Sending money

[b_weeks 6]

Well, if you are comfortable in the relationship, and feel it is genuine. What will sending her 1 or 2 hunder hurt? I dont know where she is from or what kind of lifestyle she is used to.

For me, it was a no brainer. I knew my fiance at the time didn't have much. She worked alot with her parents. So sending her a little here and there so she could go out and buy something nice for herself, make her feel better.

This whole process not only stresses you, but also stresses your fiance. I looked at it as "If I can do anything to take away some of her worries or stress, I will."

Not sure how much she is talking about, but I think sending 100 or 200 isn't hurting anything.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Well, if you are comfortable in the relationship, and feel it is genuine. What will sending her 1 or 2 hunder hurt? I dont know where she is from or what kind of lifestyle she is used to.

For me, it was a no brainer. I knew my fiance at the time didn't have much. She worked alot with her parents. So sending her a little here and there so she could go out and buy something nice for herself, make her feel better.

This whole process not only stresses you, but also stresses your fiance. I looked at it as "If I can do anything to take away some of her worries or stress, I will."

Not sure how much she is talking about, but I think sending 100 or 200 isn't hurting anything.

I don't think it's the money that's the point. Vietnamese girls don't generally ask their fiance for money unless they really need it, and it's something that would normally be his responsibility to pay for. For example, if she's making arrangements for your engagement ceremony then she might ask you to send some money to pay for the ao dai or book the restaurant, etc. Asking her fiance to send money so she can buy clothes would be like an American asking a friend to go out and buy them a birthday present - many would consider it sort of rude or presumptuous, or taking advantage of someone's good will.

On the other hand, she has an American fiance. Her friends are going to expect to see some changes in her social status. Nice clothes, bobbles, and other gifts tell the people she knows that she definitely belongs to someone important. Even relatively meager earnings in the US would be considered wealth by Vietnamese standards. I've had several Vietnamese friends remind me that I should be making sure that Phuong has a visibly better lifestyle now that we're engaged. They tell me that she won't ask me to do this (and she never has) but her self respect and standing in the community will depend on it.

Consequently, I've made sure that everyone knows Phuong and her kids are being taken care of since we became formally engaged. She's had her home painted, her driveway paved, and an assortment of new clothes. She even had a western style toilet installed (this was for MY benefit ). She also has a new laptop, and a DSL hookup in her home. She usually has friends or other family members over for dinner because she's always got good food, and enough to share. Today, she went out to buy a new stove because rodents had chewed up the hoses in her old stove. Phuong never asked me for any of this, but I made sure she got it, and she makes it very clear to me how much she appreciates it.

Would the consulate think I was "buying" a fiancee? Maybe. But these things are honestly costing me less than a date every Friday night, and it's made an enormous difference in the quality of her life. I haven't decided yet whether she'll bring the Western Union receipts to the interview. I'll ask Marc what he thinks next time I talk to him.

In Carrick's case, his fiancee's request might just be a gentle nudge that she's getting some pressure from her friends.

[SuperDuper! 230]

i wont mentioned the money sent in my timeline.

IF you think like a CO, they might think there's an alterior motive from your fiance. Most of us send money because we care about our love one. I am not sure if the CO will look at it that way.

THere has never been a person denied a visa because he sent the girl he loves a few dollars. I think some are being way too cautious and even paranoid. Relax, and try to enjoy yourselves!

[lindal24 1]

In a country where fraud is high, it can be seen as suspicious...

A spouse can send a SO money, that's not the issue--the issue is 1. Do you mention it in your petition and 2.Is the SO asking for money for unreasonable requests (redflag for US citizen...).

[ScottThuy 140]

Well, if you are comfortable in the relationship, and feel it is genuine. What will sending her 1 or 2 hunder hurt? I dont know where she is from or what kind of lifestyle she is used to.

For me, it was a no brainer. I knew my fiance at the time didn't have much. She worked alot with her parents. So sending her a little here and there so she could go out and buy something nice for herself, make her feel better.

