Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 3)

[Ricardo 0]

As for your partner adjusting to life in the US with you, it seems to be hugely stressful which I can definitely understand....

I grew up eating the same food day in and day out in Jamaica, when I came back to the UK, all of a sudden there was this huge array of strange food. For a while it was nice, kinda like eating out for dinner every day, but very quickly I became sick and tired of the food and just wanted 'normal' stuff...Yes, I did cook some, but obviously it wasn't practical every day.

Again, none of the fruit that I had become used to eating, no mangoes, guineps, ortaniques etc.....Even the milk tasted different, the meat, even KFC, Burger King...

In Jamaica, as you all know, it's very different socially, you have friends/relatives dropping by, hanging out on the corner etc etc...Here, all of a sudden it was just me and the 'strangers' that were were my blood relatives.

The TV shows were different, the transportation system was strange, never seen anything like it in Jamaica. All of a sudden, I wasn't one of the crowd, but someone different from it....Was hugely isloating...Again, in Jamaica you know how everything works, you are familiar with the area, but all of a sudden you ask 'stupid' questions, people are amused by your mistakes or misconceptions, you begin to feel like an idiot.

Then comes the work situation. In Jamaica, I was highly qualified for what I wanted to do, could pick and choose jobs. Here, I was an oddity, someone who they weren't quite sure how to deal with. Went from never being turned down for a job in Jamaica to having many interviews here with no luck.

It begins to eat away at your self-confidence, are you not worth anything anymore??

I can only imagine how it must be for some men in a similar situation.

Ie, their girlfriend/wife coming to see them in Jamaica, they are the ones that know where everything is, how things work, what's safe and what's dangerous, what different types of food they'd like etc etc.

All of sudden, they are transported into a world where they have to rely on their woman, the roles are almost completely reversed....Their very manhood is being challenged financially because they have'nothing' to offer.

IN my experience Jamaican men are very proud, men I have dated wouldn't be caught dead going dutch or letting me pay for anything. But in combination with all these other issues, now they can't even buy their woman a bunch of flowers with their own money.

Again, in my experience, the large majority of men have their own accomodation, even if it's just one room. The typical senario is that the woman moves in with them, again this is often reversed. So they have to deal with the foriegn food, the fact they can't 'contribute', the fact they know nothing about the US and they are living in someone's else's 'domain'.

If the relationship wasn't water-tight to begin with, cracks could most definitely begin to appear....

Conversely, depending on the man, it may be that he worked a low-paid, 'low status' job in Jamaica. In my experience, women in 'higher' social positions do not go out with men in 'lower' ones.

Now, all of sudden, the man has attracted a mate like you, in a decent job, nice standard of living. He's emigrating, his friends and family wish they were in his shoes, he has dreams of a charmed life abroad. He is feeling on top of the world.

You've tried to tell him that life abroad is hard, you work hard for your money etc etc.

But he thinks maybe you're exaggerating, after all he sees how you dress, photos of your house/car, heard you exclaim how cheap eating out/cab fares/hotel prices are there....maybe you're downplaying it to him, you might be wanting to see if he'd love you if you had nothing....

Suddenly, he's in a cold country with nothing familiar around him, those long massages you used to give him are replaced by a quick kiss on the cheek as you run out to work leaving him at home all day.

You used to tell him 3 times a day how much you loved him, now you tell him 3 times a day to remember to take the washing out of the dryer, very often 'woman's work' in Jamaica.

You used to call him twice a day when he was in Jamaica, now you tell him he can't call Jamaica twice a day to talk to his friends and family...He wants to tell you not to worry, he'll pay the bill when it comes, but then remembers he doesn't have a job......

In my experience, the vast majority of Jamaicans I know would think it was wrong to even allow a dog in the house.

Now he sees yours on your bed, on the sofa and you don't take it kindly when he voices his displeasure.....What, you love your dog more than him??

Then you go walking in the mall.

In Jamaica, he was a lifeguard/taxi driver/woodworker etc, Jamaican women turned their noses up and passed him by. Now, he's seeing flirtacious glances, warm smiles by women refusing to notice his wedding ring....Maybe THEY might be more appreciative of him??

During those long days when you're at work and you don't call, his mind is free to wander.....

He finally gets a job.

It's not something he would have wanted in Jamaica, but he'll take anything just to feel like he's contributing something. Then again, he can buy a car like yours, spend $50 a week on phonecards, buy you that bunch of flowers with his OWN money...He is begining to feel like a man again....

Then, you tell him he'll have to give this amount for the house. What??? He's JUST got a few dollars coming in and now you want that too???

During those long months sitting at home, he has given his number to his friends so they can call, then THEY pay the bill right??

The second he gets the job, he's called home to tell people the good news, he's abroad and he's working, he's on the way!

