Yardies at Home and a Farrin (part15)

[phillyfashionista 8]

He's not controlling cause he never stopped me from being around my family but if my family has any functions he wouldn't want to go or if they come over he would just stay in the bedroom or go outside....

I'm not really 100% family person but when they have functions i will go or go visit my parents like one day on the weekends or something and i have a twin brother so sometimes he will have dinners over his house and i would go but he would always say he doesn't feel comfortable being around my fam...

A little background: I kinda blame myself because my fam is kinda snottie....my mother thinks if you are not a doctor, lawyer, or haitian, you are nothing...so i just told my husband that my mom is like that but when she does finally get to know you she is a very cool, nice person....and my brother could act pretty snottie too...like he's sh*t don't stink...so i just pre-warning him just in case they do act a way...and pretty much too that our whole marriage thing was a secret until he came up here so i was like they might feel a way about that too....

So he has this in his heart and won't even give them a chance...I tell him that my fam is so over the whole marriage thing especially since now that i am pregnant that he just need to be more social when they are around...I'm not asking him to call or go over the house but when they are around just act a little more sociable....he will say hi but that is about it and will then leave the room...

I just want him to give them a chance...

Sorry took so long to post my boss keep coming in my cubicle....

Sorry but that gave me a chuckle, is your family Haitian?

Yeah...my parents were both born and raised in Haiti...my father didn't come to the US until he was 38-39 and my mom was around 30....so they both have very old-school mind-frame on things...

Hey StoneLove,

Thanks for sharing I totally understand now. You have to look at it through his eyes, he is "feeling" the vibe from your parents, but I agree with you that he has to give them a chance and not give them a reason to think he is segregating himself from the family. If they think he is isolating himself that will be an even bigger issue! Family is the most important aspect of our lives, unfortunately we can't choose them but we have to find the best way to cope. Just give it some time and continue to stress how important your family is and he is a part of that family now as well.

[wakeywakeup 1]

Hey yardies!!!!

Hope all is well!

Wakey did you watch True Blood? It was hot like FIYAH wasn't it?

i really tried to like this show

i just couldn't get into it

STOP IT I SAYYYY.. I've been hooked from the first time I saw the marathon.

[BunzTheMagicSnail 2]

wow honor your husband before your kids and family? i would need a full definition of the word "honor" before i can agree on this one...

i think its important to have balance

there will be times where you have to honor your husband before your kids and vice versa

[DaDa 1]

[quote name='StoneLove4Ever'

Had to reply to this one…..

I can understand how your hubby might be feeling but mine comes from other end. He tried to fit in and become a part of the family but my mom didn’t like Dwayne even before he got here. He thought he’d be able to win her over once he came. He tried to be polite, calling her mom, and asking how she is doing and what not.

Even when they first met, I thought she liked him (he did the yard work, fixed the porch, and cooked fish – which he burned caused he didn’t know how to use the electric stove) She told my sis a totally different story of all the things he did wrong and that he was the ugliest man she’d ever seen.

Then every time I tried to get us all to spend time together, she’d go ballistic - didn’t want me bringing him around and so forth. She’d say, “can’t I just spend time with my daughter without him coming – DA$$!” I told him all the stuff she had to say (which I shouldn’t have) because then he became so afraid and refused to go around my family because he knew he wasn’t welcomed. It really put me in an uncomfortable position too because I was trying to please everyone and I felt I needed to downplay my happiness as to not rub it in her face. I changed too and started seeing all the bad and hammering it into him on every turn.

If I were your hubby I might want to put the brakes on too if the family is treating him like he’s less than..like my mom did Dwayne…Ask your family how she’d feel if she came to a different country and didn’t know anyone and was treated this way (didn’t work for me but hey it might if your family is normal)

Girl she did not say your hubby was the ugliest person she has ever seen?? Wow. I wonder how Roc and my mom would have got along. Not tot well I don’t think. One time I was over my mom's house and he called. He asked me to put my mom on the phone and when I asked her to she moved way like nope I don’t want to talk to him. I tried to play it up to him like she said she's busy she'll talk to you later but I'm sure he knew something was up. She also didn’t appreciate her daughter going over to a foreign country to be with him. He met my brother and dad in Feb and to me they got along well. Who wouldn’t they all sloppy drunk at the hotel and started dancing and everything. It was really quite comical. Roc even got down to business with them and told them some personal about his job and such and really had my family's ear but my bro did mention to him,” Now wait till you meet our mom. Whoo good luck with that.” I wonder how it would have felt to be in the middle. I would hope we would get through it. I knew we might have had some problems because Roc wasn’t big on holidays and my family goes over board so I' m sure that was going to be interesting. Uh well now I’ll have to see what my next man thinks.. lol

Edited June 16, 2009 by DaDa

[wakeywakeup 1]

wow honor your husband before your kids and family? i would need a full definition of the word "honor" before i can agree on this one...

i think its important to have balance

there will be times where you have to honor your husband before your kids and vice versa

That seems fair....I think if I had kids I would be able to add input on this too.