This whole process not only stresses you, but also stresses your fiance. I looked at it as "If I can do anything to take away some of her worries or stress, I will."

Not sure how much she is talking about, but I think sending 100 or 200 isn't hurting anything.

I don't think it's the money that's the point. Vietnamese girls don't generally ask their fiance for money unless they really need it, and it's something that would normally be his responsibility to pay for. For example, if she's making arrangements for your engagement ceremony then she might ask you to send some money to pay for the ao dai or book the restaurant, etc. Asking her fiance to send money so she can buy clothes would be like an American asking a friend to go out and buy them a birthday present - many would consider it sort of rude or presumptuous, or taking advantage of someone's good will.

On the other hand, she has an American fiance. Her friends are going to expect to see some changes in her social status. Nice clothes, bobbles, and other gifts tell the people she knows that she definitely belongs to someone important. Even relatively meager earnings in the US would be considered wealth by Vietnamese standards. I've had several Vietnamese friends remind me that I should be making sure that Phuong has a visibly better lifestyle now that we're engaged. They tell me that she won't ask me to do this (and she never has) but her self respect and standing in the community will depend on it.

Consequently, I've made sure that everyone knows Phuong and her kids are being taken care of since we became formally engaged. She's had her home painted, her driveway paved, and an assortment of new clothes. She even had a western style toilet installed (this was for MY benefit ). She also has a new laptop, and a DSL hookup in her home. She usually has friends or other family members over for dinner because she's always got good food, and enough to share. Today, she went out to buy a new stove because rodents had chewed up the hoses in her old stove. Phuong never asked me for any of this, but I made sure she got it, and she makes it very clear to me how much she appreciates it.

Would the consulate think I was "buying" a fiancee? Maybe. But these things are honestly costing me less than a date every Friday night, and it's made an enormous difference in the quality of her life. I haven't decided yet whether she'll bring the Western Union receipts to the interview. I'll ask Marc what he thinks next time I talk to him.

In Carrick's case, his fiancee's request might just be a gentle nudge that she's getting some pressure from her friends.

I am right there with you on this Jim... I have done similar things for Thuy and she has always said "I dont need any money from you I have a salary" I send money anyway when I know an issue needs to be addressed that she may put off or should not have to pay for... An example was her motorbike... it was a piece of junk.. not safe IMO.... He mother was worried and the next week I had her father go buy her a new one... it addressed several things... her family knows I am concerned for her safety and want to take care of her even when so far away. Her friends see that she is living a lifestyle above that of her coworkers and neighbors and as a result she gets less pressure from men trying to talk to her...

It all boils down to the lifestyle we expect for our loved ones.. And that lifestyle spreads far beyond the SO.... the family and friends are impacted in some way and thier quality of life is also improved to some degree.

Clothes in VN are so inexpensive that a couple hundred bucks would go a very long way... I cant get much for my son here in the US for a couple hundred bucks. I actually have asked Thuy to buy new clothes there to save some money when she gets here and so she can enjoy picking the clothes out with her friends and family.

[b_weeks 6]

Well, if you are comfortable in the relationship, and feel it is genuine. What will sending her 1 or 2 hunder hurt? I dont know where she is from or what kind of lifestyle she is used to.

For me, it was a no brainer. I knew my fiance at the time didn't have much. She worked alot with her parents. So sending her a little here and there so she could go out and buy something nice for herself, make her feel better.

This whole process not only stresses you, but also stresses your fiance. I looked at it as "If I can do anything to take away some of her worries or stress, I will."

Not sure how much she is talking about, but I think sending 100 or 200 isn't hurting anything.

I don't think it's the money that's the point. Vietnamese girls don't generally ask their fiance for money unless they really need it, and it's something that would normally be his responsibility to pay for. For example, if she's making arrangements for your engagement ceremony then she might ask you to send some money to pay for the ao dai or book the restaurant, etc. Asking her fiance to send money so she can buy clothes would be like an American asking a friend to go out and buy them a birthday present - many would consider it sort of rude or presumptuous, or taking advantage of someone's good will.

