advice and help

[sara..... 371]

u know the more i think about this the madder i get......just the fact that he is willing to use ur poor baby as a way to show that it was a marraige that he tried to make but didnt make it tells me he has no morals

and sure is not acting like a man that loved his family at any time at all.

try to tie up ur assets with ur children's names so that he cant touch it.

kick him out and file plz for ur own peace of mind.

sara

[Nothing1234 2]

{{{KAT}}}

I know you already know and have known in your heart what to do. Protect yourself and your other children....get him out, let him leave, etc. Change the locks, file for divorce immediately, can you put the house in someone elses name? Any assets you have, turn them over to someone so he has NO right to them.

If you have applied for food stamps then ask the state/county about free legal aide. Do it without him knowing a thing...Honey, you're holding on to nothing...your son will ALWAYS be with you no matter where this man is in the world. He's not a part of your son...he never was. You need to remember his behavior during that time. He even questioned whether your son was his!

You have so many friends around you here that have reached out over time...so you need to reach out to them now but don't look back. The continued cycle of going back and forth is like crying wolf...people tend to get tired of it (thats the voice of experience talking not pointing fingers babes). MOVE ON and you will be amazed how many people will help you through this.

Much love!

[mahboula 11]

Hanging in There, So sorry to hear what you're going through. I haven't been in your exact situation, but I have been with a man that was very bad for me. The best advice I can give is to start thinking logically. You know he is bad for you and your children. You know you can't live like this forever. You know it's time to let go. You can't let your heart guide you in situations like this. You have to allow your intelligence to take over. I know that you know what you have to do to make things better for your family. I understand what it's like to care for a man who has treated me poorly, and how hard it can be to even let an #### like that go. It IS ok to love him, care for him. BUT, you can do this from a distance...you don't have to stay with him or let him abuse you. When you let him go, it will be like any other loss...there is a grieving process, but remember every day that it gets easier and less painful...Then, one day, you look back and don't understand what you ever saw in him

[doodlebugg 10]

Kat, kick him out now, file for divorce and be done. Is some of this because you don't want him to be able to get citizenship? I mean if you file then maybe that would screw it up? Seriously be done with him and move on. I'm not a lawyer but I'm pretty sure that as soon as you file, the assets are in limbo and he can't take a thing of real value but then when it gets to court seriously...........no judge who isn't on crack is gonna give this dude 10% let alone 50%. Please think of you and the kids, not of his feelings. some people in relationships, men and women, can be so wicked manipulative to the point where they'll steal your wallet, help you look for it and make you feel bad for him!

[It's me 1]

Let him have half the assets, get the hell out, run away and start over. Faith and whole life is in ALLAH not in peoples, esp evil ones!! Save yourself @ all costs!!

I agree! Im so sorry for the loss of your child, and what you're now going through. I'm praying with you

[Donna A 4]

are the quick mexican divorses u always hear about legal? if so go there and do it and the judge wont award him anything. then u r free and clear.

[SaadBell 0]

Oh sweetie,

This whole thing makes my stomach hurt, to treat you that way, no one deserves this. This is not a man, a real man doesn't need his little friends to tell him what to do. That is the first thing, and his mother sounds like a tool. I wish you knew some hard mean dudes, you know ones with big muscles and tattoos and smell of gangsters. I would have a bunch of gangsters sitting in the living room when he gets home. I bet that would change his behavior fast. You can file for divorce yourself, go down and get the paper work and fill it out and pay the fee and you can divorce him. Of course getting a mean nasty lawyer who will drag him through the mud sounds like heaven to me. Either way, don't let this little boy take you down. One thing you might try is just completely ignore him. Only you know what you can and can not do, but you are not alone. Just writing about it is good, it is better than keeping if all in, the more you talk and write about it, the easier it will become. As far as these so called friends, what kind of men are these? Sad, the whole thing saddens me so much. You take care and remember keeping talking and writing, you don't have to go through this alone.

