The Vent - Part 2

[DeadPoolX 9]

I went to bed last night at 7PM and I just woke up. Normally I stay up late, but the last few days have been utterly exhausting.

My wife and I went to visit her parents (whom I like) for Thanksgiving. My wife's sister, brother-in-law (who I guess is my BIL too) and their three kids were there as well.

I know I've made it known that I don't particularly care for children. This is true, but I expected the kids there. It was a holiday and family gets together then.

I tried playing with the kids this time. It was possible to actually talk to them since the oldest was six and the middle child was four. The youngest is still a baby, so he wasn't doing a whole lot besides screaming. In the right (or wrong) hands, that kid could be a sonic weapon.

For the most part, we all had a good time. I even had fun with the kids. However, towards the end of the visit, the kids were wearing on my wife, my father-in-law and me. The problem is that the kids never stop yelling and running around. I understand that young kids do that, but it makes it very difficult -- if not impossible -- to have an adult conversation or even turn our attention away from the kids for a moment.

Another problem was that my SIL and BIL were supposed to leave a day before we did and they didn't. My wife and I had to get up early the next morning to catch the ferry and all night long we heard kids moving about, yelling and the baby screaming his lungs off. Once again, I understand kids can do that, but it's really rude to keep everyone in the house up all night, especially when some of them had to wake up early. Needless to say, my wife and I were exhausted for our long trip home.

Because my SIL and BIL were supposed to leave before us, my wife had hoped she could have some non-kid time with her parents -- the kind where you can actually hear yourself think. She was looking forward to watching a movie with them, but when my SIL and BIL decided to stay longer, that idea was scrubbed. Their kids can't sit still or remain quiet, which makes watching a movie damn near impossible.

I know some people here might suggest: "why didn't you take care of the kids for a couple of hours so your wife and her sister could actually have some time to talk?" Great idea, but... my SIL is so protective of her kids, she won't even let her husband watch them. I'm sure that works out for him, but the point remains that getting her away from her kids would prove even more difficult than getting her kids to calm down.

To top this all off, we spent over eight hours getting home. That trip consisting of two ferry rides (both of which were late and one of them was redirected), a long drive home which was massively complicated by insane traffic, heavy rain, random construction and both of us were tired before we even left.

I remember previous postings about your SIL and BIL's kids. Glad you did get to spend SOME time with them when they weren't so active and loud! I know what you mean, and I myself had kids! I love adult conversation without interruptions with screaming kids ...

This might be a really good reason to go up and visit with your in-laws without your SIL and BIL coming. Go for a weekend just the two of you, and spend some really nice time alone with them.

It's nice when families can get together, but yes, all the noise, lack of personal space, kids staying up too late, the kids not being in their home environment with their own toys and space, can be grating on the nerves.

If your in-laws are about to visit you, having them down for a weekend on their own is a good plan as well!

We did that during the summer and it was nice. Not only due to the lack of screaming children, but the weather was beautiful and conducive to outdoor activities.

The next time my wife and I are visiting her parents is Christmas. Yeah, the kids will definitely be there and that's fine. It's Christmas, so I'd expect them there. However, my wife and I plan to stagger our visit this time, so we have a couple of childless days.

[Varba 0]

At least you realize that kids do scream and don't think they are broken and try to cram them full of ritalin.

[Sprailenes 47]

At least you realize that kids do scream and don't think they are broken and try to cram them full of ritalin.

Haha word.

[DeadPoolX 9]

At least you realize that kids do scream and don't think they are broken and try to cram them full of ritalin.

Yeah, ADD/ADHD is diagnosed way too often.

My brother had a very bad case of ADHD growing up and actually did NEED medication like Ritalin. If he didn't get it, he'd get up and walk around the class and act like a screwball. While that'd be highly entertaining, it's not conducive to a learning environment.

[Sprailenes 47]

Last year and the year before the schools insisted I have Ethan evaluated for ADD/ADHD. He wasn't disrupting the class, he just wasn't working to his full potential. The teachers all thought he wasn't focusing. He was a B - C student and yea he seemed to have a hard time getting motivated but many kids do in school.

My own MIL wanted me to evaluate him too because at home, he's active, busy and he loves to talk. So I got him evaluated in Canada because my mother works in the industry and had it done practically for free through her work. The evaluation came back negative. So last year I went through it again, the school insisted I go back to a local doctor this time and have him evaluated once more. I did... NEGATIVE.

