Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 3)

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

Just wanted to say I'm overwhelmed at the responses to my post, so happy it might help you in some way

Now back to lurking lol!!!

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

Welcome MissJones to the yardies.

I will read that post again when my husband gets here to remind me when things get tough

Thanks, how sweet! You guys are going to be my support team, as my husband is probably getting tired of my complaining about the dreadfull process of bringing him here. And to top it off we are expecting our first child so I am little cranky about the possibility that he might not make it in time. So I just put it in God's hands, and let him do his thang. Thanks for the welcome.

That's exactly what scared me the most, but thank God things are moving forward fairly quickly for me, so seems we'lll definitely be together when the baby's born.......My son keeps complaining he doesn't want me to have an 'American' baby, because it will have an accent lol.....

[Minfay 0]

Happy Sunday everyone!! :dance:

Jax -- Here is the info for the African store. We went yesterday and she had a pretty good selection of Grace items (Mackrell, soups, hot sauces, etc.), canned Ackee ($12.99 a can), Easter Bun (a 24oz loaf cost us $6.05), Jamaican cheese, Saltfish, Milo, canned Caliloo, that Jamaican (heavy) bread, some assorted "soda." She's got a pretty good selection...but it's definitely not like going to a store in Jamaica. For our purposes (mostly saltfish and Grace hot sauce) it's the best just because it's so close to our house. I have never been to the Market in Rogers Park (up by Anna) but I have heard they have a great selection there too. The lady on Howard (in Evanston) has a pretty good selection of things too....

Now -- the "bun" comes from: Caribbean American Baking Co. -- someplace in Chicago. Their phone number is: 773.761.0700.....www.caribbeanamericanbakery.com....might be worth contacting them to see if they sell to the public....they just might.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot: Sesi African Grocery, 17545 S. Kedzie, Hazel Crest 708.206.0334 (they are closed on Sunday's)

[Minfay 0]

Huh?! Who Knew?!?!?!

I just went onto the Caribbean American Baking Co. website -- they do sell directly to the public and they have a pretty good selection......we just might have to take a drive up there....they are on Howard St. too -- on the Chicago/Evanston border....probably really close to the lady who has the Jamaican store (sorry, I can't find her info --she is on Howard St. -- about two blocks EAST of Ridge Road, on the North side of the street....it's a little storefront)

AND -- these are really close to the Market in Rogers Park!! Might be really worth your drive

Edited April 1, 2007 by Minfay

[BelwinMills 0]

Huh?! Who Knew?!?!?!

I just went onto the Caribbean American Baking Co. website -- they do sell directly to the public and they have a pretty good selection......we just might have to take a drive up there....they are on Howard St. too -- on the Chicago/Evanston border....probably really close to the lady who has the Jamaican store (sorry, I can't find her info --she is on Howard St. -- about two blocks EAST of Ridge Road, on the North side of the street....it's a little storefront)

AND -- these are really close to the Market in Rogers Park!! Might be really worth your drive

Thanks Mindy when Dwain gets up here we will have to drive and check it out for sure. I copied it and pasted in a letter. You are awsome much love.

Jax

[BelwinMills 0]

I am due October 24th and I am SOOO scared. But I have faith, and I told my hubby that even if he is not here in time, he will be here eventually. Obviously it's not his fault because I am sure he would be here in a heartbeat. It just sucks because there are other factors that are separating us (my college education, and inability to transfer my credits to a university in JA-plus I am almost done, so might as well finish) and to top it off we are having a little one. But we will see what happens. Trying to remain positive.

Remain postive. Finishing school is the best here in the USA. Degrees in Jamaica aren't the same as the the USA. I am a teacher and my friends in JA can't come and teach here until they get 2 more years of schooling. So you guys are making the best decision. That is the discussion my husband and I had to live there in JA or here in the USA. I wouldn't make real good money down there and I believe if we had kids that they would have more oppurtiuties up here. We are still looking at our options and will talk about it when he gets here. By the time my husband gets here it wil be excatly 9 months since I sent off the I-130.

What are u studying in college? Try not to focus every day on the visa you will drive yourself nutts. Keeping postive I agree is the key .

[Jonesie 1]

Good Sunday afternoon everyone

MissJones - welcome

[luvtravlin 0]

Immigration has basicly in my point of view, taken away their manhood.