[quote name='StoneLove4Ever'

Had to reply to this one…..

I can understand how your hubby might be feeling but mine comes from other end. He tried to fit in and become a part of the family but my mom didn’t like Dwayne even before he got here. He thought he’d be able to win her over once he came. He tried to be polite, calling her mom, and asking how she is doing and what not.

Even when they first met, I thought she liked him (he did the yard work, fixed the porch, and cooked fish – which he burned caused he didn’t know how to use the electric stove) She told my sis a totally different story of all the things he did wrong and that he was the ugliest man she’d ever seen.

Then every time I tried to get us all to spend time together, she’d go ballistic - didn’t want me bringing him around and so forth. She’d say, “can’t I just spend time with my daughter without him coming – DA$$!” I told him all the stuff she had to say (which I shouldn’t have) because then he became so afraid and refused to go around my family because he knew he wasn’t welcomed. It really put me in an uncomfortable position too because I was trying to please everyone and I felt I needed to downplay my happiness as to not rub it in her face. I changed too and started seeing all the bad and hammering it into him on every turn.

If I were your hubby I might want to put the brakes on too if the family is treating him like he’s less than..like my mom did Dwayne…Ask your family how she’d feel if she came to a different country and didn’t know anyone and was treated this way (didn’t work for me but hey it might if your family is normal)

Girl she did not say your hubby was the ugliest person she has ever seen?? Wow. I wonder how Roc and my mom would have got along. Not tot well I don’t think. One time I was over my mom's house and he called. He asked me to put my mom on the phone and when I asked her to she moved way like nope I don’t want to talk to him. I tried to play it up to him like she said she's busy she'll talk to you later but I'm sure he knew something was up. She also didn’t appreciate her daughter going over to a foreign country to be with him. He met my brother and dad in Feb and to me they got along well. Who wouldn’t they all sloppy drunk at the hotel and started dancing and everything. It was really quite comical. Roc even got down to business with them and told them some personal about his job and such and really had my family's ear but my bro did mention to him,” Now wait till you meet our mom. Whoo good luck with that.” I wonder how it would have felt to be in the middle. I would hope we would get through it. I knew we might have had some problems because Roc wasn’t big on holidays and my family goes over board so I' m sure that was going to be interesting. Uh well now I’ll have to see what my next man thinks.. lol

Has Roc called you? How are you doing?

[StoneLove4Ever 0]

Yeah I'm kinda lost too...because i think we are all thinking are different levels....i will never turn my back on my parents, kids, family basically for no man even if he is my husband because a man can always leave but your family will always be there but I don't think as a grown adult who is married have to live up to your family's expectations if they are not yours...if you fell in love with someone and because your family doesn't approve of them then that means you are turning your back on your family if you still talk to them or decide to marry them????....I would consider turning my back on my family if the person was being disrespectful to my family and kids and or stealing from them and i always pick up for him or side with him....that is what i consider turning your back on your family or picking up moving to a different state cause the SO doesn't want you to have no communication with your family....

You have to make your own decisions and sometimes your family will not agree and will curse and carry on but its you going through it not them...

[finesse 3]

No one should have to CHOOSE between their husband and kids or husband and parents or husband and grandparents. These are all totally different relationships. Any healthy and confident person has room in their life for all of them.

