What to feel when your first love tells you he/she is going to be married...

[Sprailenes 47]

Since most people experience "first love" when they are relatively young, I think any strange feelings one might have when finding that their ex is getting married/having kids/whatever is the realization you are getting older, your youth is behind you and life has moved on, which can be a pretty weird thing regardless of how you feel about that person

As I learned from watching Mad Men, nostalgia literally means the pain from an old wound in Greek

Beautifully said!

[RYCK 0]

feel ??? hmm wouldn't feel anything that was so long ago .... but can tell ya what i think ...."She's your problem now dude !!!!" hahahaha

and i didn't give a rats behind what any one would feel about me getting married... it may just be me .. but when it's over it's over ... i'll be friendly and sociable but as far as feelings go .. na .. save em for the one i am with

[thetreble 19]

Since most people experience "first love" when they are relatively young, I think any strange feelings one might have when finding that their ex is getting married/having kids/whatever is the realization you are getting older, your youth is behind you and life has moved on, which can be a pretty weird thing regardless of how you feel about that person

As I learned from watching Mad Men, nostalgia literally means the pain from an old wound in Greek

Beautifully said!

That's really a huge part of it. He knew me when I was growing at a rapid pace and he had a great influence on that growing process. Now I realize that we are both going to be married and it's just odd. I spent years day dreaming of our life together, and I've got to put that officially into a box now.

It's not about cheating or intimacy or anything of that...and a few people see it so black and white when I really don't think it's that way.

My husband knows I speak with him. I've explained my past with him. He's perfectly confidant that we have a good marriage and that I am not straying. I didn't even THINK about that when I wrote this thread, and it's a shame I even have to write in in my post because it's NOT about that at all.

10 years of my life isn't going to go away and I think it would be RIDICULOUS of any one, including my significant other, to have control over who I speak or interact with unless it's causing a problem.

CONTROL being the operative word which a lot of spouses like to do to their significant others. To me, that's the issue!

[bowflex 0]

Lol Wow this was an interesting thread to read.

Regarding the thetreble's original post, I can't really relate to feeling one way or the other for an ex as I'm the king of the phaseout after I'm finished with a relationship, but I definitely don't see anything wrong with it at all. If she was so close to someone during the intense formative years of her life, I'd actually find it a little weird if she didn't have a feeling one way or the other towards the person getting married. I'm sure a little piece of her former guy was also hurt when she announced she was getting married, just normal to me.

I watch that show Obsessed on A&E about OCD and the therapists always say, "You can't control the thoughts that pop into your head, only your behavior regarding them." I'm not saying the OCD applies but the quote sure does Lol.

Someone also said that if the person's a cheater they're going to cheat whether you try to keep them from doing it or not. I totally agree with this and I'd find it funny if my wife tried to keep me from hanging out with someone cause I might cheat. That's so much evidence towards a much deeper insecurity or problem with our relationship that she'd feel the need to do that, but luckily she couldn't care less who I hang out with as long as I do the dishes when I get home and make sure our ferrets are fed hahaha.

In closing, awesome thread

Edited June 30, 2009 by bowflex

[thetreble 19]

Cheers, Bowflex! Good post!

[Sam and Ben 2]

feel ??? hmm wouldn't feel anything that was so long ago .... but can tell ya what i think ...."She's your problem now dude !!!!" hahahaha

and i didn't give a rats behind what any one would feel about me getting married... it may just be me .. but when it's over it's over ... i'll be friendly and sociable but as far as feelings go .. na .. save em for the one i am with

Haha, I'd probably be along those lines myself... I'd probably feel some compulsion to shake hands with the girl who accepted, and warn her to no end...

But that's how our relationship was.

Even leaving love out of it, if some others I know were to tell me they were engaged, I'd probably feel a twinge of remorse in the "hm, what would that have been like?" department. Not in the sense of shedding tears over what-might-have's, but simple wistful curiosity when a good person finds the one they're meant to be with. Just as I know others did when they found out I was engaged (and heck, moving thousands of miles away to boot).

[Krikit 1,163]

she couldn't care less who I hang out with

THANK you for getting that right, Bowflex! Honest to God, that drives me right round the bend when people say "could care less".

*hands Bowflex the grammar award*

So....... while my internet access was cut off and I was making dinner last night, I was thinking about how all my friends and family went to one of my best friend's 60th birthday and early retirement party on the weekend and how sad I was to have missed all that. And then I realized that what you're feeling, Amanda, is a lot like that. Being so far away from everyone you grew up with, and not being there to be a part of everything, really accentuates your emotions. I mean, if you were actually living there and were invited but had to turn it down due to other commitments, you wouldn't feel as strongly as you do living so far away. Perhaps your reaction to your friend proposing to his girlfriend has a lot to do with the distance.

Anyway.... don't mind me. I'm just rambling.