NEED YOUR 2 CENTS (maybe more)

[quakebars 0]

Ms. Wreck, I hope I can give you some more food for thought. When I fell for my fiance' , I let her read everything that the "other" woman and I had exchangd. Very quickly, I told that other lady to let it rest. She has dignity and class, so she did so.

Soon thereafter, my fiance' gave me the password to her Friendster. I was FLOORED at her level of trust toward me. You may not know, but a western lady would NEVER do this, even IF she had nothing to hide. It's just a boundary we don't ever cross in our culture.

My visit came, and one of the things I did with her there was to delete my account on the site where we met. I told her to leave HER's up, just in case something happened to me{I know, that's morbid!}. In the days after my return, she gave me the rest of her passwords to her Yahoo, AND that same dating site. Without any hesitation, I also gave her mine, to my e-mail accounts. Yes, we both went in and read each other's stuff, and we learned a bit more about one another. I joked with her about some of the men that had contacted her.

There's NO Secerets between us, and I rue the day there ever may be.

wow, that is just awesome. i wish i could have a relationship like that.

[=FoxyBLUE= 2]

Let me give you my personal experience deary....my husband is in the military and we usually thinks that they cant stop flirting..

I TRUST HIM! Ive caught him thrice for flirting with some girls online but never met them bcoz some are from other far away places...and yes he did admit he was flirting...And the REASON....coz im so far from him, he's bored i cant talk to him sometimes coz im busy...what other options he have? go online and chat, meet new acquaintances.

At first, i thought it was a STUPID reason..but sometimes i really cant blame him...he just wanted to talk with someone bcoz of boredom. Maybe I would too if I cant reach him sometimes...(but thank GOD i have friends who will always be there to listen)

I dont know any password account from his YM, Bank Accounts, etc...again he's REASON, he doesnt want somebody nagging him about this and that.....for YM (he has so many lady friends that he knew before he met me, and he cant just delete them coz they have been friends..i understand that! I would not want my husband to ask me to delete some guy friends from my account too) on bank accounts (he doesnt want me to ask so many questions like "where did you spend your money? is it worth buying? you should have save it for other stuffs?blah blah blah..... which i understand again!)

In short, we both have our own PRIVACY! and i believe that things you dont know wont hurt you. I dont like to know things that I know will end up into an argument...I hate arguing with him coz he just cant understand my point...again,MEN!!!

We talk about this and we decided that we should still keep our privacy...as long as we are not doing any hanky panky behind our partner's back...coz that would be another issue!

TRUST dear..TRUST is the main key! It doesnt mean that if he doesnt give you his passwords on some of his account he's doing stupid things behind your back...maybe he just want his privacy and respect that!

GOD is still in control of everything.... just TRUST in HIM....HE will do a good job on it...Trust me!

oh BTW, we are really having a good and peaceful relationship now..no more fights! He is trying so hard to be a good and loving husband to me...and I feel that!

Be at peace sweetie! dont stress yourself to much with that.......we'll cross the bridge when we get there! for now...cheer up and be happy!

Edited April 9, 2009 by Mariel_Esteban

[quakebars 0]

Let me give you my personal experience deary....my husband is in the military and we usually thinks that they cant stop flirting..

I TRUST HIM! Ive caught him thrice for flirting with some girls online but never met them bcoz some are from other far away places...and yes he did admit he was flirting...And the REASON....coz im so far from him, he's bored i cant talk to him sometimes coz im busy...what other options he have? go online and chat, meet new acquaintances.

At first, i thought it was a STUPID reason..but sometimes i really cant blame him...he just wanted to talk with someone bcoz of boredom. Maybe I would too if I cant reach him sometimes...(but thank GOD i have friends who will always be there to listen)

I dont know any password account from his YM, Bank Accounts, etc...again he's REASON, he doesnt want somebody nagging him about this and that.....for YM (he has so many lady friends that he knew before he met me, and he cant just delete them coz they have been friends..i understand that! I would not want my husband to ask me to delete some guy friends from my account too) on bank accounts (he doesnt want me to ask so many questions like "where did you spend your money? is it worth buying? you should have save it for other stuffs?blah blah blah..... which i understand again!)

In short, we both have our own PRIVACY! and i believe that things you dont know wont hurt you. I dont like to know things that I know will end up into an argument...I hate arguing with him coz he just cant understand my point...again,MEN!!!

