advice and help

[brnidokiegurl 0]

i havent read all the pages but i thought he left before why are you going thru all this nonsense still i know its been a year at least and STILL the problems and STILL your the one working, thought this was a done deal earlier

[Sandrila 1]

I come in here on occasion , and its the same wretched story(ies) with no resolve.Dont see many the wives disrespecting the husband family or crying thier personals over in the desi threads. So i head back there. But hey thanks for trying to live in my head and deciphering what it is Im doing. i see the fingers of run the mouth are all pointing back to you Nag the Shah.

so you just heading over here to get your daily fill entertainment?

BTW I don't need to hear others defaming their husbands to get a bird's eye view of my own.

The reason we are here is because we do share common experiences. You can seek a sociologist if you don't believe that certain groups of people exhibit some of the same characteristics when coming from the same culture and religion.

If some people choose to post here they can do so, bashing or not, and still remain somewhat anonymous.

If disrespecting one's husband is discussing personal issues about the relationship I think those husbands should stop disrespecting their wives thus the woman doesn't need to seek comfort or counsel from others.

For some this is the only place they can seek comfort and guidance.

Edited May 28, 2009 by sandrila

[Aymsgirl 0]

I come in here on occasion , and its the same wretched story(ies) with no resolve.Dont see many the wives disrespecting the husband family or crying thier personals over in the desi threads. So i head back there. But hey thanks for trying to live in my head and deciphering what it is Im doing. i see the fingers of run the mouth are all pointing back to you Nag the Shah.

so you just heading over here to get your daily fill entertainment?

BTW I don't need to hear others defaming their husbands to get a bird's eye view of my own.

The reason we are here is because we do share common experiences. You can seek a sociologist if you don't believe that certain groups of people exhibit some of the same characteristics when coming from the same culture and religion.

If some people choose to post here they can do so, bashing or not, and still remain somewhat anonymous.

If disrespecting one's husband is discussing personal issues about the relationship I think those husbands should stop disrespecting their wives thus the woman doesn't need to seek comfort or counsel from others.

For some this is the only place they can seek comfort and guidance.

Sorry but I do agree with Lisa on this one. Some people just do not have others and they need some kind of support.

[Rosalinda 0]

Kat,

I am very sorry you have been put through so much. Nothing more difficult in this world than losing your child. I could not even stand to think of it... You are a remarkable lady but your trying to hold on to nothing... this man, while i don't know him gives you nothing to come back for nothing you want... HE is not the son you lost. and HE will never ever in this lifetime compare to what your son would have wanted for you...You keep investing in trash.. look at the trash in the kitchen Kat and tell me if you would invest your heart your sons wish for you into this trash...

Let this man go he is nothing compared to you and your son and there is nothing of your son there. Your son would have wanted more deserved more respect love and admiration

While i think he can adjust on his own...would serving him while he's away on one of his trips be a bad idea? Also, maybe submitting past documented history of abuse to immigration...How would that pan out???

This is not about hurting him it is about saving yourself and your children...Nothing else is more important than that!!!

Keep strong Kat there are many people just a few key strokes away if you need to talk

Praying God will touch your life and your husbands heart..

[Staashi 371]

You know Kat, one thing you keep bringing up is that he wants to use VAWA against you...does he realize how VAWA truly works? Let him try to adjust through VAWA...is he going to pony up for a lawyer? Successful VAWA cases normally aren't even touched without an attorney to handle it. Furthermore, he would need to have a ton of evidence that he was battered and victimized while he was here: that he didn't have a way out, no money or resources, etc. If that is the case, you can fight it and tell an immigration judge that he legally entered and exited the US how many times...if his life was so bad, he would have stayed in Algeria...but no, he came back to you. Moreover, his mother sent him money on a continuous basis and he spoke to his family often. He doesn't have a leg to stand on with VAWA. Tell him to let it go - he can adjust to LPR without you - you all have the bonafides that your marriage was entered into legally and without duress, he can easily remove the conditions without your support by filing a waiver.

[Malarie 0]

So when he told me he will take my marriage certificate that says we have shared assets which is part of the tunisian marriage contract to a lawyer to see what his rights are ( to my stuff) I just blew a gasket.