[Muh and me 18]

Awwwwwwww Kat! I've been wondering how you were doin. I'm so sorry you have to go thru this. Don't put yourself and your children thru anymore of this guy's #######! Get a restraining order, put him out your house, file for divorce and get on with your life. Do you think that your baby boy would have wanted this for his mother? No, I'm sure not. And we all hate to see you go thru this also.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Oh sweetie,

This whole thing makes my stomach hurt, to treat you that way, no one deserves this. This is not a man, a real man doesn't need his little friends to tell him what to do. That is the first thing, and his mother sounds like a tool. I wish you knew some hard mean dudes, you know ones with big muscles and tattoos and smell of gangsters. I would have a bunch of gangsters sitting in the living room when he gets home. I bet that would change his behavior fast. You can file for divorce yourself, go down and get the paper work and fill it out and pay the fee and you can divorce him. Of course getting a mean nasty lawyer who will drag him through the mud sounds like heaven to me. Either way, don't let this little boy take you down. One thing you might try is just completely ignore him. Only you know what you can and can not do, but you are not alone. Just writing about it is good, it is better than keeping if all in, the more you talk and write about it, the easier it will become. As far as these so called friends, what kind of men are these? Sad, the whole thing saddens me so much. You take care and remember keeping talking and writing, you don't have to go through this alone.

I finally have just decided to tell him and his mom that I am sorry I am just too sick to deal with this and that they both deserve so much better than me.

The reality is is that I have paid all his bills since he came back in December while he sits on perpetual vacation, nothing I do makes them happy and honesty , he could not cut it over here and he needed someone to blame it on from day one. He now tells me he just wants to move out and make it on his own here. I think that I have already figured out that nothing I do will work and that he and she need to fund whatever move he wants to make next. I am just out of money and out of my mind to do much else. I love him and I do not have any money left or fight left to hang in there. My family is tired and so am I and we are out of money and patience. I did the very best I could to make things work and I am just really tired. He has tried to bait me into anger, throwing him out this and that and I am tired...

I am not angry. I am just realising that I cannot take the day in and day out emotional abuse coupled with supporting him completely financially and trying to get over the death of my son. Enough. But the tactic I am going to take is to let him save face,let him talk to her and they can bail him out of this and leave me out of it. I am tired. They can come up with whatever they want to do from here. I need to make my kids my priority. I am at the point that I have broken down emotionally while holding down the fort, the bills, the kids and provided everything a person could give. Its not only "HE" that doesnt appreciate anything, its her as well because she knows he doesnt work and knows I am the only one working and has to know how expensive everything is because she lives in the west as well and has controlled him with money all her life. She is the reason he never grew up, has no value of money because when he lived back home, enabled and manipulated him with money. He never can make it in a country that requires work because he doesnt want to , nor does he have any work ethic, nor does he want to and blames me for this. In my heart, I want to make him happy but I cannot and now its the time to let both of them know that and let him go.

I tried

Thanks for all your help

[SaadBell 0]

Kat,

He is not normal and you know this, you need to get him out of your life, he is sucking you dry. Does this sound familiar?

"He will choose you, disarm you with his words, and control you with his presence. He will delight you with his wit and his plans. He will show you a good time but you will always get the bill. He will smile and deceive you, and he will scare you with his eyes. And when he is through with you, and he will be through with you, he will desert you and take with him your innocence and your pride. You will be left much sadder but not a lot wiser, and for a long time you will wonder what happened and what you did wrong. And if another of his kind comes knocking on your door, will you open it?"

He sounds like he has psychopath, as you know you don't have to murder to be classified as one, he is killing you, just slowly.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Kat,

He is not normal and you know this, you need to get him out of your life, he is sucking you dry. Does this sound familiar?

"He will choose you, disarm you with his words, and control you with his presence. He will delight you with his wit and his plans. He will show you a good time but you will always get the bill. He will smile and deceive you, and he will scare you with his eyes. And when he is through with you, and he will be through with you, he will desert you and take with him your innocence and your pride. You will be left much sadder but not a lot wiser, and for a long time you will wonder what happened and what you did wrong. And if another of his kind comes knocking on your door, will you open it?"

He sounds like he has psychopath, as you know you don't have to murder to be classified as one, he is killing you, just slowly.

