Supporting your s/o through the big change...

[hayati 0]

So we're about to embark on the K1 journey. We've finally made our decision as to how we're going to approach our situation and have consulted with my parents for their approval (because they will have to do the affidavit of support since I'm currently working in Egypt where the salary sucks!). We've made the decision. He would much rather we stay in Egypt and start our lives together here... however law school is my dream and he says it would be selfish of him to come in the way of that. So off to the US we go (eventually.... we'll see how long this process takes...).

Anyway, now that we've made the decision I can tell that he's getting scared and worried. Sometimes I wonder if he's hesitant even, though he insists that this is what he wants to do - he can't live without me. I've been away from home for awhile... and my Dad went through the same process (immigrated from Egypt to the US) so I have seen how hard it is to live so far from your family. It's heartbreaking.

A (we'll call him "A") is really accomplished in Egypt. For his age he has many years of really good professional experience (he's an engineer) and is constantly climbing the ladder and gaining new experiences. He has so many friends and of course his family is here. He has 2 apartments and... well basically, here he is taking a huuuuuge leap and hoping that everything works out. He's afraid people won't like him in America (I assured him this isn't true). He's afraid he won't be able to adapt to the culture there (he's pretty traditional and religious, though surprisingly somewhat liberal....eh, maybe more moderate than liberal but still...). We'll also be moving to Kentucky which... well... that might be an even bigger adjustment than larger US cities. His parents are making things worse.... complaining to him that he is leaving them to die alone. He's afraid he won't be able to find employment and refuses to work at a gas station or McDonalds or something like that. It would be degrading to him since he's worked 9 years as an engineer. I understand that. He's just afraid he will be a failure and I can understand how frightening this experience is for him.

So my question is... did you guys experience similar situations? If so, how did you deal with it and help to support your honey? It breaks my heart, to the point of tears, to know that he's doing all of this for me.... and it's causing him so much frustration and anguish and fear. I trust that, though it might be hard getting through the paper work, adjusting, finding jobs and establishing ourselves, in the end things will work out and he will love it (every time my Dad comes to Egypt he misses the US about 2 weeks into his stay). He of course doesn't have the insight that I have...

Suggestions? (Sorry this was long... it's like a post/question/vent haha).

[nurse1967 287]

Really Kentucky is not bad especially if you are moving to Louisville or Lexington. I PROMISE I have all my teeth AND wear shoes.

[hayati 0]

Really Kentucky is not bad especially if you are moving to Louisville or Lexington. I PROMISE I have all my teeth AND wear shoes.

Haha... I'm from Kentucky.... born and raised (well until college which wasn't too incredibly long ago!). I am not from Lexington or Louisville however. Think small rural area on the border of TN. I believe out of the 13,000 residents of the area 4 were Arab... me, my Dad, and my two brothers! Haha, kidding but not by much... I honestly doubt the number of Arabs went into double digits.

What area are you from? I believe we'll probably move to Lexington as UK is my top law school right now. I know there is/was a decently sized Arab community (my parents went to EKU so they were part of the Arab network back in the day) but I don't know much about getting in contact with them.

He's not afraid of Kentucky at all. He doesn't know the stereotypes. He just sees pictures of beautiful mountains...

[nurse1967 287]

I am in Louisville. My husband has a friend from Egypt who lives in Lexington and is in Engineering school there. There is a pretty decent Arab population in Lexington and Louisville. Of course it's nothing like New York or Michigan or anything like that but it's enough to suffice. I think there are about 4 or 5 mosques here in Louisville. My ex-husband went to University of Louisville law school. Good luck with that.

[amysaid 9]

man, i totally thought we were going to be talking about menopause. :whistle:

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Do everything you can do now to get him ready to work here. See how/where his degree can be evaluated and what you'll need for that. Anything he can do in Egypt to get credentials in the US. Prepare resumes, cover letters, practice interviewing, look for internships, etc.

And then make sure that you'll be able to survive if he doesn't work for an extended period of time. I put off law school and got my paralegal certification, so I could work and support us while AbuS got his feet on the ground here in the US. It will probably be another few years before I can go (if I decide to go), and it took 3 years for AbuS to get a comparable job to what he had in Egypt. It was an increadible soul suck for him. Just always be positive, prompt him to continue applying and massage his male ego if he starts to get down.