Then, his friends, family start calling. They want a few dollars, lunch money for their kids, new pair of shoes, school fees, money for a passport, money to go to the doctor etc etc....

After all, when HE was in Jamaica they were there for him through good times and bad times right?

Suddenly his wage packet shrinks a little more.

He stops taking calls from them, doesn't talk to them as much. They begin to reproach him 'You're both working and you can't send me $50?' they say....

Then, you've watched how homesick he is, how he pines for the food, the company and you decide to try and make him happy, you'll both go down for a holiday. You'll work overtime, you'll pay his fare you say....

His heart leaps with joy, to see Jamaica, to smell the familar scents, to see his family even for a short time!

Then, he realises he's going to have to buy clothes. He can't go to Jamaica not looking good!

He goes to the mall, he thinks the $300 he has can surely buy enough.....

Then, a nice pair of sneakers alone is $120, that Rocawear t shirt is $30, etc etc.....

All of a sudden he realises how hard life is....And there you are saying/nodding your head like 'I told you so!'...

He's homesick and angry with life, and needs to vent. Who's there? YOU ARE!!

You can't understand why he's being so tetchy, you work hard to make your lives better, you've sacrificed and saved to get you both this far, you've gone against what your friends and family have suggested and followed your heart, you've lain in bed nights dreaming about how you can be togehter and what life will be like, and here HE IS looking at YOU like YOU'RE the enemy???

But in the long run, I think if you are destined to be together, you will weather the storm....

WOW!! I wish I was good enough with computers to cut and paste this, save it and print it out. This post reads to me like a guide that I should read every morning when I wake up to remind me of what my man will be feeling and going through. Thank you for your perspective. :)

[Shemmy 4]

As for your partner adjusting to life in the US with you, it seems to be hugely stressful which I can definitely understand....

I grew up eating the same food day in and day out in Jamaica, when I came back to the UK, all of a sudden there was this huge array of strange food. For a while it was nice, kinda like eating out for dinner every day, but very quickly I became sick and tired of the food and just wanted 'normal' stuff...Yes, I did cook some, but obviously it wasn't practical every day.

Again, none of the fruit that I had become used to eating, no mangoes, guineps, ortaniques etc.....Even the milk tasted different, the meat, even KFC, Burger King...

In Jamaica, as you all know, it's very different socially, you have friends/relatives dropping by, hanging out on the corner etc etc...Here, all of a sudden it was just me and the 'strangers' that were were my blood relatives.

The TV shows were different, the transportation system was strange, never seen anything like it in Jamaica. All of a sudden, I wasn't one of the crowd, but someone different from it....Was hugely isloating...Again, in Jamaica you know how everything works, you are familiar with the area, but all of a sudden you ask 'stupid' questions, people are amused by your mistakes or misconceptions, you begin to feel like an idiot.

Then comes the work situation. In Jamaica, I was highly qualified for what I wanted to do, could pick and choose jobs. Here, I was an oddity, someone who they weren't quite sure how to deal with. Went from never being turned down for a job in Jamaica to having many interviews here with no luck.

It begins to eat away at your self-confidence, are you not worth anything anymore??

I can only imagine how it must be for some men in a similar situation.

Ie, their girlfriend/wife coming to see them in Jamaica, they are the ones that know where everything is, how things work, what's safe and what's dangerous, what different types of food they'd like etc etc.

All of sudden, they are transported into a world where they have to rely on their woman, the roles are almost completely reversed....Their very manhood is being challenged financially because they have'nothing' to offer.

IN my experience Jamaican men are very proud, men I have dated wouldn't be caught dead going dutch or letting me pay for anything. But in combination with all these other issues, now they can't even buy their woman a bunch of flowers with their own money.

Again, in my experience, the large majority of men have their own accomodation, even if it's just one room. The typical senario is that the woman moves in with them, again this is often reversed. So they have to deal with the foriegn food, the fact they can't 'contribute', the fact they know nothing about the US and they are living in someone's else's 'domain'.

If the relationship wasn't water-tight to begin with, cracks could most definitely begin to appear....

Conversely, depending on the man, it may be that he worked a low-paid, 'low status' job in Jamaica. In my experience, women in 'higher' social positions do not go out with men in 'lower' ones.

Now, all of sudden, the man has attracted a mate like you, in a decent job, nice standard of living. He's emigrating, his friends and family wish they were in his shoes, he has dreams of a charmed life abroad. He is feeling on top of the world.

You've tried to tell him that life abroad is hard, you work hard for your money etc etc.

But he thinks maybe you're exaggerating, after all he sees how you dress, photos of your house/car, heard you exclaim how cheap eating out/cab fares/hotel prices are there....maybe you're downplaying it to him, you might be wanting to see if he'd love you if you had nothing....