Yes, I agree with this. When you're in Jamaica you're on THEIR turf. You have to RELY on them for everything. Where to go, what to do, how to get there, the culture, norms, exchange rate, etc.. Then they get here in the U.S. and they have to rely on YOU for everything. They are not the man of the house or head of the house - you are whether you like it or not. They have to learn a whole new set of rules and laws and cultures and norms. It's a complete role reversal. Add to that the major fact that they can't even work and help "bring home the bacon" and it really depresses them.

I don't believe that I am on "his" turf in Jamaica. I personally have never ever ever had to rely on Craig for anything in Jamaica. I already knew the area, culture, norms, exchange, etc etc waaaaay before I met him. I have friends that have their own ride and have driven us places. I actually showed HIM around Negril and the West End and places to eat and visit. Craig had never gone jet-skiing until I hooked him up with a friends jet ski. He even went to several travel agent functions a couple of times when I was there and he got to see how that whole part of my life was (is).

I do my best to make him feel that "he" is man of the house, but........when he's absolutely NOT trying to be a responsible and mature role model.....????? that's where MY frustration goes out the window. Once he started working I showed him (several) times how to budget. Bought a book for him to start writing things in, keeping track of work, receipts, etc. Showed him how I do my budget every month. I showed him how to file things away, like his pay stubs, work stuff, resumes and trying to keep him organized.

I rarely ask Craig for money, but he NEVER offers it on his own either. The my money is my money....and basically you (being me) pays for everything. That mentality of coming here and the WOMAN paying for EVERYTHING has been Craig's motto....but that was after he got here that I found that out!!

His cousin is here (got married to an American in Jamaica and then came -lives in New York) and his woman is LOADED, so Craig THINKS that I am. I laugh....cause I'm not. I don't own my own house or car and he knew that WAY before he came here. He constantly thinks that "I" am hiding money, but I budget. He ALWAYS says I'm "tight" with my money....yep, I am to a degree. I don't believe in spending LOADS of money on clothes and material things. I don't shop at Nordtroms (sp?)...I'm an Old Navy buff, Target, Walmart and JC Penney's. Craig thinks that since spend "cheap" that my clothes are cheap....whatever. I'd rather spend my money on vacation, but while on vacation I don't spend and spend and spend. I've gone to Jamaica for a week and only had $100 (extra) to spend. So I never had money being "flashed" around. I have TONS of "hook-ups" and don't have to pay for this and that.

Before Craig came here, I went over the "head of the house" stuff......he "said" (a trillion times) that "he understood it would be that way". If I had a penny for everytime he told me that HE would work veeeeeeeery hard to work AND support his family....I would be RICH !!! Unfortunately, that has NEVER happened. I could be driving him back and forth on fumes ...and Craig would NEVER offer to buy gas !!!!

So, in my situation, it's different and I HOPE TO GOD, that noone has to go through what I have gone (and still am) going through!!!

[luvtravlin 0]

Please you guys, don't feel "sorry" for me. Just being realistic with how it is (or may be). I am a VERY strong woman. I keep on truckin and doing my best to make the BEST out of my crappy relationship!!! I truly truly WISH it was different, trust me "I" have done EVERYTHING!!! Craig is the one that makes HIS life miserable. The things he does HE choses to do and screws HIMself over !!!! I will not baby-fy him in ANY way.

If I let this stuff reeeeeally get to me, I would be a total basket case!!!! I keep myself VERY busy, just to not "wally" in all of it.

Also, I'm very fortunate to have TONS of hook-ups here as well. I get 4 tickets (free) to all of our indoor professional soccer games. I'm sooooooo into sports (especially soccer) that now Craig goes around telling everyone that he HATES soccer because of me!!! (although he knew that I was into it --my sons been playing since he was 5)!! Since I do the travel for the owner of one of our arenas here in Maryland, I've been able to score tickets (free) to Cirque du Soleil ...Scream Tour (hip hop/rap concert), Circus, Monster Truck, Indoor Football and then another concert tonight (Street Tour). I had an invite to the Jamaican celebration in DC that I took him to. I had a travel function at Medieval Times 2 weeks ago that I took him to. Craig does NOT appreciate of it !!! Its sad!

[Jonesie 1]

Please you guys, don't feel "sorry" for me. Just being realistic with how it is (or may be). I am a VERY strong woman. I keep on truckin and doing my best to make the BEST out of my crappy relationship!!!

I do see you as a strong woman - the divorce rate in the US is so high because people have an unrealistic view of marriage and when things go rocky, the instinct is to bail.

Marriage takes work and no one is perfect. There are things I do that I know hubby can't stand, and vice versa. Learning how to work together as a team is what has brought us past some of the bad times.

