can someone tell me if I broke an unwritten rule?

[=FoxyBLUE= 2]

Ok......here is the problem.......Yesterday I sent my girl some money because I figured she was running low when I talked to her last night I gave her the money control # and she got all mad because she didn't ask me for any money she said that she feels ashamed and doesn't want me to feel that she is using me????? Did I do something wrong? I don"t know how to react??? I feel bad but at the same time I want to tell her just to take it and be quiet but not rudely!!!! It wasn't even that much just enough that she can get to the cafe each day and for her computer time!!!!! She also said that she budgeted the money I gave her last week so she didn't need it!!!! What did I do that was so wrong?

Hmmm....really?!! that's new!

[charlie&pam 1]

I was trying to edit my previous post to include my answer to the OP's question but it wouldn't allow me.

Anyways, I don't think you broke any unwritten rule. In our culture, it's the man's responsibility to provide. Since you're not married yet, it's up to both of you how comfortable each of you in the idea of you providing for her. With me and my fiance, we're very comfortable with each other already. It's like we're already married without that piece of paper. We discuss everything. He doesn't make decisions without consulting me, especially when it comes to finances and vice versa.

With you and your fiancee, I don't know how open you are with each other. I agree with Luvtechwifey, open communication and willingness to compromise are the key to a good relationship. Honestly, I don't think she's upset because you sent her money. It could be as simple as she's worried that because of you sending her money, you might end up compromising something there (unless money is not an issue at all to you). She shouldn't worry about you thinking that she's using you for money. She should know that you know her better than that.

you make a good point she knows money is tight on my end right now maybe that is the problem.

[Rocky_nBullwinkle 6]

I was trying to edit my previous post to include my answer to the OP's question but it wouldn't allow me.

Anyways, I don't think you broke any unwritten rule. In our culture, it's the man's responsibility to provide. Since you're not married yet, it's up to both of you how comfortable each of you in the idea of you providing for her. With me and my fiance, we're very comfortable with each other already. It's like we're already married without that piece of paper. We discuss everything. He doesn't make decisions without consulting me, especially when it comes to finances and vice versa.

With you and your fiancee, I don't know how open you are with each other. I agree with Luvtechwifey, open communication and willingness to compromise are the key to a good relationship. Honestly, I don't think she's upset because you sent her money. It could be as simple as she's worried that because of you sending her money, you might end up compromising something there (unless money is not an issue at all to you). She shouldn't worry about you thinking that she's using you for money. She should know that you know her better than that.

you make a good point she knows money is tight on my end right now maybe that is the problem.

Maybe she wants you to save money for expenses later. If you run out of money now, you may not be able to pay for the medical, the embassy interview, and the plane ticket. Besides, she don't want a broke husband!

[charlie&pam 1]

I was trying to edit my previous post to include my answer to the OP's question but it wouldn't allow me.

Anyways, I don't think you broke any unwritten rule. In our culture, it's the man's responsibility to provide. Since you're not married yet, it's up to both of you how comfortable each of you in the idea of you providing for her. With me and my fiance, we're very comfortable with each other already. It's like we're already married without that piece of paper. We discuss everything. He doesn't make decisions without consulting me, especially when it comes to finances and vice versa.

With you and your fiancee, I don't know how open you are with each other. I agree with Luvtechwifey, open communication and willingness to compromise are the key to a good relationship. Honestly, I don't think she's upset because you sent her money. It could be as simple as she's worried that because of you sending her money, you might end up compromising something there (unless money is not an issue at all to you). She shouldn't worry about you thinking that she's using you for money. She should know that you know her better than that.

you make a good point she knows money is tight on my end right now maybe that is the problem.

Maybe she wants you to save money for expenses later. If you run out of money now, you may not be able to pay for the medical, the embassy interview, and the plane ticket. Besides, she don't want a broke husband!

i am not broke...lol.... just tight ......I helped out with something else her family needed so I am just tight till the next pay check that is all.