Suddenly, he's in a cold country with nothing familiar around him, those long massages you used to give him are replaced by a quick kiss on the cheek as you run out to work leaving him at home all day.

You used to tell him 3 times a day how much you loved him, now you tell him 3 times a day to remember to take the washing out of the dryer, very often 'woman's work' in Jamaica.

You used to call him twice a day when he was in Jamaica, now you tell him he can't call Jamaica twice a day to talk to his friends and family...He wants to tell you not to worry, he'll pay the bill when it comes, but then remembers he doesn't have a job......

In my experience, the vast majority of Jamaicans I know would think it was wrong to even allow a dog in the house.

Now he sees yours on your bed, on the sofa and you don't take it kindly when he voices his displeasure.....What, you love your dog more than him??

Then you go walking in the mall.

In Jamaica, he was a lifeguard/taxi driver/woodworker etc, Jamaican women turned their noses up and passed him by. Now, he's seeing flirtacious glances, warm smiles by women refusing to notice his wedding ring....Maybe THEY might be more appreciative of him??

During those long days when you're at work and you don't call, his mind is free to wander.....

He finally gets a job.

It's not something he would have wanted in Jamaica, but he'll take anything just to feel like he's contributing something. Then again, he can buy a car like yours, spend $50 a week on phonecards, buy you that bunch of flowers with his OWN money...He is begining to feel like a man again....

Then, you tell him he'll have to give this amount for the house. What??? He's JUST got a few dollars coming in and now you want that too???

During those long months sitting at home, he has given his number to his friends so they can call, then THEY pay the bill right??

The second he gets the job, he's called home to tell people the good news, he's abroad and he's working, he's on the way!

Then, his friends, family start calling. They want a few dollars, lunch money for their kids, new pair of shoes, school fees, money for a passport, money to go to the doctor etc etc....

After all, when HE was in Jamaica they were there for him through good times and bad times right?

Suddenly his wage packet shrinks a little more.

He stops taking calls from them, doesn't talk to them as much. They begin to reproach him 'You're both working and you can't send me $50?' they say....

Then, you've watched how homesick he is, how he pines for the food, the company and you decide to try and make him happy, you'll both go down for a holiday. You'll work overtime, you'll pay his fare you say....

His heart leaps with joy, to see Jamaica, to smell the familar scents, to see his family even for a short time!

Then, he realises he's going to have to buy clothes. He can't go to Jamaica not looking good!

He goes to the mall, he thinks the $300 he has can surely buy enough.....

Then, a nice pair of sneakers alone is $120, that Rocawear t shirt is $30, etc etc.....

All of a sudden he realises how hard life is....And there you are saying/nodding your head like 'I told you so!'...

He's homesick and angry with life, and needs to vent. Who's there? YOU ARE!!

You can't understand why he's being so tetchy, you work hard to make your lives better, you've sacrificed and saved to get you both this far, you've gone against what your friends and family have suggested and followed your heart, you've lain in bed nights dreaming about how you can be togehter and what life will be like, and here HE IS looking at YOU like YOU'RE the enemy???

But in the long run, I think if you are destined to be together, you will weather the storm....

That is great I often put myself in Damien's shoes.

The proud issue - Damien never asked me for anything nor would be let me buy him anything. The few I've done for him is because I wanted to. He is so proud that it used to drive me crazy. His friends from JA sent him money from JA for transportation when he started his first job. I was upset...not that I want to take care of him but we're married so we're suppose to help out each other. He doesn't see it that way.

He was making less than $8 but he paid of share of household bills, paid for groceries and treated me out to "date night" every pay day.

When he started his second job he brought me a nice diamond ring. It bothered him that I was wearing a gold band - which meant more to me.

When we started planning our trips to JA last year, he worked another job at night to pay his expenses. He paid for both of his trips. He won't go back to JA until his money is straight. These are just a few examples.

I learned how to step to the side and let him be the proud man that he is

Edited March 31, 2007 by sjb1221

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

That is great I often put myself in Damien's shoes.

The proud issue - Damien never asked me for anything nor would be let me buy him anything. The few I've done for him is because I wanted to. He is so proud that it used to drive me crazy. His friends from JA sent him money from JA for transportation when he started his first job. I was upset...not that I want to take care of him but we're married so we're suppose to help out each other. He doesn't see it that way.

He was making less than $8 but he paid of share of household bills, paid for groceries and treated me out to "date night" every pay day.

When he started his second job he brought me a nice diamond ring. It bothered him that I was wearing a gold band - which meant more to me.

When we started planning our trips to JA last year, he worked another job at night to pay his expenses. He paid for both of his trips. He won't go back to JA until his money is straight. These are just a few examples.

