How long after your approval did you move to the states?

[MrsCat 6]

Take as much time as YOU need! You've got your whole life to be there and I wish I would have spent the last weeks I had doing some stuff before I went to the US. If you are moving your whole life to be with him, he's gotta understand that a few meesly weeks is not going to mean anything in terms of your relationship.

He just wants to be with you which is understandable. Don't let any one push you into moving before you are ready to though.

I left after 3 weeks of getting my Visa. I wish I had taken a couple of extra weeks to get a few last things in order. However I suspect, no amount of time can really make you feel like you're ready to go.

[Carlawarla 1]

I got my visa in mid November and moved the last week of January the following year. A few months. I had moved a few times that year. From an apartment, to a room at a girlfriends house, and then to the US. Even with two months before a move I still felt a little rushed. I wanted to spend as much time with my kids as I could before I moved...there is never enough time.

I know Gene was anxious about me moving down soon after I got the visa as well. We had talked about it long before I went for my interview though and he wanted me to do what I had to do and not feel too rushed. Because he was so anxious though to see me, HE came up to visit before I moved which I really needed! It made the wait before I moved there easier for both of us.

[thetreble 19]

I got my visa in mid November and moved the last week of January the following year. A few months. I had moved a few times that year. From an apartment, to a room at a girlfriends house, and then to the US. Even with two months before a move I still felt a little rushed. I wanted to spend as much time with my kids as I could before I moved...there is never enough time.

I know Gene was anxious about me moving down soon after I got the visa as well. We had talked about it long before I went for my interview though and he wanted me to do what I had to do and not feel too rushed. Because he was so anxious though to see me, HE came up to visit before I moved which I really needed! It made the wait before I moved there easier for both of us.

That's a great way to do this, Carla. That is wonderful that he came up while you were waiting to move to the US.

MrsCat is also right in saying there is truly never enough time. With that said though, I would have gone out more with my friends. I got sucked into the long distance relationship lifestyle. I think many of us do, especially us young ones that can't see beyond the here and now at times.

We all have a level of what is comfortable for us. Do the things you want to do while you are there now, because once you are here you may not be going back for awhile. No regrets.

[Krikit 1,164]

Glad to hear it's been resolved, DomeGirl.

I didn't move until 2 days before my visa was set to expire. In fact, we had looked into having the expiry date extended but the Consulate said it was a big risk and that it may not be approved. I had a lot of loose ends to tie up, though. Plus my Mom kept landing in the hospital so my focus kept being diverted to her and my Dad. Yeah. That was a bad year. And the following year got worse. I'm glad it's all behind me.

[thetreble 19]

The one thing I've realized is that being in this long distance relationship has made me very independent and when I realized that a part of that independence is going to be gone soon, it made me realize how much of that independence I take for granted.

Can I just tell you that you made me realize a lot about myself after I read your comment here. This is completely insightful. I wonder how many people this affects. I was so independent in my long distance relationship and then when I moved here I had to become dependent as I couldn't work, had nowhere to go, etc. Made me realize, really, why I had such a hard time..at least one of the big reasons why.

[NavarreMan 10]

Tanya was on a plane and headed for America the day after she was approved and 4 hours after picking up the visas. Not that she was in a hurry or anything...

[domegirl1978 1]

Thanks so much guys for all your opinions and input. I really do appreciate it alot.

[RYCK 0]

I had to wait 1 month because of a deal me and my boss agreed to about how much notice to give them .. my fiance wasn't happy she wanted me to just pack up and go as soon as i got it .. but i wanted to be fair and make a few extra bucks before coming here

[trailmix 77]

The one thing I've realized is that being in this long distance relationship has made me very independent and when I realized that a part of that independence is going to be gone soon, it made me realize how much of that independence I take for granted.

Can I just tell you that you made me realize a lot about myself after I read your comment here. This is completely insightful. I wonder how many people this affects. I was so independent in my long distance relationship and then when I moved here I had to become dependent as I couldn't work, had nowhere to go, etc. Made me realize, really, why I had such a hard time..at least one of the big reasons why.

I see independence differently I guess? I never think of being independent as being 'alone' per se. I don't feel any less independant being married. To me that is something inside you - it's not something external, not money, not going to the store alone, not just being able to go somewhere on a whim with no one to answer to. To me it is more about staying true to yourself. But that's just me.

Edited May 28, 2009 by trailmix

[thetreble 19]

The one thing I've realized is that being in this long distance relationship has made me very independent and when I realized that a part of that independence is going to be gone soon, it made me realize how much of that independence I take for granted.

Can I just tell you that you made me realize a lot about myself after I read your comment here. This is completely insightful. I wonder how many people this affects. I was so independent in my long distance relationship and then when I moved here I had to become dependent as I couldn't work, had nowhere to go, etc. Made me realize, really, why I had such a hard time..at least one of the big reasons why.

I see independence differently I guess? I never think of being independent as being 'alone' per se. I don't feel any less independant being married. To me that is something inside you - it's not something external, not money, not going to the store alone, not just being able to go somewhere on a whim with no one to answer to. To me it is more about staying true to yourself. But that's just me.

I'm pretty sure I'm true to who I am and to myself...but my life still totally changed.

