Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 3)

[missjones 0]

quote]

That's good that you can live with him for a while so you guys can really get to know each other before he comes here. How do you get time off work? I wish I could have stayed in JA for longer during the Immigration process, but it just wasn't feasible for me. The longest I ever stayed at one time was for 2 weeks

Well, I actually didn't get any time from work. I quit, or in better terms, I resigned. The communication was really difficult especially with us being newlyweds. Flying back and forth was driving me cRaZy and broke, plus maintaining two households was emptying both of our pockets. So we decided to consolidate and (because he can't come here, and obtaining a B-2 visa is difficult in JA) I moved there.

Most people (even family) thought my decision was really stupid as they thought, I was giving up everything here to be with him in JA. And they will think even less of him if he is not here by the time we have our first child. HOWEVER, I have learned that people will say anything. Besides, no one understands the difficulties of bringing a foreign spouse to live in the US unless they are experiencing it themselves. So I said ***k them, and I hopped on that plane to be with my hubby. Even if it was for a few months, it was surely worth it because it strengthened our foundation and our marriage.

[rhondapayter 0]

Immigration has basicly in my point of view, taken away their manhood.

Yes, I agree with this. When you're in Jamaica you're on THEIR turf. You have to RELY on them for everything. Where to go, what to do, how to get there, the culture, norms, exchange rate, etc.. Then they get here in the U.S. and they have to rely on YOU for everything. They are not the man of the house or head of the house - you are whether you like it or not. They have to learn a whole new set of rules and laws and cultures and norms. It's a complete role reversal. Add to that the major fact that they can't even work and help "bring home the bacon" and it really depresses them.

I don't believe that I am on "his" turf in Jamaica. I personally have never ever ever had to rely on Craig for anything in Jamaica. I already knew the area, culture, norms, exchange, etc etc waaaaay before I met him.

Kelly, I think you are the exception to the rule I know me personally, other than the original cruise I went on (that was the day I met Tony) I had NEVER even been to Jamaica before. If I had gone alone I would probably have stayed in an all-inclusive resort so I would feel safer. With Tony, he was like my own personal tour guide! B) And he saved me lots of money by getting me the "locals" rate instead of the tourist rates!

[rhondapayter 0]

Thats why I am a little concerned about going to a restaurant here because my hubby said canned ackee tastes different from the ackee from the tree. I never tasted the canned kind, so I am little worried.

Canned ackee tastes totally different from the fresh kind It's just not the same. I would kill for some fresh ackee right now

[rhondapayter 0]

We had a Jamaican day yesterday - started off with chicken from Jus Jerk and festival, then to the Caribbean grocery store to shop for Easter's dinner. Damien got two large HTB easter buns and cheese along with other good food. I got a small round spice bun with cheese which I ate this morning The cricket match was on so we stayed to watch some of it...he was happy to watch the match with other Jamaicans. Afterwards, we went to the Jamaican ice cream store (they have flavors like sweet sop, sour sop, guiness, guineup, mango etc) for his favorite grapenut ice cream...it is very good ice cream, all natural. Then we went to the Caribbean club last night....we danced the entire night. Boy, I am still full and tired....

I am so jealous That sounds awesome. I didn't know they had all those icecream flavors! The only one I've ever had is Rum n Raisin - and Hagaan Daaz makes it but it's hard to find and not quite the same. I've never had sweet sop or sour sop - the fruit or the icecream! What's it similar to?

[rhondapayter 0]

One of my worst nightmares happened this morning --Damien was in a car accident on his way to work. I have no idea how this man walked away without an injury. The car flipped over three times and landed on the driver's side...Damien still went to work and was worried about being late

Oh my Gosh Thank goodness he is ok. And he was worried about getting to work? Wow.

[Texas Bound 0]

As for your partner adjusting to life in the US with you, it seems to be hugely stressful which I can definitely understand....

I grew up eating the same food day in and day out in Jamaica, when I came back to the UK, all of a sudden there was this huge array of strange food. For a while it was nice, kinda like eating out for dinner every day, but very quickly I became sick and tired of the food and just wanted 'normal' stuff...Yes, I did cook some, but obviously it wasn't practical every day.

Again, none of the fruit that I had become used to eating, no mangoes, guineps, ortaniques etc.....Even the milk tasted different, the meat, even KFC, Burger King...