No one can tell you what to do, when to leave, etc. in regards to your marriage - you are sticking with him and IF you feel it's time to go, you will do the best thing for you and your son.

Keep ya head up my girl

of you are mentioning now - the irresponsibility, the lying, the infidelity, the abuse etc., that I would NEVER ever find myself in a relationship with a worthless, good-for-nothing, no-sense-of-values Jamaican man again. (this is where you can all cuss me now).

No cursing but just for the record...we think the same way about our "american men"... I don't think it matter where they come from they are who they are. And never, ever, ever say never!

I think that way about most men...........and lots of women I know.

Beautiful portrait of you and hubby Jomo

Edited April 1, 2007 by Jonesie

[luvtravlin 0]

Thanks Jonesie.....but....at this point, I do want OUT !!! His bags have been packed for over a month (his choice), but he will NOT flippin leave!!! Yes, I could call immigration and have him deported, but...I just don't want him to get into trouble even for HIS stupidity!!!! I've given him options--- leave the country, leave this house, stay here WORK it out, stay here go through AOS then get divorced. I am emotionally exhausted from 8 months of stuff !!!

Thanks B)

[Jonesie 1]

Thanks Jonesie.....but....at this point, I do want OUT !!! His bags have been packed for over a month (his choice), but he will NOT flippin leave!!! Yes, I could call immigration and have him deported, but...I just don't want him to get into trouble even for HIS stupidity!!!! I've given him options--- leave the country, leave this house, stay here WORK it out, stay here go through AOS then get divorced. I am emotionally exhausted from 8 months of stuff !!!

Thanks B)

Well I don't know if you're a spiritual or religious woman - pray about all this. There is a lesson to be learned from it. Now in regards to him not leaving, I understand you don't wanna call INS on him but what's more important - the wellbeing and sanity of you and your son or pleasing him?

[Shemmy 4]

I am due October 24th and I am SOOO scared. But I have faith, and I told my hubby that even if he is not here in time, he will be here eventually. Obviously it's not his fault because I am sure he would be here in a heartbeat. It just sucks because there are other factors that are separating us (my college education, and inability to transfer my credits to a university in JA-plus I am almost done, so might as well finish) and to top it off we are having a little one. But we will see what happens. Trying to remain positive.

Welcome and Congrats on your new baby

[Jonesie 1]

I am due October 24th and I am SOOO scared. But I have faith, and I told my hubby that even if he is not here in time, he will be here eventually. Obviously it's not his fault because I am sure he would be here in a heartbeat. It just sucks because there are other factors that are separating us (my college education, and inability to transfer my credits to a university in JA-plus I am almost done, so might as well finish) and to top it off we are having a little one. But we will see what happens. Trying to remain positive.

Welcome and Congrats on your new baby

Ditto! Things will work out. Are you having a boy or a girl?

[missjones 0]

Thanks Jonesie.....but....at this point, I do want OUT !!! His bags have been packed for over a month (his choice), but he will NOT flippin leave!!! Yes, I could call immigration and have him deported, but...I just don't want him to get into trouble even for HIS stupidity!!!! I've given him options--- leave the country, leave this house, stay here WORK it out, stay here go through AOS then get divorced. I am emotionally exhausted from 8 months of stuff !!!

Thanks B)

I was browsing around and came across your posts, so I hope you don't mind if I put my two cents in. As much as I hate the idea of divorce, I say if you are not happy then go for it, BUT make sure that this is something you want. Is it really worth it after all you have been through to be together? If he is ignorant about his role as a man in the household then he needs to leave. And for him to think that you are rich like his cousin's wife is stupid, because he lives with you and he knows your financial situation. Just as in JA, some people are wealthy some people are not, some people drive a Benz, some people walk and take taxi- he should understand this.

And what is this about you "hiding" money? Does he think you are "hiding" it because you don't want to give him any? That kind of mentality pisses me off, why would you be "hiding" money? It seems to me he is being selfish, inconsiderate and unappreciative, because bringing him here was not an easy task. Regardless of who makes more $ in the household, it should be a natural instinct for him to support his family in any way that he can. And accusing you of "hiding" money is not supportive. Tell him you are tight with your money for a reason, because I am with you about the Old Navy, Target thing.

I am guessing that you are doing everything that you can to take care of the household, so let him know that if he wants to "loosen" the tightness on the funds then he could contribute more, then there would be dollars flying all over the place. But I would strongly suggest that you pray about everything before you make any decisions.

(He got a lot of nerve to accuse you of hiding money- sorry, this is really trippin me out.)