Kat - I know from experience that the foreign "Marriage Contracts" do not really hold up here in our courts. I was married to a foreigner and we did have a marriage contract. When I showed my lawyer he told me this and then it was confirmed when I was standing in front of the judge at the time of my divorce ...... and I quote the judge ..... "these things dont mean squat here on US soil!"

Just a little FYI ......

Good Luck -- drop the loser while you still have some sanity and you will feel much better!

[Jill/Mosaad 0]

My heart is so broken reading this thread !

[merijan 0]

Here we go again. I dont think u want it to end . First of all you are acting as if he is the American and u are the foreigner in a strange land. Hello....You are the American this is ur country, ur laws u act as if he has all the cards. No judge will honor a marriage contract from another country, I cant see a judge giving the house or part of it to him , leaving u a single mother with kids and where to go. AND even in the worst case senerio that happens. You go to a small apartment, you have little furniture BUT GUESS what ...you have ur sanity, ur pride, ur dignity, and most of all ur KIDS dont have to suffer by seeing all this insanity. ........must I go on.

Once again , spoken from experience, If you want the abuse to end u will do it. But if u are still finding ways to stay , to try to beat a dead horse, then ur not going to leave.

[Tunisia216 2]

Just an FYI incase it might be of any help to you, from someone who is married to a Tunisian with a masters degree in Tunisian law.

Regarding the Tunisian joint assets "marriage contract" (unless you are speaking of some separate form that you two had drawn up by a lawyer that's outside of the general Tunisian marriage laws ) this paper won't hold any water in the United States or in Tunisia and here is why :

The United States is very unlikely to honor this contract (as others have stated to you ). Although the US recognizes your marriage as being legitimate and bonafide for the purpose of spousal immigration, they are not under obligation to uphold contract stipulations relating to property retention, divisions of assets, child support, etc. If a divorce was processed through a state court in the United States that divorce would abide by US laws and regulations. I'm not sure what state you live in or what the divorce procedures are like there, but whichever judge would preside over your divorce proceedings would make his decisions based on the facts presented to him, US laws, etc. You could probably research this by looking online for information about divorce proceeding outcomes in your state. For instance, the state that I live in, is a state that typically (Though not always) favors the woman/mother and takes a hard long look at the years married, years living together, earnings of the husband and wife, etc.

If your husband decided to peruse this as a legal matter in Tunisia, he would first have to contact a Tunisian family attorney. This attorney would tell him that if the two of you had lived together in Tunisia and had assets in the country ( a business, a home, financial, etc) he may be able to obtain portions of those assets. However, my husband stated that even in Tunisia there would be a thorough review of where the assets were obtained (if they were bought into the marriage by one party or obtained during the course of the marriage) and a judge would settle the matter. However no Tunisian court would be able to touch assets that were registered/sourced in the United States. They have NO legal jurisdiction here. Furthermore, they would not even attempt it.

I signed the same " joint assets" agreement during my marriage that you signed. It's referred to as electing communal regime (

régime communal on the French version of your marriage contract) But this refers to assets gained DURING the marriage. The things a woman brings into the marriage that are HERS (obtained before the marriage took place) are legally hers AFTER the marriage.

If you can not locate a copy of your marriage certificates they can be very easily and cheaply obtained in Tunisia. Were you married by a local baladyia (man officiating over marriages in a given town ) ? I can assist you in contacting that office if you need help and having an official copy of the marriage papers faxed. They cost about 2 dinar per certified copy and can be given in French or Arabic.

I hope that information helped you. If you have more specific questions feel free to PM me with them and I will give you or get for you the answer.

It's my personal opinion that he's only using this to "scare you" and try to take / get something that he is not entitled to either in the United States or Tunisia where the marriage took place. I don't even know if it's worth fighting /arguing with him over and it might not be better to just let him spout off whatever he wants, because as you can see, it's absolutely NOT the truth.

Furthermore, if he wants to push Tunisian contracts and marriage issues, a divorce in Tunisia would leave him responsible to pay you a monthly sum until you remarried or until any children that a couple has together which are residing with the mother reach the age of 18 OR 12 and have gone to live with their father.

I am very sorry for your troubles and hope for a peaceful resolution. If you'd like to read online resources (most are in French though some are not) I can direct you to those as well.

