Met through Marriage Broker???

[nane1104 146]

My fiance and I met through hotmilitarysingles.com (haha, yea right).

It's a website where you can have profiles and then contact other people. I know he paid a membership fee in order to get in touch with me, well, he had paid it before, not just to get in touch with me..lol

Is this site considered a marriage broker?

We met in 2003, I did not get effected by IMBRA, we filed before March 6, but i am a little worried about answering questions regarding how we met.

2 months after we met online, I flew to the US to meet him.

He suggested to tell them we met while I was on vacations in the States, but I'd rather stick with the truth....hoping it won't be a disadvantage for us then..!?

What do you think?? Is it safe to mention it when I have the Interview??

[one...two...tree 2,762]

My fiance and I met through hotmilitarysingles.com (haha, yea right).

It's a website where you can have profiles and then contact other people. I know he paid a membership fee in order to get in touch with me, well, he had paid it before, not just to get in touch with me..lol

Is this site considered a marriage broker?

We met in 2003, I did not get effected by IMBRA, we filed before March 6, but i am a little worried about answering questions regarding how we met.

2 months after we met online, I flew to the US to meet him.

He suggested to tell them we met while I was on vacations in the States, but I'd rather stick with the truth....hoping it won't be a disadvantage for us then..!?

What do you think?? Is it safe to mention it when I have the Interview??

Just my opinion - the only true marriage brokers out there are the sites which market foreign brides to American men. These sites in essence are the Mail-Order Bride sites where the women are put on display like pieces of meat. The process usually has the men join for a fee and they restrict how the man can contact the woman. The men are promised a plethora of young, beautiful, submissive women who aren't concerned about the man's appearance, just his love and devotion. The women are promised a green card. Sorry, if that sounds a bit cynical, but that's mostly true about a lot of those sites.

I had to fight that stereotype as I met my fiancee long distance from mutual friends, yet her being a Filipina and me being the Americano. I do believe that love is blind but seriously, when I was in the Philippines and I'd see a guy in his 50's with some girl in her early 20's, I'd wonder just what it is they have in common. I don't mean to judge anyone's love, however if I were the interviewer of a couple like that and had the power to grant them the Visa or not, I'd be hard pressed to be convinced they are in a real, mutually equal relationship.

[aussiewench 9]

Even if you did fall under the IMBRA, just meeting over the internet does not mean that one met via a Marriage Broker. My husband and I met on a site similar to the one you did in as far as it was a site where there was profiles and a small fee had to of at least been paid by one of the parties wanting to make real contact with another. This is not a Marriage Broker service.

(4) INTERNATIONAL MARRIAGE BROKER-

(A) IN GENERAL- The term `international marriage broker' means a corporation, partnership, business, individual, or other legal entity, whether or not organized under any law of the United States, that charges fees for providing dating, matrimonial, matchmaking services, or social referrals between United States citizens or nationals or aliens lawfully admitted to the United States as permanent residents and foreign national clients by providing personal contact information or otherwise facilitating communication between individuals.

(B ) EXCEPTIONS- Such term does not include--

(i) a traditional matchmaking organization of a cultural or religious nature that operates on a nonprofit basis and otherwise operates in compliance with the laws of the countries in which it operates, including the laws of the United States; or

(ii) an entity that provides dating services if its principal business is not to provide international dating services between United States citizens or United States residents and foreign nationals and it charges comparable rates and offers comparable services to all individuals it serves regardless of the individual's gender or country of citizenship.

Edited June 17, 2006 by aussiewench

[slim 1,523]

My fiance and I met through hotmilitarysingles.com (haha, yea right).

It's a website where you can have profiles and then contact other people. I know he paid a membership fee in order to get in touch with me, well, he had paid it before, not just to get in touch with me..lol

Is this site considered a marriage broker?

We met in 2003, I did not get effected by IMBRA, we filed before March 6, but i am a little worried about answering questions regarding how we met.

2 months after we met online, I flew to the US to meet him.

He suggested to tell them we met while I was on vacations in the States, but I'd rather stick with the truth....hoping it won't be a disadvantage for us then..!?

What do you think?? Is it safe to mention it when I have the Interview??