I learned how to step to the side and let him be the proud man that he is

Guess that's one of the things that makes you love him the way you do

Must warm your heart to know that he wants to contribute, wants to make you smile, show you how much you are appreciated in every way he can

And is willing to do what it takes to ease the load for you....Heartwarming

Edited March 31, 2007 by AlienUKGirl

[Shemmy 4]

That is great I often put myself in Damien's shoes.

The proud issue - Damien never asked me for anything nor would be let me buy him anything. The few I've done for him is because I wanted to. He is so proud that it used to drive me crazy. His friends from JA sent him money from JA for transportation when he started his first job. I was upset...not that I want to take care of him but we're married so we're suppose to help out each other. He doesn't see it that way.

He was making less than $8 but he paid of share of household bills, paid for groceries and treated me out to "date night" every pay day.

When he started his second job he brought me a nice diamond ring. It bothered him that I was wearing a gold band - which meant more to me.

When we started planning our trips to JA last year, he worked another job at night to pay his expenses. He paid for both of his trips. He won't go back to JA until his money is straight. These are just a few examples.

I learned how to step to the side and let him be the proud man that he is

Guess that's one of the things that makes you love him the way you do

Must warm your heart to know that he wants to contribute, wants to make you smile, show you how much you are appreciated in every way he can

And is willing to do what it takes to ease the load for you....Heartwarming

He is a great person. We have our struggles but we find a way to work through them. It's worth it.

[Sonshyne 2]

As for your partner adjusting to life in the US with you, it seems to be hugely stressful which I can definitely understand....

I grew up eating the same food day in and day out in Jamaica, when I came back to the UK, all of a sudden there was this huge array of strange food. For a while it was nice, kinda like eating out for dinner every day, but very quickly I became sick and tired of the food and just wanted 'normal' stuff...Yes, I did cook some, but obviously it wasn't practical every day.

Again, none of the fruit that I had become used to eating, no mangoes, guineps, ortaniques etc.....Even the milk tasted different, the meat, even KFC, Burger King...

In Jamaica, as you all know, it's very different socially, you have friends/relatives dropping by, hanging out on the corner etc etc...Here, all of a sudden it was just me and the 'strangers' that were were my blood relatives.

The TV shows were different, the transportation system was strange, never seen anything like it in Jamaica. All of a sudden, I wasn't one of the crowd, but someone different from it....Was hugely isloating...Again, in Jamaica you know how everything works, you are familiar with the area, but all of a sudden you ask 'stupid' questions, people are amused by your mistakes or misconceptions, you begin to feel like an idiot.

Then comes the work situation. In Jamaica, I was highly qualified for what I wanted to do, could pick and choose jobs. Here, I was an oddity, someone who they weren't quite sure how to deal with. Went from never being turned down for a job in Jamaica to having many interviews here with no luck.

It begins to eat away at your self-confidence, are you not worth anything anymore??

I can only imagine how it must be for some men in a similar situation.

Ie, their girlfriend/wife coming to see them in Jamaica, they are the ones that know where everything is, how things work, what's safe and what's dangerous, what different types of food they'd like etc etc.

All of sudden, they are transported into a world where they have to rely on their woman, the roles are almost completely reversed....Their very manhood is being challenged financially because they have'nothing' to offer.

IN my experience Jamaican men are very proud, men I have dated wouldn't be caught dead going dutch or letting me pay for anything. But in combination with all these other issues, now they can't even buy their woman a bunch of flowers with their own money.

Again, in my experience, the large majority of men have their own accomodation, even if it's just one room. The typical senario is that the woman moves in with them, again this is often reversed. So they have to deal with the foriegn food, the fact they can't 'contribute', the fact they know nothing about the US and they are living in someone's else's 'domain'.

If the relationship wasn't water-tight to begin with, cracks could most definitely begin to appear....

Conversely, depending on the man, it may be that he worked a low-paid, 'low status' job in Jamaica. In my experience, women in 'higher' social positions do not go out with men in 'lower' ones.

Now, all of sudden, the man has attracted a mate like you, in a decent job, nice standard of living. He's emigrating, his friends and family wish they were in his shoes, he has dreams of a charmed life abroad. He is feeling on top of the world.

You've tried to tell him that life abroad is hard, you work hard for your money etc etc.

But he thinks maybe you're exaggerating, after all he sees how you dress, photos of your house/car, heard you exclaim how cheap eating out/cab fares/hotel prices are there....maybe you're downplaying it to him, you might be wanting to see if he'd love you if you had nothing....

Suddenly, he's in a cold country with nothing familiar around him, those long massages you used to give him are replaced by a quick kiss on the cheek as you run out to work leaving him at home all day.

You used to tell him 3 times a day how much you loved him, now you tell him 3 times a day to remember to take the washing out of the dryer, very often 'woman's work' in Jamaica.

