Need advice before trip to Morocco

[*Maureen* 0]

I haven't read everything on here so I don't know if this was mentioned before.

You stated that you "planned" to visit him, did he invite you to come visit him or was this all your idea?I just hope that the both of you are on the same page. I certainly wouldn't want to make that trip and not have him at your side. How does he feel about you coming to stay? Is he excited?

I wish the best for you.

Edited August 18, 2009 by *Maureen*

[SaadBell 0]

Or the drama speech I could live my broke, problem-filled life in this 3rd world nation forever but, okay fine, if you insist on it I'll give up everything I have and everything I ever could have to come and live with you IN THE LAND OF MILK AND HONEY AND BE THE CEO OF A FORTUNE 500 COMPANY IN SIX MONTHS AND RICHER THAN I COULD IMAGINE IN ONE YEAR and, what's that you say?, you'll pay for it, well, if I have to, I guess I'll force myself.

:rofl:

Just be careful, I assume you are paying for your trip? You have gotten some great advice from some wonderful women. Have a good time and take pictures, don't know about Morocco, but have heard it is nice.

[Sandrila 1]

Sorry, Mandy. I see so many red flags from your story that I don't understand why you're in such a rush to go meet him after just a few months. My husband is Moroccan; my family is Palestinian, but we've been in Morocco since the 1920's, and I know the culture very well. It is a Third World country in many ways, very tribal in many ways, although it's rapidly developing into a European and Middle Eastern playground. It enjoys a very close affilitation with France, warm relations with other European countries, and is quite moderate in it's acceptance of other cultures and religious faiths. Still, I can imagine that an American woman with little experience with non-western, non-Christian cultures would have to make many adjustments to living in Morocco. Living there would not be the same as making a short visit.

Generally, Moroccans are very family oriented, so I understand his need to be close with his family. Also, it is important that his immediate family not only know, but like his intended for harmony to exist between them. That he doesn't want you to meet his immediate family may not mean that he is married, but that he is not ready to present you to them, as it would mean more to them than he wants it to mean, at this time. It may also be a way of preserving your honor; a woman who stays with or travels alone with a man not her husband would not generally be thought of as the best marriage material for a desirable Moroccan man. There are plenty of parents who would not appreciate her. When you marry MENA, you marry the family.

It sounds to me as though he has a pretty level head, knows what he wants, has been pretty honest with you about his limitations, hasn't promised you anything, and said nothing substantively designed to raise your hopes in a way that he cannot meet your romantic expectations. You may be trying to read between the lines to find some way to find a silver lining in his hestiation to reassure you that you are the one for him, but it seems that, at least for now, you are not. Love feels good, but love alone is not enough to sustain a relationship. Those we may love aren't always the ones we should be with.

IMO, you have not known this man long enough to really know who he is, and that is why you feel confused and insecure. My husband and I didn't meet in real life until after talking for nearly 3 years, then we married 10 days later. I'm not saying you should take that long. Now, even we wish we'd met sooner, but, especially when minor children are involved, it's always best to proceed prudently and with caution before entering into a significant relationship that will not only alter your life, but their's too.

Some of the best love you can find is between people who let their relationship grow and mature as they got to know each other better. Our meeting after patiently developing our emotional closeness as well as our emotional boundaries while apart made us more comfortable together and far more knowlegable of each other because we were not strangers in love, but best friends who became garments to each other.

You say you are a Christian, which means you have faith in the Creator. A true believer in God knows that He is the very best of Planners, and He needs for you to trust that He has a plan for you to follow. If now is not the best time, or this man is not the best man for you, know that when one door closes, He will open another door for you. Consider that by meeting too soon, you may destroy in days what may become ripe and ready for you both at another time, if it is to be.

Don't go with doubt in your heart. Take the time to see if he will move closer to you. No matter what happens, believe that you deserve a mutually satisfying relationship that doesn't make you falter, but gives you the strength to keep moving toward each other. This man you desire to be with has set definite boundaries and made them clear to you. Believe what he says, and don't be so willing to give so much of yourself or your possessions to someone who is holding back, for you are worthy of far more.

MENA men are first and foremost just men, and, for our own good, we should set high expectations for them and for ourselves when considering a marriage partner. The time you spend waiting for what you need from him, is time wasted in getting what you need, perhaps, yes, with someone else. Denying the signs that this is less than what you need also sets you up to be taken advantage of by less scupulous men. If your goal is to marry well, you must focus on men who are desirable marriage material, who are ready to marry, and who also see you as desireable marriage material. In your quest for a husband and stepfather to your children you must demand no less.

I hope that I have said something useful to you and helped you to find some peace. Best wishes!

I think this was a VERY intelligent response and beautifully written

[CnT4ever 1]

I don't think he's scamming you. Honestly, I don't think he's that into you. MENA men are very smooth talkers. They have a way about their language. I think he likes seeing you get all flustered from a few nice words becuase it makes HIM feel good. As for the jealousy, well I think in general that is also a MENA man trait. Not insane jealousy like the stereotype would have you think, but always a feeling of a woman "belonging" to him. It's not uncommon that he doesn't want to share your attention. Still doesn't mean that he's really taken with you. I think the fact that he doesn't want a serious relationship says it all.

I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I think you deserve better. Also, it's better to be disappointed now than to have your heart crushed down the road, after you've given your all.

