Looks like my marriage is over before it really started

[MRStee 19]

I've been feeling down all week. I've been married for 6 months and and living under the same roof for only half that time do to his uncomfortableness of living in a house where the bathtub / shower is being remodeled (I however would be happy to sleep next to him outside in a sleeping bag). He moved to another city he says his friend who he just met a few months ago who is in realstate let him stay in one of his houses for free. He would only tell me the city he lives in but not an address. He has decieded that there is more negatives in our relationship than positives, he wouldn't tell me what those negatives were though He says he's just going to hang out where he's at until he feels like returning to JA since I wouldn't give him money I have saved and the paper work to finish the AOS process on his own. I loved him with all my heart, made future plans with him. I feel like my heart has broken into a million pieces and I haven't figured out how to put it back together of if that's possible.

Im sorry this had to happen to you.... please don't get me wrong when I say this but it might be better that this happened early on before you put all this money out... my heart goes out to you! Stay strong and God bless!

[MRStee 19]

Gooden - can I ask a question - is there an age difference between you and your hubby? It doesn't mean anything....I am just curious.

Either way - thanks for sharing your story. Best wishes to you.

Yes, the age difference is 10 years. I'm 38 and he 28. People are shocked at my age though, I'm told I don't look 38. I have a few pictures in my profile of us under photos. I think maybe he wasn't ready to settle down at 28 (not done shopping). He did however tell me I was it for him, and that his previous relationships were with women in there 30's. I on the other hand had never dated anyone youger than me.

That makes it worse, now he giving young men a bad reputation...

[MsSheka 0]

I've been feeling down all week. I've been married for 6 months and and living under the same roof for only half that time do to his uncomfortableness of living in a house where the bathtub / shower is being remodeled (I however would be happy to sleep next to him outside in a sleeping bag). He moved to another city he says his friend who he just met a few months ago who is in realstate let him stay in one of his houses for free. He would only tell me the city he lives in but not an address. He has decieded that there is more negatives in our relationship than positives, he wouldn't tell me what those negatives were though He says he's just going to hang out where he's at until he feels like returning to JA since I wouldn't give him money I have saved and the paper work to finish the AOS process on his own. I loved him with all my heart, made future plans with him. I feel like my heart has broken into a million pieces and I haven't figured out how to put it back together of if that's possible.

Gooden first of all i want to say I'm sorry to hear what's happening to you I will PM you

[My4rmylife 0]

sorry to hear this ... remember everything happens for a reason

[Kurt y Dora 1]

"Well, he would not let me know his address. He said he lives by himself, but has no job to support himself and asks me for money only for his cell phone bill or travel to where I live. I asked him once , what the back ground noices were in the house (sounded like a baby crying) he said it was a cat, and now he always go's outside to talk to me. He would always make it here late at night to visit me and leave very early in the morning or even that night. He would step away to talk on his phone, and locked it when it was not in use. All of these things added up in my mind that there is someone else. He said he was doing nothing wrong and didn't like negative thinking I should relax! I tried as per his request to think positively, but this be inside this was difficult for me."

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like one...it most likely is one. I know now in your time of pain you are hoping beyond all hopes it is not what you think it is, but being a man, I would bet 95% there is someone else. And worse yet, I think you were used all along. You were the ticket to America - he might even have been in correspondence with someone else all along. My suggestions (beyond grieving for the end of what you were hoping for) - cut him off and to the extent possible, do not support him in any way (since you are married to him, I have been told that the government still holds you responsible for his support.). The age difference of 10 years should not really be a factor if he was a mature 28 and SERIOUS about a real relationship. There might have been warning signs all along as to his real intentions, but when one is starry-eyed in love, the signs are easy to overlook.

Good luck, be strong and don't think it's about you or what you did wrong - I seriously doubt that you are more than 5% of the "failure".