If you have the same kind of independence now that you had either when you were single or when you were long distance dating, congrats?

My life totally changed. I am extremely independent INTERNALLY but living with someone 24 hours a day doesn't provide you with the same sort of internal independence as it did when you were alone, does it? It's not about going places...I can do that too. I can still do whatever I want..but it is not the same as I do have someone to answer to, don't i?

[trailmix 77]

The one thing I've realized is that being in this long distance relationship has made me very independent and when I realized that a part of that independence is going to be gone soon, it made me realize how much of that independence I take for granted.

Can I just tell you that you made me realize a lot about myself after I read your comment here. This is completely insightful. I wonder how many people this affects. I was so independent in my long distance relationship and then when I moved here I had to become dependent as I couldn't work, had nowhere to go, etc. Made me realize, really, why I had such a hard time..at least one of the big reasons why.

I see independence differently I guess? I never think of being independent as being 'alone' per se. I don't feel any less independant being married. To me that is something inside you - it's not something external, not money, not going to the store alone, not just being able to go somewhere on a whim with no one to answer to. To me it is more about staying true to yourself. But that's just me.

I'm pretty sure I'm true to who I am and to myself...but my life still totally changed.

If you have the same kind of independence now that you had either when you were single or when you were long distance dating, congrats?

My life totally changed. I am extremely independent INTERNALLY but living with someone 24 hours a day doesn't provide you with the same sort of internal independence as it did when you were alone, does it? It's not about going places...I can do that too. I can still do whatever I want..but it is not the same as I do have someone to answer to, don't i?

I guess so really - I don't think of it as as taking away from anything though - if that makes sense?

[thetreble 19]

Well I did have to become dependent for awhile. Where was I supposed to go while Jared was at work all day, I didn't have a car for awhile, I didn't know any one...etc. I think that takes something away from myself.

[domegirl1978 1]

I hear what you are saying about answering to someone Treble. I'll still be the strong, independent girl I am now but things change once married and living together. I know I'll still be able to go out and do my own thing with my own friends in South Florida and thats great.

But I also know my fiance. I will have to force him to go do things with his friends because he will want to include me in everything and thats great and all but we can't be together every waking moment....i'd go nuts. I want him to have boys night out and go watch football and baseball games without me. (i really don't like those sports). He was slightly peeved when i told him i wouldn't want to go to a yankees game with him and all the boys until i explained to him how little interest i have in that and i could be at home being productive or going out with my own friends etc and then he realized that its true. Being together 24-7 isn't super healthy either and we each need to have our own seperate interests and hobbies as well.

I don't want to be a distraction to his work either and I could see it happening. He is a writer as a side job for a movie website and its already happened other times while i'm there on vacation where he has an article to write and he procrastinates because I'm around and I don't want to be the reason he screws up a great future career in writing. I think once I move down there though and we get our initial fill of being together and setting up house and everything, it will all smooth out and our actual daily lives will come more into play with work and family functions and other activities.

It'll all work out in the end because we love each other

[SapphireDreams 71]

I think there is a difference between internal independence and external independence. I'm not really sure how external or material things wouldn't reflect independence to a certain degree. Financial independence is a big one that comes to mind. Internally, I'll always have an indepedent personally. I'm not afraid to shop alone, go places alone, just be alone and keeping myself company is one of my fave things to do. I'm become accustomed to it. I think that by nature I have an independent nature. If I see something I like in a store to buy clothing-wise, I buy it, even if my friends don't like it or whatever.

Another example, financial independence is a big deal for me. I have always had a job, paid for everything myself (school, dance classes etc). I mean other then my parents when I was younger, I've never had anyone to answer to when it came to my finances. Now, we have a big wedding we're playing for, plans to buy a house, have children and save for them, go on vacations together, furnish our house. All of these things require us to make financial decisions together, not independently.

I admit that part of this is pure selfishness. I like to be able to do whatever I want, when I want. I like to come and go as I please. I like to shop with my friends whenever I feel like it. I like to go out for dinner after work and not have someone waiting for me at home. I don't like to share my candy This is all going to change for me. I'm definitely not under lockdown or anything, but we obviously have eachother to now think about more than we used to.

Plus, when you just move to a new place where you don't know anyone but your fiance's friends and family, that kind of limits your independence. Luckily I know how to get around, but I can only imagine what moving to a city where I needed a car would be like.

[domegirl1978 1]

Oh Sapphire, being in a place where you NEED a car is NOT FUN.

Down in South Florida there is a bus I could take but it comes every hour and who the heck wants to sit in the 100 degree weather waiting for a bus. Plus, depending where you live, you might have to walk 10-20 minutes to the actual bus stop.

I'm planning on getting a car within 2 weeks of moving. I'm lucky because my cousin sells used cars and will be helping me out with that. But let me just say, being locked up in the house all day with no way to get out and stores way too far to walk makes me feel slightly useless. I can't even go buy milk before my fiance gets home from work with his car. UGH. Thank god there will be boxes to unpack and the house to settle.

The only advantage I have is that I used to live there and have some of my old friends still living in the same town. So I know I can count on them should I need a ride or something but its got to be hard when you move and no absolutely no one. Most of my friends have moved to other states so i consider myself very lucky to have a few still there as a support system.