[MrsAmera 41]

How good is his English? That will be probably THE biggest hurdle in getting gainful employment. If it's not so great, then I hate to say it but getting any job let alone an engineering job is going to be difficult if not impossible. As UmmSqueakster said - do whatever you can now to get him ready, degrees evaluated, resume fixed, does he know anyone in the US? Because he'll need references for any employment application and listing those people who know him in Egypt is not going to work.

I understand that he's successful etc, but I honestly think he needs to be prepared to do whatever until he can get the engineering job. There are people here (I live in DC) who are doctors, lawyers, people who had successful careers at home that drive taxis, work in restaurants and do whatever they need to do to support their families until they can make the steps towards working back in their field. If he's only willing to work as an engineer and you're going to be in law school you need to be prepared for several months of limited to no income.

If things are good for you there in Egypt have you thought about doing law school there? Through AU Cairo or another program? I'm sure there may be other reasons you're looking to come back to the US but just a thought to consider.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

I understand that he's successful etc, but I honestly think he needs to be prepared to do whatever until he can get the engineering job. There are people here (I live in DC) who are doctors, lawyers, people who had successful careers at home that drive taxis, work in restaurants and do whatever they need to do to support their families until they can make the steps towards working back in their field. If he's only willing to work as an engineer and you're going to be in law school you need to be prepared for several months of limited to no income.

I think this is the sticking point that can make the adjustment very very very hard. AbuS worked some entry level jobs along the way (check cashing, which was beyond soul suck), but spent more of his time preparing himself for an accounting job here in the US and his certified internal auditor certification by studying, improving his english and doing an internship. We could afford that luxury because I was working, and I knew that he would repay me when I become a stay at home mom someday inshaAllah.

I remember hearing a piece on NPR several years ago about a doctor from africa who immigrated to the US, and the only job he could find was as a janitor at the hospital. *digs around in NPR archives*

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4240181

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5067269

[amal 4]

I recommend doing your best to remind him that when he comes here, MOST LIKELY he's not going to find any job that is even somewhat comparable to the status that his job holds right now. My husband took a massive ego loss after looking for 6 months and couldn't find a respectful (respectful to him) job here. He finally had to basically beg on a daily basis for weeks to get hired on at the local Wal-Mart, where even there he started as a stock boy. It was horrible for him and I had to do a whole lot of ego boosting and encouraging to keep his spirits up.

He got here in 2005-Dec and just last July finally started doing something that he actually wants to do.

Do your best to prepare him for this. It's definitely difficult financially. I did my best to prepare mine and he said he understood but in reality, he had no idea the challenge that awaited him.

Now...on the other hand...There are the others who have come here and done quite well from the start. Sadly enough the ones that are lucky enough to find perfect jobs quickly are few and far between.

I wish you both much luck in your journey and may God bless you always ensha'allah.

amal

[Aymsgirl 0]

I have some suggestions and will write more tonight. I have been in your shoes, somewhat! I'm at work and can't be online too much. Write more later!

[Ayman and Yasmina 0]

Im in the process getting ready to go to the states...Im going to the Tampa bay area near my mom. My husband is an accountant here makes great money...His English is not that great...Im worried but im so fed up with Egypt!

I plan letting him go back to school..sorry baby wont let me type i will be back

[hayati 0]

Hi everyone! Sorry I haven't been on the board in a few days and now I see that there a ton of posts. I'm actually getting ready to head out but I wanted to say that I am thankful for all of the wonderful insight some of you have given me. Will elaborate later and respond to specifics.... but just wanted to let you know that your effort has not went unappreciated! Thanks....

be back in awhile!

[bhajishah 4]

Dont worry, he will be eligleble for assistant mgr of Mc Donalds in no time. ( and it pays better than engineering in EgypT)

[Ayman and Yasmina 0]

that was mean...

[~Jackie~ 30]

Not mean at all. My ex was a business owner in his country and here...he was the asst. manager of a KFC. He was one of the lucky ones to find legal employment.