[Gone4good 0]

I am very sorry for what has happened.. Continue to stay strong. Do what you need to girl. I've been through divorce due to my ex cheating on me- it is NOT an easy time by far. My grandmother told me (before she passed away) "A man won't be where he doesn't want to be." I found that very true over the years (I'm 33). And there was something else she said that made complete sense and I still say it to friends who are going through difficult relationships- Why would you want a man who doesn't want you? Sad, but true. Hold your head up, let him go, and move on. He wasn't the one for you. I pray God gives you peace and comfort and helps you through this. You are a beautiful, young woman and God has someone for you as special as you are who will love you unconditionally. YOU WILL BE ALRIGHT. Believe this.

Reach out for support- it's always here.

Take care baby girl

[BunzTheMagicSnail 2]

[brownnskinn 0]

"Well, he would not let me know his address. He said he lives by himself, but has no job to support himself and asks me for money only for his cell phone bill or travel to where I live. I asked him once , what the back ground noices were in the house (sounded like a baby crying) he said it was a cat, and now he always go's outside to talk to me. He would always make it here late at night to visit me and leave very early in the morning or even that night. He would step away to talk on his phone, and locked it when it was not in use. All of these things added up in my mind that there is someone else. He said he was doing nothing wrong and didn't like negative thinking I should relax! I tried as per his request to think positively, but this be inside this was difficult for me."

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like one...it most likely is one. I know now in your time of pain you are hoping beyond all hopes it is not what you think it is, but being a man, I would bet 95% there is someone else. And worse yet, I think you were used all along. You were the ticket to America - he might even have been in correspondence with someone else all along. My suggestions (beyond grieving for the end of what you were hoping for) - cut him off and to the extent possible, do not support him in any way (since you are married to him, I have been told that the government still holds you responsible for his support.). The age difference of 10 years should not really be a factor if he was a mature 28 and SERIOUS about a real relationship. There might have been warning signs all along as to his real intentions, but when one is starry-eyed in love, the signs are easy to overlook.

Good luck, be strong and don't think it's about you or what you did wrong - I seriously doubt that you are more than 5% of the "failure".

Ditto. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I read your message on my cell yesterday morn. I've been thinking about you all day. This could be GOD working favor in your life. I know it's hard. Like everyone else has stated trust your instincts. The facts. Try to keep your emotions under control, this will only confuse you. Much love to you. I will keep you in prayer.

Edited September 3, 2009 by brownnskinn

[Gooden 0]

I've been feeling down all week. I've been married for 6 months and and living under the same roof for only half that time do to his uncomfortableness of living in a house where the bathtub / shower is being remodeled (I however would be happy to sleep next to him outside in a sleeping bag). He moved to another city he says his friend who he just met a few months ago who is in realstate let him stay in one of his houses for free. He would only tell me the city he lives in but not an address. He has decieded that there is more negatives in our relationship than positives, he wouldn't tell me what those negatives were though He says he's just going to hang out where he's at until he feels like returning to JA since I wouldn't give him money I have saved and the paper work to finish the AOS process on his own. I loved him with all my heart, made future plans with him. I feel like my heart has broken into a million pieces and I haven't figured out how to put it back together of if that's possible.

Im sorry this had to happen to you.... please don't get me wrong when I say this but it might be better that this happened early on before you put all this money out... my heart goes out to you! Stay strong and God bless!

Thinking our last conversations, I believe you are right. He was upset that it was taking me so long to file his AOS papers, which was due to finance issues(lost my job) and feeling unsure he would come back and live with me. He said I was doing the AOS for me and not for him. I told him I was doing it for us so he could continue to live here and we could be a family, but he wasn't showing me that that was what he wanted, only promises and excuses as to why this has not happened.

Since I can't seem to sleep well at night, my mind tends to go over all of our past conversations in search of answers, and if he ever loved me. This morning I woke up feeling like maybe all of this was planned from day one of meeting me. Everything he ever said or did was acting.

[Gooden 0]

"Well, he would not let me know his address. He said he lives by himself, but has no job to support himself and asks me for money only for his cell phone bill or travel to where I live. I asked him once , what the back ground noices were in the house (sounded like a baby crying) he said it was a cat, and now he always go's outside to talk to me. He would always make it here late at night to visit me and leave very early in the morning or even that night. He would step away to talk on his phone, and locked it when it was not in use. All of these things added up in my mind that there is someone else. He said he was doing nothing wrong and didn't like negative thinking I should relax! I tried as per his request to think positively, but this be inside this was difficult for me."

