Death for conversion

[ya hayat alby ♥ 0]

I don't think all MENA fathers are screamers in their parenting. I know my hubby's family for one never used this method... and for sure his father never hit ANY of his kids. It's not good to group together Muslim men like this.

[Nagishkaw 510]

And, someone said that Muslims who convert to Christianity experience horrible things. The assumptions and unsubstantiated conclusions on this thread against these Muslim parents are examples of the horrible things that Muslims experience every day. I hope for their sakes that your husbands don't have to face the same quick unsubstantiated conclusions as many here have made about this situation.

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

Denial Ain't Just a River in Egypt... Go ahead, put your fingers in your ears, close your eyes, and say "lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala I can't HEAR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" That will solve EVERYTHING..... Or you can all band together, dismiss everything I say with a grain of salt and try to ridicule me into silence... Frankly my dear.... I didn't build the Aswan DAM

If it makes you feel better go ahead and stick your head completely in the sand and pretend everything is coming up roses and lollipops and YOUR man is TOTALLY different.... There now feel better? Sit back do nothing and count on your being correct.

It's so brilliant to compare the parenting style and method observed in his MENA family, done completely in MENA, with his 100% Muslim born, and raised MENA siblings that never stepped foot out of their country (until perhaps they were GROWN) etc. to raising halfers in the USA in a 100% non-Muslim environment, non-Muslim schools, with a bias for children's rights over parental rights... It's a PERFECT comparison!!! FLAWLESS.. you can take that assumption to the BANK... Everything he learned from them about parenting will work EXACTLY the same here!!!!

Ever seen those Egyptian-American men in the airport in Cairo dragging their sullen half American kids around by the ear, shouting "you can't back talk me HERE smartazz! try calling Child Protective Services on your cell phone here!!!! One more wise crack and I can beat the ####### out of you!!!! In fact, I'll call the police for you and THEY will beat the ####### outta Ya!"...

Post again when you're son is 13 and wants to go to a mixed swim/slumber party.... and your husband thinks that's a GREAT idea! THEN I'll listen to you brag about how different he is. Or better YET, post when your daughter is 17 and has been asked to the prom and your husband offers to pay for the strapless gown with the split up the front..... I'm sure MOST MENA fathers YOU KNOW are totally jiggy with that! Of course I'm making all this stuff up... it's sooooooooooooo far fetched...

Obviously I've only seen the 1% of frustrated MENA fathers with poor parenting skills who not LIKE your men....

I quit drinkin' the Kool-Aid long ago, you keep on if it makes you feel better.... Sit back and wait and do NOTHING....

While the subject of this thread made a more daring "unacceptable choice" than any of the kids I've known (by running away and converting to Christianity) I'm nearly 100% positive that her parents didn't react with patience, understanding and tolerance, like I'm sure all of YOUR husbands would have... And had they been better prepared for the effect moving to this country would have on their ability to control and guide their children, they might have stayed where ever they came from.

Dismiss me as stupid or crazy... or whatever else you want to call me... it's your kids who would benefit from you paying attention and at least considering the minute possibility that it would be good to prepare for the future... Don't waste your time trying to paint me as a whacko...

[Jenn! 918]

Sit back and wait and do NOTHING....

So the solution to this dilemma is to buy parenting books for our husbands?

[Ban Hammer 13,112]

[Nagishkaw 510]

Pass it on, Charles.

[sara..... 371]

Pass it on, Charles.

you guys got any with butter on it?

sara

[doodlebugg 10]

A teenager runs away from home and strangers from the internet take her in, but somehow her parents are villains.

And why the hell isn't this daughter's internet usage monitored? Maybe I'm just a too nosey mom but I certainly review the history on my kids' laptops on a regular basis.

And how the heck did she get to Florida? Did these strangers pay for an air ticket or come pick her up? I'd be freaked out as all hell if I knew that some stranger from Florida financed and took my MINOR child across state lines!!! I would be in jail by now if that were the case because I'd fly there and seriously fk those two predators UP!!!!

Why were they the most trusted friends of hers? Perhaps were they writing to her four years ago about their brand of Christianity? Is it really a cult-type place? I sure as heck hope the FBI is investigating their church to see if there are other children living there without their parents' knowledge.

There are so many wrongs on each side of this story it makes my head spin!!!! The parents are wrong for not watching her more closely. Assuming these two Christains are not sexual predators the parents are VERY lucky that a psycho killer didn't try to sway her into HIS life! What if she had trusted a guy working for a secret organization that sells kids as sex slaves? The parents absolutely have culpability here.

As for the Christian couple, who on earth would do this? If some little girl came to me because we had been talking for a while online (and as I write that I have goosebumps because it's just so freakin' unreal that someone my age would be talking to little girls ) and wanted to come to me four states away I'd call DSS and talk with them about the situation. I would NOT fund her trip to me and then call my lawyer. Geesh this is so obvious!!!

