Getting out of a bad relationship

[sara..... 371]

you and ur family are in my prayers.

if a man hits u he has crossed that invisible line there is no going back and if he is hurting u sexually as well its about control, u have stated he controls u by keeping u from sleeping i am not you but i myself would run far and fast, i understand u like ur job and the house has ur name but is it worth being abused and possible abuse of ur daughter?

i know ur faced with a hard choice right now but really only thing u should be worried about is ur safety and ur daughters

i might be young but i do know if a man states he used me for green card i would not think of keeping him plz keep urself safe

sara

[Twisted K 2]

i don't know much about abuse, but can't you get a restraining order? if you are still in the situation of living with him, please document everything. if you have any close friends, or family members, make sure they document everything. from what i do understand, the more evidence you have against him, the better you chances are to sending his butt to prison for a long time. as far as sexual abuse, i do know there is a such thing as rape even in a marriage. my prayers and heart go out to you and your baby.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Hello,

I used to post here (under a different name) around 2006 when my husband (moroccan) was applying for a K1 visa. He now has his Green card - no conditions. Since he has gotten his conditions removed, he has become more and more abusive towards me- physically and sexually. He also controls me through sleep deprivation. I don't know what to do and I don't want to raise my daughter in this environment, and am afraid that one day he may hurt her too.

He stated to me that he only married me for the greencard, and now that he has it, he doesn't need me. Is there any way I can report him for immigration fraud? I am seriously afraid for my safety and he said he would kidnap our daughter if the courts gave me custody of her. I like my job and my house and I don't want to move, and can't afford to anyway because this relationship has put me over 20,000 in debt.

The only way I can guarantee that he won't hurt me or her is if somehow I can get his legal status removed and he gets sent back home. If he remains here, I feel he can find me anywhere I go, unless I drop everything and move to an entirely different city. (but I do have a house, a good job, and am in debt)

Also he doesn't work, and hasn't worked much in the three years he has been here, so if I kicked him out of the h ouse he would have no way to support himself, which even though he has hurt me tremendously, I still care about his health and safety.

I am desperate for any advice. I don't know what to do I feel so alone. Please help. I'm sure someone has been in a similiar situation.

You said that you are worried that one day he might hurt your daughter...as in the future. But, please realize he's already hurting your daughter. Little girls learn how they should be treated in relationships by the way they see their mothers being treated in relationships. So, she is already being hurt just by being around this; he doesn't have to be hitting her to be hurting her.

AMEN!

[Cheryl & Medo 3]

If he is being abusive why don't you call your local police and have him arrested? Press charges on him slap a restraining order on him. Change all the locks you can even get ADT security sysem. And if he has to sleep in jail and in the streets a few nights so what?... If you do this YOU will now be in controll and maybe even get a good nights sleep........... This is what i would do. And belive me I have all ready warrened my husband if he ever hits me. He know's where he will be sleeping.

[100% Al Ahly Fan 53]

Hello,

I used to post here (under a different name) around 2006 when my husband (moroccan) was applying for a K1 visa. He now has his Green card - no conditions. Since he has gotten his conditions removed, he has become more and more abusive towards me- physically and sexually. He also controls me through sleep deprivation. I don't know what to do and I don't want to raise my daughter in this environment, and am afraid that one day he may hurt her too.

He stated to me that he only married me for the greencard, and now that he has it, he doesn't need me. Is there any way I can report him for immigration fraud? I am seriously afraid for my safety and he said he would kidnap our daughter if the courts gave me custody of her. I like my job and my house and I don't want to move, and can't afford to anyway because this relationship has put me over 20,000 in debt.

The only way I can guarantee that he won't hurt me or her is if somehow I can get his legal status removed and he gets sent back home. If he remains here, I feel he can find me anywhere I go, unless I drop everything and move to an entirely different city. (but I do have a house, a good job, and am in debt)

Also he doesn't work, and hasn't worked much in the three years he has been here, so if I kicked him out of the h ouse he would have no way to support himself, which even though he has hurt me tremendously, I still care about his health and safety.

