How do you deal with ignorance and prejudice??

[sj5 4]

This is difficult to answer.... You're dealing with your family.

[MsMariah 0]

So far it's pretty strange as I live in a small town and everyone I've told seems supportive. However, my ex husband and his family have been subversive and were trying to tell my daughter scary things, it took some time but after going over why I chose him a few times, she said she agrees with my decision and she is looking forward to welcoming him to our home (of course they've been getting to know each other through webchats as much as possible too). As far as what the ex's say, well I can't control I just keep calm and level and hope to live a good life which is all the pudding necessary. We'll have to see how it goes with the more general population once he's here and working.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

When I announced my engagement to my family and friends for nine months I got my ear chewed. People came out of the wood work to let me know their two cents. I've heard it all and a million times over that it becomes stereotypical. In fact I think there is a thread in mena on this about the stuff you heard from others that are misconceptions. After five years I can tell you it doesn't end. The same people reserve the same opinions and there are always new people who like to express and judge you with the same things you've heard over and over again. I've become a master of debate in this regard that I could pretty much list my responses before they even mention their list of complaints. I make it my mission to engage them and get them to think pushing the boundaries of their boxes. Now at family gatherings some of them like to call my Husband the "Terrorist Husband of mine". That's where I draw the line. I explain that it's uncalled for, not funny, incredibly offensive, and hurtful. At that point when I've done all I can I withdrawal my relationship from that person and that says it all, even if it is my 20 year old half-sister and she's married to a bigoted neo-con. That relationship is pretty much done for me until time tells.

[John and Camie 39]

Girl ... the way I see it is, they don't pay our bills, so they can just F-off.

A good start would be for your mother to know that you can get the news off the TV; you don't need it from her. Then, keep your marriage strong and loving for any children you may have, as children cannot conceptualize ignorance/prejudice, and a weak foundation will just complicate things further. I myself am biracial, and my childhood was hardly stable, so that impacted the problem. As I got older, I dealt with it myself, to the point where it's now other people's problem, no longer mine.

Keep your head up - sorry that this is something you have to go through during what should be a happy time.

Edited April 19, 2009 by John and Camie

[Aymsgirl 0]

I've walked in your shoes and heard the exact same thing. I felt like for so long it was me and him against the world. My parents weren't so bad about saying bad things they were just concerned for the safety of our son if we ever traveled overseas. My grandfather and friends were very skeptical. My sister and brother n law and I didn't speak for 6 months because they blabbered to the entire neighborhood that I had ran off and met some ME man and I don't know him from Sam and that he was just coming here to work tax free and God only knows can blow what up. I will tell you in the end, you will know who is true to you. Yes, my husband has ways that seem goofy to others and I hear about it but they do things that are strange to him. Now that we have been married awhile and have a child together people are more accepting. I'm sure if he hasn't shared it with you he is keeping quiet about it because they get slack cut to them in their own home countries as well.

Best wishes!!

[Imua 0]

LOL.... to my 87-year old, sheltered grandmother, anyone who isn't East Asian, Mexican or white is 'black', so she refers to my husband as 'black'(when talking to my mom - she and I are not on speaking terms after Christmas '07 when she greeted my announcement that I had married Govi with 'he only is marrying you for a GC' ) When we were talking before and I told her I was seeing a Nepali practically the first question was 'is his skin dark? If you have kids they might have problems'... This despite having lived for 20+ years in Hawaii!!! Well, I am almost certainly too old to have kids now, so not likely to be a problem, but OMGWTF..... I was originally hoping Govi could meet her but I don't think that's going to happen now - I just know she would say something totally ignorant.

Fortunately the rest of my family is much more accepting and my mom is learning more about Nepali culture. I have cooked Nepali food for my family - usually food is a good way to show 'hey, they can't be bad people if they can cook food like this', LOL....

[Kiv 32]

You can't educate everybody... or maybe you can but not as fast as you would like to.

There are opinions that you care about like your parents, brothers, close friends.

They may be just scared for you because they love you. To them you can say something like, "I am trying to have a happy marriage, I think is worth to try with this person and I would feel better if I know I have your support". It will be up to them if they join you in this experience or not.

The rest of the opinions, just listen, we can not know what the future will be; especially when love make us a little blind.

Time will make all those comments go away... or you won't care about them.

[Courtney08 0]

The best way for me to personaly deal with it........

I know that each person has their own way of thinking, and I am not going to change their ideals overnight nor am I wanting to change the opinion they have about my relationship.

I know how I feel, and I know how my husband treats me. If I am happy, and I feel I know what we are doing is right why should I listen to them.

For a long time I did'nt tell my husband things that people would say but that didnt help either. It turned out he was hearing just as many negitive things as well. It became a way for us to share something else, and believe it or not made our relationship stronger. We didnt gripe or be upset we laughed at the things that were said. We even watched the dreeded "Not Without My Daughter" LOL. Its an inside joke between the two of us now.

People will do one of three things

1 learn about him/her and accept them and your relations

2 avoid the subject totally and stay in denial (normally leads to first option can lead to third)

3 remove themselfs from your life.

the people that truely care about you will stick around everyone else just doesnt matter, do not dwell on them.