On the other hand, she has an American fiance. Her friends are going to expect to see some changes in her social status. Nice clothes, bobbles, and other gifts tell the people she knows that she definitely belongs to someone important. Even relatively meager earnings in the US would be considered wealth by Vietnamese standards. I've had several Vietnamese friends remind me that I should be making sure that Phuong has a visibly better lifestyle now that we're engaged. They tell me that she won't ask me to do this (and she never has) but her self respect and standing in the community will depend on it.

Consequently, I've made sure that everyone knows Phuong and her kids are being taken care of since we became formally engaged. She's had her home painted, her driveway paved, and an assortment of new clothes. She even had a western style toilet installed (this was for MY benefit ). She also has a new laptop, and a DSL hookup in her home. She usually has friends or other family members over for dinner because she's always got good food, and enough to share. Today, she went out to buy a new stove because rodents had chewed up the hoses in her old stove. Phuong never asked me for any of this, but I made sure she got it, and she makes it very clear to me how much she appreciates it.

Would the consulate think I was "buying" a fiancee? Maybe. But these things are honestly costing me less than a date every Friday night, and it's made an enormous difference in the quality of her life. I haven't decided yet whether she'll bring the Western Union receipts to the interview. I'll ask Marc what he thinks next time I talk to him.

In Carrick's case, his fiancee's request might just be a gentle nudge that she's getting some pressure from her friends.

Well, if you are comfortable in the relationship, and feel it is genuine. What will sending her 1 or 2 hunder hurt? I dont know where she is from or what kind of lifestyle she is used to.

For me, it was a no brainer. I knew my fiance at the time didn't have much. She worked alot with her parents. So sending her a little here and there so she could go out and buy something nice for herself, make her feel better.

This whole process not only stresses you, but also stresses your fiance. I looked at it as "If I can do anything to take away some of her worries or stress, I will."

Not sure how much she is talking about, but I think sending 100 or 200 isn't hurting anything.

I don't think it's the money that's the point. Vietnamese girls don't generally ask their fiance for money unless they really need it, and it's something that would normally be his responsibility to pay for. For example, if she's making arrangements for your engagement ceremony then she might ask you to send some money to pay for the ao dai or book the restaurant, etc. Asking her fiance to send money so she can buy clothes would be like an American asking a friend to go out and buy them a birthday present - many would consider it sort of rude or presumptuous, or taking advantage of someone's good will.

On the other hand, she has an American fiance. Her friends are going to expect to see some changes in her social status. Nice clothes, bobbles, and other gifts tell the people she knows that she definitely belongs to someone important. Even relatively meager earnings in the US would be considered wealth by Vietnamese standards. I've had several Vietnamese friends remind me that I should be making sure that Phuong has a visibly better lifestyle now that we're engaged. They tell me that she won't ask me to do this (and she never has) but her self respect and standing in the community will depend on it.

Consequently, I've made sure that everyone knows Phuong and her kids are being taken care of since we became formally engaged. She's had her home painted, her driveway paved, and an assortment of new clothes. She even had a western style toilet installed (this was for MY benefit ). She also has a new laptop, and a DSL hookup in her home. She usually has friends or other family members over for dinner because she's always got good food, and enough to share. Today, she went out to buy a new stove because rodents had chewed up the hoses in her old stove. Phuong never asked me for any of this, but I made sure she got it, and she makes it very clear to me how much she appreciates it.

Would the consulate think I was "buying" a fiancee? Maybe. But these things are honestly costing me less than a date every Friday night, and it's made an enormous difference in the quality of her life. I haven't decided yet whether she'll bring the Western Union receipts to the interview. I'll ask Marc what he thinks next time I talk to him.

In Carrick's case, his fiancee's request might just be a gentle nudge that she's getting some pressure from her friends.

