The internet and you

[JillA 2]

It is totally different. My husband came to visit me first but his mom tried every way to go along with him and have him stay in a hotel with her while he visited me during the day. Freaking over protective much? I told my mom about it, she was fine, and my friend drove me to the airport to pick him up. We spent 3 days together. It was super awesome. We clicked right away. I was accustomed to meeting friends online, just never met a guy online who I felt a connection with in that manner.

Also I would never put out on a first date with anyone but ya I put out him on our first night together.

[Carlawarla 1]

I’ve read this thread twice now before I thought about responding. Sometimes when I read things where on VJ, I choose not to answer or reply just based on what I might say which may be too “emotional” and not well thought out at the time. I was brought up with MANNERS which means that I think about how my words might impact someone and respond accordingly. That doesn’t always happen. I’m human. Sometimes I’m passionate about something, sometimes my heart strings are pulled, and I respond in a way that had I thought more about it, I might not have either jumped on the bandwagon so soon, or chose words that let people, particularly the person who is reading them know, that I’m open to changing those thoughts. I believe that those same manners are supported by my behaviour on-line and outside of the written word.

I’ve been on VJ here now for 3 years. Probably the longest time I’ve stuck around an internet group. I truly believe in what this site is all about. I sometimes get caught up on the non-immigrant subjects but I try to venture around the site to offer support, encouragement, or accurate information to those that need it.

Because I’ve been here now for three years, perhaps I think I’m getting somewhat jaded, but I’ve seen changes. Some of them are in myself, and my tolerance for others. It’s something I always work on and make a resolution on. I’m dismayed, disgusted and sometimes amused at what goes on here. I suppose it’s no different than other boards and forums, however I’ve not belonged to many.

It’s hard to express sometimes what I see here, but I’ll try…this is only my experience and I know it’s not the greatest thing to lump people into categories, but for the sake of discussion, and knowing that everyone doesn’t fit into a category completely, let me share my thoughts on people on who are on the internet:

1) Those that come off as assertive, but are really aggressive bullies and use emoticons to mask their sarcastic words and thoughts. They usually make repeated comments when people question them or ask for clarification that that’s who they are, here and outside of their words online and frankly, they’re probably correct. They are the people who I don’t like, never have, and I think have probably few true friends, except probably people who are very much like them.

2) Another set are people who are not at all like how they are portrayed on-line…on purpose. They choose a persona that’s very much how they’d like to be seen, or want to be seen as, but are too shy in person to say and behave like they do online. Lots of these types of people take great pains to develop this persona, probably because they have little social interaction outside of the internet to further develop and grow.

3) Those that may seem like they’re very nice, and are in fact very much like that. Usually they’re hurt by online bullies, leave chats and forums and actually change their behaviour sometimes based on what others here say. Some of these people’s lives change based on their experiences on-line. For the good, or bad.

Just like in life outside of the internet, there are good and bad people.

Somedays I come onto VJ and I’m so sad. Sad that there are so many mean people. Sad that there are people who forget that there REAL people reading the words here on the screen. Saying things that if it shows a true reflection of themselves, then I truly feel sorry for them. Sorry that they’re going to find so much heartache throughout life, and sorry that they’re going to be very lonely people. People who think that they’re “not like them”…whoever them is really. I don’t know. Elitists who look down on people, that have no empathy for others…these people truly lose. They lose the possibility of truly seeing the value of others and what they can offer.

Someday I’m ashamed at how we laud ourselves as Canadians and then don’t behave like we love the world to see us.

[trailmix 77]

That was very nicely said Carla

[Sprailenes 47]

Someday I’m ashamed at how we laud ourselves as Canadians and then don’t behave like we love the world to see us.

I don't know why but it just doesn't rub me the right way. These are stereotypes that I feel the rest of the world has created for us. Canadians: Polite and humble.

I have heard it a lot though, mostly from people down here. I am a bit of a sarcastic person and I like to joke around. I have been told: "Oh now that's not nice and you're supposed to be a Canadian" and its always in jest in response to something I have said but it still always gets me.

So what if I am Canadian? Am I not supposed to speak my mind? Am I supposed to just smile and be merry all of the time? No. I am a human being and even though I am aware of cultural differences between countries, I get pissed off at times and I blow off steam. Doesn't make me any less Canadian. I am not an ambassador, I am just me.

####### happens in Canada too. I have met a$$holes in Canada and I have met the same types of a$$holes down here. I just feel that people expect us to be a certain way because they have created a stereotype of who we are. Sure its a positive stereotype but its a stereotype nonetheless.

[trailmix 77]

I am not an ambassador, I am just me.

Is that something you can choose? I mean you can choose not to care that you are - but that doesn't mean you are not?

[Sprailenes 47]

I could represent a lot of things and people, women, native americans, brown haired people, brown eyed people. I am who I am, if someone doesn't like the way I am representing my race, my gender or my country, then what am I supposed to do?