This year my son is doing really well. He is focused on getting his work completed, and getting great grades.

I don't know what's with the inconsistency, I have been told in the past by doctors that he could very well be bored. When he moved down here the schools insisted that I keep him back a year. He has always told me that this was the worst feeling for him. Even though he hadn't failed, he felt like a complete failure.

I guess I am just saying to anyone else out there who may be going through the same thing, follow your gut, be persistent and fight for your childs rights. I too had a cousin with severe ADHD and who needed medication. But I also had a cousin who was misdiagnosed and who suffered from terrible side effects from ritalin so I have witnessed both sides of it. I have watched it help someone and I have watched it tear someone apart.

Schools are quick to jump on the ADD/ADHD bandwagon. So many parents end up putting their children on medication even though they don't need it.

[ScooterMac 2]

I was the one who told my parents I had ADD. I found an article about it in a magazine in our school library in 5th grade and it had one of those "Check the boxes for each statement that's true, if you check more than 6 boxes, you may have ADD" checklists. I had 8 of the 10 things on the list. I took it home and showed my parents who told me I was overreacting, and that there was nothing wrong with me. I was in the "gifted" class and my grades were good (though my teachers complained that I was disorganized and disruptive), so that meant I was okay.

Fast forward 3 years, and my grades are ####### and my parents and I couldn't have a civil conversation. My mom and I got into a screaming match over my grades, and I finally told her (loudly) that I couldn't focus in class, and I couldn't figure out how the hell to get homework done and turned in. They took me to a counselor who told them that I was probably the most textbook case of ADD she'd ever seen. Once I was diagnosed and treated, my grades really improved and so did my social skills. I stopped taking meds in college, and focused on learning adaptive lifeskills that allow me to function (semi)normally in the "Real World"

I've seen misdiagnoses do bad things to people, and I've seen other students (in college) "fake" symptoms to be able to get ritalin to study longer. It's not for everyone, but it does help some people.

[Peachey 10]

My vent of the day? Varba's mom.

First she wants to plan xmas 2010 right now... uh wow.

Second, yesterday she says "My friend's husband, who's an immigration lawyer came into the office today. I believe this is a sign from God that you should ask him to help you, there's no way that immigration can take this long. You must have filled something out wrong, or he knows a trick to get her here faster".

URG, NO!

[ScooterMac 2]

My mom does the same thing, Peachey...She's trying to get my uncle (who's a retired lawyer) to talk to his "connections" to see if anyone can help us.

[Sprailenes 47]

I was the one who told my parents I had ADD. I found an article about it in a magazine in our school library in 5th grade and it had one of those "Check the boxes for each statement that's true, if you check more than 6 boxes, you may have ADD" checklists. I had 8 of the 10 things on the list. I took it home and showed my parents who told me I was overreacting, and that there was nothing wrong with me. I was in the "gifted" class and my grades were good (though my teachers complained that I was disorganized and disruptive), so that meant I was okay.

Fast forward 3 years, and my grades are ####### and my parents and I couldn't have a civil conversation. My mom and I got into a screaming match over my grades, and I finally told her (loudly) that I couldn't focus in class, and I couldn't figure out how the hell to get homework done and turned in. They took me to a counselor who told them that I was probably the most textbook case of ADD she'd ever seen. Once I was diagnosed and treated, my grades really improved and so did my social skills. I stopped taking meds in college, and focused on learning adaptive lifeskills that allow me to function (semi)normally in the "Real World"

I've seen misdiagnoses do bad things to people, and I've seen other students (in college) "fake" symptoms to be able to get ritalin to study longer. It's not for everyone, but it does help some people.

Thats the funny part about ADD/ADHD.

If you are doing a test, the last thing you want is more time to study/work. ADD/ADHD students want to get in and out of an exam, assignment as quick as possible in most cases. Yes the extra time is welcomed, especially for the parents but for the person with the ADD, it isn't.

If a person is asking for more time because they think they may have ADD/ADHD, then to me that would just scream: FAKER!

[Sprailenes 47]

My vent of the day? Varba's mom.

First she wants to plan xmas 2010 right now... uh wow.

Second, yesterday she says "My friend's husband, who's an immigration lawyer came into the office today. I believe this is a sign from God that you should ask him to help you, there's no way that immigration can take this long. You must have filled something out wrong, or he knows a trick to get her here faster".

URG, NO!