I am right there with you on this Jim... I have done similar things for Thuy and she has always said "I dont need any money from you I have a salary" I send money anyway when I know an issue needs to be addressed that she may put off or should not have to pay for... An example was her motorbike... it was a piece of junk.. not safe IMO.... He mother was worried and the next week I had her father go buy her a new one... it addressed several things... her family knows I am concerned for her safety and want to take care of her even when so far away. Her friends see that she is living a lifestyle above that of her coworkers and neighbors and as a result she gets less pressure from men trying to talk to her...

It all boils down to the lifestyle we expect for our loved ones.. And that lifestyle spreads far beyond the SO.... the family and friends are impacted in some way and thier quality of life is also improved to some degree.

Clothes in VN are so inexpensive that a couple hundred bucks would go a very long way... I cant get much for my son here in the US for a couple hundred bucks. I actually have asked Thuy to buy new clothes there to save some money when she gets here and so she can enjoy picking the clothes out with her friends and family.

I agree with both of you, and I was the same way.

I sent her money to have western style oilet, the shower made taller (I am 6'1"), a new motorbike (again I am 6'1" and about 180lbs), and a bedroom converted into a big closet so her family would have a family room. We also re-painted the inside of her house.

I also agree that there are certain expectations from friends and family now that she is married to an american (the second dauther to be married to an american). Also her bewing the oldest daughter, there are some responsibilities that come along with being married to her. The family now calls me "Anh Hai" or the "eldest son"

[Greg_n_Lien 0]

I use western union. all you have to do is keep receipt and write the confirmation number down. it takes minutes and all she needs is her ID and the number. its like 10 bucks for 100 and like 15 for 200. I am not sure. but it always works.

You may be doing money in minutes or something because transferring money to VN should only cost you $6.00 no matter how much you spend...

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But one thing that the OP and others should also consider is that when you send money, you should keep in mind that $100 is ALOT of money in VN. People with a good job over there only make an approximate average annual salary of $2,000 USD--if even that! If your SO is asking you to send money, you should ask why--not in the questioning way, but rather for what. Sure you love them and everything and you want a better life for them, and it's nice to send them money for special occasions or specific purposes, i.e. English Classes, Specialized Employment School, Weddings/Funerals/B-Day, etc. but people in VN are used to the lifestyles they've grown accustomed to.

In my opinion, I think that if a SO is asking for money, you should be very careful because she may have ulterior motives in your relationship...Clothes, going out, new stuff...IDK...smells fishy...again, Just my opinion.

Go to to a local vietnam supermarket and ask about it.

They usually have office in HCM that can hand deliver the money. it's usually between 2-3% depends on much you are sending. They will hand deliver it to your fiance. They will call her and let her know they will be coming.

I just send $800 to HCM, it cost me $12 in fees...they gave her USD in $100 increment. It's better to receive in USD because of the exchange rate. Dont accept any company that will exchange to VND. They usually give you a lower exchange rate.

I send it in the afternoon our time...got there when i get up in the morning.

Dont use any of the american company..like western union...etc...very high...and not hand-to-hand delivery

I don't know if I'd trust a hand-to-hand delivery service--especially in VN!

Xoom was good but TRUE they no longer delivery to Vietnam. I now Send my money to my Wife's Aunt in Dallas and there there i a service that deliveries to her door. I have never hgad a problem. So i would ask about this from a vietnamese bookstore or market.

My wife never asked me for money for the firt year i knew her. I think if she asked me too early we would not be married either now. I send her some the first time without here asking me, for Valentines day. She still does not "ASK ME" she might hint. I have send money for additional english lessons. It is not expensive, about 150 to 200 dollars depending on their level. THAT WAS A GREAT INVESTMENT IN OUR FUTURE! The first time we talked on the phone it was very challenging.

REMEMEBER!!!!!!! TO BE SUCESSFUL IT IS ALL ABOUT PROOF! Sending money is a good way to show co-mingling of funds. USE CAUTION!!! proof proof proof, espicially with a fiancee visa!!!! HCMC is very tough!!

Good luck ALL