I am desperate for any advice. I don't know what to do I feel so alone. Please help. I'm sure someone has been in a similiar situation.

You said that you are worried that one day he might hurt your daughter...as in the future. But, please realize he's already hurting your daughter. Little girls learn how they should be treated in relationships by the way they see their mothers being treated in relationships. So, she is already being hurt just by being around this; he doesn't have to be hitting her to be hurting her.

AMEN!

I second that!

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

First of all, let me say how sorry I am that you are going through all of this. Please put your daughter's safety and your own safety above every other concern or issue. Don't worry about him for a second. Men like that know how to survive ANYWHERE.

First thing you need is legal counsel. If you can't afford an attorney try legal aid or call the Bar Association and ask for a referral to a "pro bono" (free) attorney, there are many who will help abused women and children. Also any women's shelter will have resource information as well.

As for his threats to kidnap your daughter, you need to immediately get her a US Passport. Don't let him know you have one, and put it in a safe deposit box at a bank or something. This will keep him from getting a US passport for her. Just remember, if you are truly worried about him kidnapping her (and I think he's just trying to threaten you and make you afraid, most likely he wouldn't want the responsibility of a child) you need to remember that as long as you are still married to him, it isn't kidnapping! I understand from your post that he is her father... nothing illegal about a father taking his daughter with him anywhere, IF YOU ARE STILL MARRIED TO HIM. So if this is your big fear let it move you to ACTION, and divorce his butt!

You need to get angry, and use that righteous and totally understandable indignation to MOTIVATE YOU to GET RID OF HIM. Don't worry about getting him out of the country, probably much too late for that. But he can sit his butt in jail for abuse and depending on where you live that might not be so hard to do... (in Texas it would be a breeze).

You say he hasn't worked, but the house is in his name too???? Ya'ALLAH, GET A LAWYER!!!! I hope you don't live in a community property state.

Put on your big girl panties and get in gear... Let the natural mother instinct come out and sharpen your claws... You have a child to protect, and you have to protect yourself in order to provide her with a Mom! Even if he's beaten you down with abuse remember what they say on the plane... "if the oxygen masks come down, adults, put on YOUR MASK before you help your children put on THEIRS".

I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers and ask Allah to give you courage, strength, and wisdom to get you through this difficult time. Don't do it alone, there are support groups everywhere, and many who have walked this path before you.

Again, I'm so sorry for your pain, for the damage he has done to your life. Don't let it continue. You and your daughter deserve much better.

[Bajih 4]

CALL: 1-800-799-7233. This is the Domestic Violence National Hotline. They will take your call 24 hours a day; 7 days a week. Tell them your situation and get the advice from these wonderful caring people. There is NO DOUBT about it- you ARE being abused. Do not stand for this. Threat or not, take it serious about your daughter. Do not chance your daughter's nearness to you on some pyscho-messed up man. (although I agree- he would not want the responsibility but it is something I wouldn't just let slide by) DO SOMETHING TODAY- I urge you.

Get this POISON out of your life.

I am praying for you. Please keep in touch.

Baj

[Ihavequestions 419]

I agree with everyone else: you have to protect yourself and your daughter. GET OUT NOW and let the law deal with him.

Also, you might want to read through the effects of family changes forum. It seems to me felony domestic violence is a deportable offence.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Your house, possessions.....those things can be replaced. Your life and the life of your daughter cannot.

I think you know what you have to do.....but what you need is the courage and strength to follow through.

Bless you, sister.

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

And don't put your faith in restraining orders. They are pieces of paper that I doubt your husband would give a damn about. They only work if you can get a police officer to respond to a situation (before it goes totally south) and ENFORCE IT. They don't create a force field shield around you. They might be technically/legally helpful, but they are not very practical in protecting women and children. He comes from a culture where domestic violence and intimidation is taken with a grain of salt and a shrug... Conventional wisdom in MENA is that if women are "disciplined" they likely deserved it, and father's OWN their children. It's doubtful that a legal document from an American court will make much of an impression on him... jail MIGHT.