In Jamaica, as you all know, it's very different socially, you have friends/relatives dropping by, hanging out on the corner etc etc...Here, all of a sudden it was just me and the 'strangers' that were were my blood relatives.

The TV shows were different, the transportation system was strange, never seen anything like it in Jamaica. All of a sudden, I wasn't one of the crowd, but someone different from it....Was hugely isloating...Again, in Jamaica you know how everything works, you are familiar with the area, but all of a sudden you ask 'stupid' questions, people are amused by your mistakes or misconceptions, you begin to feel like an idiot.

Then comes the work situation. In Jamaica, I was highly qualified for what I wanted to do, could pick and choose jobs. Here, I was an oddity, someone who they weren't quite sure how to deal with. Went from never being turned down for a job in Jamaica to having many interviews here with no luck.

It begins to eat away at your self-confidence, are you not worth anything anymore??

I can only imagine how it must be for some men in a similar situation.

Ie, their girlfriend/wife coming to see them in Jamaica, they are the ones that know where everything is, how things work, what's safe and what's dangerous, what different types of food they'd like etc etc.

All of sudden, they are transported into a world where they have to rely on their woman, the roles are almost completely reversed....Their very manhood is being challenged financially because they have'nothing' to offer.

IN my experience Jamaican men are very proud, men I have dated wouldn't be caught dead going dutch or letting me pay for anything. But in combination with all these other issues, now they can't even buy their woman a bunch of flowers with their own money.

Again, in my experience, the large majority of men have their own accomodation, even if it's just one room. The typical senario is that the woman moves in with them, again this is often reversed. So they have to deal with the foriegn food, the fact they can't 'contribute', the fact they know nothing about the US and they are living in someone's else's 'domain'.

If the relationship wasn't water-tight to begin with, cracks could most definitely begin to appear....

Conversely, depending on the man, it may be that he worked a low-paid, 'low status' job in Jamaica. In my experience, women in 'higher' social positions do not go out with men in 'lower' ones.

Now, all of sudden, the man has attracted a mate like you, in a decent job, nice standard of living. He's emigrating, his friends and family wish they were in his shoes, he has dreams of a charmed life abroad. He is feeling on top of the world.

You've tried to tell him that life abroad is hard, you work hard for your money etc etc.

But he thinks maybe you're exaggerating, after all he sees how you dress, photos of your house/car, heard you exclaim how cheap eating out/cab fares/hotel prices are there....maybe you're downplaying it to him, you might be wanting to see if he'd love you if you had nothing....

Suddenly, he's in a cold country with nothing familiar around him, those long massages you used to give him are replaced by a quick kiss on the cheek as you run out to work leaving him at home all day.

You used to tell him 3 times a day how much you loved him, now you tell him 3 times a day to remember to take the washing out of the dryer, very often 'woman's work' in Jamaica.

You used to call him twice a day when he was in Jamaica, now you tell him he can't call Jamaica twice a day to talk to his friends and family...He wants to tell you not to worry, he'll pay the bill when it comes, but then remembers he doesn't have a job......

In my experience, the vast majority of Jamaicans I know would think it was wrong to even allow a dog in the house.

Now he sees yours on your bed, on the sofa and you don't take it kindly when he voices his displeasure.....What, you love your dog more than him??

Then you go walking in the mall.

In Jamaica, he was a lifeguard/taxi driver/woodworker etc, Jamaican women turned their noses up and passed him by. Now, he's seeing flirtacious glances, warm smiles by women refusing to notice his wedding ring....Maybe THEY might be more appreciative of him??

During those long days when you're at work and you don't call, his mind is free to wander.....

He finally gets a job.

It's not something he would have wanted in Jamaica, but he'll take anything just to feel like he's contributing something. Then again, he can buy a car like yours, spend $50 a week on phonecards, buy you that bunch of flowers with his OWN money...He is begining to feel like a man again....

Then, you tell him he'll have to give this amount for the house. What??? He's JUST got a few dollars coming in and now you want that too???

During those long months sitting at home, he has given his number to his friends so they can call, then THEY pay the bill right??

The second he gets the job, he's called home to tell people the good news, he's abroad and he's working, he's on the way!

Then, his friends, family start calling. They want a few dollars, lunch money for their kids, new pair of shoes, school fees, money for a passport, money to go to the doctor etc etc....