Best wishes.

Ash

[childress_london 3]

You know Kat, one thing you keep bringing up is that he wants to use VAWA against you...does he realize how VAWA truly works? Let him try to adjust through VAWA...is he going to pony up for a lawyer? Successful VAWA cases normally aren't even touched without an attorney to handle it. Furthermore, he would need to have a ton of evidence that he was battered and victimized while he was here: that he didn't have a way out, no money or resources, etc. If that is the case, you can fight it and tell an immigration judge that he legally entered and exited the US how many times...if his life was so bad, he would have stayed in Algeria...but no, he came back to you. Moreover, his mother sent him money on a continuous basis and he spoke to his family often. He doesn't have a leg to stand on with VAWA. Tell him to let it go - he can adjust to LPR without you - you all have the bonafides that your marriage was entered into legally and without duress, he can easily remove the conditions without your support by filing a waiver.

So when he told me he will take my marriage certificate that says we have shared assets which is part of the tunisian marriage contract to a lawyer to see what his rights are ( to my stuff) I just blew a gasket.

Kat - I know from experience that the foreign "Marriage Contracts" do not really hold up here in our courts. I was married to a foreigner and we did have a marriage contract. When I showed my lawyer he told me this and then it was confirmed when I was standing in front of the judge at the time of my divorce ...... and I quote the judge ..... "these things dont mean squat here on US soil!"

Just a little FYI ......

Good Luck -- drop the loser while you still have some sanity and you will feel much better!

These were my thoughts exactly. I don't think this man has anything to stand on. His threats are empty and meaningless, meant to scare you into submission. Stop thinking about this man as the husband you used to know and start thinking of him as the ruthless man he is today. You are much better than that and you deserve much better. You are an intelligent independent woman who can stand on her own two feet. The sooner you deal with this situation realisitically, the better off you and your children will be.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Just an FYI incase it might be of any help to you, from someone who is married to a Tunisian with a masters degree in Tunisian law.

Regarding the Tunisian joint assets "marriage contract" (unless you are speaking of some separate form that you two had drawn up by a lawyer that's outside of the general Tunisian marriage laws ) this paper won't hold any water in the United States or in Tunisia and here is why :

The United States is very unlikely to honor this contract (as others have stated to you ). Although the US recognizes your marriage as being legitimate and bonafide for the purpose of spousal immigration, they are not under obligation to uphold contract stipulations relating to property retention, divisions of assets, child support, etc. If a divorce was processed through a state court in the United States that divorce would abide by US laws and regulations. I'm not sure what state you live in or what the divorce procedures are like there, but whichever judge would preside over your divorce proceedings would make his decisions based on the facts presented to him, US laws, etc. You could probably research this by looking online for information about divorce proceeding outcomes in your state. For instance, the state that I live in, is a state that typically (Though not always) favors the woman/mother and takes a hard long look at the years married, years living together, earnings of the husband and wife, etc.

If your husband decided to peruse this as a legal matter in Tunisia, he would first have to contact a Tunisian family attorney. This attorney would tell him that if the two of you had lived together in Tunisia and had assets in the country ( a business, a home, financial, etc) he may be able to obtain portions of those assets. However, my husband stated that even in Tunisia there would be a thorough review of where the assets were obtained (if they were bought into the marriage by one party or obtained during the course of the marriage) and a judge would settle the matter. However no Tunisian court would be able to touch assets that were registered/sourced in the United States. They have NO legal jurisdiction here. Furthermore, they would not even attempt it.

I signed the same " joint assets" agreement during my marriage that you signed. It's referred to as electing communal regime (

régime communal on the French version of your marriage contract) But this refers to assets gained DURING the marriage. The things a woman brings into the marriage that are HERS (obtained before the marriage took place) are legally hers AFTER the marriage.

If you can not locate a copy of your marriage certificates they can be very easily and cheaply obtained in Tunisia. Were you married by a local baladyia (man officiating over marriages in a given town ) ? I can assist you in contacting that office if you need help and having an official copy of the marriage papers faxed. They cost about 2 dinar per certified copy and can be given in French or Arabic.

