Safe amount of time

[100% Al Ahly Fan 53]

Tammy, it is YOUR life and only you know how you want to live it. I must say you have gotten some good advice from all who have posted here, but you know in the end the choice is up to you. Pray about it, you can't go wrong there, but be able to discern from whom those answers are coming from.

Nagi you are one smart lady. 100% agreed! Pray, pray, pray...I say!

[Staashi 371]

I so hope I don't offend anyone with what I am about to say. Simply, I don't like American men. As the saying goes, been there, done that.

Islam has made no secret of the fact that he wants out of egypt, asap. I can't say I blame him, and at least he is honest about it. It's not about the fact that he is younger, good looking, or hot. I didn't fall in love with him for those reasons. I fell in love with him because he is open and honest, funny, smart, kind, caring, the list goes on. I love him because he goes out of his way to do things for me. Little things, like staying on skype with the boys while I run errands, even when it's 4am and he has to work the next day. Going to mosque on Friday and then lessons and coming back to teach me those same lessons in a way I will understand.

When we first discussed the possibility of us having a relationship, I questioned him about the financial aspects of the immigration process. He is adamant that the financials will be paid for by him, and that it is his responsibility, and in no way am I to spend a dime.

Well, sister, amen to that - if he can afford the thousands of dollars that this will cost all the better! That is fantastic! You are very fortunate to have found an Egyptian man who can take on this financial responsiblity as many of them cannot. But if he does have resources, why does he want to leave Egypt so badly?

Edited July 13, 2009 by Staashi

[~Jackie~ 30]

prolly cuz its soooo dayum hot there

[amysaid 9]

prolly cuz its soooo dayum hot there

Or he doesn't want to die from lung cancer or emphysema from the pollution

[Staashi 371]

prolly cuz its soooo dayum hot there

Or he doesn't want to die from lung cancer or emphysema from the pollution

Yes, but maybe if they didn't smoke like chimneys so much they wouldn't do themselves in.

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

Thank God he doesn't smoke. When we talked about the reasons he wanted to leave egypt he said it was because of the economy. Yes, the USA is now in a recession, but it always rebounds while the economy in egypt just seems to get worse. Guess he is looking toward the future.

I would also like to say, I have thought this all out and have been totally realistic with him and myself. I know there is a chance that "love" won't travel across the ocean when he comes. That is a chance any and all of us take when we become involved. That is the reason that I refused to marry him legally when I am Egypt, but Orfi. This will allow us time alone to really get to know each other. If the relationship survives this meeting, I will come back and file the papers when he is ready with the fee's. If and when he get's the visa to come here, the plan is for him to enter thru New York to get the temporary permit to work. If after living and working and seeing the real world in the USA and with me and my sons we decide marriage is the right step for us to take, then we will marry here. If not, well, he had an expensive vacation in the USA and I got to hang out with a friend and have some fun.

LOL, yes, I know, that is a lot of IF"S, but that's the way I roll now.

[~Jess~ 0]

do they still give temp work permits to k1 holders?? i thought they stopped this.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Tammy,

Im so sorry if this is offensive or anything like that but i felt the need to say this.

The K-1 visa is not to "try it out and see what happens" it is a fiance visa in which you have 100% intent to marry. Its not a trial or a 90 day visitor visa. This kind of use of the K1 gets to me.

If you love him so much and you guys are meant to be.. you should marry him not try him out for 90 days to see if it will work. Thats my advise.

I also agree with whomever said that EVERYTHING is different when you have children. I wish you nothing but the best. but please remember that there is no way to keep children from getting attached especially if you are bringing a man into their home.

My intent was to express my opinion, not jump on ya.. i hope it came across that way.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Tammy,

Im so sorry if this is offensive or anything like that but i felt the need to say this.

The K-1 visa is not to "try it out and see what happens" it is a fiance visa in which you have 100% intent to marry. Its not a trial or a 90 day visitor visa. This kind of use of the K1 gets to me.

If you love him so much and you guys are meant to be.. you should marry him not try him out for 90 days to see if it will work. Thats my advise.

I also agree with whomever said that EVERYTHING is different when you have children. I wish you nothing but the best. but please remember that there is no way to keep children from getting attached especially if you are bringing a man into their home.

My intent was to express my opinion, not jump on ya.. i hope it came across that way.

I concur with sister Lisa. And I do not mean to be offensive, either. Perhaps this trip is all you need to know if it would work out. Best of luck and please, please be careful.

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

I rarely take offense, I know that all of the advice is from the heart and meant with the best of intentions. I thank all of you for being open and honest. I'm just saying that this is the plan for now, who is to say what will happen? Only God knows what the future holds.

[MrsAmera 41]

i also thought they stopped giving temporary work permits out with K-1's, make sure you check into this.

[doodlebugg 10]

Just curious, why bother with an orfi marriage at all? I mean if you aren't sure if you want to marry him legally why even bother with the orfi? What would that do for you exactly other than allow you to get a hotel room together? I would be wary of any Egyptian muslim man who thinks it's ok to be alone in a hotel room with a woman who is not his wife. My husband wouldn't even stay in the flat with me until we were married because he was soooo soooo scared of bringing shame to me. Just some thoughts.

[Staashi 371]

The more I read the more I see red flags waving allover this.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Just curious, why bother with an orfi marriage at all? I mean if you aren't sure if you want to marry him legally why even bother with the orfi? What would that do for you exactly other than allow you to get a hotel room together? I would be wary of any Egyptian muslim man who thinks it's ok to be alone in a hotel room with a woman who is not his wife. My husband wouldn't even stay in the flat with me until we were married because he was soooo soooo scared of bringing shame to me. Just some thoughts.

To the bolded: And he is willing to spend a trial 90 days living here with her without marriage, so its not an issue to him apparently.

To the underlined: Good man

Im sorry, but I also want to add that Tammy, you said that you had been talking to him for 6 months(?) prior to this... you divorce isnt final and I would have a very hard time respecting a man that is ok with talking to a married woman..even if an intimate friend.

Edited July 13, 2009 by Y's_habibitk

[Chica Yeyé 41]

The more I read the more I see red flags waving allover this.

Indeed. tammy is setting herself up for all kinds of really, really hard times.