Do I speak to the moon to get tomorrows weather? No.

Do I use my breasts to get ahead in life? No.

Am I always polite and kind? No.

But they are all stereotypes of all of the things I am.

[Sprailenes 47]

Its like how some women feel that women who are prostitutes degrade the rest of women. How? Can someone please explain to me how what one woman chooses to do makes the world crash down on the rest of us? Because I am not defined strictly by my gender, race, or country or better yet someone elses actions.

If I were, then I'd be a #######, a drunk, and polite and kind.

I am not an ambassador of Canada because I do not represent everything Canada is about. Canada is about a lot of things, and it means a lot of things to many different people. I am merely just adding to what it is already.

I love Canada and I love me. But I can not live up to an expectation that does not define who I am, all I can do is be myself.

Edited May 22, 2009 by Sprailenes

[trailmix 77]

Well I certainly see what you mean, I don't think that every time I walk out the door I am representing all people who have brown eyes.

However, because this is an immigration board I can see how we do somewhat represent the idea of Canada to people. Just like the Americans, for instance, represent their country on here - and in OT in particular - not in a very good light.

In many cases, perhaps, we are the only people they see 'of Canada'.

I'm not saying that you are in any way responsible for representing Canada - I'm just saying how I understood what Carla said.

[Sprailenes 47]

I know you don't think you are representing brown eyed people, it was a generalization though. Blonde haired people get stereotyped at times as do brunettes. Thats all I was saying about that. We don't represent those things and that's where I was going.

I understand what you mean but I would hope that people wouldn't take what they see from a few outspoken canucks and define all of Canada by just that. I am sure some people do though, as you have people who believe certain things about MENA and the PI forums. It's unfair as many of them do not live up to those stereotypes either. As many of us don't live up to the polite and humble Canadian. This is a whole new discussion altogether though.

Great thread by the way tmix. Love the discussion that is going on.

[Bern. 3]

"What is national character? What makes the Americans, the British, the French, the Russians, and the Chinese who they are? In this homogenized world, where globalization is a byword for a deadening sameness, why do peoples who live in the same region, use the same money, read the same books, and watch the same movies remain different from one another? As much as Canada may be seen as a copy, clone, or colony of America, we are unquestionably distinctive. It is a result of our geography, history, and politics. It comes from our demography and prosperity.

Most of all, it comes from our character."

- Andrew Cohen, The Unfinished Canadian

[jundp 191]

So those of you that met your hubby or wifey online, I have a question... it's not like a normal blind date where you can just meet up for coffee, then go home after.... how do you plan meeting an online love for the first time? I know if I told my Mom, I'm going to PHL to meet a guy I met online for the weekend, she probably would have freaked out! Not about meeting him online, but spending the whole w/e with the guy if we never met before.

What a great question, Jill.

We were friends for months online and agreed to meet at a friend's house. Our first 'date' was at a concert so it was light and no pressure. I was flying to Germany anyway to visit my best friend and her newborn, and P and I decided to take advantage of the visit to meet too. I would probably not have flown 6000 miles just to meet him though, if I hadn't already planned to be there for other reasons.

[trailmix 77]

"What is national character? What makes the Americans, the British, the French, the Russians, and the Chinese who they are? In this homogenized world, where globalization is a byword for a deadening sameness, why do peoples who live in the same region, use the same money, read the same books, and watch the same movies remain different from one another? As much as Canada may be seen as a copy, clone, or colony of America, we are unquestionably distinctive. It is a result of our geography, history, and politics. It comes from our demography and prosperity.

Most of all, it comes from our character."

- Andrew Cohen, The Unfinished Canadian

Oh I really like that

[Bern. 3]

It's an amazing book, I recommend it to EVERYONE who is a true Canadian. Not an economic Canadian. Sorry. I'm getting so tired of Calgary. I'm all for diversity and immigration but it's gotten way out of hand in my city.

[trailmix 77]

It's an amazing book, I recommend it to EVERYONE who is a true Canadian. Not an economic Canadian. Sorry. I'm getting so tired of Calgary. I'm all for diversity and immigration but it's gotten way out of hand in my city.

Now you will be the immigrant

[Bern. 3]

It's an amazing book, I recommend it to EVERYONE who is a true Canadian. Not an economic Canadian. Sorry. I'm getting so tired of Calgary. I'm all for diversity and immigration but it's gotten way out of hand in my city.

Now you will be the immigrant

I know, I'm aware. But at least I will not try to haggle with retail stores and grocery stores. That's my major pet peeve. I hate it SO much when someone comes in, and tries to haggle with me. "I bought 4 of this, can't I have a discount?'' or ''but the sign says, buy one, get one free.'' No no no. It says buy one, get the second for half price. I'm a supervisor for Indigo Books. I don't pick the prices and I can't just dish out discounts to everyone that asks. :s I'd be out of a job, and I need my job..it's hard to find work as it is.

Edited May 22, 2009 by Ber + Ter