Ugh my inlaws were the same way. Well my husbands grandmother was like that, she insisted I could work but I just didn't want to. She'd come over while my husband was at work and sit down and give me business cards of store managers she had collected through the day. It was humiliating.

They all thought they knew what they were talking about and what we were going through.

I still hold a grudge to this day.

[ScooterMac 2]

Thats the funny part about ADD/ADHD.

If you are doing a test, the last thing you want is more time to study/work. ADD/ADHD students want to get in and out of an exam, assignment as quick as possible in most cases. Yes the extra time is welcomed, especially for the parents but for the person with the ADD, it isn't.

If a person is asking for more time because they think they may have ADD/ADHD, then to me that would just scream: FAKER!

Eh, it really depends on how bad I was doing that day at focusing. If I was having trouble pulling it together, I may need longer on a test, especially essay tests. Most schools won't let you have time extensions and other aplicable accomodations unless you have a note from a doctor stating the diagnosis.

Mostly, I just used the "I need a quiet room to test in" accomodation. I got distracted easily by other kids around me during testing.

[The_Dude 1,142]

My vent of the day? Varba's mom.

First she wants to plan xmas 2010 right now... uh wow.

Second, yesterday she says "My friend's husband, who's an immigration lawyer came into the office today. I believe this is a sign from God that you should ask him to help you, there's no way that immigration can take this long. You must have filled something out wrong, or he knows a trick to get her here faster".

URG, NO!

Yes, God is sending your future MIL signs that you need a lawyer to speed up the process. I remember when I first told my parents about the process we were undertaking. My mother's response was "well don't you need a lawyer for that?". To be honest, when we first started the process, we did look at lawyers and found out that in many cases, it wasn't even an attorney doing the work. It was in fact a paralegal doing it.

However, in my case, it turns out that my parents are having to do the same thing for my grandmother, so all the tedious questions might not have been so bad. INS sent a notification letter to my 97 year old grandmother that her greencard had expired several years ago. So, technically, she is out of status and has to re-adjust her status.

[Sprailenes 47]

Thats the funny part about ADD/ADHD.

If you are doing a test, the last thing you want is more time to study/work. ADD/ADHD students want to get in and out of an exam, assignment as quick as possible in most cases. Yes the extra time is welcomed, especially for the parents but for the person with the ADD, it isn't.

If a person is asking for more time because they think they may have ADD/ADHD, then to me that would just scream: FAKER!

Eh, it really depends on how bad I was doing that day at focusing. If I was having trouble pulling it together, I may need longer on a test, especially essay tests. Most schools won't let you have time extensions and other aplicable accomodations unless you have a note from a doctor stating the diagnosis.

Mostly, I just used the "I need a quiet room to test in" accomodation. I got distracted easily by other kids around me during testing.

Here in NJ, they ask that you have a note from a psychologist once a year. I find that funny since ADD/ADHD doesn't just magically go away.

It costs a lot to have your kids evaluated. Last year I told the school to pay for it if they wanted it so badly. That sure changed their tune fast.

I learned a lot fast in the two years of being here though. The school system is kind of twisted.

[DeadPoolX 9]

Thats the funny part about ADD/ADHD.

If you are doing a test, the last thing you want is more time to study/work. ADD/ADHD students want to get in and out of an exam, assignment as quick as possible in most cases. Yes the extra time is welcomed, especially for the parents but for the person with the ADD, it isn't.

If a person is asking for more time because they think they may have ADD/ADHD, then to me that would just scream: FAKER!

Eh, it really depends on how bad I was doing that day at focusing. If I was having trouble pulling it together, I may need longer on a test, especially essay tests. Most schools won't let you have time extensions and other aplicable accomodations unless you have a note from a doctor stating the diagnosis.

Mostly, I just used the "I need a quiet room to test in" accomodation. I got distracted easily by other kids around me during testing.

Here in NJ, they ask that you have a note from a psychologist once a year. I find that funny since ADD/ADHD doesn't just magically go away.

It costs a lot to have your kids evaluated. Last year I told the school to pay for it if they wanted it so badly. That sure changed their tune fast.

I learned a lot fast in the two years of being here though. The school system is kind of twisted.

How would a psychologist help? If the kid (supposedly) requires medication, he'd need to see a psychiatrist.

[Sprailenes 47]

Yes a psychiatrist gives the meds, but in order to get extra times on tests, you'd need a letter from a psychologist re-diagnosing him/her every year.