You used to call him twice a day when he was in Jamaica, now you tell him he can't call Jamaica twice a day to talk to his friends and family...He wants to tell you not to worry, he'll pay the bill when it comes, but then remembers he doesn't have a job......

In my experience, the vast majority of Jamaicans I know would think it was wrong to even allow a dog in the house.

Now he sees yours on your bed, on the sofa and you don't take it kindly when he voices his displeasure.....What, you love your dog more than him??

Then you go walking in the mall.

In Jamaica, he was a lifeguard/taxi driver/woodworker etc, Jamaican women turned their noses up and passed him by. Now, he's seeing flirtacious glances, warm smiles by women refusing to notice his wedding ring....Maybe THEY might be more appreciative of him??

During those long days when you're at work and you don't call, his mind is free to wander.....

He finally gets a job.

It's not something he would have wanted in Jamaica, but he'll take anything just to feel like he's contributing something. Then again, he can buy a car like yours, spend $50 a week on phonecards, buy you that bunch of flowers with his OWN money...He is begining to feel like a man again....

Then, you tell him he'll have to give this amount for the house. What??? He's JUST got a few dollars coming in and now you want that too???

During those long months sitting at home, he has given his number to his friends so they can call, then THEY pay the bill right??

The second he gets the job, he's called home to tell people the good news, he's abroad and he's working, he's on the way!

Then, his friends, family start calling. They want a few dollars, lunch money for their kids, new pair of shoes, school fees, money for a passport, money to go to the doctor etc etc....

After all, when HE was in Jamaica they were there for him through good times and bad times right?

Suddenly his wage packet shrinks a little more.

He stops taking calls from them, doesn't talk to them as much. They begin to reproach him 'You're both working and you can't send me $50?' they say....

Then, you've watched how homesick he is, how he pines for the food, the company and you decide to try and make him happy, you'll both go down for a holiday. You'll work overtime, you'll pay his fare you say....

His heart leaps with joy, to see Jamaica, to smell the familar scents, to see his family even for a short time!

Then, he realises he's going to have to buy clothes. He can't go to Jamaica not looking good!

He goes to the mall, he thinks the $300 he has can surely buy enough.....

Then, a nice pair of sneakers alone is $120, that Rocawear t shirt is $30, etc etc.....

All of a sudden he realises how hard life is....And there you are saying/nodding your head like 'I told you so!'...

He's homesick and angry with life, and needs to vent. Who's there? YOU ARE!!

You can't understand why he's being so tetchy, you work hard to make your lives better, you've sacrificed and saved to get you both this far, you've gone against what your friends and family have suggested and followed your heart, you've lain in bed nights dreaming about how you can be togehter and what life will be like, and here HE IS looking at YOU like YOU'RE the enemy???

But in the long run, I think if you are destined to be together, you will weather the storm....

That was very well said!! My hat is off to this post

[BelwinMills 0]

As for your partner adjusting to life in the US with you, it seems to be hugely stressful which I can definitely understand....

I grew up eating the same food day in and day out in Jamaica, when I came back to the UK, all of a sudden there was this huge array of strange food. For a while it was nice, kinda like eating out for dinner every day, but very quickly I became sick and tired of the food and just wanted 'normal' stuff...Yes, I did cook some, but obviously it wasn't practical every day.

Again, none of the fruit that I had become used to eating, no mangoes, guineps, ortaniques etc.....Even the milk tasted different, the meat, even KFC, Burger King...

In Jamaica, as you all know, it's very different socially, you have friends/relatives dropping by, hanging out on the corner etc etc...Here, all of a sudden it was just me and the 'strangers' that were were my blood relatives.

The TV shows were different, the transportation system was strange, never seen anything like it in Jamaica. All of a sudden, I wasn't one of the crowd, but someone different from it....Was hugely isloating...Again, in Jamaica you know how everything works, you are familiar with the area, but all of a sudden you ask 'stupid' questions, people are amused by your mistakes or misconceptions, you begin to feel like an idiot.

Then comes the work situation. In Jamaica, I was highly qualified for what I wanted to do, could pick and choose jobs. Here, I was an oddity, someone who they weren't quite sure how to deal with. Went from never being turned down for a job in Jamaica to having many interviews here with no luck.

It begins to eat away at your self-confidence, are you not worth anything anymore??

I can only imagine how it must be for some men in a similar situation.

Ie, their girlfriend/wife coming to see them in Jamaica, they are the ones that know where everything is, how things work, what's safe and what's dangerous, what different types of food they'd like etc etc.

All of sudden, they are transported into a world where they have to rely on their woman, the roles are almost completely reversed....Their very manhood is being challenged financially because they have'nothing' to offer.

IN my experience Jamaican men are very proud, men I have dated wouldn't be caught dead going dutch or letting me pay for anything. But in combination with all these other issues, now they can't even buy their woman a bunch of flowers with their own money.