Just my opinion - the only true marriage brokers out there are the sites which market foreign brides to American men. These sites in essence are the Mail-Order Bride sites where the women are put on display like pieces of meat. The process usually has the men join for a fee and they restrict how the man can contact the woman. The men are promised a plethora of young, beautiful, submissive women who aren't concerned about the man's appearance, just his love and devotion. The women are promised a green card. Sorry, if that sounds a bit cynical, but that's mostly true about a lot of those sites.

I had to fight that stereotype as I met my fiancee long distance from mutual friends, yet her being a Filipina and me being the Americano. I do believe that love is blind but seriously, when I was in the Philippines and I'd see a guy in his 50's with some girl in her early 20's, I'd wonder just what it is they have in common. I don't mean to judge anyone's love, however if I were the interviewer of a couple like that and had the power to grant them the Visa or not, I'd be hard pressed to be convinced they are in a real, mutually equal relationship.

Yeah, having 50,000 women on the internet who are looking for a "loving man aged 19-60" doesn't really help our cause does it?

To the OP, meeting on that site does not constitue the use of an international marriage broker. You didn't actually pay them any money to "find you a husband" in the US did you? Even if you paid a small fee for your profile, that's still the same fee that they charge everyone, not just USCs or foreigners.

This IMBRA was specifically set up to protect women from Russia (and CIS), The Philippines, Columbia, etc. who have thousands and thousands of women who are willing to marry men they have never met, talked to, or are 30 years their junior/senior, from becoming victims of abuse upon their arrival to the US. The US Government is worried that when women go through an "International Marriage Broker" (who often-times , like StevenJinky said, does nothing more than charge these women $500 or so to post a few photos of them on the internet and assist them in replying to and eventually marrying much older men in the US) that they'll become victims of sexual or physical abuse. Human trafficking has been a hot-button issue for the last couple of years, so the DOJ decided to take action on it.

For the most part though, this new IMBRA thing is messing the new visa cases up. I hope it does stop some of these women from being abused. But, it almost seems like some of these women take a #######-shoot on their marriages anyway, so why should the rest of the people have to be delayed several months? (And just for the record, that #######-shoot often works for both parties... not knocking it, just calling a duck a duck.)

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Yeah, having 50,000 women on the internet who are looking for a "loving man aged 19-60" doesn't really help our cause does it?

To the OP, meeting on that site does not constitue the use of an international marriage broker. You didn't actually pay them any money to "find you a husband" in the US did you? Even if you paid a small fee for your profile, that's still the same fee that they charge everyone, not just USCs or foreigners.

This IMBRA was specifically set up to protect women from Russia (and CIS), The Philippines, Columbia, etc. who have thousands and thousands of women who are willing to marry men they have never met, talked to, or are 30 years their junior/senior, from becoming victims of abuse upon their arrival to the US. The US Government is worried that when women go through an "International Marriage Broker" (who often-times , like StevenJinky said, does nothing more than charge these women $500 or so to post a few photos of them on the internet and assist them in replying to and eventually marrying much older men in the US) that they'll become victims of sexual or physical abuse. Human trafficking has been a hot-button issue for the last couple of years, so the DOJ decided to take action on it.

For the most part though, this new IMBRA thing is messing the new visa cases up. I hope it does stop some of these women from being abused. But, it almost seems like some of these women take a #######-shoot on their marriages anyway, so why should the rest of the people have to be delayed several months? (And just for the record, that #######-shoot often works for both parties... not knocking it, just calling a duck a duck.)

Congratulations on your recent VISA, BTW!

Good points. I'd just like to add that normal dating sites are now common places for people to have long distance relationships (Match.com, Lavalife, eHarmony). Those sites don't do any 'brokering' beyond trying to match like minded people and the type of contact the two parties have once they've paid for memberships is entirely up to them. There's no agressive attempt by the sites to match foreigners with U.S. citizens.

[nane1104 146]

That's exactly how I feel it/see it.

For me it was more a fun thing to meet new people, never even wasted a thought I could really meet someone there.

I didn't pay anything, too stingy

Thanks everyone, this is definitley easing my mind!

[slim 1,523]

Congratulations on your recent VISA, BTW!

Thanks!

Sure feels good to actually have it done, and be on here to GIVE advice, not GET advice!

Good luck to all of you out there... be patient... it will be here before you know it!!!

[gimygirl 0]

nadine ...

i'm surprised that noone addressed this but .... ALWAYS tell the truth!! your evidence needs to support what you are saying. with the introduction of lying, you are setting yourself up for future problems!

don't create another headache when this process is already stressful enough! one little slipup and it could be your curtain call!