I hope that information helped you. If you have more specific questions feel free to PM me with them and I will give you or get for you the answer.

It's my personal opinion that he's only using this to "scare you" and try to take / get something that he is not entitled to either in the United States or Tunisia where the marriage took place. I don't even know if it's worth fighting /arguing with him over and it might not be better to just let him spout off whatever he wants, because as you can see, it's absolutely NOT the truth.

Furthermore, if he wants to push Tunisian contracts and marriage issues, a divorce in Tunisia would leave him responsible to pay you a monthly sum until you remarried or until any children that a couple has together which are residing with the mother reach the age of 18 OR 12 and have gone to live with their father.

I am very sorry for your troubles and hope for a peaceful resolution. If you'd like to read online resources (most are in French though some are not) I can direct you to those as well.

Best wishes.

Ash

TADA!

Thanks for being so helpful Ash!

[Tunisia216 2]

TADA!

Thanks for being so helpful Ash!

No problem

Here are a few starting points :

http://www.bawaba.gov.tn (The site is available in English and French also however some of the English links are slightly lacking but I can translate if you need it ) The site has lots of information about Tunisian law, resources, document retrieval, etc

http://www.ministeres.tn/

This site doesn't have English, but again I can help or the google translate from French option will work. Again a lot of information and contacts.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Just an FYI incase it might be of any help to you, from someone who is married to a Tunisian with a masters degree in Tunisian law.

Regarding the Tunisian joint assets "marriage contract" (unless you are speaking of some separate form that you two had drawn up by a lawyer that's outside of the general Tunisian marriage laws ) this paper won't hold any water in the United States or in Tunisia and here is why :

The United States is very unlikely to honor this contract (as others have stated to you ). Although the US recognizes your marriage as being legitimate and bonafide for the purpose of spousal immigration, they are not under obligation to uphold contract stipulations relating to property retention, divisions of assets, child support, etc. If a divorce was processed through a state court in the United States that divorce would abide by US laws and regulations. I'm not sure what state you live in or what the divorce procedures are like there, but whichever judge would preside over your divorce proceedings would make his decisions based on the facts presented to him, US laws, etc. You could probably research this by looking online for information about divorce proceeding outcomes in your state. For instance, the state that I live in, is a state that typically (Though not always) favors the woman/mother and takes a hard long look at the years married, years living together, earnings of the husband and wife, etc.

If your husband decided to peruse this as a legal matter in Tunisia, he would first have to contact a Tunisian family attorney. This attorney would tell him that if the two of you had lived together in Tunisia and had assets in the country ( a business, a home, financial, etc) he may be able to obtain portions of those assets. However, my husband stated that even in Tunisia there would be a thorough review of where the assets were obtained (if they were bought into the marriage by one party or obtained during the course of the marriage) and a judge would settle the matter. However no Tunisian court would be able to touch assets that were registered/sourced in the United States. They have NO legal jurisdiction here. Furthermore, they would not even attempt it.

I signed the same " joint assets" agreement during my marriage that you signed. It's referred to as electing communal regime (

régime communal on the French version of your marriage contract) But this refers to assets gained DURING the marriage. The things a woman brings into the marriage that are HERS (obtained before the marriage took place) are legally hers AFTER the marriage.

If you can not locate a copy of your marriage certificates they can be very easily and cheaply obtained in Tunisia. Were you married by a local baladyia (man officiating over marriages in a given town ) ? I can assist you in contacting that office if you need help and having an official copy of the marriage papers faxed. They cost about 2 dinar per certified copy and can be given in French or Arabic.

I hope that information helped you. If you have more specific questions feel free to PM me with them and I will give you or get for you the answer.

It's my personal opinion that he's only using this to "scare you" and try to take / get something that he is not entitled to either in the United States or Tunisia where the marriage took place. I don't even know if it's worth fighting /arguing with him over and it might not be better to just let him spout off whatever he wants, because as you can see, it's absolutely NOT the truth.

Furthermore, if he wants to push Tunisian contracts and marriage issues, a divorce in Tunisia would leave him responsible to pay you a monthly sum until you remarried or until any children that a couple has together which are residing with the mother reach the age of 18 OR 12 and have gone to live with their father.

