surrounded by the scent of your husband. The covers make him feel invisible and safe, thus that is where he hides. We have one who does the same when she gets frightened - hides under the coverlet. Another hides in the closet inside one of the suitcases because it is safe and dark there, while the others generally hide under the beds. Again, this is normal cat behaviour.

Yes, cats are diurnal hunters which means that they hunt at dawn and at dusk and are generally alert and awake during the night hours and sleep during the day hours. Since your schedule reinforces that of the cat's - away from home at work during the day and home at night - the cat is merely living his normal 'cat' instinctive schedule. What might help with the overnight activity is giving the cat at least a half hour of good interactive play before you go to bed and then giving him something to eat. You are taking advantage of his instinctive 'hunt (play) and eat (prey)' cycle to encourage him to sleep longer during the night. Take something that your husband has worn - an old sweater or something like that - and put it into a low-sided box just a little bit bigger than the cat is. That can become a type of 'bed' for the cat where he can snuggle up next to something that smells like your husband. Put the bed in an area where the cat appears to sleep when you are not at home, or else near the bedroom door but out of the way.

You would probably find it really useful to get one of the popular cat psychology books (yep, they have 'em!) and read that to give you some insight into how a cat thinks. Once you understand that you will be better able to use the cat's psychology to re-direct him to behaviour that is more appropriate.

Hope this helps.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Poprocks, here are some really useful books that you might want either to invest in or check out at the Library (interlibrary loan). I actually recommend purchasing the first one on the list as it is a great resource for a lot of cat-related behaviour:

Outwitting Cats "Tips, Tricks and Techniques for Persuading the Felines in Your Life That What You Want Is also What They Want" by Wendy Christensen , The Lyons Press, Guilford Conneticut, 2004 $12.95 This is a really informative, at times funny and always easy to follow information and useful techniques involving cat psychology and instinctual behaviour - a great book!

Psycho Kitty? "Understanding Your Cat's Crazy Behaviour" by Pam Johnson-Bennett, The Crossing Press, Berkeley, California, 1998 $12.95 Discusses basic behaviour problems with cats, looking at the 'whys' of the behaviour and how to 'retrain' the cat by working with cat psychology.

What Cats Want by Claire Bessant, Barron's Educational Series, London, England, 2003 $10.95

The Cat Whisperer "The Secret of How To Talk To Your Cat" by Claire Bessant, Barron's Educational Series, London, England, 2001 $10.95

The last two are just good general introduction books to living with cats and trying to understand the relationship from the cat's point of view.

As I said, Outwitting Cats is the best one to get if you can. It even addresses shredding the toilet paper! (One of the tips given to defeat this behaviour - balance a small soda can filled with pennies or pebbles on top of the toilet roll - if the cat tries to scratch the roll it will fall off making a terrible racket and making him think this is not as much fun as he thought!). There is also a section on how to address feline jealousy .

Cats learn by a combination of aversion learning and positive reinforcement - basically you find ways to reward the desired behaviour and make the undesired behaviour non-profitable. Cats do not respond to discipline, however - that is a way to get an angry and upset cat who will still do the undesired behaviour.

Edited November 29, 2009 by Kathryn41