Should I stop the process?

[July09Bride 1]

Thanks everyone for their input. It really helped me get my head together and have a very clear and concise conversation. There will be more discussion in the future and more effort from both side to understand each other.

I didn't realize how much things were bothering me and then posting and getting solid and useful feedback really helped. You never know what kind of reply you will get from the forums, but alas the Canucks are a good lot.

That's so true. When I see some replies in the "effects of major family changes" I'm shocked. The rudeness and cruelty is appaling, people spill their feelings and look for advice and are mocked. But here, us Canadians are a friendly bunch and like to help one another!

And you (the Canadian lot here on VJ) also kindly take in us USCs with Canadian relations.

[MsZ 6]

Has she been to visit you in Hawaii? I think I saw that you visited her, but has she done the same? It would give her a much clearer idea of the differences in terms of cost of living, as well as the difference in culture and climate.

Is there any rush for her to move to the US? It may make sense to slow things down. That's different than stopping the process.

I have to tell you though, if someone told me they hate Americans and the US, I'd have a difficult time accepting that they can separate that from who I am. There's a lot wrong with such a sweeping statement.

[coldwatersurf 5]

US laws will have some getting used to. It definitely made me upset about the loops I have to go through just to get a drivers license. I dont think hating Americans is the problem. I think if your fiancé spends some time in Hawaii that she will learn to love her new home. I wasn't fond of moving at first but I built friendships and I love the people I got to know. Although the fear of starting over will still be there until I can be comfortable in my new home. I think that's why some people are scared because they dont want to leave their comfort zone.

[WalkonWildSide 0]

I think that's why some people are scared because they dont want to leave their comfort zone.

It really is about leaving her comfort zone. More talking tonight about general matters and reminding her about how she felt before leaving Belarus and going to Canada. Reminding myself also that she adapts to change well, more than she will give herself credit. However she can work herself up in a tizzy about such things. Calming, soothing tones and trying to put her mind at ease.

I read your review of the interview process to her. She liked knowing it would be simple and straight forward.

Ya a thousand different things to get used to and adjust to, although life in Hawaii can be pretty nice; especially if you have someone to share the time with.

[July09Bride 1]

I think that's why some people are scared because they dont want to leave their comfort zone.

It really is about leaving her comfort zone. More talking tonight about general matters and reminding her about how she felt before leaving Belarus and going to Canada. Reminding myself also that she adapts to change well, more than she will give herself credit. However she can work herself up in a tizzy about such things. Calming, soothing tones and trying to put her mind at ease.

I read your review of the interview process to her. She liked knowing it would be simple and straight forward.

Ya a thousand different things to get used to and adjust to, although life in Hawaii can be pretty nice; especially if you have someone to share the time with.

Sounds like things are getting better & better by the day. That's great to hear! Perhaps you can share with her the timeline flowchart. I'll be honest, that was my next best friend b/c I could watch as we moved along the process. I would calculate days/weeks based on the data provided here on VJ. That was also a comfort. The bad side to doing that... one can get obsessed with a daily check and that's not good. The good side of doing that... you can attempt to figure out when you'll move to the next step. For us, we UNDERcalculated and so it was a nice surprise when some things happened much more quickly than we had expected!

Flowchart

Timelines

I know that for some, something intangible becomes easier to handle when something concrete is shared. I think Hawaii would be awesome... I wish I could be there instead of cold icky Michigan!!!