[wakeywakeup 1]

Girl she did not say your hubby was the ugliest person she has ever seen?? Wow. I wonder how Roc and my mom would have got along. Not tot well I don’t think. One time I was over my mom's house and he called. He asked me to put my mom on the phone and when I asked her to she moved way like nope I don’t want to talk to him. I tried to play it up to him like she said she's busy she'll talk to you later but I'm sure he knew something was up. She also didn’t appreciate her daughter going over to a foreign country to be with him. He met my brother and dad in Feb and to me they got along well. Who wouldn’t they all sloppy drunk at the hotel and started dancing and everything. It was really quite comical. Roc even got down to business with them and told them some personal about his job and such and really had my family's ear but my bro did mention to him,” Now wait till you meet our mom. Whoo good luck with that.” I wonder how it would have felt to be in the middle. I would hope we would get through it. I knew we might have had some problems because Roc wasn’t big on holidays and my family goes over board so I' m sure that was going to be interesting. Uh well now I’ll have to see what my next man thinks.. lol

Sure did.......... but in my opinion if my man has half a face and I love him and love looking at him I'm good.

[finesse 3]

[quote name='StoneLove4Ever'

Had to reply to this one…..

I can understand how your hubby might be feeling but mine comes from other end. He tried to fit in and become a part of the family but my mom didn’t like Dwayne even before he got here. He thought he’d be able to win her over once he came. He tried to be polite, calling her mom, and asking how she is doing and what not.

Even when they first met, I thought she liked him (he did the yard work, fixed the porch, and cooked fish – which he burned caused he didn’t know how to use the electric stove) She told my sis a totally different story of all the things he did wrong and that he was the ugliest man she’d ever seen.

Then every time I tried to get us all to spend time together, she’d go ballistic - didn’t want me bringing him around and so forth. She’d say, “can’t I just spend time with my daughter without him coming – DA$$!” I told him all the stuff she had to say (which I shouldn’t have) because then he became so afraid and refused to go around my family because he knew he wasn’t welcomed. It really put me in an uncomfortable position too because I was trying to please everyone and I felt I needed to downplay my happiness as to not rub it in her face. I changed too and started seeing all the bad and hammering it into him on every turn.

If I were your hubby I might want to put the brakes on too if the family is treating him like he’s less than..like my mom did Dwayne…Ask your family how she’d feel if she came to a different country and didn’t know anyone and was treated this way (didn’t work for me but hey it might if your family is normal)

Girl she did not say your hubby was the ugliest person she has ever seen?? Wow. I wonder how Roc and my mom would have got along. Not tot well I don’t think. One time I was over my mom's house and he called. He asked me to put my mom on the phone and when I asked her to she moved way like nope I don’t want to talk to him. I tried to play it up to him like she said she's busy she'll talk to you later but I'm sure he knew something was up. She also didn’t appreciate her daughter going over to a foreign country to be with him. He met my brother and dad in Feb and to me they got along well. Who wouldn’t they all sloppy drunk at the hotel and started dancing and everything. It was really quite comical. Roc even got down to business with them and told them some personal about his job and such and really had my family's ear but my bro did mention to him,” Now wait till you meet our mom. Whoo good luck with that.” I wonder how it would have felt to be in the middle. I would hope we would get through it. I knew we might have had some problems because Roc wasn’t big on holidays and my family goes over board so I' m sure that was going to be interesting. Uh well now I’ll have to see what my next man thinks.. lol

so u n roc not together no more? i mussa missed dat one too

[phillyfashionista 8]

awww i just read something soo sooo sweet

this may cheer some of us up ---> http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...p;#entry3032554

so heart felt

That story was so beautiful, truly warmed my heart!

This story was really sweet and did anyone click on the pics of the two of them? If so did you notice that his wife is... aww heck never mind!

What? BEAUTIFUL???????

i was thinking this was a bit creepy myself

Hush yall are killing me softly

[finesse 3]

Girl she did not say your hubby was the ugliest person she has ever seen?? Wow. I wonder how Roc and my mom would have got along. Not tot well I don’t think. One time I was over my mom's house and he called. He asked me to put my mom on the phone and when I asked her to she moved way like nope I don’t want to talk to him. I tried to play it up to him like she said she's busy she'll talk to you later but I'm sure he knew something was up. She also didn’t appreciate her daughter going over to a foreign country to be with him. He met my brother and dad in Feb and to me they got along well. Who wouldn’t they all sloppy drunk at the hotel and started dancing and everything. It was really quite comical. Roc even got down to business with them and told them some personal about his job and such and really had my family's ear but my bro did mention to him,” Now wait till you meet our mom. Whoo good luck with that.” I wonder how it would have felt to be in the middle. I would hope we would get through it. I knew we might have had some problems because Roc wasn’t big on holidays and my family goes over board so I' m sure that was going to be interesting. Uh well now I’ll have to see what my next man thinks.. lol

Sure did.......... but in my opinion if my man has half a face and I love him and love looking at him I'm good.