Again, in my experience, the large majority of men have their own accomodation, even if it's just one room. The typical senario is that the woman moves in with them, again this is often reversed. So they have to deal with the foriegn food, the fact they can't 'contribute', the fact they know nothing about the US and they are living in someone's else's 'domain'.

If the relationship wasn't water-tight to begin with, cracks could most definitely begin to appear....

Conversely, depending on the man, it may be that he worked a low-paid, 'low status' job in Jamaica. In my experience, women in 'higher' social positions do not go out with men in 'lower' ones.

Now, all of sudden, the man has attracted a mate like you, in a decent job, nice standard of living. He's emigrating, his friends and family wish they were in his shoes, he has dreams of a charmed life abroad. He is feeling on top of the world.

You've tried to tell him that life abroad is hard, you work hard for your money etc etc.

But he thinks maybe you're exaggerating, after all he sees how you dress, photos of your house/car, heard you exclaim how cheap eating out/cab fares/hotel prices are there....maybe you're downplaying it to him, you might be wanting to see if he'd love you if you had nothing....

Suddenly, he's in a cold country with nothing familiar around him, those long massages you used to give him are replaced by a quick kiss on the cheek as you run out to work leaving him at home all day.

You used to tell him 3 times a day how much you loved him, now you tell him 3 times a day to remember to take the washing out of the dryer, very often 'woman's work' in Jamaica.

You used to call him twice a day when he was in Jamaica, now you tell him he can't call Jamaica twice a day to talk to his friends and family...He wants to tell you not to worry, he'll pay the bill when it comes, but then remembers he doesn't have a job......

In my experience, the vast majority of Jamaicans I know would think it was wrong to even allow a dog in the house.

Now he sees yours on your bed, on the sofa and you don't take it kindly when he voices his displeasure.....What, you love your dog more than him??

Then you go walking in the mall.

In Jamaica, he was a lifeguard/taxi driver/woodworker etc, Jamaican women turned their noses up and passed him by. Now, he's seeing flirtacious glances, warm smiles by women refusing to notice his wedding ring....Maybe THEY might be more appreciative of him??

During those long days when you're at work and you don't call, his mind is free to wander.....

He finally gets a job.

It's not something he would have wanted in Jamaica, but he'll take anything just to feel like he's contributing something. Then again, he can buy a car like yours, spend $50 a week on phonecards, buy you that bunch of flowers with his OWN money...He is begining to feel like a man again....

Then, you tell him he'll have to give this amount for the house. What??? He's JUST got a few dollars coming in and now you want that too???

During those long months sitting at home, he has given his number to his friends so they can call, then THEY pay the bill right??

The second he gets the job, he's called home to tell people the good news, he's abroad and he's working, he's on the way!

Then, his friends, family start calling. They want a few dollars, lunch money for their kids, new pair of shoes, school fees, money for a passport, money to go to the doctor etc etc....

After all, when HE was in Jamaica they were there for him through good times and bad times right?

Suddenly his wage packet shrinks a little more.

He stops taking calls from them, doesn't talk to them as much. They begin to reproach him 'You're both working and you can't send me $50?' they say....

Then, you've watched how homesick he is, how he pines for the food, the company and you decide to try and make him happy, you'll both go down for a holiday. You'll work overtime, you'll pay his fare you say....

His heart leaps with joy, to see Jamaica, to smell the familar scents, to see his family even for a short time!

Then, he realises he's going to have to buy clothes. He can't go to Jamaica not looking good!

He goes to the mall, he thinks the $300 he has can surely buy enough.....

Then, a nice pair of sneakers alone is $120, that Rocawear t shirt is $30, etc etc.....

All of a sudden he realises how hard life is....And there you are saying/nodding your head like 'I told you so!'...

He's homesick and angry with life, and needs to vent. Who's there? YOU ARE!!

You can't understand why he's being so tetchy, you work hard to make your lives better, you've sacrificed and saved to get you both this far, you've gone against what your friends and family have suggested and followed your heart, you've lain in bed nights dreaming about how you can be togehter and what life will be like, and here HE IS looking at YOU like YOU'RE the enemy???

But in the long run, I think if you are destined to be together, you will weather the storm....

WEll put

[Marie876 0]

Morning everyone! Hope your weekends are all off to a good start. I want to be as educated as I possibly can about everything so I made a goal to read through parts 1-3 of "Yardies, at home and a farrin'" I realized there are so many vets of VJ...I really would wish some of them would visit every now and then just to update everyone on how things are going with them. So if any of you keep in contact with them, pass the message on

[rhondapayter 0]

Immigration has basicly in my point of view, taken away their manhood.