[SnME 3]

i am not broke...lol.... just tight ......I helped out with something else her family needed so I am just tight till the next pay check that is all.

If you are waiting for the next paycheck, You are broke dude...

FWIW, I HAVE been there and done that also. Won't ever do it again because it sucks...

my thoughts to you to help you sleep better at night and have less stress: Live like you are poor until you have at least 6 months worth of CASH for your living expenses laying around and then live like that a little longer until you that much also in the bank...

I don't run to the bank to deposit my paychecks. I wait till I get 4 or 5 of them and make a single trip to the bank. This helps the environment.. I make fewer trips to the bank which saves me gas and also cuts back on the greenhouse gasses that my car produces so that I may pollute the environment in 'other' ways and still make the same size carbon footprint when all is said and done...

I also sleep better at night because I KNOW that if something 'happens' in life, It will not be a problem or a burden if I have an emergency fund set aside... When you live 'check to check' you lose both freedom and power.

'Stuff' WILL happen when your honey gets here. Unexpected expenses WILL arrive with little or NO notice to you. You want to plan ahead and save now so that when it does happen it will not worry you and mess up a night of potentially great sex with your honey with worry about how the bills are going to be paid.

[tallcoolone 102]

i am not broke...lol.... just tight ......I helped out with something else her family needed so I am just tight till the next pay check that is all.

If you are waiting for the next paycheck, You are broke dude...

FWIW, I HAVE been there and done that also. Won't ever do it again because it sucks...

my thoughts to you to help you sleep better at night and have less stress: Live like you are poor until you have at least 6 months worth of CASH for your living expenses laying around and then live like that a little longer until you that much also in the bank...

I don't run to the bank to deposit my paychecks. I wait till I get 4 or 5 of them and make a single trip to the bank. This helps the environment.. I make fewer trips to the bank which saves me gas and also cuts back on the greenhouse gasses that my car produces so that I may pollute the environment in 'other' ways and still make the same size carbon footprint when all is said and done...

I also sleep better at night because I KNOW that if something 'happens' in life, It will not be a problem or a burden if I have an emergency fund set aside... When you live 'check to check' you lose both freedom and power.

'Stuff' WILL happen when your honey gets here. Unexpected expenses WILL arrive with little or NO notice to you. You want to plan ahead and save now so that when it does happen it will not worry you and mess up a night of potentially great sex with your honey with worry about how the bills are going to be paid.

Agreed, One should try to keep 6 months to 1 year salary in a emergency fund, just in case something goes wrong. That way you have money and time to be able to recover.

[muñequita linda 0]

i am not broke...lol.... just tight ......I helped out with something else her family needed so I am just tight till the next pay check that is all.

If you are waiting for the next paycheck, You are broke dude...

FWIW, I HAVE been there and done that also. Won't ever do it again because it sucks...

my thoughts to you to help you sleep better at night and have less stress: Live like you are poor until you have at least 6 months worth of CASH for your living expenses laying around and then live like that a little longer until you that much also in the bank...

I don't run to the bank to deposit my paychecks. I wait till I get 4 or 5 of them and make a single trip to the bank. This helps the environment.. I make fewer trips to the bank which saves me gas and also cuts back on the greenhouse gasses that my car produces so that I may pollute the environment in 'other' ways and still make the same size carbon footprint when all is said and done...

I also sleep better at night because I KNOW that if something 'happens' in life, It will not be a problem or a burden if I have an emergency fund set aside... When you live 'check to check' you lose both freedom and power.

'Stuff' WILL happen when your honey gets here. Unexpected expenses WILL arrive with little or NO notice to you. You want to plan ahead and save now so that when it does happen it will not worry you and mess up a night of potentially great sex with your honey with worry about how the bills are going to be paid.

Agreed, One should try to keep 6 months to 1 year salary in a emergency fund, just in case something goes wrong. That way you have money and time to be able to recover.

