Got any good "The last time I sh!t my pants..." stories?

[Uncle Wally 2]

With so many folks here involved in relationships with people from crappy little countries where you get diarrhea from accidentally opening your mouth in the shower, I figure there's gotta be some good pants-pooping stories here.

Here's mine:

Me and my buddy were at some border crossing trying to get into Vietnam from Cambodia. I had the sh!ts something fierce.

Apparently nobody bothered telling those Vietnamese border guards that their country is wicked crappy and they don't need to worry about some American guy smuggling a bag of rice in from Cambodia, because they held us up for hours acting like it was some big privilege to get into that dump.

It was about 115 degrees outside, and the only sh!tter around was this fvcking hole in the ground with no toilet paper. They had one of those ubiquitous buckets of water with a soup ladle (I guess you're supposed to scoop some water down your buttcrack then wash your a$$ with your bare hand), but ** that. All I had to wipe with was some Cambodian money I soon couldn't use. I squatted over that damn pit more times than I could remember those hours we were there, and I soon found myself dangerously low on a$$wipe money.

At just about this time, my buddy said "Hey! Look at those folks!" and pointed over towards the sh!tter. Low and behold, there were some people reaching down into the sh!it pit barehanded and pulling out the worthless bills I'd used to wipe my a$$ with. In a textbook case of karma, I burst out laughing, and in so doing, my a$$ threw up all over the inside of my undies.

That's all I have to say about that.

[Uncle Wally 2]

Hey moderator, you can delete this thread if you want. I thought I was posting on the 'Off Topic' forum. I've since duplicated this thread there where it belongs.

[john & jean 37]

[amberdima 6]

that's disgusting; however, quite entertaining. i've experienced the opposite in my travels. i've been to france, germany, belgium, luxembourg, and switzerland outside of the US. my experience was more like---you eat bread and cheese for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for wks and you want to kill yourself cos you can't sh!t and haven't for 2 wks straight. let's just say i drank black coffee, swallowed laxatives, and did headstands. there's video.

[JOJOMOMO 0]

Dude, that's some funny ######!!... so to speak.

[Melrose Plant 1]

My story is an awful lot closer to home, but it may be somewhat entertaining.

As a construction worker, I often have to travel some distance to my job. If I'm lucky, I can drive it every day and don't have to stay away from my family. It was February of 2005, and I had just got laid off from a job that was really close to home. Not knowing what the future held, I decided to take a job 110 miles away from my house. One cold morning, after it had just snowed, I was driving to work at 0-dark-hundred, and I was about halfway there, and I felt I had to take a #######. After several more minutes, I realized that wasn't NO WAY I was going to make it to the job site. Suddenly, I remembered that less than 10 miles away there was one of those roadside parks you often find on American two lane roads, and I remembered that there was a Port-a-John there. I held on for dear life.

When I finally got to the park, it was gone! I mean nowhere to be seen! As I stood there in the inky blackness broken only by the beam of my headlamps, my toe found a piece of something buried in the newfallen snow. It was blue in color. Further excavation revealed that it was in fact the Port-a-John, flattened out flatter than flat. I mean, somebody must have run over this thing about 25 times, either that or they used a road roller.

Anyway, luckily I always keep a roll of toilet paper in the car, and a nearby tree served as adequate cover in the darkness. Sometimes, you just don't have a choice.