We talk about this and we decided that we should still keep our privacy...as long as we are not doing any hanky panky behind our partner's back...coz that would be another issue!

TRUST dear..TRUST is the main key! It doesnt mean that if he doesnt give you his passwords on some of his account he's doing stupid things behind your back...maybe he just want his privacy and respect that!

GOD is still in control of everything.... just TRUST in HIM....HE will do a good job on it...Trust me!

oh BTW, we are really having a good and peaceful relationship now..no more fights! He is trying so hard to be a good and loving husband to me...and I feel that!

Be at peace sweetie! dont stress yourself to much with that.......we'll cross the bridge when we get there! for now...cheer up and be happy!

that is SO enlightening! my fiance is in the military too... a few days ago i was so upset that I came up with the conclusion that all guys are scums.lol I must admit, I can be very jealous sometimes, I have trust issues and I can be a nag.lol I'm not perfect but I try. I could only wish I can have a mature relationship with my fiance like you have... maybe we have to work hard on it. I really appreciate your input, I am convinced more than ever that we should meet once we both get to Minnesota! Thank you!

[=FoxyBLUE= 2]

Let me give you my personal experience deary....my husband is in the military and we usually thinks that they cant stop flirting..

I TRUST HIM! Ive caught him thrice for flirting with some girls online but never met them bcoz some are from other far away places...and yes he did admit he was flirting...And the REASON....coz im so far from him, he's bored i cant talk to him sometimes coz im busy...what other options he have? go online and chat, meet new acquaintances.

At first, i thought it was a STUPID reason..but sometimes i really cant blame him...he just wanted to talk with someone bcoz of boredom. Maybe I would too if I cant reach him sometimes...(but thank GOD i have friends who will always be there to listen)

I dont know any password account from his YM, Bank Accounts, etc...again he's REASON, he doesnt want somebody nagging him about this and that.....for YM (he has so many lady friends that he knew before he met me, and he cant just delete them coz they have been friends..i understand that! I would not want my husband to ask me to delete some guy friends from my account too) on bank accounts (he doesnt want me to ask so many questions like "where did you spend your money? is it worth buying? you should have save it for other stuffs?blah blah blah..... which i understand again!)

In short, we both have our own PRIVACY! and i believe that things you dont know wont hurt you. I dont like to know things that I know will end up into an argument...I hate arguing with him coz he just cant understand my point...again,MEN!!!

We talk about this and we decided that we should still keep our privacy...as long as we are not doing any hanky panky behind our partner's back...coz that would be another issue!

TRUST dear..TRUST is the main key! It doesnt mean that if he doesnt give you his passwords on some of his account he's doing stupid things behind your back...maybe he just want his privacy and respect that!

GOD is still in control of everything.... just TRUST in HIM....HE will do a good job on it...Trust me!

oh BTW, we are really having a good and peaceful relationship now..no more fights! He is trying so hard to be a good and loving husband to me...and I feel that!

Be at peace sweetie! dont stress yourself to much with that.......we'll cross the bridge when we get there! for now...cheer up and be happy!

that is SO enlightening! my fiance is in the military too... a few days ago i was so upset that I came up with the conclusion that all guys are scums.lol I must admit, I can be very jealous sometimes, I have trust issues and I can be a nag.lol I'm not perfect but I try. I could only wish I can have a mature relationship with my fiance like you have... maybe we have to work hard on it. I really appreciate your input, I am convinced more than ever that we should meet once we both get to Minnesota! Thank you!

Holly Molly!!!! maybe we are talking of the same Man!!!LOL....my husband is from Minnesota too...St.Paul. But he is stationed in Tennessee right now.

Oh wait! have we talked before? have i told you that my husband is form MN? sorry dear..cant remember...LOL

Edited April 9, 2009 by Mariel_Esteban

[quakebars 0]

yes we have! i posted a forum before asking if there was anybody here who is in Minnesota or will end up there. hehe.. and nope, we are not talking of the same man. hahaha. My fiance lives about 4 hours away from St. Paul.

[chinese_mutt 11]

Cheating is subjective, it depends on how you and your fiance define it.

Personally, I asked my hubby what cheating was to him and therefore I avoid doing things that he would 'think' as cheating even if I don't think it is.