Yes, I agree with this. When you're in Jamaica you're on THEIR turf. You have to RELY on them for everything. Where to go, what to do, how to get there, the culture, norms, exchange rate, etc.. Then they get here in the U.S. and they have to rely on YOU for everything. They are not the man of the house or head of the house - you are whether you like it or not. They have to learn a whole new set of rules and laws and cultures and norms. It's a complete role reversal. Add to that the major fact that they can't even work and help "bring home the bacon" and it really depresses them.

[rhondapayter 0]

Can't you guys get Jamaican food where you are? We have only one restaurant (that I know of) that cooks any decent Jamaican food. But, we have 2 international grocery stores and our local farmer's market where we buy everything we need. Andre is the cook in our family and cooks Jamaican dishes nearly every single night. We have saltfish, oxtail, goat, fish, mackrel, ackee (thank God that is back in the stores even if it is big $$$$), callaloo, yam, plantain, coconuts, breadfruit, etc. The only real issues we've had are that he doesn't like our pork and beans.

You're lucky! Where do you live? I'm guessing NYC or Miami - places where there's a large Jamaican population usually have the stuff more readily available. We have one JA store we've found about a 20 min. drive from us (in Detroit). We can't get certain things (breadfruit, goat) but most of the others are there. Tony doesn't like the fish though because it's frozen - not fresh. Also, they only have tin Ackee - I wish they had the real thing That's my favorite JA dish - ackee and saltfish! Tony laughs at me because I eat it EVERY day while I'm in JA - once for two weeks straight!

[rhondapayter 0]

We usually buy our 50 lb. bag of rice in the Japan section. (It never ceases to amaze me how much rice we can eat!)

Oh my gosh 50 lbs. ??!!!!!!

[rhondapayter 0]

that when he comes in can he just try his best to put away his stuff.... like glasses, CD player, shirt laying around the kitchen, cup in another location, lights on, doors open.

I'm always turning off lights all throughout the house I don't understand why Tony leaves the lights all on - he's only in 1 room but the lights are on in 3 other rooms!!

[brownnskinn 0]

As for your partner adjusting to life in the US with you, it seems to be hugely stressful which I can definitely understand....

I grew up eating the same food day in and day out in Jamaica, when I came back to the UK, all of a sudden there was this huge array of strange food. For a while it was nice, kinda like eating out for dinner every day, but very quickly I became sick and tired of the food and just wanted 'normal' stuff...Yes, I did cook some, but obviously it wasn't practical every day.

Again, none of the fruit that I had become used to eating, no mangoes, guineps, ortaniques etc.....Even the milk tasted different, the meat, even KFC, Burger King...

In Jamaica, as you all know, it's very different socially, you have friends/relatives dropping by, hanging out on the corner etc etc...Here, all of a sudden it was just me and the 'strangers' that were were my blood relatives.

The TV shows were different, the transportation system was strange, never seen anything like it in Jamaica. All of a sudden, I wasn't one of the crowd, but someone different from it....Was hugely isloating...Again, in Jamaica you know how everything works, you are familiar with the area, but all of a sudden you ask 'stupid' questions, people are amused by your mistakes or misconceptions, you begin to feel like an idiot.

Then comes the work situation. In Jamaica, I was highly qualified for what I wanted to do, could pick and choose jobs. Here, I was an oddity, someone who they weren't quite sure how to deal with. Went from never being turned down for a job in Jamaica to having many interviews here with no luck.

It begins to eat away at your self-confidence, are you not worth anything anymore??

I can only imagine how it must be for some men in a similar situation.

Ie, their girlfriend/wife coming to see them in Jamaica, they are the ones that know where everything is, how things work, what's safe and what's dangerous, what different types of food they'd like etc etc.

All of sudden, they are transported into a world where they have to rely on their woman, the roles are almost completely reversed....Their very manhood is being challenged financially because they have'nothing' to offer.

IN my experience Jamaican men are very proud, men I have dated wouldn't be caught dead going dutch or letting me pay for anything. But in combination with all these other issues, now they can't even buy their woman a bunch of flowers with their own money.

Again, in my experience, the large majority of men have their own accomodation, even if it's just one room. The typical senario is that the woman moves in with them, again this is often reversed. So they have to deal with the foriegn food, the fact they can't 'contribute', the fact they know nothing about the US and they are living in someone's else's 'domain'.

If the relationship wasn't water-tight to begin with, cracks could most definitely begin to appear....

Conversely, depending on the man, it may be that he worked a low-paid, 'low status' job in Jamaica. In my experience, women in 'higher' social positions do not go out with men in 'lower' ones.

Now, all of sudden, the man has attracted a mate like you, in a decent job, nice standard of living. He's emigrating, his friends and family wish they were in his shoes, he has dreams of a charmed life abroad. He is feeling on top of the world.

You've tried to tell him that life abroad is hard, you work hard for your money etc etc.

