Are Muslims in America Unfriendly?

[Jenn! 918]

@Umm - you know I cook just as good as any Moroccan woman (sometimes better if I do say so lol) and even my Moroccan women friends who have eaten my food agree. Recently we were at a bbq and discussing an upcoming get together. They were talking in Arabic and said "oh yea Amanda can bring soda and plates like the single guys" I spoke up right away and said (in English), "Hey I CAN cook Moroccan food - I know you might not think so but I can." They apologized right away and said "oh no we didn't mean that we just didn't want it to be too much for you". (ya right they don't think I can!)

That would have gotten me so heated. Then I probably would have said something to get me kicked right on back out of the circle right away. No wonder I was never "popular" in high school.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Oooh also - for the dreaded "Oh where are you from" question. I've taken to responding "Wisconsin!" like it's an exotic foreign location - simply out of irriation that NO ONE who asks that questions expects you to say somewhere in the United States

Ha! I love it when the haters say "go back where you came from!" To which I can reply, "you know, Wisconsin is lovely this time of year and I do miss those cheese curds, but I am quite happy where I'm at, thank you very much. Go Packers!"

[100% Al Ahly Fan 53]

Oh, re salaaming men. Something I do not do, unless they're someone I know at the masjid, or are the very friendly people at the african american masjid I attend for jummah.

Speaking of giving greetings........Assalaamu 3laykum wa ra7mattullah wa barakaatu, now....

Although I am not muhagaba, I still try to give my salaams to others. From people who don't know I am muslimah, I do get an odd look since I don't cover, but that's okay....I don't mind it.

I like Rahma, don't salaam men, unless I know them.

I haven't run into an issue where people aren't friendly, per se. Although, I think many Muslims are just unsure. Some people here in the U.S. although Arab may not be Muslim or are non-practicing Muslims, so perhaps that may make people hesitant because of this?? I don't know.

Anyhow there is a verse in the quran from surah An Nisa regarding giving salaams....

When you are greeted with a greeting, give a greeting better then it or return it, Surely Allah (swt) takes account of all things"

So I always try to greet when I can or return salaams, I am not worried about the other person thoughts or intentions. Just my two cents

[Sandrila 1]

just wondering since you and your husband are devout, practicing Muslims

your husband didn't mind that you smiled at the men?

I don't wear the head scarf and I think my husband would flip it if I smiled, even if being friendly

just asking.

Also, I haven't run into any obvious Muslims since being here.

I know my husband can identify people of his origin quicker than I and I don't see a whole lot of people who appear to Muslims by their wear. Most of the Muslims I see are the women who are fully covered, with only their eyes showing.

I rarely see Arab Muslims, here in Philly we mostly have afro american Muslims in full Muslim garb.

[AlHayatZween 2]

i try to salaam everybody...

but not everyone salaams back. i think it varies 50/50, but i do get annoyed sometimes when i get no response. i feel the same way with "hellos" and "good mornings" etc...

[Donna A 4]

well im not muslim but my husband is....he doesnt say hi or anything to anyone he sees out in public. some times he will say to me....i think they are arabs but he doesnt say anything to them.

[Jenn! 918]

Oh yeah, I should qualify my above statement about Wadi being friendly and vice versa - it really only applies to North Africans. I think there's some mutual tension thing going on with Gulf/Middle East Arabs and North Africans. He wouldn't go up and say hi to some random guy from Saudi, but he would if they were from Morocco or Algeria.

[AlHayatZween 2]

i try to salaam everybody...

but not everyone salaams back. i think it varies 50/50, but i do get annoyed sometimes when i get no response. i feel the same way with "hellos" and "good mornings" etc...

Sorry, i would like to qualify my statement as well...

i don't care if a man doesn't Salaam back (either in the US or in other countries)... i assume it is a hashem thing. But no excuse for the ladies!

Hellos & Good mornings--at least in this country--i get annoyed when the person doesn't respond, be it male or female.

It doesn't cost anything to be polite!

[Muh and me 18]

I've observed over the past few weeks a difference in the areas that i have been. Some say salam others don't. My SIL always says salem to another woman. I also know from talking with her, it is harem for a woman to say salem to a strange man. Kamal very rarely will talk to someone without them talking first.

And as far as being the only person who don't speak or understand arabic in a conversation, this has been my life for over a week now-with little or no explanations.

[Staashi 371]

Terri, where are you and who are you staying with?

[Melly 2 0]

As to the men not saying anything or looking away, as some people said, maybe they found it not right to be speaking with a woman who was not mahram to them. Totally understandable. Some people care, and some don't.

I would never say salam to any man here unless it is a family member.

As to the general feeling of unfriendliness, I can think of several reasons why it could be.

Though who knows for sure.

If you live in a Muslim country (born there), you don't go around saying salam to every person that you pass on the street. Your mouth would never close.

So even though us converts living in the States might get excited to see another Muslim if we are in a small community, for the person from the other country, we are just another Muslim. It isn't as special to them because they come from a country where almost everyone is Muslim.

They don't understand our excitement at finding someone like us!

Also, from what I have noticed here in Egypt, I can rarely get a smile out of anyone. Of course I try not to look at men in the eye or smile at them, but for women or kids, I have only got a smile from one kid. I guess it must be something in the culture and maybe Americans are just more "happy go lucky" or something.

The area I lived in in the States was mainly Paki/Indian Muslims, and while some were not friendly, some were super friendly and became like my family and were always watching out for me at Eid and other times. They took me in the night I said my shahada at the masjid and we have been close ever since. I am so thankful for them, as they made my transition a lot easier.

I guess we just have to allow that everyone is different and doesn't think the same as we do.

[Sandrila 1]

I agree that the way we meet and greet each other is very different than the ME, I think.

We are overly friendly and touchy feely

[Zee Bee 61]

just wondering since you and your husband are devout, practicing Muslims

your husband didn't mind that you smiled at the men?

I don't wear the head scarf and I think my husband would flip it if I smiled, even if being friendly

just asking.

My husband and I could care less! I am a hijabi and when someone walks by and says salaam I nudge my husband to say salaam back because he is not used to it.

When I reply to anyone who says salaams to me I always add a smile, man or woman.

[Muh and me 18]

Terri, where are you and who are you staying with?

I am in San Deigo by my BIL *nd SIL

[SaadBell 0]

I don't approach someone in hijabi, but I have approach Latino's if I hear Spanish spoken or Germans, in the Latino culture we are very open and friendly. I only saw one man who was Latino that gave me a dirty look, but I knew he was some kind of gang member and I was openly staring as he was displaying colors. I tried to talk to one girl from Saudi, but her reply was flat without any emotion. So I have seen the same thing, really sad to be honest. I know if I hear German or Spanish spoken and I say something back to them it is like seeing a long lost relative, and yea I am in the deep south so seeing a Latino is big stuff.