That's it my blood pressure is sky high now. So much for quitting smoking today!

Post again when you're son is 13 and wants to go to a mixed swim/slumber party.... and your husband thinks that's a GREAT idea! THEN I'll listen to you brag about how different he is. Or better YET, post when your daughter is 17 and has been asked to the prom and your husband offers to pay for the strapless gown with the split up the front..... I'm sure MOST MENA fathers YOU KNOW are totally jiggy with that! Of course I'm making all this stuff up... it's sooooooooooooo far fetched...

My husband bites his tongue, goes for long walks, goes out on the porch to smoke....anything so that he doesn't freak out that my daughter hangs out with a group of like 6 or 7 kids daily of which about 2 are boys. He definitely has a hard time and it's not his bio daughter. It's taken him this long to not have his veins bulge when he sees her in a halter top, etc. He has voiced his concerns more than once to me but he definitely sucks it up for the greater good of family tranquility. That being said you can't really paint everyone with the same brush. There are American men who would act just the same and there are American men who would be more liberal.

[aisha kandisha 0]

why do people with such negative views on Muslims/MENA men marry them, and sometimes go back for #2 or #3?

[Aymsgirl 0]

I know that KH is speaking from some experience here. She has a son with a MENA man and she has been married to a stepfather to her son. Maybe this doesn't apply to all MENA men but I think it will apply to more than some think it will. Some people when having a child with one of these men even though they may be very liberal at first things start to become strict as the child grows. This is not just only from my personal experience but from a few others even on this board that I have spoken to.

I know of situations where the stepfather isn't pushing his religion from his view on the step children in his mind but especially with the young girls stating that if they are Christian they shouldn't show their bodies as much as they do. This can be as small as the young girl wanting to go to a public swimming pool. He is uncomfortable with her wearing a one piece bathing suit and to him he is looking out for her safety and for her to not be misled but for her it is pure miserableness and a nonunderstanding stepfather putting his nose in her business and making her not feel Christian enough because she shows skin.

I've heard of situations where the man threatens to divorce his wife because she isn't strict enough on her children. These children will be examples to his children and he will not have his child seeing that the little negative things in their behavior can be overlooked as often as we do in America. That the children rule the parents and the parents do not rule the children.

In some aspects this is correct. I remember my sibling calling the police on my father when we were young because he spanked her. Why??? Because she snuck out of the house and wasn't in her bed in the morning, scared the family to death and was doing only God knows what. So, my father, who is a good man trying to discipline his daughter almost went to jail for correcting her.

This doesn't state that the police and children services aren't a great resource. They can be and can save lives as we all know. But sometimes our kids know at such a young and early age that they can get the upper hand over us. In other countries where these men come from you get beat with a stick or a belt and you never do what you did again because you remember it. (Not condoning this is proper to me) It's hard sometimes to retrain your thought processes to think differently when you live in a country and see some of the things that you see here. Unfortunately, to some they don't always see the positive outweighing the negative.

Also, let me share some culture with you. I was at fellow Egyptian friend's home last night. The doorbell rang, my husband answered it and whispered to the 17 year old son that there was a boy at the door for his almost 16 year old sister. The son, being born and raised in America knowing how his parents were, tried to go outside and tell the boy listen, don't come to the door or come around here because intermingling of boy/girls in our home is wrong. Well, the mother heard the son talking to this boy at the door and she came running out of the house and yelling and said what do you want with my daughter? The boy told her he wanted to talk to her. The mother screamed at him and told him to leave and not come back and that they weren't like some families like he may know and that if he came around again the police would be called. The teenage kids were so embarassed. They looked as if they were going to cry. I just sat there with my mouth shut because it wasn't my business to talk but you know I witnessed cultural clashes in that moment and saw how hurt the children were and how hurt the mother was. It was sad...she's been in this country for over 20 years and still she brings her culture with her and she doesn't budge on it.

I know my post is all over the place, I apologize. I am also not trying to offend one of you. My wish is that all of you that have children and your spouse is a step parent that you have an easy transition and life. Not everybody does though and there are more than admit it. I know because we have spoken about it. You know who you are but it's a lot of work, tough hard work to raise culturally mixed children.

Edited August 14, 2009 by Aymsgirl

[merijan 0]

Amysgirl, I agree with alot of what you said. HOwever the mother was not just bringing her culture here, she was also bringing ISlam.My kids wont date, there is no boyfriend , girlfriend thing. As a Muslim convert, born and raised here, I knkow for sure this is what my Islam teaches me. Ya my kids will like someone, think they are "inlove" etc. but they wont go to prom, dates, and so on.