But he thinks maybe you're exaggerating, after all he sees how you dress, photos of your house/car, heard you exclaim how cheap eating out/cab fares/hotel prices are there....maybe you're downplaying it to him, you might be wanting to see if he'd love you if you had nothing....

Suddenly, he's in a cold country with nothing familiar around him, those long massages you used to give him are replaced by a quick kiss on the cheek as you run out to work leaving him at home all day.

You used to tell him 3 times a day how much you loved him, now you tell him 3 times a day to remember to take the washing out of the dryer, very often 'woman's work' in Jamaica.

You used to call him twice a day when he was in Jamaica, now you tell him he can't call Jamaica twice a day to talk to his friends and family...He wants to tell you not to worry, he'll pay the bill when it comes, but then remembers he doesn't have a job......

In my experience, the vast majority of Jamaicans I know would think it was wrong to even allow a dog in the house.

Now he sees yours on your bed, on the sofa and you don't take it kindly when he voices his displeasure.....What, you love your dog more than him??

Then you go walking in the mall.

In Jamaica, he was a lifeguard/taxi driver/woodworker etc, Jamaican women turned their noses up and passed him by. Now, he's seeing flirtacious glances, warm smiles by women refusing to notice his wedding ring....Maybe THEY might be more appreciative of him??

During those long days when you're at work and you don't call, his mind is free to wander.....

He finally gets a job.

It's not something he would have wanted in Jamaica, but he'll take anything just to feel like he's contributing something. Then again, he can buy a car like yours, spend $50 a week on phonecards, buy you that bunch of flowers with his OWN money...He is begining to feel like a man again....

Then, you tell him he'll have to give this amount for the house. What??? He's JUST got a few dollars coming in and now you want that too???

During those long months sitting at home, he has given his number to his friends so they can call, then THEY pay the bill right??

The second he gets the job, he's called home to tell people the good news, he's abroad and he's working, he's on the way!

Then, his friends, family start calling. They want a few dollars, lunch money for their kids, new pair of shoes, school fees, money for a passport, money to go to the doctor etc etc....

After all, when HE was in Jamaica they were there for him through good times and bad times right?

Suddenly his wage packet shrinks a little more.

He stops taking calls from them, doesn't talk to them as much. They begin to reproach him 'You're both working and you can't send me $50?' they say....

Then, you've watched how homesick he is, how he pines for the food, the company and you decide to try and make him happy, you'll both go down for a holiday. You'll work overtime, you'll pay his fare you say....

His heart leaps with joy, to see Jamaica, to smell the familar scents, to see his family even for a short time!

Then, he realises he's going to have to buy clothes. He can't go to Jamaica not looking good!

He goes to the mall, he thinks the $300 he has can surely buy enough.....

Then, a nice pair of sneakers alone is $120, that Rocawear t shirt is $30, etc etc.....

All of a sudden he realises how hard life is....And there you are saying/nodding your head like 'I told you so!'...

He's homesick and angry with life, and needs to vent. Who's there? YOU ARE!!

You can't understand why he's being so tetchy, you work hard to make your lives better, you've sacrificed and saved to get you both this far, you've gone against what your friends and family have suggested and followed your heart, you've lain in bed nights dreaming about how you can be togehter and what life will be like, and here HE IS looking at YOU like YOU'RE the enemy???

But in the long run, I think if you are destined to be together, you will weather the storm....

WOW!! I wish I was good enough with computers to cut and paste this, save it and print it out. This post reads to me like a guide that I should read every morning when I wake up to remind me of what my man will be feeling and going through. Thank you for your perspective. :)

That was great!!!!!

[rhondapayter 0]

Next time put a warning label DO NOT VIEW AT WORK!!! Girl I laugh so loud my co-worker came to see what was goin on!!! THANKS I NEEDED THAT!!!!

No fair I can't get to it from work - it's blocked!!! I'll have to wait til I get home!

[rhondapayter 0]

I would kid him all the time saying if I were younger or he were old I wouldn't let him get away. There is a LARGE age difference between us and it has never bothered him. It was me that held off because of it.

Woman, you're killing me here How old are you? How old is he? You keep mentioning the HUGE age difference and my curiosity is getting the best of me. Are you 80 and he's 20? Anything less than that is fine by me!! I'm calling you Stella from now on ( I love that movie!)

[rhondapayter 0]

You can't understand why he's being so tetchy, you work hard to make your lives better, you've sacrificed and saved to get you both this far, you've gone against what your friends and family have suggested and followed your heart, you've lain in bed nights dreaming about how you can be togehter and what life will be like, and here HE IS looking at YOU like YOU'RE the enemy???

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!! Truer words have never been spoken! I was nodding my head the whole time I was reading this. I think I will print it out to read every time I run out of patience or get exasperated with Tony. Wow. Thank you.