So go ahead, talk to your fiance and ask him how he defines cheating. Then find a middle ground and always make that as a guide for your relationship. As always, communication is the key. Americans are pretty much used to being asked directly, so don't be afraid to voice out your opinion or question, just don't sound so accusatory when you do it.

Passwords and etc, they are just markers of trust, but it doesn't really define what cheating is.

Good luck kapatid.

Edited April 9, 2009 by tngirl21809

[=FoxyBLUE= 2]

yes we have! i posted a forum before asking if there was anybody here who is in Minnesota or will end up there. hehe.. and nope, we are not talking of the same man. hahaha. My fiance lives about 4 hours away from St. Paul.

#######!! SIGN of Old Age.....

[=FoxyBLUE= 2]

Cheating is subjective, it depends on how you and your fiance define it.

Personally, I asked my hubby what cheating was to him and therefore I avoid doing things that he would 'think' as cheating even if I don't think it is.

So go ahead, talk to your fiance and ask him how he defines cheating. Then find a middle ground and always make that as a guide for your relationship. As always, communication is the key. Americans are pretty much used to being asked directly, so don't be afraid to voice out your opinion or question, just don't sound so accusatory when you do it.

Passwords and etc, they are just markers of trust, but it doesn't really define what cheating is.

Good luck kapatid.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TRUE!!!

[Joyce/Jeremy 0]

that is SO enlightening! my fiance is in the military too... a few days ago i was so upset that I came up with the conclusion that all guys are scums.lol I must admit, I can be very jealous sometimes, I have trust issues and I can be a nag.lol I'm not perfect but I try. I could only wish I can have a mature relationship with my fiance like you have... maybe we have to work hard on it. I really appreciate your input, I am convinced more than ever that we should meet once we both get to Minnesota! Thank you!

Well yeah that should be a good plan... pray for it dear every relationship grows... yours will too!

[childress_london 3]

OK, so she was a previous online friend of your fiance's, and now she searches for you on Facebook just so she can tell you that she is chatting with him and then she leaves it at that? Sounds to me like she is jealous and is trying to cause trouble between the two of you.

[HappyDancer 7]

Sounds like the same thing to me. Looks like she is trying to push a wedge between you and your fiance. Well, tell this girl good luck. We'll see where she can bring this to.

OK, so she was a previous online friend of your fiance's, and now she searches for you on Facebook just so she can tell you that she is chatting with him and then she leaves it at that? Sounds to me like she is jealous and is trying to cause trouble between the two of you.

Edited April 10, 2009 by HappyDancer

[Zen Den 18]

chatting with other people (opposite sex, and not relatives or friends known to your partner) means looking for options, meaning partner is not sure about you or himself...if you don't feel comfortable about this, it's best to talk about it with him as early as now...maybe he doesn't think you're unconfortamble so you have to let him know

[HappyDancer 7]

I beg to disagree Zen. Some people do want to have good and meaningful conversations even with people they hardly even know. I know that because I am that way. I do not have any reasons why I should be nervous about it and feel that it's wrong. I guess, the only thing that bothers the OP is because this other girl told her about her fiance talking to her recently and when she did talk to her fiance, he denied it.

My question, if i were the OP, would be:

What was the context of the conversation?

What are my proof that she is not lying and just trying to cause trouble between me and my fiance?

What kind of relationship did my fiance have with this woman that my radar went off?

I believe in a woman's gut feel. But what are the chances that my gut feel is right/wrong this time?

chatting with other people (opposite sex, and not relatives or friends known to your partner) means looking for options, meaning partner is not sure about you or himself...if you don't feel comfortable about this, it's best to talk about it with him as early as now...maybe he doesn't think you're unconfortamble so you have to let him know

[Rocky_nBullwinkle 6]

Do you consider it cheating when your partner is chatting online with other people?

What are your thoughts about exchanging passwords with your partners? advisable or no?

You mean chatting with other girls?

Edited April 10, 2009 by Rocky_nBullwinkle

[MonkeyJuice 3]

Try & look at it from another point of view. You are beautiful & he asked you to marry him. Why would he go to all this effort to bring you to the US if he wasn't serious?

I think this girl is trying to stir things up & because you are thousands of miles apart, your mind is working overtime.

Lots of people go online when they're bored & apart from their loved ones. Apart from VJ, I'm on Facebook & I have plenty of old school friends on there (male & female), It doesn't mean I'm being unfaithful by chatting to them. Try not to think too much about it.