The First Year...

[*Maureen* 0]

Well, you should explain to your husband about the missing sock theory. It's been almost three years since my husband has been here and it still amazes him that two socks go in and sometimes only one makes it through...lol

[brnidokiegurl 0]

I kinda miss spoke for us, we will be married 2 years in Nov but he has just been here since the end of last January

[allousa 1]

Lot's of good comments here.

Hicham and I will be married 9 years next year! Whew!!!!! He'll have been home 2 years next March. Even though we lived together for a couple of years before he got stuck in Morocco, we still had an adjustment phase when he came back. And quite honestly, the first year was HELL!!!! Things were different as well since we had a son that changed the dynamics of our relationship.

I can tell a BIG difference now approaching the 2 year mark. We've also had our moments that our relationship was at the breaking point. BUT, we have struggled through trying to communicate better and get better and better at it everyday.

The biggest things that I've learned are that:

1) Language is STILL a barrier. Even though Hicham's English is exceptional, there are still words that he might not understand or that have a different meaning to him. This can result in disagreements, but again, communicate through it.

2) Being away from their family is EXTREMELY difficult. I would venture to say that many MENA SOs are very tight with their family and it's hard to be so far away. Hicham has certain times that he calls his family each week and I make sure he doesn't have interruptions.

3) Don't expect them to know what you want from them. When it comes to housework, jobs....whatever! They can't read your minds. Let them know what your expectations are.

Different things work for different people, this is just what has worked for us!

Good luck to everyone trying to find their way through this journey!

[ya falaha! 0]

Thanks, love!

I appreciate your honesty, Sara. We've had those not sure we're gonna make it moments, too. We've been together 5 yrs, married nearly 4. We still have ups and downs, but don't all marriages? Or at least most? I thought the "visa journey" was the worst but never expected that living day to day life would actually be the most difficult. I laugh now when I remember myself back in those "vj" days. What a wuss I was!

I have no real advice to give as what works for us may not work for anyone else. I will say that an open line of communication is real important. Also, lots of understanding on both ends. Some common interests help. I know this is TMI but an active/exciting sex life doesn't hurt either.

I'm not going to list out all our ups and downs but I am with Moody on this one, it was more like 2 years for us to settle in and work out the kinks. the rough times were rough, I wont sugar coat it, and I wasnt always sure we would make it, but right now we are one month away from our 5th anniversary. So those of you who find the adjustment period MUCH harder than you expected, take heart

I agree We've been together almost 4 years and he has been here 1.5 years. It has been total work for both of us but I agree with you Astarte...you make a lot of sense.

[ya falaha! 0]

Yeah I'm with you about the mind reading thing. I used to sit and stew because Moh wasn't helping out enough and I *thought* he should be thoughtful enough to just pitch in without asking. Yeah, no. My husband can be thoughtful but I have to put the bug in his head about what I want first.

Here's a shocker for all of you, I'm not always easy to live with. I can be selfish about my own space. It took awhile for me to get back into sharing my home with a man again. I want things done when I want and how I want and many of our problems were due to me not wanting to let go a little. So the adjustment phase troubles were mostly due to two ppl who had to learn to live with each other and adjust themselves accordingly.

Lot's of good comments here.

Hicham and I will be married 9 years next year! Whew!!!!! He'll have been home 2 years next March. Even though we lived together for a couple of years before he got stuck in Morocco, we still had an adjustment phase when he came back. And quite honestly, the first year was HELL!!!! Things were different as well since we had a son that changed the dynamics of our relationship.

I can tell a BIG difference now approaching the 2 year mark. We've also had our moments that our relationship was at the breaking point. BUT, we have struggled through trying to communicate better and get better and better at it everyday.

The biggest things that I've learned are that:

1) Language is STILL a barrier. Even though Hicham's English is exceptional, there are still words that he might not understand or that have a different meaning to him. This can result in disagreements, but again, communicate through it.

2) Being away from their family is EXTREMELY difficult. I would venture to say that many MENA SOs are very tight with their family and it's hard to be so far away. Hicham has certain times that he calls his family each week and I make sure he doesn't have interruptions.