After all, when HE was in Jamaica they were there for him through good times and bad times right?

Suddenly his wage packet shrinks a little more.

He stops taking calls from them, doesn't talk to them as much. They begin to reproach him 'You're both working and you can't send me $50?' they say....

Then, you've watched how homesick he is, how he pines for the food, the company and you decide to try and make him happy, you'll both go down for a holiday. You'll work overtime, you'll pay his fare you say....

His heart leaps with joy, to see Jamaica, to smell the familar scents, to see his family even for a short time!

Then, he realises he's going to have to buy clothes. He can't go to Jamaica not looking good!

He goes to the mall, he thinks the $300 he has can surely buy enough.....

Then, a nice pair of sneakers alone is $120, that Rocawear t shirt is $30, etc etc.....

All of a sudden he realises how hard life is....And there you are saying/nodding your head like 'I told you so!'...

He's homesick and angry with life, and needs to vent. Who's there? YOU ARE!!

You can't understand why he's being so tetchy, you work hard to make your lives better, you've sacrificed and saved to get you both this far, you've gone against what your friends and family have suggested and followed your heart, you've lain in bed nights dreaming about how you can be togehter and what life will be like, and here HE IS looking at YOU like YOU'RE the enemy???

But in the long run, I think if you are destined to be together, you will weather the storm....

That was very well said!! My hat is off to this post

LOVE IT. THANK YOU.

[Texas Bound 0]

Thanks Jonesie.....but....at this point, I do want OUT !!! His bags have been packed for over a month (his choice), but he will NOT flippin leave!!! Yes, I could call immigration and have him deported, but...I just don't want him to get into trouble even for HIS stupidity!!!! I've given him options--- leave the country, leave this house, stay here WORK it out, stay here go through AOS then get divorced. I am emotionally exhausted from 8 months of stuff !!!

Thanks B)

I pray that you have a since of peace whatever decision is made. Pray & ask God to guide your steps.

[Texas Bound 0]

Good morning VJ family.

One of my worst nightmares happened this morning --Damien was in a car accident on his way to work. I have no idea how this man walked away without an injury. The car flipped over three times and landed on the driver's side...he had to break the window to get out. The car is totalled...I couldn't tell which end was which. Thank God he was wearing a seat belt or he would be flown from the car in the middle of a 4 lane highway. No other cars were involved...another car cut him off so he lost control trying to avoid hitting a tracker trailor. God is good. Damien still went to work and was worried about being late

Girl, I am so glad he is ok. God truly has a plan for you both. That is so scary.

[Texas Bound 0]

I stay away from this site for two weeks and come back and I am lost! Phew! So much is going on I do not even want to even say anything but hi to you guys. I have not forgotten any of you and for all of you starting this journey, I do hope it will be as much fun as it has been for Iffeisha and I. We are done for the next two years and I am still trying to figure out why it was such an easy process. All those sleepless nights for nothing.

But I will drop in ever so often to make sure I do not get cussed out.

Luv travlin-Keep the faith girl, you will know what to do when the time is right.

Good morning Family,

I am on vacation this week and don't have to fly anywhere so I am in a particularly good mood. I went to JA seven times this year wheew!!!! All I am doing is walking around my apartment organizing and cleaning and making room for my honey. I cant believe that we got approved and he is really on his way!!!! (well, whenever we get the visa in the mail)

Anyway, I am fortunate because I live in NYC and there is plenty of Jamaican food here but I just thought that I would share a website called Sams 24-7.com. It has all kinds of food, clothing, music you name it. I hope it helps some of you get the things that you are craving. B)

Congrats to the moms to be!

Welcome MissJones!

Texasbound- Any news on the visa front yet??

Anyone hear from EricDrewy yet?

OMGosh 7 times. I thought I was bad for 3 times. Spending over 2k over my budge each time. Im tired of flying!!!!

No no news yet. You get your visa yet? Surely something should shake lose for those who went after me. Embassy wouldnt take calls Fri. said they were all in seminars. ...... Yea--I hope it was customer service seminars. Ha.

We have about 3 restaurants here & I havent located any grocery stores--I havent looked so there must be one. Mostly Mexican culture for minority foods here.

[Texas Bound 0]

There was a big rally yesterday in Dallas for Immigration Reform. Mostly mexican immigrants but Im sure it wont hurt all others on the forefront for reform. Last year over a hundred thousand showed up.