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like one...it most likely is one. I know now in your time of pain you are hoping beyond all hopes it is not what you think it is, but being a man, I would bet 95% there is someone else. And worse yet, I think you were used all along. You were the ticket to America - he might even have been in correspondence with someone else all along. My suggestions (beyond grieving for the end of what you were hoping for) - cut him off and to the extent possible, do not support him in any way (since you are married to him, I have been told that the government still holds you responsible for his support.). The age difference of 10 years should not really be a factor if he was a mature 28 and SERIOUS about a real relationship. There might have been warning signs all along as to his real intentions, but when one is starry-eyed in love, the signs are easy to overlook.

Good luck, be strong and don't think it's about you or what you did wrong - I seriously doubt that you are more than 5% of the "failure".

Thanks, your right. My family keeps saying that same duck quote. My family thought that I was just a green card to him just by other stories they've heard about JA. I stood up for him, and he said he was insulted that he would even have been questioned about doing something like that, but thus far, he's lived up to the story. I still will try to see people on a case by case bases, but will try to follow my instincts more in the future. Our last conversation was a few days ago and it ended pretty abruptly with me saying "I guess there is nothing else to say, good by" and, with him leaving me with the idea that he's just going to hang out where he is until he's ready to go home. I think perhaps that is the last time I will hear from him, and I can write-off ever seeing any the possesions he took with him. Thanks for the imput, it helps to hear a male point of view.

[jawi876 2]

Gooden - can I ask a question - is there an age difference between you and your hubby? It doesn't mean anything....I am just curious.

Either way - thanks for sharing your story. Best wishes to you.

Yes, there is, but people are always shocked at my age they say I don't look it. I'm 38 and he's 28. I have a photo or two of us in my profile I think. Maybe due to his age though, he wasn't done shopping, but wanted residency so I wasn't informed.

I saw your pictures and you look great. There is a 10 difference between me and hubby. His age may not mean anything..maturity level is more important.

Exactly...

Gooden what u mean he wasn't done shopping (if it's what I'm thinking)...I can't even type the rest of my reply.

Well, he would not let me know his address. He said he lives by himself, but has no job to support himself and asks me for money only for his cell phone bill or travel to where I live. I asked him once , what the back ground noices were in the house (sounded like a baby crying) he said it was a cat, and now he always go's outside to talk to me. He would always make it here late at night to visit me and leave very early in the morning or even that night. He would step away to talk on his phone, and locked it when it was not in use. All of these things added up in my mind that there is someone else. He said he was doing nothing wrong and didn't like negative thinking I should relax! I tried as per his request to think positively, but this be inside this was difficult for me.

I'm so sorry this happened Gooden...from the bottom of my heart I am. Get in your prayer closet and ask God for wisdom and discernment. Ask God to protect and shield you from anything that is not His Will for your life. This process is difficult when two people love each other...impossible when it is one-sided. No one has the answers...trust God above man sweetie. Psalms 118:8.

[forchika 4]

Sorry for your troubles!!!! He should know what comes around goes around...would not want to be on the recieving end because it comes back around ten fold!!!!!! Wish you well in the future!!!

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

Gooden - can I ask a question - is there an age difference between you and your hubby? It doesn't mean anything....I am just curious.

Either way - thanks for sharing your story. Best wishes to you.

Yes, there is, but people are always shocked at my age they say I don't look it. I'm 38 and he's 28. I have a photo or two of us in my profile I think. Maybe due to his age though, he wasn't done shopping, but wanted residency so I wasn't informed.

You're beautiful Gooden!!

See such a smiley, bouncy person looking out at me in those pics!

Don't let him steal your joy, write him off as a chapter in your life that God wanted to to teach you a lesson with.

Mr Right who will walk through fire, suffer through cold for the Queen you are is oit there for you. This will only make you appreciate him better.

Be very aware though, once he realises he needs you for the rest of the process, he'll be knowcking down your door saying ANYTHING and EVERYTHING you want to hear. Be prepared, that will be the MOST difficult part of the whole process....

My prayers are with you.....

[Jengles 0]

at least you found out now...time heals all wounds...