3) Don't expect them to know what you want from them. When it comes to housework, jobs....whatever! They can't read your minds. Let them know what your expectations are.

Different things work for different people, this is just what has worked for us!

Good luck to everyone trying to find their way through this journey!

Edited October 15, 2009 by Astarte

[sara535 15]

Bite your tongue, sugar. I just dont beleive that for a minute

Yeah I'm with you about the mind reading thing. I used to sit and stew because Moh wasn't helping out enough and I *thought* he should be thoughtful enough to just pitch in without asking. Yeah, no. My husband can be thoughtful but I have to put the bug in his head about what I want first.

Here's a shocker for all of you, I'm not always easy to live with. I can be selfish about my own space. It took awhile for me to get back into sharing my home with a man again. I want things done when I want and how I want and many of our problems were due to me not wanting to let go a little. So the adjustment phase troubles were mostly due to two ppl who had to learn to live with each other and adjust themselves accordingly.

Lot's of good comments here.

Hicham and I will be married 9 years next year! Whew!!!!! He'll have been home 2 years next March. Even though we lived together for a couple of years before he got stuck in Morocco, we still had an adjustment phase when he came back. And quite honestly, the first year was HELL!!!! Things were different as well since we had a son that changed the dynamics of our relationship.

I can tell a BIG difference now approaching the 2 year mark. We've also had our moments that our relationship was at the breaking point. BUT, we have struggled through trying to communicate better and get better and better at it everyday.

The biggest things that I've learned are that:

1) Language is STILL a barrier. Even though Hicham's English is exceptional, there are still words that he might not understand or that have a different meaning to him. This can result in disagreements, but again, communicate through it.

2) Being away from their family is EXTREMELY difficult. I would venture to say that many MENA SOs are very tight with their family and it's hard to be so far away. Hicham has certain times that he calls his family each week and I make sure he doesn't have interruptions.

3) Don't expect them to know what you want from them. When it comes to housework, jobs....whatever! They can't read your minds. Let them know what your expectations are.

Different things work for different people, this is just what has worked for us!

Good luck to everyone trying to find their way through this journey!

[ya falaha! 0]

I know, I know it is hard to believe, right?

[morocco4ever 63]

Better than living with Len. She won't do the dishes...

Our first year was rough too. And we still have our ups and downs after he has been here almost 3 years. We are both stubborn, so an extra challenge. We are having our 5 year anniversary next week, and yes we are still very much in love. There is always give and take to a marriage. Some marriages are easier than others. Cross culture marriages are almost always going to bring in a new set of difficulties. The key is patience and lots of communication. You're doing great so far!

[CasandraYounes 0]

I just wanted to say that I enjoy all of the advice and stories that everyone is posting. This really gives me a heads up of what to be mindful of and expect once Aziz gets here in almost 3 weeks. I am so scared and not sure how to handle myself, but I will definitely be looking forward to posting about it a year from now.

[bhajishah 4]

Yah and dont look at it for companionship and 50/50

look at it as long term international adoption of say 13 yo boy

likes girls, computers, video games, holly wood , fame and fortune.

then you be allright

[ya fallaha! 0]

In some cases, I'd say you're spot on with that observation.

Yah and dont look at it for companionship and 50/50

look at it as long term international adoption of say 13 yo boy

likes girls, computers, video games, holly wood , fame and fortune.

then you be allright

[bhajishah 4]

you know what i say, whatever floats grandmas boat. It is good alternative to empty nest syndrome. however plan on sharing wages and social security to its fullest extent.

[Staashi 371]

In some cases, I'd say you're spot on with that observation.

Yah and dont look at it for companionship and 50/50

look at it as long term international adoption of say 13 yo boy

likes girls, computers, video games, holly wood , fame and fortune.

then you be allright

[ya fallaha! 0]

You're simply the best!

you know what i say, whatever floats grandmas boat. It is good alternative to empty nest syndrome. however plan on sharing wages and social security to its fullest extent.

[LaL 418]

You're simply the best!

better than all the rest!