[sara..... 371]

Amysgirl, I agree with alot of what you said. HOwever the mother was not just bringing her culture here, she was also bringing ISlam.My kids wont date, there is no boyfriend , girlfriend thing. As a Muslim convert, born and raised here, I knkow for sure this is what my Islam teaches me. Ya my kids will like someone, think they are "inlove" etc. but they wont go to prom, dates, and so on.

life for USA Muslims is difficult many times, what our mom told us is u will not date or attend dances or any boy girl actives other than school related as in sports and things like that.

i have teenage sisters and a brother, they knew before starting school dating and dances was never gonna happen they deal with it fine for the most part because we read the quran and study Islam where it clearly tells us about these kinds of things.

we have never been depressed or felt oppressed because of our religion or our life.

i think the problem comes when one tries to mix normal USA way of life with what is required of us in Islam. Im not here to say that their way of life is wrong but neither is ours.

Being a Muslim is not all about culture, its a way of life as well. Its hard for people that do not agree with our way just as its hard for us to figure out why they allow their children what they do.

I think this is a topic that Muslim and Christian just have to agree to disagree on and accept each other for who are.

How ever i dont think it is fair to sterio type a Muslim father or a Christian father because personalities come into play in both religions.

Honor killings are not Islamic never have been never will be but there are those in any religion that carry things to far and dont understand what is really Islam this is not fault of Islam but fault of the person.

sara

[Aymsgirl 0]

Amysgirl, I agree with alot of what you said. HOwever the mother was not just bringing her culture here, she was also bringing ISlam.My kids wont date, there is no boyfriend , girlfriend thing. As a Muslim convert, born and raised here, I knkow for sure this is what my Islam teaches me. Ya my kids will like someone, think they are "inlove" etc. but they wont go to prom, dates, and so on.

I honestly understand your point of view. I guess for me it was something new. I know all of this but when the mother ran out and assumed that the boy wanted her daughter for a reason like boyfriend and girlfriend it kind of shocked me. I guess all in all he was a neighbor boy that wanted to let the daughter know that his brother was selling his skateboard and wanted the daughter to have first dibs on it. His sister sent the daughter a text telling her why he came. The boy should have voiced this when the mother opened the door though.

I can totally understand your beliefs. Although, with Christian children I am sure I will find it and maybe some others a hard pill to swallow if stepdad puts his foot down about things that are very acceptable in his religion, traditions, culture in his country but then to these children it isn't the normality that they have grown up with for so many years. He comes in and rocks their world.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Amysgirl, I agree with alot of what you said. HOwever the mother was not just bringing her culture here, she was also bringing ISlam.My kids wont date, there is no boyfriend , girlfriend thing. As a Muslim convert, born and raised here, I knkow for sure this is what my Islam teaches me. Ya my kids will like someone, think they are "inlove" etc. but they wont go to prom, dates, and so on.

I honestly understand your point of view. I guess for me it was something new. I know all of this but when the mother ran out and assumed that the boy wanted her daughter for a reason like boyfriend and girlfriend it kind of shocked me. I guess all in all he was a neighbor boy that wanted to let the daughter know that his brother was selling his skateboard and wanted the daughter to have first dibs on it. His sister sent the daughter a text telling her why he came. The boy should have voiced this when the mother opened the door though.

I can totally understand your beliefs. Although, with Christian children I am sure I will find it and maybe some others a hard pill to swallow if stepdad puts his foot down about things that are very acceptable in his religion, traditions, culture in his country but then to these children it isn't the normality that they have grown up with for so many years. He comes in and rocks their world.

I can totally understand this, but I often wonder how this comes as a shock to people. Honest questions, not being an @ss here: Did they just not know that the stepfather would expect the children to be raised in a way that he's used to or did they just think it would be an easy adjustment, that it wouldnt create problems?

I dont know. I just think that if you are going to marry someone from another culture and bring that someone into the lives of your children, you better be educated and A OK with said beliefs and be ready to raise your children accordingly, OR make sure the step parent is well aware that they will have no say in certain things(which will cause great resentment, thats human nature). You cant have it both ways IMHO. If there is that much of a difference in beliefs on how children should be raised, maybe its not the best fit anyway. Im sorry if that offends anyone, its just that I think child rearing should be something discussed IN LENGTH and should be part of the life partner choosing descion.

[Aymsgirl 0]

You are right! It should be discussed and should be in depth and at length. I think in the discussions that I have had with those that have children (these are all married with MENA husbands) is that the husband originally had the respect that their religion and traditions are different, their father is responsible for making sure the children follow through, not him, he was the stepfather and he was not to push the fact. They are not his children. But as time goes by and he forms a bond with them and loves them and wants to treat them as his own and wants them to be good examples to his own, his feelings are different. I don't always think that the discussion and expectations churn out to be the true reality. This can be a big deal breaker in a marriage.