[*JG* 2]

He's not controlling cause he never stopped me from being around my family but if my family has any functions he wouldn't want to go or if they come over he would just stay in the bedroom or go outside....

I'm not really 100% family person but when they have functions i will go or go visit my parents like one day on the weekends or something and i have a twin brother so sometimes he will have dinners over his house and i would go but he would always say he doesn't feel comfortable being around my fam...

A little background: I kinda blame myself because my fam is kinda snottie....my mother thinks if you are not a doctor, lawyer, or haitian, you are nothing...so i just told my husband that my mom is like that but when she does finally get to know you she is a very cool, nice person....and my brother could act pretty snottie too...like he's sh*t don't stink...so i just pre-warning him just in case they do act a way...and pretty much too that our whole marriage thing was a secret until he came up here so i was like they might feel a way about that too....

So he has this in his heart and won't even give them a chance...I tell him that my fam is so over the whole marriage thing especially since now that i am pregnant that he just need to be more social when they are around...I'm not asking him to call or go over the house but when they are around just act a little more sociable....he will say hi but that is about it and will then leave the room...

I just want him to give them a chance...

Sorry took so long to post my boss keep coming in my cubicle....

Had to reply to this one…..

I can understand how your hubby might be feeling but mine comes from other end. He tried to fit in and become a part of the family but my mom didn't like Dwayne even before he got here. He thought he'd be able to win her over once he came. He tried to be polite, calling her mom, and asking how she is doing and what not.

Even when they first met, I thought she liked him (he did the yard work, fixed the porch, and cooked fish – which he burned caused he didn't know how to use the electric stove) She told my sis a totally different story of all the things he did wrong and that he was the ugliest man she'd ever seen.

Then every time I tried to get us all to spend time together, she'd go ballistic - didn't want me bringing him around and so forth. She'd say, "can't I just spend time with my daughter without him coming – DA$$!" I told him all the stuff she had to say (which I shouldn't have) because then he became so afraid and refused to go around my family because he knew he wasn't welcomed. It really put me in an uncomfortable position too because I was trying to please everyone and I felt I needed to downplay my happiness as to not rub it in her face. I changed too and started seeing all the bad and hammering it into him on every turn.

If I were your hubby I might want to put the brakes on too if the family is treating him like he's less than..like my mom did Dwayne…Ask your family how she'd feel if she came to a different country and didn't know anyone and was treated this way (didn't work for me but hey it might if your family is normal)

Wakey, I don't know your mother, but is seemds to me she is a controlling type of person. For so long, you probably have been there for her, and did alots of things for her. Nothing less than what a good decent daughter would do, but she didn't want to let go. It probably wouldn't have matter if it was D, or someone else from right here at home. Her actions may have been the same. One of the things we forget is that when we marry, in the eyes of GOD, our spouses are our new family and they should be considered first.

Wow. Interesting point of view. I'd never turn my back on my kids, parents, or my grandparents for anyone.

Jomo, I don't think making decisions that others don't agree with as turning your back on them. But, I can guarantee you, if your parents were married that your mother honored your father, before she honored her kids.

You would lose that bet. And, my parents have been married for 46 years.

I'm lost JG..did your mom put the kids before your dad? Do you or he feel away about it or was it all good that way?

Absolutely.

Everyone is fine with it. My kids come first as well.

[*JG* 2]

No one should have to CHOOSE between their husband and kids or husband and parents or husband and grandparents. These are all totally different relationships. Any healthy and confident person has room in their life for all of them.

There is much truth to this statement. But, it does happen from time to time.

[wakeywakeup 1]

Everyone is fine with it. My kids come first as well.

that is so cool.

[DaDa 1]

Has Roc called you? How are you doing?

Nope!! Whatever happened I still have no idea! It’s the weirdest thing I have ever experienced. But he just left a blessing in disguise for the next man. But he has spoiled me I must say. At first I didn’t want a Jamaican and now I don’t want an American. I’m prejudice against my own culture!!! LOL I tell you go figure!!!!

Oh you asked how am I? Well I'm still numb and hurt feeling like I was hit by a Pat Bus but I just take it one day at a time knowing the hurt I feel will soon pass. I just wish it would hurry the bleep up.

Edited June 16, 2009 by DaDa