Yep.

I told my mom this morning I wanted to leave my house and rent a hotel room for myself. She was like WHAT? I told her I do not even want to be in my own house anymore. I am tired. The constant daily emotional abuse is just too much. What infuriates me is while his mom bashes me daily and while he emotionally abuses me, I have had to bankroll him. So when he told me he will take my marriage certificate that says we have shared assets which is part of the tunisian marriage contract to a lawyer to see what his rights are ( to my stuff) I just blew a gasket. Like someone said on here, the judge is easier to deal with than him. She is not sending money to support him. I have had to pay bills for him, his arabic tv etc... I just wonder if any other american women have been through this while trying to end a relationship with one of these guys.. like the guy doesnt want to be with them and emotionally abuses them... yet they are having to pay the bills etc. For the love of god, what the hell did I get myself into?

[Sandrila 1]

Kat

I want to add that I too am very sorry that your husband continually just adds insult to injury.

I know that when we are in a desperate situation you just grasp at straws and feel anything is better nothing but that is not true.

I dont love you anymore is just too much to take, I know but all I would need to hear to finalize things.

YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS! No decent person does and you have done way too much for this %$#!face to continue to take his abuse any longer. After all you have done and this guy hasn't shown one ounce of gratitude or support for you even when his own child has died.

I want to offer you my prayers dear.

It isnt much but I hope it helps to know that people DO care and I wanted to recall another thing you said about it is easy for people to advise when they are not in your shoes and know how your heart is breaking.

That is true but after sometime people just want what is best for you and don't want to see you continue to suffer and be mistreated. The truth does hurt.

I myself am going through a hard time with my husband and what turned out to be my dream has turned into a nightmare too. IT IS NOT ON THE SAME LEVEL as you but unhealthy just the same. Only you will come to know what your limits are and will act accordingly.

I know you feel overwhelmed but you know this place and your rights better than he.

Keep strong and protect yourself. I know an attorney costs alot but try to network and see what options may be out there for someone in your position.

Clearly this a...hole didnt have any true intentions from the start. YOU ARE WORTHY but he is not.

I can also relate to having an inlaw talk bad about you and try to influence your husband.

I have had that same scenerio involving my own children and you know what it has been a battle that I refused to continue to fight. I stand my ground. IF SOMEONE LOVES AND RESPECTS YOU, you should never have to fight for that or justify yourself.

If you need an ear. PM me.

I hope you can get some resolution and soon.

I wish that so called husband of yours would just go back to the hole he crawled out of.

[Staashi 371]

What is a joint assets paper? Is it a document that is legal here in the US? If anything, tell him that you're suing him for half of his family's assets and see if that gets him off your back. Divorces in Florida only cost $200 so I'd go that route. Furthermore, I think that even with the affidavit of support there really are no means tested benefits available to him in Florida. He can't get food stamps, unemployment, anything.

Transfer everything you own - house, car, any assets, to your mother ASAP!!!!

[Sandrila 1]

I think you can get a PFA, that doesn't cost a dime.

That way he gets OUT of your home and you can start to get him out of your life.

LET HIM GO BACK, he never deserved to be here in the first place.

I believe that any judge who hears the real hard core facts, there is NO WAY he will let this man

get anything from you. He is just talking #######. He is trying to intimate you and kick you while you are down.

I mean who does he think he is??? I would definitely inform USCIS of this poser and ruin his life.

He has no right to be here at all and continue to pursue his dream while he has crushed yours and ruined your life.

Start keeping journal of all that is said and done...that man will burn in hell for sure

[Nagishkaw 510]

There may be Legal Aid where you live. If not, contact the State Bar Association and ask them if there is any way for you to get cheap if not free legal help.

I assume you have documented everything. You can get the records from the Counselor you both were seeing, for starts.

If you find an attorney who will take on your case, file for divorce and get a PPO in motion ASAP. Since you have not been married a long time, he may not be entitled to much of your assets. Maybe you could just pay him off by offering him a grand or two, but this is something the attorney and you might want to discuss.