[timmaricel 0]

My fiance and I met through hotmilitarysingles.com (haha, yea right).

It's a website where you can have profiles and then contact other people. I know he paid a membership fee in order to get in touch with me, well, he had paid it before, not just to get in touch with me..lol

Is this site considered a marriage broker?

We met in 2003, I did not get effected by IMBRA, we filed before March 6, but i am a little worried about answering questions regarding how we met.

2 months after we met online, I flew to the US to meet him.

He suggested to tell them we met while I was on vacations in the States, but I'd rather stick with the truth....hoping it won't be a disadvantage for us then..!?

What do you think?? Is it safe to mention it when I have the Interview??

The law does stipulate certain exceptions, here is what it says in sec B-ii as an exception:

"an entity that provides dating services if its principal buisness is not to provide international dating services between US citizens or US residents and foreign nationals and it charges comparable rates and offers comparable to all individuals it serves regardless of the individuals gender or country of citizenship"

Now, a dating service such as Match.com focuses on introducing you to people in your area....they dont specificlly focus on international dating and they don't charge you anything additional for exploring that possibility on your own. In my opinion this qualifies them as a valid exception to the Marriage Broker definition. By all means I am not 100% sure but believe me when I say I will find out and share my findings with this forum.

[Imbra2005 0]

The "comperable rate" part of the exception is meant to exclude sites where everyone pays a membership fee. One of the common practices of marriage brokers is that the USC (usually male) pays a fee, whereas the foreign female doesn't pay anything to join. Contrast this with match.com where everyone has to pay to play.

Just my opinion - the only true marriage brokers out there are the sites which market foreign brides to American men. These sites in essence are the Mail-Order Bride sites where the women are put on display like pieces of meat. The process usually has the men join for a fee and they restrict how the man can contact the woman. The men are promised a plethora of young, beautiful, submissive women who aren't concerned about the man's appearance, just his love and devotion. The women are promised a green card. Sorry, if that sounds a bit cynical, but that's mostly true about a lot of those sites.

I had to fight that stereotype as I met my fiancee long distance from mutual friends, yet her being a Filipina and me being the Americano. I do believe that love is blind but seriously, when I was in the Philippines and I'd see a guy in his 50's with some girl in her early 20's, I'd wonder just what it is they have in common. I don't mean to judge anyone's love, however if I were the interviewer of a couple like that and had the power to grant them the Visa or not, I'd be hard pressed to be convinced they are in a real, mutually equal relationship.

Your opinion has some basis in fact. Here are some quotes from mail order bride websites compiled by the Tahirih Justice Center that support your view:

“Most Asian ladies fill out an application saying what they want. … If a guy went shopping he is going to buy what interest him, not what interest you. … The ladies who use words like below, improve their chances of meeting someone: ‘If I meet a man who loves me, I'm going to love him forever. I hope to meet a family man that I can be a good wife for. I want to meet a man who is responsible and I'll be there for him for better or worse.’ ” (www.filipinalady.biz/asian-ladies-advise-for-ladies.htm)

“Women from Asia are gentle. They don't bust your chops, when you are home a little late, or forget an anniversary.” (http://www.heart-of-asia.com/gen/whyasia.html)

“In Russia, she doesn’t have a choice to stay home to take care of her husband, house, and children – for her, it is a dream. The Russian woman’s attitude about herself is feminine. She expects to be treated as a lady, she is the weaker gender and knows it. The Russian woman has not been exposed to the world of rampant feminism that asserts its rights in America.” (www.chanceforlove.com)

“These women have a different outlook on life and marriage. They are less materialistic than their American counterparts and are more family oriented. As wives, they desire to build a loving home, follow their husband's lead, and stick with the marriage, even when times get tough and things stop being ‘fun.’” (http://www.encount.com/ladies/)

“[Russian women] are much more patient and can tolerate things that Western women will never be able to bear. … Another important difference is that Russian women (and Russians in general) have very low self-esteem. While Western women think that they are goddesses and able to cope with anything on their own, a Russian woman will rarely leave a bad (really BAD) husband because of the fear that she won't find another one. For many years the state and men have been oppressing them, and they don't think much about themselves.” (http://www.womenrussia.com/faq.htm#husbands)

“Have you been twice married to modern women who were too involved in their careers and your bank accounts? Think about a kind Russian girl!” (personals.agava.ru/)

“. . . you will want your Latin wife to keep that beautiful body for many years to come. They will be eating more fatty foods here then [sic] in their country. Look around at all these fat American women, they will look at your beautiful wife with scorn, don’t let it happen to your wife, she is your greatest investment. . . .