[Cheryl & Medo 3]

First of all, let me say how sorry I am that you are going through all of this. Please put your daughter's safety and your own safety above every other concern or issue. Don't worry about him for a second. Men like that know how to survive ANYWHERE.

First thing you need is legal counsel. If you can't afford an attorney try legal aid or call the Bar Association and ask for a referral to a "pro bono" (free) attorney, there are many who will help abused women and children. Also any women's shelter will have resource information as well.

As for his threats to kidnap your daughter, you need to immediately get her a US Passport. Don't let him know you have one, and put it in a safe deposit box at a bank or something. This will keep him from getting a US passport for her. Just remember, if you are truly worried about him kidnapping her (and I think he's just trying to threaten you and make you afraid, most likely he wouldn't want the responsibility of a child) you need to remember that as long as you are still married to him, it isn't kidnapping! I understand from your post that he is her father... nothing illegal about a father taking his daughter with him anywhere, IF YOU ARE STILL MARRIED TO HIM. So if this is your big fear let it move you to ACTION, and divorce his butt!

You need to get angry, and use that righteous and totally understandable indignation to MOTIVATE YOU to GET RID OF HIM. Don't worry about getting him out of the country, probably much too late for that. But he can sit his butt in jail for abuse and depending on where you live that might not be so hard to do... (in Texas it would be a breeze).

You say he hasn't worked, but the house is in his name too???? Ya'ALLAH, GET A LAWYER!!!! I hope you don't live in a community property state.

Put on your big girl panties and get in gear... Let the natural mother instinct come out and sharpen your claws... You have a child to protect, and you have to protect yourself in order to provide her with a Mom! Even if he's beaten you down with abuse remember what they say on the plane... "if the oxygen masks come down, adults, put on YOUR MASK before you help your children put on THEIRS".

I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers and ask Allah to give you courage, strength, and wisdom to get you through this difficult time. Don't do it alone, there are support groups everywhere, and many who have walked this path before you.

Again, I'm so sorry for your pain, for the damage he has done to your life. Don't let it continue. You and your daughter deserve much better.

I agree

[Ihavequestions 419]

And don't put your faith in restraining orders. They are pieces of paper that I doubt your husband would give a damn about. They only work if you can get a police officer to respond to a situation (before it goes totally south) and ENFORCE IT. They don't create a force field shield around you. They might be technically/legally helpful, but they are not very practical in protecting women and children. He comes from a culture where domestic violence and intimidation is taken with a grain of salt and a shrug... Conventional wisdom in MENA is that if women are "disciplined" they likely deserved it, and father's OWN their children. It's doubtful that a legal document from an American court will make much of an impression on him... jail MIGHT.

This is true. I knew an Egyptian guy in America who refused to leave his ex-wife alone and violated a restraining order 21 times.

He finally GOT IT after he was jailed and paid a lawyer good money to appeal the deportation order, lost, and had to leave.

[infinity02 0]

I just want to say I appreciate everyone's prayers and support. Right now I'm trying to come up with a plan and a strategy. Right now we are safe and he hasn't done anything for a few days. I will post from time to time to let you know how we're doing.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Document, call the police, get the evidence (safely) but dont wait until for him to change...if he has never worked why in the world would his name be on the house but even in divorce you can get this with proving you case of abuse....you child senses this behavior every day you need to make the change asap. This abuse can come from any man from anywhere, ask yourself how would you handle it if it was your high school sweetheart? i think you would have already been gone

[merijan 0]

When he get violent call the police. get a restraining order. you will get temp. full custody , he will have to attend anger mangement clases and have supervised visits.Any time at all he calls u, drives by , etc make a police report right away. Its alot of red tape but it will give you time.