Just my .02

[No-Where-Man 147]

The best way for me to personaly deal with it........

I know that each person has their own way of thinking, and I am not going to change their ideals overnight nor am I wanting to change the opinion they have about my relationship.

I know how I feel, and I know how my husband treats me. If I am happy, and I feel I know what we are doing is right why should I listen to them.

For a long time I did'nt tell my husband things that people would say but that didnt help either. It turned out he was hearing just as many negitive things as well. It became a way for us to share something else, and believe it or not made our relationship stronger. We didnt gripe or be upset we laughed at the things that were said. We even watched the dreeded "Not Without My Daughter" LOL. Its an inside joke between the two of us now.

People will do one of three things

1 learn about him/her and accept them and your relations

2 avoid the subject totally and stay in denial (normally leads to first option can lead to third)

3 remove themselfs from your life.

the people that truely care about you will stick around everyone else just doesnt matter, do not dwell on them.

Just my .02

well

i do agree complelty with u

my family here in egypt liked it then LOVED my wife

as of family in usa ..my wife was clever enough to introduce me by a good way ..and thanks GOD all of them waiting my coming to celebrate and have fun all ...

but no doubt tht not all the ppl are the same ..expected ,,, try to build a bridge (tht way worked for us ) ..a bridge between the two cultures ..thoughts ..ideas

this way the relations get stronger and deeper ..

but i would agree that who dont like it so just kick him/her away and go a head wz ur life as long as its true and real

we all face these situations in many different forms trust me

cheer up and work on it or ignore it and love ur man more

[sara..... 371]

when its older people im mostly silent out of respect but in my mind i remind myself that is the same generation that didnt do anything to give back to the native American Indians after our ancestors destroyed tribe after tribe and the ones that are close to my age i just figure they are ignorant and are unhappy with their own life so they see the need to comment on mine.

u know i have noticed that people that are unhappy with there self or their own life try to bring u down so that they themselves feel better.

just smile and ignore them if u fight back it only makes them feel more justified in what they say anyways thats just my opinion

sara

[Bern. 3]

In my experiences, people are just skeptical of long distance relationships period. I am only in my 20's, so that explains that. But as I see it is, some people just won't change and are too stuck in their old ways and line of thinking. If a person truly loves you unconditionally than they will support you and not subject you to having to choose. My mother had her reservations at first, but one night she came to me and told me that she was happy that I'd found a great man who loves me and takes care of me. Ever since then, my immediate family has been supportive but I still have the odd person who decides to get in my face.

But more importantly, do not forget to teach your children that race does not determine who a person is. As Martin Luther King Jr said, ''I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.''

Teach this to your children,

[disconnection 4]

just Ignore it because you are the one who makes the decisions about your life and no one else , and i hope your husband will erase this negative image when he deals very generous and kindly with your dad ....LOL he has some problem with blacks and arabs ?? just remind him that USA is being ruled by a black man now and he makes all world to love USA once again after the white Bush made the wholeeeeeeee world to hate and hate and hate the states , also remind your self that arabs are not terrorists but few of them , and thx God Egyptians are not considered terrorists as we have some million tourists here every year and they all love egypt and they love egyptians ,,,, kindly separate between Egypt and arabs because i am an egyptian and i don't consider my self arab , i am only egyptian and that makes me enough proud

have a happy life with your Egyptian husband and let ignorant ppl hit their head in the wall

[baron555 934]

How do I deal with this type of thing????

.45 caliber

[Beth/ Paris Heart 2]

How do I deal with this type of thing????

.45 caliber

I dont believe you wrote that! Now if your were from Romoeville, then I would believe you wrote it.

Edited April 20, 2009 by Paris Heart

[Imua 0]

when its older people im mostly silent out of respect but in my mind i remind myself that is the same generation that didnt do anything to give back to the native American Indians after our ancestors destroyed tribe after tribe and the ones that are close to my age i just figure they are ignorant and are unhappy with their own life so they see the need to comment on mine.

u know i have noticed that people that are unhappy with there self or their own life try to bring u down so that they themselves feel better.

just smile and ignore them if u fight back it only makes them feel more justified in what they say anyways thats just my opinion

sara

In my grandmother's case, she was a kid during the Great Depression and the experience warped her mind to the point where money is all she cares about in life.... I explicitly remember a moment when I was around 12 and she admitted that she did not love my grandfather(who had died before I was born) but that she thought he had 'potential'(as a law student). Even after he died she never had to work outside the home in her life, so she was extremely sheltered and did not have contact with people from different cultures. Her next husband, she married because he owned land on the Big Island of Hawaii, where she lives now in a beautiful house. Husband #2 died about 15 years ago. I did not get to marry until I was 40 and for a long time when I despaired of meeting anyone she would always say 'who needs a man?'... but she never knew what it is like to love a man even if he is poor or from a completely different culture, just to have the joy of seeing his face on the pillow next to you when you wake up and hearing his voice telling you how much he loves you... She has so much more materially than Govi and I will likely ever have, but she is one of the most miserable human beings I know and feels the need to insult everyone - she has been this way for as long as I can remember so it's not just old age... I really don't know how to handle her.