The problem here is that the preponderance of Americans are on a hand-to-mouth existence and there's nothing left for the piggy bank.

[charlie&pam 1]

i am not broke...lol.... just tight ......I helped out with something else her family needed so I am just tight till the next pay check that is all.

If you are waiting for the next paycheck, You are broke dude...

FWIW, I HAVE been there and done that also. Won't ever do it again because it sucks...

my thoughts to you to help you sleep better at night and have less stress: Live like you are poor until you have at least 6 months worth of CASH for your living expenses laying around and then live like that a little longer until you that much also in the bank...

I don't run to the bank to deposit my paychecks. I wait till I get 4 or 5 of them and make a single trip to the bank. This helps the environment.. I make fewer trips to the bank which saves me gas and also cuts back on the greenhouse gasses that my car produces so that I may pollute the environment in 'other' ways and still make the same size carbon footprint when all is said and done...

I also sleep better at night because I KNOW that if something 'happens' in life, It will not be a problem or a burden if I have an emergency fund set aside... When you live 'check to check' you lose both freedom and power.

'Stuff' WILL happen when your honey gets here. Unexpected expenses WILL arrive with little or NO notice to you. You want to plan ahead and save now so that when it does happen it will not worry you and mess up a night of potentially great sex with your honey with worry about how the bills are going to be paid.

Agreed, One should try to keep 6 months to 1 year salary in a emergency fund, just in case something goes wrong. That way you have money and time to be able to recover.

The problem here is that the preponderance of Americans are on a hand-to-mouth existence and there's nothing left for the piggy bank.

good advice from the top 2 posters .........and you always make me chuckle in a good way....lol

[SnME 3]

The problem here is that the preponderance of Americans are on a hand-to-mouth existence and there's nothing left for the piggy bank.

MOST of the time I think you are full of ####### and that a bad case of crabs in the summertime is more humorous...

You are correct this ONE time however...

MOST Americans love debt and know little about saving for a rainy day...

SOME of us plan ahead and spend wisely. When WE have a slowdown at work we get happy because it means that we get to spend more time with our honey or family...

I like the way that you capitlize the 'A' in Americans... But you still need lots of work.

[marklovetina 52]

Ok......here is the problem.......Yesterday I sent my girl some money because I figured she was running low when I talked to her last night I gave her the money control # and she got all mad because she didn't ask me for any money she said that she feels ashamed and doesn't want me to feel that she is using me????? Did I do something wrong? I don"t know how to react??? I feel bad but at the same time I want to tell her just to take it and be quiet but not rudely!!!! It wasn't even that much just enough that she can get to the cafe each day and for her computer time!!!!! She also said that she budgeted the money I gave her last week so she didn't need it!!!! What did I do that was so wrong?

Hmmmm... this is what I think about your scenario. Well, it is really annoying that people in the Philippines in general always think that when you have a foreign fiance/husband/wife, they are sending you lots of money.

So, sometimes in the relationship that we commonly have here, money is an issue, even though you have good intention.

Your woman doesn't want you to feel that she is using you because it hurts to feel already that people think she is using you because she's receiving money from you.

Sometimes, when I got broke before my payday, I asked my husband(fiance that time) to send me money to pay for my bills. Practically, my bills were for communications. I always have 6000 Php worth of phone bills because I always called him for I have better signal that his mobile phone. Then, I have internet bills to pay too also. Then, sometimes, I shopped for his clothings when I saw good bargains. It's really no big deal.

So, maybe just tell her that you wanted to make her comfortable enough for your long distance relationship. And that money you are sending isn't for letting her feel that you are buying her love but to make things easier for her to move along the relationship.

+1, I agree with this explanation.

You could explain that is was not your intention to make her feel ashamed and you sent the money while you had it. It can be saved and used used for future expenses.

yes i agree too with this explanation...