Americanized – This is the worst thing that can happen to your sweet, innocent Latin wife. She becomes like the women you are trying to get away from. She can become Americanized through her friends or her work. It only takes one lesbian or feminist to plant the seeds in her head, our society can do the rest. Get to know her friends and co-workers. Never let here [sic] go out at night with her friends alone to dance or to a party.” (http://www.latina-women-girls-brides-wives-ladies.com/id41.html)

[kitkat1 5]

Your opinion has some basis in fact. Here are some quotes from mail order bride websites compiled by the Tahirih Justice Center that support your view:

“Most Asian ladies fill out an application saying what they want. … If a guy went shopping he is going to buy what interest him, not what interest you. … The ladies who use words like below, improve their chances of meeting someone: ‘If I meet a man who loves me, I'm going to love him forever. I hope to meet a family man that I can be a good wife for. I want to meet a man who is responsible and I'll be there for him for better or worse.’ ” (www.filipinalady.biz/asian-ladies-advise-for-ladies.htm)

“Women from Asia are gentle. They don't bust your chops, when you are home a little late, or forget an anniversary.” (http://www.heart-of-asia.com/gen/whyasia.html)

“In Russia, she doesn’t have a choice to stay home to take care of her husband, house, and children – for her, it is a dream. The Russian woman’s attitude about herself is feminine. She expects to be treated as a lady, she is the weaker gender and knows it. The Russian woman has not been exposed to the world of rampant feminism that asserts its rights in America.” (www.chanceforlove.com)

“These women have a different outlook on life and marriage. They are less materialistic than their American counterparts and are more family oriented. As wives, they desire to build a loving home, follow their husband's lead, and stick with the marriage, even when times get tough and things stop being ‘fun.’” (http://www.encount.com/ladies/)

“[Russian women] are much more patient and can tolerate things that Western women will never be able to bear. … Another important difference is that Russian women (and Russians in general) have very low self-esteem. While Western women think that they are goddesses and able to cope with anything on their own, a Russian woman will rarely leave a bad (really BAD) husband because of the fear that she won't find another one. For many years the state and men have been oppressing them, and they don't think much about themselves.” (http://www.womenrussia.com/faq.htm#husbands)

“Have you been twice married to modern women who were too involved in their careers and your bank accounts? Think about a kind Russian girl!” (personals.agava.ru/)

“. . . you will want your Latin wife to keep that beautiful body for many years to come. They will be eating more fatty foods here then [sic] in their country. Look around at all these fat American women, they will look at your beautiful wife with scorn, don’t let it happen to your wife, she is your greatest investment. . . .

Americanized – This is the worst thing that can happen to your sweet, innocent Latin wife. She becomes like the women you are trying to get away from. She can become Americanized through her friends or her work. It only takes one lesbian or feminist to plant the seeds in her head, our society can do the rest. Get to know her friends and co-workers. Never let here [sic] go out at night with her friends alone to dance or to a party.” (http://www.latina-women-girls-brides-wives-ladies.com/id41.html)

WOW Revolting, disgusting and 100% offensive

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Your opinion has some basis in fact. Here are some quotes from mail order bride websites compiled by the Tahirih Justice Center that support your view:

“Most Asian ladies fill out an application saying what they want. … If a guy went shopping he is going to buy what interest him, not what interest you. … The ladies who use words like below, improve their chances of meeting someone: ‘If I meet a man who loves me, I'm going to love him forever. I hope to meet a family man that I can be a good wife for. I want to meet a man who is responsible and I'll be there for him for better or worse.’ ” (www.filipinalady.biz/asian-ladies-advise-for-ladies.htm)

“Women from Asia are gentle. They don't bust your chops, when you are home a little late, or forget an anniversary.” (http://www.heart-of-asia.com/gen/whyasia.html)

“In Russia, she doesn’t have a choice to stay home to take care of her husband, house, and children – for her, it is a dream. The Russian woman’s attitude about herself is feminine. She expects to be treated as a lady, she is the weaker gender and knows it. The Russian woman has not been exposed to the world of rampant feminism that asserts its rights in America.” (www.chanceforlove.com)

