Advice lang po sa mga tulad ko...

[pasaway na angel 2]

Thanks talaga sa lahat ng mga advices nyo guys..I really appreciate it..Para akong nabunutan ng tinik nang nag decide akong isulat dito sa Visajourney..at least kasi nailabas ko ang aking nararamdaman...The thing with the kids kasi,kahit ilang beses mong pagsabihan or kahit ilang beses nang pagsabihan ng father nila...Ikaw na lang ang mapapagod kasi very simple instructions hindi pa magagawa...Kung ilang beses ko silang ne-remind to flush the toilet after using,to not drop those towels on the floor after using,to not put the dirty clothes elsewhere in the house,to always put the plates on the sink and to not put the glass at the edge of the table....Simple instructions lang yun diba?Bakit hindi nila masunod?Kung ilang beses akong papasok sa banyo when their taking a bath to remind them na hindi nga iiwang nakakalat ang mga towels sa sahig kasi pwede pang magamit...E-remind ko sila at least 3 times or more pa...They'll say yes naman...But eventually,after taking a bath,pag check ko banyo...My Gosh!!! 2 towels nakakalat sa sahig,mga dirty clothes kalat sa sahig pati mga briefs nila...Maswerte na ako kung wala akong madatnang "poopoo" sa inidoro (excuse lang po) at mga nakakalat na toilet tissue minsan sa sahig that they just use from cleaning their "poopoo" (sorry again)

Yung husband ko naman pinagsasabihan din nya yung mga bata...Hindi ko lang maintindihan kung bakit kelangan pa ulit-ulit mong pag sasabihan...Nakaka-frustrate talaga...At saka,I think the thing with my husband is "mabait"...Nag-iistrikto kung minsan pero mas nakikita mo talaga na binibaby nya yung mga bata which I dont think is right...Gagamit din naman sya ng belt kung talagang sobra na ang mga bata but it seems like after...parang wala lang..

Ah,ewan ko ba...Maybe 1 of this days,pag-uusapan namin ng asawa about this matter at sana hindi ako ma-unahan ng doubt at hindi ma-unahan ng pagiging emotional...Magkakaroon sana ako ng lakas ng loob to tell him all this...

hi... i saw your post kasi. while i don't have stepkids nor kids of my own, i am a volunteer pre-school teacher in my church's Sunday School. so i have some training with dealing with kids. this is just my opinion on the matter and i hope it will be helpful.

you said that the kids will say yes when you remind them or give them instructions. however, they won't do it when it's time to do it. it is possible that they are the visual learners type. meaning they need to see something to remind them of what they need to do.

during one seminar, the speaker (who is a child psychologist and a mother) said that she used to get frustrated whenever her kids don't do what they are supposed to do even when they are properly instructed. so she observed them and tried something. she decided to put written instructions on places that her kids will see and where chores are to be made. like in the CR, she put a note saying "Flush the Toilet after using" and sure enough the kids doesn't need verbal reminder about it anymore. so that's when she realized that her kids are visual learners. aside from visual learners, there are kids who are auditory learners - the one who gets instructions and remembers them when they hear it while other kids are kinesthetic learners - the one who gets instructions when they are made to do the things while the instructions are being given.

as it is, your stepsons are not auditory learners, they are either visual or kinesthetic. since they are already in school, i assume they can read already. maybe you can try putting notes or making them do the instructions you gave them just so they will remember.

it's not yet late to train them and it's not bad to discipline them even if they are not your own. i think your hubby would even appreciate it coz he would see that you care enough for his kids. plus, once they are trained to do things, you will have less burden on your back. :yes:

also, don't hesitate to talk to your hubby about such things "just to keep the peace". believe me, your own health is at stake here so take care of yourself, talk to your hubby. and God Bless.

[chinese_mutt 11]

i don't want to sound like i know everything about kids, don't have one and luckily adults na ung mga kids ng husband ko, pero try mo rin siguro intindihin ung mga bata. May mom and dad sila dati, now they have to shuttle from one place to another... syempre mahirap un. Divorce wreaks havoc sa family life ng mga bata, I'm not saying you wreaked their family life, pero syempre kahit papaano maaaffect din syempre ung ugali ng mga bata. Naisip ko lang baka naman ung pag-gawa ng peanut butter sandwich is their way of doing things with you... kumbaga gusto rin nila ma-feel ung mommy presense na hindi nila maramdaman dahil busy ung both sets of parents nila.

As for the toilet stuffs, my suggestion is don't do it for them. If you find poopoo in the toilet, go call them and make them flush the toilet themselves. If you find their clothes all over the floor, call them and make them pick it up. Try mo yan, baka wala lang talagang training.

As for your hubby giving the kids stuffs that you cannot afford, intindihin mo na rin ung hubby mo, probably feeling guilty pa rin sya for the divorce with the ex. Syempre kung wala syang time for the kids since he works for 12 hours a day, sa financial na lang yan babawi.

Most importantly, I agree.. HINDI KA MAID DYAN! Wife ka... act like one. Speak up and tell your hubby what you feel. BUT don't make it appear na may pag-kukulang sya for being a father or husband... just tell him na ito ung situation and you want to improve your family lives by merging both his old family and your family.

Good luck kapatid!