[Sandrila 1]

I have been to Morocco 4 times since December to see my fiance. You can email me at jillanderson65@yahoo.com

It's too much information to write on here.....good luck

Jalilla

I want your job!!!!!!!!!!!

[Staashi 371]

I don't think he's scamming you. Honestly, I don't think he's that into you. MENA men are very smooth talkers. They have a way about their language. I think he likes seeing you get all flustered from a few nice words becuase it makes HIM feel good. As for the jealousy, well I think in general that is also a MENA man trait. Not insane jealousy like the stereotype would have you think, but always a feeling of a woman "belonging" to him. It's not uncommon that he doesn't want to share your attention. Still doesn't mean that he's really taken with you. I think the fact that he doesn't want a serious relationship says it all.

I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I think you deserve better. Also, it's better to be disappointed now than to have your heart crushed down the road, after you've given your all.

I thought that, too, when I first read this topic. It reminds me of that movie and book "He's just not that into you."

Mandy, girl, you need to get a copy of it and read it or watch it. You'll see what we're talking about. If it was me, I'd blow this popsicle stand really quick. (And I don't mean that in the literal sense.) hehe

[Y's_habibitk 2]

He's just not that into you is totally what popped into my mind first too.

Dont travel half way around the world chasing someone who has closed the door on any future with you. If you would like to travel and see Morocco...go with a tourist group or something and forget about developing anything with him.

You wisely asked for advise...you know what you need to do and what is in store for you down the road if you pursue this, just heartbreak and dissapointment.

and no, i dont think he is scamming you at all, he's been honest with you.

[Staashi 371]

He's just not that into you is totally what popped into my mind first too.

Dont travel half way around the world chasing someone who has closed the door on any future with you. If you would like to travel and see Morocco...go with a tourist group or something and forget about developing anything with him.

You wisely asked for advise...you know what you need to do and what is in store for you down the road if you pursue this, just heartbreak and dissapointment.

and no, i dont think he is scamming you at all, he's been honest with you.

Amen to that, sister Lisa! And wouldn't it be a blessing if all mofo's were this honest...because you know what - they aren't! They'll use you and abuse you. Just love for you to make a 'round the world booty call. Girl, please. With him saying all of these things I'd be running for the hills like I had a pack of wild dogs behind me!

[Lisa and Ian 7]

One other thing to think about... It may be difficult legally to move your children out of the US, assuming the father still has legal ability to see them. My attorney said it would be difficult to move out of my state without very strong evidence that my daughter would be financially and educationally benefited.

[mandyu1 5]

One other thing to think about... It may be difficult legally to move your children out of the US, assuming the father still has legal ability to see them. My attorney said it would be difficult to move out of my state without very strong evidence that my daughter would be financially and educationally benefited.

[/quote

I have sole legal and physical custody and he has no parental rights or visitation rights, so moving them out of the country would not be an issue.

[stephanieh_67 1]

AUGUST 28,2009: DIVORCE FINAL. ABDESLAM CHAHIR GOT WHAT HE WANTED, A FRIGGIN GREEN CARD! ME,NOTHING BUT HEARTACHE. I PRAY THAT SOMETIME BEFORE I DIE, THAT I WILL BE ABLE TO FORGIVE THE A$$HOLE AND HIS WHOLE FU**ING FAMILY, BUT NOT SURE IF THAT WILL EVER HAPPEN. HIS FAMILY(ESPECIALLY, MY IN-LAWS THAT I NEVER EVEN MET) SHOULD BE ASHAMED AND SO SHOULD HE! THE PAIN HE BROUGHT TO MY FAMILY,TO MY DAUGHTER WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED. FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DO NOT BELIEVE MY STORY, I AM SORRY. I TELL THE TRUTH.

[ya falaha! 0]

Jeezus crimeny...^^^^^ So you got duped, shitt happens. You knew he was up to something before you filed for AOS and you still did it anyways. Boo hoo, my heart bleeds.

To the OP, you never answered...were you formally invited to Maroc or did you invite yourself?

Edited September 21, 2009 by Astarte

[Staashi 371]

Jeezus crimeny...^^^^^ So you got duped, shitt happens. You knew he was up to something before you filed for AOS and you still did it anyways. Boo hoo, my heart bleeds.

To the OP, you never answered...were you formally invited to Maroc or did you invite yourself?

Amen, Moody - I've always wondered why people pursue this sh!t when they know that somethings wrong...why if you have a gut feeling that there's a problem would you continue on with the battle that is immigration? Nuckin' Futs!!!!

Edited September 21, 2009 by Staashi

[doodlebugg 10]

Why on earth would you even consider uprooting those three precous gifts from God to a country that is foreign to you and them for a man who doesn't even seem remotely enthusiastic about being with you? I'm sorry I swore I wouldn't post in these types of threads anymore but all I can think of is the children. I was and am very much in love with my husband and the feeling is mutual between us and still I wouldn't dream of bringing them there to live whether or not I got the ok from the ex. It's just not fair to them, period. It sounds like you have a big crush on the guy and that's cool but why not take the $ and spend it on a trip to Disney since he doesn't have that same crush on you?

Edited September 21, 2009 by doodlebugg

[morocco4ever 63]

Jeezus crimeny...^^^^^ So you got duped, shitt happens. You knew he was up to something before you filed for AOS and you still did it anyways. Boo hoo, my heart bleeds.

To the OP, you never answered...were you formally invited to Maroc or did you invite yourself?

I either missed something, or forgot about it. What happened here?