“These women have a different outlook on life and marriage. They are less materialistic than their American counterparts and are more family oriented. As wives, they desire to build a loving home, follow their husband's lead, and stick with the marriage, even when times get tough and things stop being ‘fun.’” (http://www.encount.com/ladies/)

“[Russian women] are much more patient and can tolerate things that Western women will never be able to bear. … Another important difference is that Russian women (and Russians in general) have very low self-esteem. While Western women think that they are goddesses and able to cope with anything on their own, a Russian woman will rarely leave a bad (really BAD) husband because of the fear that she won't find another one. For many years the state and men have been oppressing them, and they don't think much about themselves.” (http://www.womenrussia.com/faq.htm#husbands)

“Have you been twice married to modern women who were too involved in their careers and your bank accounts? Think about a kind Russian girl!” (personals.agava.ru/)

“. . . you will want your Latin wife to keep that beautiful body for many years to come. They will be eating more fatty foods here then [sic] in their country. Look around at all these fat American women, they will look at your beautiful wife with scorn, don’t let it happen to your wife, she is your greatest investment. . . .

Americanized – This is the worst thing that can happen to your sweet, innocent Latin wife. She becomes like the women you are trying to get away from. She can become Americanized through her friends or her work. It only takes one lesbian or feminist to plant the seeds in her head, our society can do the rest. Get to know her friends and co-workers. Never let here [sic] go out at night with her friends alone to dance or to a party.” (http://www.latina-women-girls-brides-wives-ladies.com/id41.html)

WOW Revolting, disgusting and 100% offensive

Ditto. I was a bit hesitant to state my opinion here about Marriage Brokers because I'm sure some members here have used them. I don't think every person who uses them is that superficial, but it sure demonstrates why the IMBRA law was created. Even within my own family, I've had to fight the stereotype that any foreign woman I date is just looking for a green card. It really angers me but I have to accept that there are enough people out there looking for mail-order brides and enough foreign women out there looking for a sugar daddy (same could be said about some local people as well - that marriage to them is a financial contract). It also gets complicated because I can understand if a woman from a third world country would be attracted to the possibility of marrying an American to become part of the American Dream. I guess it becomes a personal question for both the man and woman - what is the relationship truly based on. If both parties sincerely believe in marriage then even if they go through a marriage broker, they still have a chance for a lasting, loving and mutually equal relationship.

[Caladan 19]

Good lord. I can't think of anything to say about such services that isn't a foul insult. (Except, maybe, to point out, that Latin food is often fatty and that many Russian women grew up under the nasty, yet egalitarian Soviet Union, so I wouldn't hold my breath for someone who cheerily [redacted] while you treat her like dirt.] Here's hoping the women married to such jacka$$es (which may not be all users, but I ain't holding mah breath) leave them once they have their green card.

Anyhow, to the OP: Not everything online counts under IMBRA. Nor does every online dating site. I'd be honest. To explain why you'd have to be on vacation, you'd have to invent another lie. "We met through a chat site intended for soldiers (or whatever), and decided to meet in person in 2003. From there we fell in teh hott smokin' crazy luv." That's fine, and honest, and you'll have plenty of relationship proof with you.

Relax. You met before the scrutiny and most important you're not using marriage broker!

[Imbra2005 0]

I can't believe I forgot my personal favorite:

"Total cost for services: $10,500.00 U.S. A beautiful woman to sleep with at night, kiss in the morning, and love all day long, for so little - less than an economy car." www.armcandyinternational.com

This is why IMBRA talks about comperable rates -- where the guy is spending all this money to "buy" his bride, it creates a power imbalance and a sense of ownership that contributes to the abuse problem.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I can't believe I forgot my personal favorite:

"Total cost for services: $10,500.00 U.S. A beautiful woman to sleep with at night, kiss in the morning, and love all day long, for so little - less than an economy car." www.armcandyinternational.com

This is why IMBRA talks about comperable rates -- where the guy is spending all this money to "buy" his bride, it creates a power imbalance and a sense of ownership that contributes to the abuse problem.

OMG! Unbelievable! Oye! "Hey! Happy Anniversary Honey! You cost me less than an economy car!" Oh brother!

In honesty though, this attitude permeates into other social areas (child adoptions for example). Popular culture unfortunately has reduced everything to a dollar sign.

"The cynic knows the price of everything and the value of nothing." ~ Oscar Wilde