Darn it, If people want to come here & work, I say let them!!!!! We have Americans who are born here & dont want to work. Stop the red tape.

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dw...ly.3ce44b7.html

Its funny how now things I never really focused on now affects me personally. I never knew that I would be part of Immigration Issues.

[luvtravlin 0]

We have lots of Jamaican restuarants and grocery stores in our area. Some are good while others are terrible but we have plenty to choose from. We recently found a restuarant called "Jus Jerk" owned by rastas. The chicken is cooked on a open pit like in JA -- the best jerk chicken and festival out of JA. Damien says it's the best (and we've eaten at dozens of restaurants) besides the American jerk chicken I cook for him I guess that's a compliment...not sure

We also to go to a restaurant called Caribbean Delight...he loves their ackee and saltfish and I love their oxtail.

We had a Jamaican day yesterday - started off with chicken from Jus Jerk and festival, then to the Caribbean grocery store to shop for Easter's dinner. Damien got two large HTB easter buns and cheese along with other good food. I got a small round spice bun with cheese which I ate this morning The cricket match was on so we stayed to watch some of it...he was happy to watch the match with other Jamaicans. Afterwards, we went to the Jamaican ice cream store (they have flavors like sweet sop, sour sop, guiness, guineup, mango etc) for his favorite grapenut ice cream...it is very good ice cream, all natural. Then we went to the Caribbean club last night....we danced the entire night. Boy, I am still full and tired....

Hey Shemanya,

Where are those places located exactly? I've searched our area....Ellicott City and Columbia areas and I haven't found any good Jamaican places. There's an African store across the street, but they don't cook stuff. Do you know of any place in my area??

Gosh, that's crazy to hear about Damien !!! I'm happy that he's okay.....AND wearing his flippin seat belt. Yet, another issue with Craig ....NOT wearing his seat belt !

[rhondapayter 0]

Darn it, If people want to come here & work, I say let them!!!!! We have Americans who are born here & dont want to work. Stop the red tape.

I have to disagree with you! There are not enough jobs available as it is. There are so many unemployed people in Michigan - and not for lack of trying!! The economy sucks and all the big 3 auto companies laying everybody off certainly doesn't help. I've been looking for another job for awhile now, but the job market is soooo bad I can't find anything. We have to have restrictions on Immigration!!!

[Shemmy 4]

Hey Shemanya,

Where are those places located exactly? I've searched our area....Ellicott City and Columbia areas and I haven't found any good Jamaican places. There's an African store across the street, but they don't cook stuff. Do you know of any place in my area??

Gosh, that's crazy to hear about Damien !!! I'm happy that he's okay.....AND wearing his flippin seat belt. Yet, another issue with Craig ....NOT wearing his seat belt !

Hey Kelly. Go to www.justjerklanham.com for the chicken and www.yorkcastleicecream. com for the ice cream. There's a store on Baltimore Avenue...there's also a Caribbean Delight and Dunn's River fall restuarants...right off the beltway...there are lots of stores between here and Baltimore.

[nannygirl82 0]

Darn it, If people want to come here & work, I say let them!!!!! We have Americans who are born here & dont want to work. Stop the red tape.

I have to disagree with you! There are not enough jobs available as it is. There are so many unemployed people in Michigan - and not for lack of trying!! The economy sucks and all the big 3 auto companies laying everybody off certainly doesn't help. I've been looking for another job for awhile now, but the job market is soooo bad I can't find anything. We have to have restrictions on Immigration!!!

i really think it depends on where you live and the job situation...most of the mexicans come my way....i live near the mushrooms flields...and trust me no american i know needing a job or not would work there!!! it is smelly and hard work!!! but the mexicans do it cause at least it is a job...they live 10-20 to a likkle house....but if it really were not for them we wouldn't have mushrooms..

[Shemmy 4]

I am so jealous That sounds awesome. I didn't know they had all those icecream flavors! The only one I've ever had is Rum n Raisin - and Hagaan Daaz makes it but it's hard to find and not quite the same. I've never had sweet sop or sour sop - the fruit or the icecream! What's it similar to?

I haven't tried the fruit or the ice cream...I'm not brave enough. I usually get mango sorbet or banana ice cream....soooo good. It's expensive so it's special treat for us.