I am very sorry for your troubles and hope for a peaceful resolution. If you'd like to read online resources (most are in French though some are not) I can direct you to those as well.

Best wishes.

Ash

Thanks Ash. I will really need them. I was married in Solimar. Can your husband help me get certificates from there?

[Tunisia216 2]

Thanks Ash. I will really need them. I was married in Solimar. Can your husband help me get certificates from there?

I have never heard of Solimar but I think you mean Soliman? If so this is a small village inside of Nabuel (a beach / tourist town in Tunisia) (Grembalia) My husband has a lot of family living in Nabuel and he said that if someone had your name, (first middle last) and date of birth they *should* be able to walk into the office on your behalf and obtain a copy of the marriage certificate for the few dinar (one dinar, 500 millimies - 1 USD). Then that person can scan and email or fax the certificate to you. He said we can ask his cousins to do this and see if they can walk in without a problem and get it.

But he also said the embassy in Tunis would be your easiest, fastest, cheapest bet. They would be able to get the certificate for you scan and email it or fax it for free. He said there should be no charge for their service and I can provide you with their direct phone number if you do not have it. For instance, we were thinking to send his cousin Marwen who lives very nearby into get it for you. Jihed said they should give it it to him, but knowing the bureaucracy there, there is always a chance they would deny it to him based on privacy issues (that he is not you, your husband or a direct family member) Again even though your husband is Algerian, the embassy would provide you with help. You can email them or call. I've always gotten a response faster than 24 hours when I email them.

Also we need to find out if there is more than one baladyia (marriage office ) in this area, as it's best for an individual to go into the exact baladyia office where they were married. Please let me know what you'd like to do.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Why even mention VAWA? VAWA doesn't apply here at all. Your husband has permanent residency already, and he can apply to remove the conditions on his residency alone after divorce. Your attempt to perpetuate this marriage, albeit alone, has complicated YOUR case, not his. If you truly have no malice for him, then provide him with the necessary documentation to support the bonafide nature of the marriage so that he can remove conditions from his residency and have done with him. Proceed with the divorce, if he doesn't file, then you file and right now. Once the divorce is over (forget the abandonment grounds, you don't need them) as it is clear that you have a marriage that is irretrivably broken and that would suffice with any court, then and only then can YOU start the healing process. Hanging on to hope (and in my opinion that is what you have been doing) with this man is your greatet impediment to emotional health for yourself and your children (and please, please oblige my request, and cease referring to them as your "surviving kids".... it's distatesful and disrespectful to them).

I just want to add that I feel for anybody going through this kind of ordeal. Kat, what one of us does may not work for another. I have no advice but I would tell you that I don't think I could go on like you do everyday with him in your home and you being his cash supplier. Best wishes Kat and I hope that you and your children find some happiness.

I contacted an online divorce attorney and I told him he is going to have to call his mom to pay for it. The total cost for the divorce is 709 including court costs. I do not have to attend the hearing. The attorney can hold it in another county since its online ( its 299 for his service with no appearance)

The court filing fees are 409. I am without a shadow of a doubt sure he is meeting up with another woman online (I think she is arabic) He shows absolutely no feelings for me whatsover and just walks by me and I am quietly crying. He said he will apply to adjust his status on his own and does not need me. His mother is in on it too. I was scammed. The only reason he got pissed is he got me pregnant... I have no doubt that this was a scam from day one. I am shattered but the reality is I have to save my house and any potential inheritance and assets and my mom was to the point she was going to cut me out of the will due to him because she was so afraid he would take me on a ride.

He will call his mom tomorrow and his mom will pay for the divorce. My mom said absolutely she will not pay one dime towards anything for him anymore. I am so shattered...losing my son. Wanna a big laugh? Today is one year from the day he arrived. I usually ask myself what did the girl do for the guy to do this and that. The reality here is I have the receipts to prove I paid big for this , bankrolled his status and got screwed.

Believe it or not, I will write a very nice letter to immigration with supporting statements from my friends and family and my son even saying that we all did the best we could to help him and that he did not work the entire time he was here and to please understand that although I bear no malice, I do not feel he married me with good intentions. I will be very kind to him but as lifts conditions or applies for citizenship, maybe it will take an extra month or two. I was nothing but a boat